Protip for all "friendless losers": Never ask anyone for help on anything, ever!

Anonymous

"Normal" people don't want to admit that losers exists, because they've been riding the high wave of self-confidence and social skills from their early childhood into the present. They want to think that it's all the result of their own, good character and activities, and not simply the result of factors entirely outside of their control, such as upbringing and the absence of early childhood trauma.


Protip for all


Normals want the double pleasure of having had good things come upon them by sheer fortune and believe they're truly responsible for having brought it about. For example, (and this is just one example among many), they're physically fit, tall, good bone structure. Why? Largely because they came from a high-income family that provided them with high quality food. They didn't come from a low-income family full of abuse where they were forced toward compulsive eating to fill the hideous emotional gap in his/her life. They never had the feeling of hopelessness that comes with not knowing when they'd have to kill themselves out of sheer poverty. They always knew they had the material, emotional, and other resources available to succeed. They never suffered the mental and physical damage that comes with being born and raised in depravity.


Normals hate losers complaining because they don't want to feel guilt or sympathy for them. They realize on an instinctive level that empathy for losers will only drag them down into the mire with them, so they have to find a way to simultaneously deny the losers their aid whilst will believing themselves to be good, friendly wholesome people. They only way to do this is to imagine the loser as a villain who's responsible for their own misery.


Otherwise, the nice, inclusive, tolerant normal would have to face up to the fact that they aren't nice, inclusive or tolerant at all.


We all understand that "just be social" or "go outside, meet people or "man up" are meaningless phrases. But people assume it's really that easy for everyone, and that you must just be lazy for not doing what's so simple for them. You will mostly get "advice" from people who have had normal social lives and cannot fathom being in your position. People who get invites to parties, monthly, weekly or even daily, will advise you to "just say yes" when invited, thinking it's your fault for constantly saying "no". Because what kind of person doesn't get invited to parties all the time, right? They are completely out of touch with anything outside their bubble, and when you point that out, lacking empathy, they feel you're being ungrateful scum, and do their best to injure you in retaliation.


It's almost always better to suffer alone. Other people only pretend to care for the shortest possible time. After that, they can't be bothered. Unless you're paying them, like you pay a therapist to be your friend for an hour. Nobody really cares about you, and even when it seems they do, they don't help you unless it helps them, too.


Their version of help doesn't include any empathetic suggestions. Instead, people will suggest that you do ridiculous, public antics that they would never do in a million years, and never have made friends that way: go talk to a stranger at a café, approach someone reading a book in a bookstore, go for a walk in a park alone and start talking to someone sitting on a bench. Those are creepy, weird behaviors that normal, social people rarely do to make friends, and anecdotal evidence to the contrary is usually a stroke of luck that you shouldn't count on.


You're living in a world that they will never understand. In their reality, you can go up to someone else at a bar and strike up a conversation. Easy as pie. If they don't like you, they calmly say so. If they do, you've made a new friend. But for you, there is no positive outcome. If they don't like you, a scene is made, and you become known as a creeper, or something along those likes, to the person you're attempting contact with, along with their friends. If they pretend to like you, it's usually out of pity and not out of genuine interest. It's a lose-lose situation.


What makes these suggestions dangerous is that most of them are true in a completely trivial sense which misses any sense of context for the other person, so they sound reasonable to a "normal" person with underdeveloped empathy. It's like telling a homeless person to "just invest in a stock portfolio". Yes, investing in a stock portfolio would definitely solve the hobo's problems, but the advice is ignoring context.


First, does he even know what a stock portfolio is? In friendship context, most people don't have this problem, since they're knowledgeable about social situations and their own predicament by necessity. The second problem for the hobo: does he have any money to invest in one? You have to have a starting capital, monetary or social, to make an investment. Obviously, this is where a friendless loser will stumble, as he/she is not desirable in any way and he has nothing to offer.


Third, the hobo doesn't have a house or a phone to call someone and get things set up. He doesn't have the connections to a stock broker. He will probably get swindled if he tried, being an easy target for scammers. So even if you somehow overcome the second hurdle with superhuman willpower, and you improve yourself enough to compensate for your position in society, this is where almost everyone will fail. They simply do not have the support structures that would enable them to do anything substantial in life.


