Signs You Shouldn't Be More Than Friends

[backtoblackkkk]

I've noticed some people, especially younger ones, get into relationships that result from platonic friendships. Some turn out successful, others don't. The relationships that don't end up well are rushed and *sigh* involve someone not knowing what they want.

1. You're not physically attracted to each other.

If you're going to date anyone, it goes without saying that you must have the urge to get physical with them. Every time you're together, you should be craving them and teasing them a bit. You don't have to constantly kiss, cuddle, or handhold (which is annoying by the way), both of you just have to like what you see and think "Dayum." Any two people who aren't physically attracted to each other shouldn't be dating and expect a favorable outcome. Often times, they break up quickly due to the lack of sexual chemistry. Attraction is basic, something that shouldn't be forced and is deep-set in our biology. You can't merely be attracted to someone's personality and don't ever try to convince yourself you're attracted to someone when you're not. Don't waste their time or keep it to just being friends if you're not attracted in the first place!!! And if you decide to date and you're not having sex with each other yet after a month or so of dating, you've got some questioning to do.

2. You don't "click."

You've got to be able to laugh at each other's jokes, have similar interests, understand each other, and completely be yourself around them. If there's any part of you that says "This person could have a better, more interesting personality" or "This person is so boring to be around," you should pay attention to it. It's fine if you can accept their quirks, but if you're annoyed by them, you're most likely not going to be happy around them.

You know you've clicked with someone if your day gets better by seeing them and being around them, and still thinking about them after meeting up. Also, you may click with someone as a friend but that doesn't mean you'll click in a romantic sort of way. Maybe your pace is totally different from theirs.

3. You're unsure of what you want.

Don't jump into it if you're uncomfortable; listen to what your brain is telling you. Ask yourself this serious question: "Is it right for us to be more than friends?" If it is, go for it. If it's not, leave it be. If you're on the fence, leave it be. Save yourself or someone else from getting hurt. There may be someone better out there for you.

4. Your dating would cause drama (with other friends).

Chances are: if you're friends with your crush, you two belong in the same friend group.

There may be friends of yours or his/hers who get jealous and try to get in the way between you two. The person you're interested in may actually be interested in one of your friends. You should already be aware of any weird situation that's occurring.

Your friends may feel left out if you two ONLY concentrate on each other or bail a lot. Friends play an important part in your relationships, believe it or not. Your homies are always by your side and they've known you for a long time. So, your friends have an opinion and they know what you deserve. Their opinions matter, but that doesn't necessarily mean they know what's best for you. If the friend is the sole individual trying to cause a scene and not both your partner and friend, it's the friend's problem and you better tell them that the relationship is none of their business. That's life, even some friends can become jerks and if you're having an awesome relationship, you shouldn't let that bad friend get in the way.

5. He/She has baggage!

If your friend used to be an emo, is suicidal, still isn't over an ex, or is involved in a number of other related things (whatever it may be), it's a red flag! Don't get in that mess and let them solve their own issues. If you want to help, help but don't get sexually involved with them.

6. One of you is already stuck in the "friend-zone."

It's difficult to get out of the friend-zone and it's not even worth the effort to try getting out of it. If you're in the friend-zone, all you can do is accept it. Your friend made his/her intention clear and set the boundaries. You have to respect that or the friendship will end due to all the unnecessary chaos you might cause. CLEAR communication is key. If you're friendzoning him/her, do so in a respectful manner. Also, if someone changes their mind quickly about the friend-zone, that's just a sign the person is unsure of what they want and has some maturing to go through.

[btbc92]

"And if you decide to date and you're not having sex with each other yet after a month or so of dating, you've got some questioning to do." I'm sorry, but sex is all on your mind then this is a far quick way for your relationship and possible retry for friendship to end in less than 4 months. I've seen it happen explained online multiple times. That is not the key to a successful relationship. That is the key to a short term lust filled relationship based on a whim. These are the main reasons WHY you shouldn't be more than friends:

1. Your lusting after each other, or one of the other is. You only want their body. You only want sex, but you want 'love' in it. It won't work.
2. You don't really KNOW each other, aside from hobbies, school, etc.
3. You have conflicting views about morals.
4. They don't see a FUTURE with you.
5. You have NO desire to date.
6. You don't like Modern dating that includes a sexual relationship.
7. Your relationship goals are not THEIR goals.
8. Both of you aren't assertive and immature.
9. Not on the same level of mentality.

