Never Date Anyone on the Rebound at Any Cost

It is natural to want love. It is natural to like someone who's physically attractive and shares a lot of interests, but sometimes it's better to be single and alone than to be with someone who is not emotionally available and makes you feel unappreciated. Dating someone on the rebound will do that and here's why you shouldn't do it.

Never Date Anyone on the Rebound at Any Cost

1. It's on a bad foundation.

Kinda speaks for itself, but let's face it, the person on the rebound is dating just to get over their ex. You want someone who's on a clean slate, not someone hung up on their ex. There's lots of factors that make it bad. For example, I dated a girl who just got out of a 5 year relationship and her ex moved out of her place the week of our first date. Sure she didn't complain about her ex but she sure as hell wasn't over them. I found out late, but pursued because I was blinded by the fact we had a lot in common and she was really cute.

2. It gives you false hope.

Sure, there are no guarantees in dating even if a person isn't on the rebound, but the further you move with someone on the rebound, it makes you think you're getting a real relationship, but you're more than likely just a stepping stone back to their ex or someone they think is better. The more you see them, the more likely it is you'll get attached and once it ends, it bites you in the ass.

3. You feel like you're walking on eggshells the whole time.

While relationships do take time to develop, with rebounders, you basically gotta go at a way slower pace than you naturally would with someone who isn't on the rebound. They have a tendency to act super hot and cold and they could perceive you showing just a tad interest as being overly interested and then back off for a little bit or end it all right there. Again, there are no guarantees in dating, but as soon as they act cold back and forth, you feel like you gotta be careful about everything you say and do or else it'll be over right away, which it probably will be sooner or later.

4. They don't last (for the most part)

There are some rules to the exception where people get into a relationship right after ending one and they last for a long time, but it's highly unlikely. Longest one I've had where the girl was on the rebound lasted 2 months. Even for the short amount of time you date, it can screw you up for awhile.

Never Date Anyone on the Rebound at Any Cost

5. It shatter your self esteem and confidence

So that relationship or fling you had made you feel on top of the world. That person could be everything you wanted or you feel like you have found the one. That's not to say they're perfect or put them on a pedestal. You shouldn't do that regardless, but from my experience, the two women I've been a rebound to were actually women I had a ton in common with where it was hard to walk away from. Once it ended, it made me think that I couldn't even make it work with a woman who had a lot in common and screwed up my perceptions of dating. Don't get me wrong, having physical attraction and a few things in common are important, but you never let it get in the way of red flags. Ignoring red flags or putting up with them will eventually cost you. It can also hurt your self esteem confidence to keep you from getting another girl or guy for that matter.

Never Date Anyone on the Rebound at Any Cost

6. Before you know it, you're on the rebound.

I can't speak for everyone else who's been used as a rebound, but from my experience being used as a rebound both times has put me in a spot where I was using other women to get over the one who rebounded on me and it is fucking awful. I mean I'm sure it's not fun to be on the rebound, but it's even worse when you're rebounding from being someone's rebound. Someone on the rebound can get back with the ex. You can't exactly go back to someone who you were just a rebound to. Once they've used you, they're most likely done with you and they make you feel guilty and now you're there to pick up the pieces. After I get ditched by the rebounder, I would date and hook up with others. It would be a slight distraction from the pain of being rebounded, but if it didn't work out then I'd be back to being completely miserable.

Overall, these are my reasons for not dating someone on the rebound. It can mess you up for a long time and you deserve better than to be someone's emotional crutch, sex object, or second best. If you do find out someone you're seeing or you like is newly single or hung up on the ex, it's best to leave it, let them figure their shit out, and maybe get back to you once they're ready.

It's one thing if you're just looking for sex and they are too, but a lot of times, you can't help who you like and develop feelings for and you deserve better than someone who doesn't know what they want. They're most likely looking for an emotional crutch or a bunch of people to sleep with.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My advice to anyone... never be willing to be someone's rebound. Also, never use someone as a rebound. It's better to take the pain by yourself. Because rebounds don't solve anything.

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    • and sometimes the person that is using the other as the rebound sometimes isn't even thinking straight. they can be emotionally messed up by the last relationship. so whenever someone tells you they just got out of something, dont be too happy go lucky to jump on that boat. because the best thing for someone to forget a love isn't another person, but time. So dont think you can make them forget their ex. You are most likely just going to end up hurt.

    • You brought up another good point I forgot to mention. You're not gonna make them forget or get over their ex. They'll have to do that on their own terms. If you show them that you're interested, they'll actually get scared or you'll boost their ego a bit and once their self esteem and ego is back, they think they're too good for you. It's a tricky situation.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This sounds like you have learned lessons from some bad experiences. That is the best yo can expect from yourself. As long as you learn from your mistakes, you will continue to move forward in the right direction!

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    • yep, well having been rebounded twice, I thought I learned enough from the first time. And when you get rebounded the 2nd time, you think ok im gonna take it slow but by the end of the day, you can't control or predict the rebounder's behavior

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What Girls Said 8

  • Excellent, this is exactly what I am going through right now with a guy I am dating, I have moved on from my ex but seems he hasn't and becomes distant and cold to point where he ignores me for days. I am ready to call it quits with him because I deserve better. Thanks, great take on it.

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    • You're welcome, best of luck. My biggest take away from being rebounded is number 6. When you're rebounding from being someone's rebound, you feel like no one can make you happy except for the one who used you as a rebound. Not a good spot to be in.

    • yes, he is cold because his heart isn't even available to love again...

