Treat your Dad right this weekend!

[Dave_the_Dude]

Just over 3 years ago my father committed suicide. He was very ill leading up to it, and I had been taking care of him for a years prior. My father was literally my best friend. I'll never find someone I love as much as I loved him, or who loves me as much as he did. Simply put, my dad was by far the coolest motherfucker I ever had the privilege of knowing..

The reason I'm telling you this is because when he was alive I took my dad for granted. I stole from him, I ignored him, I treated him like an embarrassment and tried to distance myself from him in public. I never made time to spend with him and I treated him like showing him love was a chore I owed him in return for bringing me into this world and showing me how to survive in it.

When he told me he was going to do what he did, I reacted in my normal selfish way and told him "Go do it then". The last words he ever said to me were "Why do you hurt me?"

I don't think anything will ever hurt like the moment my mom told me "He's in a better place now", and then out of nowhere it became real. Like it had all been a dream until she said that, and then my world suddenly came crashing down. I'd never get to hug him and tell him I love him again. We were never going to another music festival together. Worst of all, I'd never get to say "I'm sorry". I realized I had mistreated someone who I loved more than life itself at the exact moment it became too late for me to do anything about it.

As well written as I am I can't seem to come up with words for the crushing heartbreak I feel on days like these. I still wake up in tears sometimes three years later and I can barely keep from crying as I'm typing this out right now. Nothing I can say to you will truly show how much I miss my father every moment of every day.

I know it feels like your dads always gonna be there for you, but you never know what could happen. Let him know he's appreciated. Buy him an awesome present,take him out for a great meal, and give him a real big hug like out of the ending to a cheesy family movie..

Please, for all of us that can't anymore, tell your dad you love him.

[OlderAndWiser]

Parents realize that their children struggle with internal conflicts and that they often don't express their true feelings. Children say "I hate you!" and we know they don't feel that way. Parents know how their children feel about them even if the child is silent or says something contrary to how they feel. What I am saying is that your dad knew that you loved him and that should not be doubted.

[The_moon]

I love my dada every single day for now and ever. I asked "what kind of present do you want?" And he said "you are my present from God and the best present ever. Very proud to be your dada". He's 64 yo and still strong as ever. I love him and my mom - hold em as long as u still have chances.

Thank you for sharing your story @Dave_the_Dude i got tears by reading yours :)

[Ozanne]

I have never taken either of my parents for granted, and I feel badly for the parents of kids who don't realize one day they won't be there anymore, especially when they have good parents. Your story is very close to Marc Mero's. And I mean almost exactly - when he talks about his mom.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yfxJoTh2q8

This Father's Day I'll do what I always do, and stay out of my dad's way to have a day of peace and quiet to himself, because every day of the year otherwise we talk and laugh and enjoy the times we do have together. (Some years we will have a barbecue and they will have company over, but we haven't done that much lately as he doesn't like the fuss.)

[Dave_the_Dude]

I didn't mean to imply that anyone takes their parents for granted; I just know for a fact I did and it haunts me every day.

This was meant more as a cautionary tale because I know the users here tend to be younger and for lots of people it doesn't occur to them that the last time they talked to their parents really could be THE last time they talk to their parents.

Good video by the way too. His story definitely mirrors mine quite a bit. Especially coming in drunk or high and treating his mom like she was a pest when all she wanted to do was tell him she loves him. I literally cried when he was talked about seeing his mom in the casket. and telling her to wake up and that she's his hero.

Thank you for sharing that. Truly a beautiful message.

[Ozanne]

Yes it is all very very sad and I'm sorry it took something horrible to make you feel differently. Can't change it, but you can now appreciate the other relationships you have with other relatives and your friends so that you don't have to go through this again. :(

Just curious, why do you say he was your best friend when you did not treat him that way? I was kind of expecting your story to go in to how you two were close or even how you might have made amends near the end, but how you spoke to him even up to the end is heartbreaking. It didn't sound like best-friendship. Is there a reason why you thought that relationship was friendship? I understand if you don't want to answer. The reason I'm asking is because I do know other people who treated their parents awfully and never made an effort to improve the relationships all to speak so great after they were gone, and it puzzles me. If they couldn't stand them in life, why then only after death?

