Family & Friends

Words Hurt Too: Tips For A Safe Friendship

As teenagers, most of us have at least one insecurity. Sure, there can be the lucky few who love every single thing about themselves, but that usually isn't the case. Along with these insecurities, most of us have at least one friend who shows their friendship by being rude or hurtful, often targeting these insecurities. These people can range from not understanding how to show affection, to just being a dick in general. Some may even believe that You're comfortable enough to "joke" around that way. However, being comfortable with a person can make the insults even more hurtful. If you're one of these friends who like to "joke" around this way, remember these rules.


Words Hurt Too: Tips For A Safe Friendship


1. Make sure that your friends are comfortable with this form of play.


This doesn't mean just asking, this also includes watching for signs that you've gone too far. Your friend may not want to upset you by admitting that you've hurt them, so you need to watch their reactions to certain things. If you find your friend cringing, frowning, chuckling nervously, or trying to avoid you, you may be hurting them. You should find some other way to communicate, or avoid certain topics.


2. Make sure you don't consistently target something.


If you know that your friend has one large insecurity, try to avoid that subject. Also, don't target things that can't be changed easily. Don't joke about how heavy/skinny, dark/light, tall/short, or smart/dumb your friend is unless you're 110% sure that they don't mind it. Don't make so many jabs at anything that the subject becomes an insecurity either.


3. Do not only insult


Make sure to throw in compliments as well every now and then, so that you can help build them up instead of tear them down. If your friend seems upset, let them know that you're there, and completely joke-free. Make sure to communicate that you won't joke around rudely in serious situations, or use serious problems as a rude joke later on either. Otherwise, no one will be able to talk to you in their times of need.


Now, for those of you who have friends who like to make insulting jokes, here are a few tips.


1. Be sure to let the friend know whether you're fine with it or not.


Do not be afraid to speak up. If your friend is upset about you not being comfortable with the situation, then you may as well leave. Getting new friends is much better than continuing a destructive friendship.


2. Set boundaries


Tell the friend what they absolutely cannot joke about, and make sure that they understand that you're gone if they cross the boundaries you've set. This way, you can both continue your friendship without seriously hurt feelings, and you can test someone's character by whether or not they stay within your comfort zones.


3. Remember that just because your friend likes to joke around this way, it isn't an invitation to try and tear them down even worse.


Some people use insulting jokes as a defense mechanism, especially when they have their own insecurities or they're afraid to get too close. Some friends may simply not understand how to show affection in the traditional way. Be sure to follow their boundaries as well if you choose to make jokes back.


Words Hurt Too. Tips For A Safe Friendship



These tips should help you continue friendships while still being able to joke around like most people do with their friends. Just be sure that everyone is consenting to the situation, and that no one is hurt in the process.

Words Hurt Too: Tips For A Safe Friendship
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