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How To Create Healthy Boundaries, Communicate Effectively, And Be Assertive

"Effective Communication Is Key"

How To Create Healthy Boundaries, Effectively Communicate, And Be Assertive Amongst Family Members, Friends, Colleagues, Acquaintances, And Strangers.

Hi guys and girls!!!!! I hope your day is going Fantastic. In this MyTake, I will be covering one of the most effective ways to set a healthy boundary and how to communicate effectively to get your needs met. Boundaries are "guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits." I was inspired by a question someone asked me about how to "create" the healthy boundary. It is very easy to just say "place a boundary" but it is not always easy in the moment. I have selected one cognitive tool that has been proven effective in placing and maintaining healthy boundaries. This tool is called the DEESC Script.

Let's get started:

"DEESC Script"

D: Describe

"Describe It"

The first step in the DEESC Script is to describe the situation, problem, or misunderstanding. On this line you want to be very short and concise. It needs to be clear and straightforward. For example "When you leave the toilet seat up". This identifies the problem and it is very clear what you want resolved or changed. Do not put more than one problem on the describe line. One Deesc script for one problem is the method. This is to avoid overwhelming the person you are delivering this too. If someone becomes overwhelmed they will feel attacked. You can not communicate effectively to someone who thinks they are being attacked. So keep it short, simple, and respectful. No judgements allowed in this tool. You are stating the facts not labelling, bad mouthing, or condescending. In the case that you describe your problem and the individual tries to change the topic or does not acknowledge it please use the "broken record" method. When the conversation starts to get off track keep reiterating the problem at hand until it's the main topic of discussion. It is natural for an individual to project, blame, or attack when confronted. When this happens they are operating in the emotional brain. Therefore, it is your job to make sure you stay on track. So go ahead and try it and drop a comment below๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡ (I will read them and tell you if it is good for delivery before you try this method on family and friends.)

E: Express

"Express Yourself"

Express how you feel. After you have adequately described the problem, now you need to tell this person how you feel. For example, "I feel annoyed, frustrated, and ignored, when the toilet seat is left up". When expressing your feelings do not go overboard and forget the problem at hand. You will need to limit your emotions to three different ones. They need to be actual emotions. If you would like a detailed MyTake on emotions and how they serve you please drop a comment and leave feedback!!!!! ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿ‘‡

E: Empathize

"I Understand You"

If you have successfully completed the first two steps now you can empathize with this person. When you empathize with someone you are also validating their feelings and their struggle. For example, "I understand that you were rushing and sometimes you forget to put the toilet seat down". Empathy makes the person you are delivering a Deesc script to feel more comfortable and open for discussion. No one wants to listen to bashing or nagging to effectively get a point across. So by showing empathy you are making it clear that you are not placing blame, judging, labeling, or demonizing this individual.

S: Specifics

"What Exactly Do You Need And Want?"

NOW you can describe how your needs can be met. Never assume people know what your needs and wants are unless you explain it to them beforehand. So what is it exactly that you need and want from delivering a Deesc script? Using my example, "I want my man to make a better effort to put the toilet seat down". Your needs and wants should be simple and realistically attainable for the individual. If someone thinks your wants and needs are too demanding this method will backfire. Keep it short and simple. It is important to note that just because you ask for something DOES NOT mean you will have it. No matter how great the delivery is. No method is perfect. This is just the most effective.

C: Consequences

"Can You Help Me, Help You?"

Consequences are surprisingly the most challenging and confusing to do in this method for many. When you are delivering consequences you ARE NOT giving an ultimatum. Instead, you are discussing all the positive consequences. I know this sounds weird but hang in there with me. No one appreciates an ultimatum. When someone receives one it is natural for them to break down or stop listening. So instead, inform them of all the good that can come from your needs being met. You are explaining to them that if you do this for me I will also do something for you. This is the time to make everyone winners in this conversation. For example, "if you put the toilet seat down, then we will have less arguments, be less confrontational, and we will be happier as a couple. See everyone wins. That's all I have.

"You Have Seen The Deesc Script, Now Go Try It"

Authors Final Remarks:The DEESC Script is a cognitive tool that can aid when trying to communicate effectively, place boundaries, and be assertive. It is a tool taught in cognitive behavioral therapy. So instead of paying $100 a session to attend these classes, I am teaching you these tools free of charge. My only hope is that you will be able to improve and understand your current relationships and connections better. It is important to note this will not always be effective depending on the person. This tool also does not guarantee your needs will get met. This is a tool to be utilized and is seen as an aid. If you execute it the right way you increase your chances of getting your needs met. If you are going to try this method I highly advise you post it here in the feedback before you attempt to deliver. I can increase your chances of being heard and correct any errors to the method.