[Dave_the_Dude]

As far as how I felt about him and how he treated me, he was my best friend, at the time I was in active addiction and didn't realize how badly I was hurting him. Yes, I went on treating him terribly right until the end because in my mind I figured "That's dad... He'll always love me no matter what, so he'll always forgive me no matter what". I didn't realize how wrong I was until it was too late.

It took the pain of losing him to make me realize how important to me he really was.

[Ozanne]

I see, so behaved in a way that was the way a best friend would have been there for you. This is heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing that. :(

[kimberleyyy]

Cried while reading your take, it's beautiful. My parents were divorced and I never got to meet him after that, it happened when I was 4. And I could barely remember any details about my life before I was 7, so I can't even recall how he looks like. It sucks, a lot. Every year on Father's day (it's in Sept in the country where I'm living rn) I dread going out because everywhere I go I see happy families, and I was always wondering like what did I do wrong and stuffs when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I don't wonder about it anymore but I still blame myself for their divorce. Things didn't get better with my mum either because she's busy with work everytime. So now I live alone and during mother's day I'd give her a call and during father's day I do nothing because I don't even have a father figure in my life.

[Dave_the_Dude]

"Sure I've been mad at them sometimes but I've kept it to myself, I haven't ever lashed out at my parents or anyone I know. "

You've never lost your temper, and said something hurtful to get under someones skin, ever, in your entire life? Sorry bud, that is a lie. That's the equivalent of saying you've never laughed or cried. They're natural human emotions and those are the natural reactions to them. This isn't an assumption I'm making; It's just a basic fact of life.

"I was just raised differently from you, taught never to talk back or even fight back."

You're making very broad assumptions about my upbringing without really knowing anything about me,

[Dave_the_Dude]

""There are some people that don't deserve respect. Calling someone a dumb fag or swearing is just part of my vocabulary. Obviously I won't speak like that to an adult I know."

And what have I done to make you feel I don't deserve your respect? Had my father commit suicide, and then regret not being better to him when I had the chance?

You have a lot to learn in life kid. Maybe instead of walking around like you know a secret that all the rest of us haven't figured out, you should stop typing, read the other things being said here, and see how the grown-ups handle this sort of thing.

[Dave_the_Dude]

my bad accidentally put those on the wrong opinion.

Can a mod maybe squelch these last 3 comments and I'll put them in the right place?

[BumbleSuperBee]

Oh. My. Gosh.
Tears were about to dwell on my face while I was reading this. This was amazingly beautiful.
My dad is now working in another country and I miss him every second of every day. We only see him on vacations and I always wanted to make him see how much I appreciated him. Even if he's far away now, we talk on the phone more than twice a day and I swear, he's the most supportive person in my life. He's the most loving and he always feels like he owes us.. probably cuz he isn't living with us. But he didn't really have much of a choice.
Whatever problem I have, whenever, I talk to him because iI know he's gonna make me feel better. He always knows what to say. His faith and the hope hehas in him are priceless..
Thanks so much for sharing this. Even if i knew how important my dad is to me, this made me remember it!

[gonnadoitsomeday]

The moment you shared your take, it's like he came alive. You are the one completing his life. I'm not saying this in a religious way, but you are a part of him. I'm sure he doesn't need that you tell him you're sorry, because he knows. And now you know how important he was to you, so he left some impact on earth, like if he's living! I don't speak English so I'm not sure I expressed myself properly. But the most important is that you lobe him and you're making him live.

[yourwaifu]

I'm so sorry for you! if you need any comfort you can message me, i realized while reading this that my dad is too kind to me and that i take everything from him for granted! thank you for sharing this!

[COCOCHANEL]

i still love my dad even though he is in Heaven. i miss him and think about him often, everyday. i feel the same way you do, i know that i'll never meet such a kind, compassionate and brilliant human being. he was always by my side, supporting and caring for me. i couldn't have asked for a better father.

[Abiiir]

sooory sooo sad
i love my dad so much and i'm doing my best to make him proud of me
i making sure that he receives my love and my gratitude every day
my relation with ma dad is not that deep like you and your father but i really appreciate him cuz he is doing his best also for me my sisters and brotherand my mother.
hope your father is in a good place now and having peace

[Levin]

Thank you for your lovely take.

