So this week I saw something on social media that rattled my brain. I won't get into all of the details but basically, a woman’s live-in boyfriend abused her child. The child was not his, the child was from a previous relationship. I started to think why do so many single parents are so quick to introduce their children to whoever they’re dating. I got in a heated debate with a friend of mine who does this. I respect her choice but I personally think that anyone who is a single parent and dating (yes I said, parent because there are single fathers as well) should be very careful about who they bring around their children. Especially if they haven’t been dating very long. You don't even know that person well enough to have around your child(ren), and if the relationship isn't lasting long, why would you want them around your child(ren)?
I have a six-year-old. His dad isn't around very much, but I was never quick to introduce him to any guy I had in my life. I have “dated” three guys since my child’s father, but my son never knew about them. I didn’t introduce my child to these men for these reasons.
1. It was just a sexual thing. It was just about sex and nothing more so why would I introduce my child to them? They weren’t interested in meeting my child so what would be the point in introducing them? I didn't even have these guys over when my son was around and if I did have time. Some of the guys didn't even know I had a child because they never asked. There was no point in telling them. One friend I had was sleeping with a guy for three years, friends with benefits, no relationship. She brought her two daughters around this guy and they quickly got attached. The guy she was sleeping with was attached as well. Now the relationship is no more, her daughters are asking about the man, in front of her daughter's father whom she is now in a relationship with! Talk about a effed up situation!
2. The relationship went nowhere. Some of the guys I dated didn't last very long and usually, I had an inkling that they weren't going to be around. Usually, I would see red flags that I didn't like so I didn't want to pursue them anymore or they turn out to be like reason number 1. There was no point in trying to build a family unit with someone who didn't plan on being around very long. It also confuses the child. This brings me to my parents, I love them dearly, but they marry and remarry like it’s a sport. I can't even count the numerous times my mom would introduce me to some guy she was dating and then weeks later we never saw him again. The number of step parents I had growing up is insane. It got to the point where I didn't even think much of their partners because I figure they weren't going to stick around like the other ones, sometimes it causes problems, sometimes it didn't. I don't want to do that to my child. I don't want him getting attached to someone who isn't going to be around and then watch him hurt over that person.
I’m overprotective, and I worry a lot which brings me back to the article I saw on social media about the abusive boyfriend. There is no way in hell I would leave my child with someone I don't trust! It took me a good while to even let him stay with my family members. Not because they are bad people, in fact, they are great people. It just that I was worried. I worry about every little thing when it comes to my child. It was and is extremely difficult to leave him at school and the after school program he goes too. I worry a lot about him when he is away from me because of the things I’ve seen with children being abused, and being bullied by their peers at school but that comes with being a parent. It can be difficult to get children to talk about things like this that happen at school. It was difficult for me to tell my parents about being bullied when I was younger.
Now, I’m not saying anything negative about the people who have introduced their kids to their SO and it has worked out. I know for a fact there are good people who accept their SO, kids and all. I’m just saying be a little more cautious. Do a thorough check up (even if you have to dig up a background check) because you never know who a person really is, use your brain and pay attention to red flags! Any input from others about this topic is well appreciated.
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Excellent take.
As a single father (yes we do exist), I decided that I would not introduce my daughter to anyone until a relationship was solid for one year. Maybe as a friend, but not as my so. Relationships are too rocky now a days and kids can form strong attachments quickly.
So far it hasn't been an issue, because women in my area apparently don't like to date single fathers responsible enough to raise their kid. They are still looking for that perfect guy in an imperfect world, and a guy with a kid is not what they imagined. But I digress.
Welcome to the world of single parent dating. I'm looked at as an irresponsible slut because I had a child and I'm not married. Men are so quick to say they don't want a single mom but they want women to deal with their 3 kids and 2 baby moms lol but kudos to you for being a good father to your daughter!!! :)
Ya it sucks. It's incredible people judge you not knowing your back story; but to judge you negatively for being single rather than positively for being a good parent, fighting against the odds.
Good luck out there.
Yes most guys wouldn't do that an if the mom would of taught daughter at young age that this is your body an never let a guy push you to do this then girl wouldn't have had that happen
Well, the child that was abused was three years old.
Its sick that a guy would do that but that's why teach kids as early as 1 don't let any 1 touch inappropriate
Yeah my mom taught me early on the difference between a good touch and a bad touch.
See that's what I mean