Yours Truly: Secret6620 ๐Ÿ’‹โ™ฅ๏ธ

Here's Something Sweet For Stopping By:๐ŸŒธ

"Have A Lick"

This is a NEGATIVE FREE ZONE!!!! So be kind to one another and spread joy. If you have personal questions or off topic questions please direct message them. I will not be answering them on public posts. Thanks for understanding and respecting my privacy!!!!! Disclaimer: I do not own or profit off of the Illustrations utilized in this post. Please give credit to the artists and support their works by giving a like or a follow to their pages. They are extremely talented and deserve recognition. Sending โ˜ฎ๏ธ and love๐Ÿ’—

Resources To Check Out:๐ŸŒบ

How To Rid Yourself Of Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive Distortions Continuedโ€ฆ

Have A Wonderful COLORFUL Day!!!!

How To Create Healthy Boundaries, Communicate Effectively, And Be Assertive
Add Opinion

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's okay to be assertive in my opinion but it could backfire. Someone tried to be assertive towards me when really it came off as rude and I ended up putting them in their place. I see students at my college getting in fights with assertive people cause they come off as rude and aggressive at times. I think a lot of people need to know difference between being plain rude vs assertive. I say this because I'm trying to become an attorney and a lot of people I met they claim that they are assertive when really they dont know what assertiveness is and they coming off as rude. I'm just being honest. Other than that great take.

    • There is actually a cognitive tool that demonstrates the difference between being assertive, aggressive, passive aggressive, and passive. Assertive is actually the best place to be in the timeline. If you would like to learn more I will cover a mytake on it. Thanks for the feedback and for reading. Assertiveness has a bad reputation because most don't actually know the difference between the ones listed above and when they are to be applied. Psychology is so fun. ๐Ÿ’‹โ™ฅ๏ธ

    • That is interesting I'm going to check out your next mytake to learn more about it. I truly enjoyed your mytake take care.โค

    • Same to you. And thanks so much for taking the time to read. โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guy

  • DiegoO

    I wish everyone had that insight to be assertive. Many only close up to their self and don't move a finger to do things better and to be crystal clear.

    • If you would like a mytake specifically on assertiveness and the different levels, I would be delighted to write one. Thanks for the feedback๐Ÿ’‹โ™ฅ๏ธ

    • DiegoO

      Your MyTakes are really good, one about assertiveness would be interesting as well : )

    • DiegoO

      : ) *

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • ASH_242K

    Wow, this is awesome! Thanks for sharing this , I used to control my emotions for this as I read in Psychology, but this script sounds good ๐Ÿ‘Œ

    • Thanks so much!!! โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ

  • PumpkinSpiceisnice

    Iโ€™m naturally assertive. I have no problem telling to your face that I donโ€™t like something you did. But this is a nice Take, informative ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿค—


    I learned this through reading the books boundaries and nonviolent communication.

  • I legit just wrote those down. Very useful info. I appreciate it

    Thank You!

  • i hate how gag changes the photo, your one is so much better

    • Totally agree!!! Thanks so much โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿฅฐ

  • Glen68

    Why do you always end your my takes with sexy velma

    • Why not is the better question โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹

    • Glen68

      I love it. Just didn't know if you had a specific reason

    • She is Hot and intelligent!!! Something any girl can look up too. ๐Ÿค“โ™ฅ๏ธ

    • Show All
  • thefutureisfemale

    I want to try to do the first lipstick.
    ~ Mrs Manson


    Very useful tool

    • YAY!!! I am so glad this was helpful. Thank you for reading โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ

  • I always love these! Thank you

    • Thanks for reviewing and leaving feedback. I really appreciate it. ๐Ÿคœ๐Ÿค›

    • You are welcome! :)

  • derek2017

    PERFECT! <3

    • Thank you so much!!! โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿฅฐ

  • KandyKane1


    • Thanks so much for reading and leaving feedback. โ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’‹

  • elizabeth1103

    You start talk with your SO.

  • Elia_Mason_Garofano

    Basically, Big Dick Energyยฉ.