Also to point out. There is NO such thing as the friend-zone. True friends filled with genuine love and acceptance is a real thing and is what bonds couple together for LIFE. If that is not your goal, then you can pretty much forget it, and why a lot of people don't want to date 'friend's'. Overall you have slightly a few things correct:

1. "You're unsure of what you want." As in your fickle about dating, period. Finding somebody else won't make the feeling better if you lack the desire in the first place.
2. "Your dating would cause drama (with other friends)." AND FAMILY. I cut off guys who didn't respect my parents views and desires. Overall, while seeking the approval of other friends is respectful and heartwarming, remember that unless they personally feel it isn't a good idea, as outsiders, they get to see things you miss.

Some things you got right, but others are not realistic.

[Dim1213]

Girl you forgot about people who are waiting till they get married to have sex.

[Wolframium]

Damn, that's pretty good comment. I like it. :-) Detail analysis, what's wrong and solution, which…works. Yeah, I like it. :-)
You are true guru. :-) Teach me, master! :-)

[btbc92]

@Dim1213

Sure but that really depends on the mindset of the ones that are looking to pursue the relationship.

[btbc92]

Also, you can pretty much understand this is points #2 and #3.

[OlderAndWiser]

EVERYONE has baggage. With some people, it is more obvious. A good relationship doesn't require finding someone who is "perfect" for you. It just requires finding someone who you love so much that you are willing to put up with their flaws and idiosyncrasies.

[backtoblackkkk]

Yeah, I agree. In that point though, I'm talking about serious baggage. Some people can handle their issues, some people can't.

[GeorgeDubyaKUSH]

Does this mean that someone with a mental illness or psychological disorder can never date? Someone close to me has recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I personally suffer from a (very mild) form of paranoid schizophrenia. Does that mean both of us should never be allowed to date or find love?

[OlderAndWiser]

@GeorgeDubyaKUSH Hostile response! That won't get you very far! as I said before. . .

"A good relationship doesn't require finding someone who is 'perfect' for you. It just requires finding someone who you love so much that you are willing to put up with their flaws and idiosyncrasies."

Do you need to have explained?

[GeorgeDubyaKUSH]

@OlderAndWiser actually I wasn't talking to you. My comment was aimed at backtoblackkkk. So kindly bugger off.

[OlderAndWiser]

@GeorgeDubyaKUSH If you post an opinion for the Asker, your opinion will NOT be nested in the chain beneath my response. If you respond to my opinion, it WILL be nested in the chain beneath my opinion. Perhaps you shouldn't be telling people to bugger off when you are the one who screwed up!

[backtoblackkkk]

@GeorgeDubyaKUSH No, that doesn't mean people with mental illness can't date. They deserve having a relationship just as much as anyone else. However, incredibly serious issues (not just any issue, but a past of issues with other people and handling life) can sometimes cause a lot of drama in a relationship.

[cutelilPigeon]

ehhh, i disagree about the number one and five...
I don't need this sort of intense physical attraction to someone and I very much do believe it's possible to be attracted to someone's personality... I've literally looked at guys that I was sure I'd never date because of how they looked and fell for them because of their personality. and I hate the big emphasis put on 'sexual chemistry' I could care less about that in relationship. I really could.
I do prefer someone attractive but it isn't 100% necessary to be really attractive for me to fall for them.
About baggage, I can understand them still liking an ex or maybe doing like hardcore drugs. but just someone that used to be kinda emo or depressive... sorry but to me it just tells me they are a person that doesn't have the easiest time in life and if it doesn't affect how we get along I could give a shit.

Didn't mean to come off negative at all if I did.

[backtoblackkkk]

Sexual chemistry is pretty major in most relationships. You can be attracted to personality for sure and a good personality can enhance physical attraction. But not only personality. I doubt anyone would have a successful relationship with someone they're not attracted to physically at all xD

[cutelilPigeon]

I think there's a difference between having no attraction to someone and NEEDING strong sexual chemistry between a person for a relationship to work. I'll be brutally honest, I would really like to be with someone I consider attractive.
I don't think a relationship with NO attraction at all could work. I just don't think it's necessary to be what sounds like lusting from what you described.
I don't know maybe I'm just different given that a 'fulfilling sex life' is near the very bottom of my priorities while a fulfilling and loving relationship is at the top.