A person which claims otherwise is thinking it's "simple advice" when they're really relying on a lifetime of experience, positive reinforcement, social contact, upbringing, development and opportunities which they take for granted. The friendless loser may not have any of that, and not only can they not get them overnight, but probably won't, ever, and the advice-giver can't comprehend this principle.


To change anything major in your life, you need all the necessary tools, plus a lot of luck. To get these tools you need to have been winning at life from the start, to build confidence and learn that the world is a place of good experiences and that not everyone's out to get you. If you were born with good luck, you're reasonablyl happy and most things have been going your way. You'll have a decent life. If this hasn't been happening to you since early childhood, you're fucked.


Life is unfair. Those having it good justify this with the "just-world" fallacy. It's easier to think that people have what they deserve, and that they suffer because they're bad people, and that the ones that have it good are simply better people. Yet athletes - that barely know how to speak, properly - earn 8 digits for running behind a ball, and others work their ass off for a miserable wage, if they're lucky enough to get a job. Some are born into families of socioeconomic and political power, while others are born in the middle of Africa with nothing to eat but mud and worms.


If you're a "normal" person, you typically won't think about this. In the course of your daily life, you won't have to. If you're a loser, you will be aware of all that society does to people and have a higher sense of empathy, even if only because you've experience depravity, yourself. It's not that normals are without any misfortune, but they are, by definition, excluded from having most problems that plague unfortunate people during their formative years.


Imagine, if you will, two people. One is "normal" and the other is "abnormal". They both grew up ina troubled environment. Maybe their parents had a divorce at a young age, or one of their parents died. Maybe they were abused and had a difficult home life, and both were probably depressed at some point.


Now, imagine that these two people have only one thing separating them: the normal one went through school, into college and then work, while having friends, a few girlfriends, kissed before the age of 14, lost his virtinity before 18, did relatively well at school, and despite the troubles he may have had elsewhere, came out a well-rounded and well-adjusted person. Now, imagine that the abnormal one was the xact opposite of this: having no friends, no girlfriend, never kissing, never having sex, getting bad grades and then sp ending the rest of his life as a shut-in with no future because of this.


What was the difference? Both had problems, yes. The normal person certainly had plenty of problems. But the abnormal person's problems were greatly amplified because he/she had no outside support and no person or group to fall back on.


When you're not part of a group, you don't feel like a part of society. You aren't accepted in the tribe. You can't "just do it" and you can't just "man up". You have all this underlying anxiety and depression, stemming from not having your place in the world, and this will prevent you from doing anything no matter how hard you try. To overcome this means you really have to fight a desperate battle. You need to put yourself outside of your comfort zone and stay there. But when you consistently have bad experiences when you try, unless you're completely insane, you will eventually stop trying. You don't keep sending reinforcements with the same strategy when they keep getting massacred.


Normal people don't understand this because they think that "giving up" means giving up after the first try, because they usually succeed after the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time. They don't understand that "giving up" for a loser means years of banging your head against the wall, trying to integrate into a society whose tribal instincts dictate the loser is not of any use.


Let's analyze a few, common pieces of "advice" you'll hear from these people:


"Success is a journey, not a destination"


Let's use a roadtrip as an analogy. Someone is supposed to be driving from Houston to New Orleans to spend Mardi Gras with some people from the area that they met on the internet.


Normal person: They get a flat tire on the way. THey call upa friend to help them and in the process of fixing it, they encounter a hobo whom asks them for money. They give him $20, and he tells them there's a great bar down the road. They fix the tire, go on to the bar, drink and do drugs and get laid with locals. Then they continue driving while feeling an amazing high, and arrive to see the internet pals were even hotter than their pics. "Ah, an interesting event on the journey", they say.


Loser: they get pulled over by a cop halfway there for going 4 mph over the limit. While pulled over, a drunk driver crashes into their car and speeds off, then to cop follows. Their car is wrecked and the cop doesn't return. They're stranded and don't have anyone to call because they have no friends. The hobo appears and stabs them for the $20. But it's OK, the internet pals weren't actually real. It was just some old high school or college bullies playing a catfishing prank.


Either case was an interesting chain of events, but it shows that saying "success is a journey, not a destination" has an assumption that you eventually reach the destination and get a favorable outcome, like it was a movie. That is never guaranteed, and depending on luck and your capacities to deal with the consequences, it's often not achieved at all.

Protip for all "friendless losers": Never ask anyone for help on anything, ever!
21 Opinion