Don't continue to beat yourself up. You've atoned, you've realised your mistake, there's little more you can do. I'm sure your dad would want you to be as happy as possible. You can live better now and more appreciatively.

[Stacyzee]

Thanks for sharing your story.
We never know what we have until it is gone.
Also, never take some one special in your life for granted they could be gone in a blink of an eye.

Your take reminds me of the everyday things we as humans sometimes forget.
thanks for sharing.
<3 sorry for your loss

[JCT666]

Let me start off by saying I am so sorry for what happened to your father. And I'm sure he would want you to be as happy as you can be.

Also, thank you so much for this take, because the past few months I've been very grouchy and moody towards my dad while he still treats me like gold... I'm now definitely going to change for him and spend as much time with him as possible until it lasts.

[MisterBryan]

I am very sorry man. But we should celibrate fathers day every day not just once a year.

[Dipsy]

Exactly!

[NerdyBubbleGum]

My parents separated and I miss my dad every second of the day.. I call him.. But it's not enough... I miss him so much... I cried man.. So sorry for ur loss.. I will never ever hurt my dad ever... :) thank u

[QooLipBite]

So deep... I'm going to cry... & drown...

It has to be the worst... When you leave someone knowing that they've hurt you... Unable to show repentance and love.

My condolences.

[RandomGuy2000]

Eye opening O. O I can't imagine losing my dad! I love my dad more than anything, more than my mom even!

[YourFutureEx]

I think he forgiven you. :) He'd be proud on you that you realised everything.

[Random_chick_2384]

Awe that's so sad!!! I'm really sorry for your loss 😭😭😭

[complicated_soul]

Thank you for this. :)

[Anonymous]

Awesome take... even I cried a little.. Reading your take...

[Jxpxtxr]

That would be a lie for me..

[Phoenix98]

Sorry not this year maybe next year.

[Dave_the_Dude]

The point of the article literally is there may not be a next year...

[Phoenix98]

Except he does not want to do anything, considering he just came home tonight from a regulation two week military training on the other side of the country which he drove home from. Hence why we are not doing anything, he's tired, he wants to sleep and just relax and he has things he has to do.

Besides instead of just celebrating your father once a year, instead make the most out of everyday you have with them, you should always treat your father how you would treat him on fathers day, but everyday. Whether or not we celebrated it this year doesn't mean he will be treated any differently on any other day of the year, it's just a day with a different title.

[Dave_the_Dude]

I think you kinda missed the point bud...

"Besides instead of just celebrating your father once a year, instead make the most out of everyday you have with them,"

This is the point I'm trying to make, Father's Day just acted as a convenient lead-in

But okay bud-o. You're right I'm wrong. Muh bad.

[Phoenix98]

I knew your point from the beginning but mine was that it's not always possible as life gets in the way which then leads into your point. Which is that you shouldn't treat your father any differently then you do on fathers day because there may not be a next year. Since every second of every day is a calculated risk.

[Dave_the_Dude]

It kinda gets to a point where you're just being contrarian and nitpicking for the sake of being able to disagree.

I made a post on Father's day about how I took my father for granted and I hurt constantly because of it in order to warn people who may not realize how bad it feels and hopefully get them to appreciate what they have. I didn't mean to say "Be nice to your dad today, but go back to taking him for granted once Father's Day is over" and I'm pretty sure you had to work at twisting my words around to come to that conclusion.

[Phoenix98]

( It kinda gets to a point where you're just being contrarian and nitpicking for the sake of being able to disagree.)

-shrugs- from your point of view perhaps also I never took my father for granted, still don't, your whole deal assumes that we are making the same mistakes you did and take our fathers for granted when not all of us do I never took mine for granted, hell I know my father can't be there for me always because right now I am helping to take care of him.

Anyway no further conversation is necessary, we've both made our points talking any further simply wastes time.

[Dave_the_Dude]

I get it man, you're better than me. You've proven your point.

I'm despicable for what I did, and you are a saint.

Happy now?