[Ozanne]

People with some serious trouble can benefit from having someone on their side too. However, we all know our own limitations and what we can handle - and if we think we can't handle some else's drama or baggage, then it's not fair to the other person to toy around with them during a sensitive time. Good Take!

[backtoblackkkk]

Well said.

[bloodmountain1990]

Great take. All of these are valid points.

I love when people say a person is shallow for not wanting to date a person they have NO (and i literally mean NONE) physical attraction to. I mean appearance isn't everything, but it matters somewhat. From my experience, hooking up with a girl I had no attraction to was super awkward.

Same thing with common interests. They don't gotta be exactly like me but I hope they have some things in common or are at least willing to try new things. I've had girls who were cute but boring to be around or had lot in common and good personalities, but I had zero physical attraction to. Can't completely lack one or the other.

[AnikaK]

i dont think its necessary to think of reasons why you should not give it a try. you'll learn a lot if it does not work and you will be closer to understanding what will work.

i think the only prerequisite is you're curious, give it a try. things don't have to be perfect to be worthwhile. life is too short to waste wondering what if. i think people spend more time figuring out if its ok to date then just doing it and finding out that way. learn life through living, in my opinion :)

really, there's nothing to lose in just 'trying;'

[Browneye57]

Pretty good!
Wouldn't disagree with any of it.

I would add 'expectations'. People tend to have unrealistic expectations of what the relationship will or should be. And you can't negotiate attraction or desire - it's either there or it isn't. You can't make it up.

And really, love is about GIVING not getting. If you come together with an abundance of life force pouring out to share with someone, you'll be much more satisfied. Expecting someone to 'complete you' is a recipe for disaster.

[backtoblackkkk]

I agree with this. I used to expect someone to "complete me" but I don't think that even works lol.

[Wolframium]

4 is BS. Absolutelly. It's nobody business. If you are rational being, who doesn't care about drama, but talk freely, honestly and so on, then…suddenly, obsticles dissapears.
5: Aka, you was suicidal, so…fuck you. Wow. :-D Way to go, seriously. I'm probably the last person to say this, but…don't you think, that this is little bit…insensitive? Yes, we all have past, and guess what, not all of us have just…happy past, like…IDK, party, friends, happines in general. There are some of us, who just have exeptional luck for bad shit.

[404filenotfound]

I just can't bring myself to agree with number four.

When you get older, you'll realize that a lot of friendships grow apart and really aren't meant to last a lifetime. So, I'll be damned if I'm going to let a bunch of drama cause me to get between me and the one person that I might be spending my life with. Especially considering the fact that they wouldn't pull that if they were real friends to begin with.

If you're still in high school, sure this might make some sense. But otherwise a lot of it seems kind of immature to me.

[Jemini_Crocket]

Like this MyTake, a lot actually. I barely "click" with anyone so unless the things go automatically. I just wish some guys would understand this. It's so hard to talk with someone with whom it's not going naturally.

[backtoblackkkk]

I feel ya girl!

[MrAdams]

Yea know that fell. I'm kinda quiet around people when i don't know them, so i rarely "click" with someone right away when i meet them. What i need is some one on one with them, so they get to know me and i get to know them and then, if i'm rarely lucky we "click" :D So i understand you, life around "social experts" extroverts is hard sometimes. Especially in my country which is full of of them :D

[Jemini_Crocket]

@MrAdams Same. Once I get to know them and nothing is forced, I do finally come out of my closet lol I would need a friend who's just like me, my clone maybe. We'd be the best friends 😂
The struggle is real with our country lol

[backtoblackkkk]

@MrAdams I'm honestly the same way ahah. It can be difficult for introverts sometimes

[MrAdams]

you're Czech too? :D strange coincidence :D první čech na kterýho sem tady narazil :D Zdravím :D

[Jemini_Crocket]

@MrAdams Jj xD Ale radši jsem odepsala anglicky at si to ostatní taky můžou přečíst. :D

[MrAdams]

zvláštní věc potkat taky někoho mě podobnýho, ještě skoro stejný koníčky jak se divám, ze stejný země a ještě holka :D hmm, sem myslel že su tady jedinej :D

[Jemini_Crocket]

V tomhle světě už všechny sněhový vločky vymizely 😂 Ale jo, na internetu se dá potkat fakt spousta různých lidí :D

[MrAdams]

zajímavější než potkávám normálně :D aspoň už mám dobrou výmluvu proč trávím tolik času na netu.. :D

[Jemini_Crocket]

Internet je jak spása, tak i prokletí... aspon pro mne :D Ze všech sil se snažím být víc sociální, ale nejde mi to.