    • @SteppingOnRoses yeah it's best to wait. You don't want to end up on the rebound yourself.

  • I know the feeling! It sucks BIG time. I have been the same guy's rebound twice. I feel like the biggest loser ever! Once over 10 years ago and now just recently. And it hurt as much as it did the first time to discover that I was the rebound.

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    • Sorry to hear that. Yeah it's never a good thing and people who rebound with you make it seem like it's your fault when things go wrong.

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    • That's something I have noticed with the new generation. They find it hard to bounce out of bad relationships. I think you just need to keep the bad relationships in prospective. often when things are over, we will only focus on the good, but forget the bad. But also remember the bad aspects of the relationship, and how hard it is to live with these aspects.

    • I agree. I'll PM you at some point

  • Omg ur advice is amazing can you please answer my question that I posted I need ur opinion

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  • When I was dating I wouldn't get into a relationship with a guy who recently divorced. Especially if he had been married for a long time.

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    • That was probably a good idea

    • Very good idea. Recently divorced men my age all have something to prove. And they have to have sex immediately.

    • That's generally how the women I've dated on the rebound were after getting out of a long relationship but not married. If they didn't get sex on the first date, they'd get it from someone else.

  • IU am too picky when it comes to dating

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    • What does that have to do with someone on the rebound?

  • good

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  • No, just know that this is the situation and adjust your expectations accordingly.

    I've been with my rebound guy for 18 years.

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    • My 2 times being rebounded have been very extreme. One was showing a lot of interest in me, and once I showed a little interest back, she ghosted then went back to the ex she complained about.

      The other was stringing me along and was acting very hot and cold consistently. Then the last date we had, she invited me to her place and I found a condom wrapper in her bed from another guy then somehow acted like it was my fault by ignoring me, calling off plans and telling me she just wasn't interested in moving forward without any explanation then blocked me from social media.

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    • Ok, so you had a bad experience with two women. That doesn't make it universally a bad idea.

    • Like I said, there are sometimes where they do work but most of the time they fail.

  • If you both know it's a rebound then you can keep it casual with understanding and no feelings getting involved/anyone getting hurt. Also a lot of rebounds do turn into long term relationships.

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    • You can still know someone's on the rebound and then get led on and catch feelings. That's what happened to me.

What Guys Said 7

  • I never actually dated anyone but I've heard personally from friends of mine about their experiences with dating someone that is on the rebound and it just never turns out well, it only made things worse.

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    • Exactly. It can actually drain you and strip your self esteem and confidence. Being rebounded has screwed me up for months.

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    • That's exactly what happened for a while, so I was there to help them cope, we just go to places and chill, or to various events, just about anything to distract them from those feelings of attachment and disappointments. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't and they rather be left alone and be sad and disappointed about it. I told them, shit had already happened and you had been played, and because you can't change the past, so just move forward, go out there, do something fun instead, because the clock is still ticking and our time in this world is limited.

    • I totally understand what you're saying and logically that makes perfect sense, but unfortunately when emotions are involved then it is easier said than done by a long shot. Believe me, after I got rebounded both times, I would do lots of other things to try and help whether it be hanging with a friend, going to a concert, or even dating a new girl. While I'd appear happy on the outside, I'd still be a fucking wreck on the inside. Time is really the only factor and it varies from each person.

      If you get rebounded, you'll know, but hopefully that doesn't happen. I think it's affected me more because I've never had a relationship or official girlfriend. I've dated a lot, had hookups, and flings but no legit relationship so maybe that's why it's fucked with me more.

  • Bravo! Excellent post.

    Prudence is the better part of valor. Best to pass on an Iffy proposition than to be entangle when a better opportunity arises.

    Tired of the "to get over somebody you need to get under somebody new" advice that seems to be so prevalent these days. Talk about the worst advice ever.

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    • Yeah exactly, horrible advice. Going back to #6, it causes a chain reaction. Being someone's rebound can put you on the rebound once it ends.

  • My political science teacher calls Jimmy carter the rebound president and look what happened to our nation during those times lol! So yes, that is a perfect example of a rebound and why should never do them

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    • lol why does he say that?

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    • Looks check out?

    • "Checked out" I meant. And he said certain crazy people have this certain look on their face and he has it now...

  • Agreed, so how do u date/sleep with that hot female friend months/year later after she broke up? I really like this girl, but am too busy to date. Sadly I met her at uni when she already had a boyfriend and obviously didn't wanna cross that line. Now she's single, I sometimes feel there is something there, but I can't be sure and get mixed messages

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    • How recent was her breakup?

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    • take it slow i guess and see what goes from there

    • Can you clarify? I wrote a question on it if u can check it out

  • Simple. Just don't date women. Period.

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    • Not quite

    • It simly is not feasable for today's modern day men to interact with today's modern woman. It will only get you a false sexual harassment or rape charge

    • That's quite a strong generalization. I mean that shit does happen which is bad, but it's not like every single woman does that there.

  • Sometimes you don't realize you are someone's rebound until it's too late. The last person I dated had been divorced for two years. The ex-husband got remarried, and I was downgraded to friends immediately.

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    • Yeah I found out a girl was on the rebound after our first date and we had an amazing first date. She told me that she just got out of a 5 year relationship and that her roommate who moved out the week of our first date ended up being her ex of 5 years. We ha talked for 3 weeks before we met and I had no idea she was on the rebound or newly single.

    • How late did you find out?

  • Never date an ALPHA WIDOW. If her boyfriend is way better than you then expect to get dumped or cheated on for him.

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