Why can't I show affection to my family?

[Anonymous]

I have no issues telling my friends I love them. I do it all the time and show my appreciation for them and hug them etc etc. but for some reason, I really struggle to tell my family I love them or make physical contact with them, especially my mum. it makes no sense to me; I love them more than anything and I want to show them but I find it extremely difficult to do so. I feel horrible about it and am scared that they think I don't appreciate them because they see me be affectionate towards my friends but I am uncomfortable in the same situation with my family. is it normal? what do I do?

[Jaron29]

My oh my, I can relate to you perfectly! I find myself stuck in an identical situation to yours.

Let me share my reason and maybe you'll find it similar to yours. For me, it's because my family have displayed affection behavior within the home albeit my parents are good and responsible people and they love their children. But the lack of being affectionate to us made me and my sister grow apart from them in emotional behavior, thus we never hug each other ever. I feel embarass & awkward to hug any family member. But I'm a excessively touch-feely person in nature, and I hide this nature of mine from my parents.

[Jaron29]

*have not displayed affectionate behavior

[Asker]

it's similar, I think. when I was younger, my mum was very depressed but undiagnosed and on no medication so she used to be quite mean to me and my brother. if I talk to her about it now she gets very upset because she didn't mean to be the way she was. notably, it's mainly her that I struggle with. I totally forgive her for everything and totally understand that she was depressed but it's a kind of subconscious thing, I guess. I just struggle. I'm glad I'm not the only one! that makes me feel better :) thanks for sharing x

[Jaron29]

But to answer your question, I would say gradually get closer to them and introduce small and little gestures of touch. Force yourself to do it! I am also trying to. Lol. For me its the awkwardness that I have to overcome.

[palek]

You don't want em to start thinkin' you like em, or they'll start expectin' ya to hang around the house and do stuff!

[Anonymous]

Same!! Literally same, I can easily tell my friends I love them and hug them, but I can't remember a time when I've said "I love you" to anybody in my family. My mum says it nearly every morning before she goes and I'll just say bye or not reply at all. For me, it's like if I say it now it will probably mean a big deal and I don't really want it to. Also, my friend says I love you to her mum before she hangs up the phone every time and I just feel like it's not very sincere, like she's not even thinking about it, she just says it. I'm so glad I found someone who feels the same way as I do!!

[Asker]

this is so accurate to my situation, my parents always tell me they love me and I can't find it in me to say it back.. as well as, if I start saying it now they'll be like OMG DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT.. it's hard to break it in :P

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah!😂 I feel ya🙌🏼

[Anonymous]

I feel exactly the same way! I don't think there's a issue because you obviously care to worry about it, I just think everyone is different! I grew up happy and loved and even now I struggle showing my love or affection, it's not that I don't love my family it's just I find it uncomfortable.

[KawaiiPie67]

Do the rest of your family act the same way? Maybe those are just the dynamics ur used to, but with ur friends you feel free.

[Asker]

no they're quite the opposite!!

[Yellow_]

Write it to them if you can't express it verbally.