[MrAdams]

když se snažím bejt sociální tak mě to vždycky praští přes nos, asi abych si uvědomil že to ke mě prostě nepatří

[Jemini_Crocket]

Jo, někdy to mám tak nějak podobně. Vždycky si vzpomenu na to, proč většinu lidí ignoruju a hledím si svýho :D

[MrAdams]

no většina lidí ignoruje mě se mi někdy zdá :D :D si řikám jestli to nevadí si tady psát v češtině :D možná by bylo lepší to přesunou do private zpráv :D pokud teda máš zájem něco probírát, já mám volnej večer :D

[Jemini_Crocket]

Jj, klidně jo. :D Ostatní asi vůbec netuší, ta naše čeština je zabijácká :D

[backtoblackkkk]

Lmao I don't understand you guys but I know some Serbian and there's some similarities between Serbian and Czech like "ignoruje mě" and "octanti." I can understand like 40% of what you guys are saying xD.

[backtoblackkkk]

Ostani/Ostatní *

[Jemini_Crocket]

@backtoblackkkk Yay, sorry. We almost forgot about it that others won't probably understand what we're saying. :D We, Czechs are kinda rare here on G@G :D

[backtoblackkkk]

That's okay, I find other languages interesting! xD

[dragonfly6516]

I'm sapeosexual. I cannot will not find anyone physically attractive unless I am first attracted to their mind and intellect. I'm usually attracted to those that most would deem unattractive.

If I judged based on looks, I'd never have given my man a chance, and this is by far the most happy, healthy, nurturing, stable, and fulfilling relationship I've ever had. Being with him has made me a better person.

[CaliforniaDreaming80]

The friend zone sucks when you are interested in the guy and he's not interested in you. And when he gets a girlfriend it hurts more. And that means you can't be friends anymore in my opinion.

[backtoblackkkk]

Yeah that can be the case sometimes

[Anonymous]

Well i friend zoned this one guy that wasn't hot at all... BUT then i realized something:
ENTHUSIASM!!!
My boyfriend: I would ask him to lick my cooch because I loved it and saw it in porn videos. He would be so hesitant and insist on a shower. He even told me to shave because he doesn't like hair.
My friend zoned buddy: however eats everything and he even, begs me to lick it. I came back from the gym once, and he licked me right away without ever asking for a shower because he tells me i taste the best... he doesn't care about me shaving and told me that as long as i spread my lips and he can get to the clit that is all that matters
SO sometimes giving your friends a chance, outside of attraction works wonders.

[ManOnFire]

This sounds more like a female's logic about the situation based on what she should do, not really about how both parties can feel. The problems you describe are things I have almost always heard from women and not men, because men generally are not unhappy about wanting their friendships with a woman to become more of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Number 5 actually pissed me off. Don't get involved with suicidal people? Are you kidding? I'm going to imagine you feel the same about mental disorders? Do you think people ask for it? No. They don't. Maybe all they need is to feel like someone gives a shit about them, and not to be sequestered from society. Avoidance of these problems are another reason people are assholes. Society encrypts the idea that these issues are something to avoid and be afraid of. It's not the case.

[peachblossomluck]

1. It's one of those things. You can't make yourself be attracted to someone if you aren't. There's no fooling Mother Nature. She gave birth to the Dawn of Time.

[RedThread]

Everyone has baggage. Nobody comes without any faulty programming. We've all seen some shit and have experienced things that have altered our outlook.

I think the hardest part of dating a good friend is the fear of losing what you have together already.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

everyone has baggage and it can take experimenting to work out what you want you could be FWB?

[backtoblackkkk]

Haha it really depends on the situation

[Prof_Don]

I definitely didn't date a particular girl in college because of reason 4:

Your dating would cause drama (with other friends).

Our friend circle would be split apart if we broke up, I could just imagine the awkwardness right now!

[Anonymous]

Actually, some of these are actually threatening to friendship...

[backtoblackkkk]

Explain why you think that

[Anonymous]

This has got me thinking if I should really pursue the girl I like, because some of these apply to me. Good post.

[jacquesvol]

Some of these are the reasons why my exes are exes.