My best friend won't tell me who is spreading rumors about me, don't I have a right to know?

Question

My best friend told me yesterday that for the past month and a half, people have been spreading the rumor that there are inappropriate pictures of me online (which she knows isn't true). However, when they approached her, she humored it and didn't defend me. On top of that, they told her they weren't "trying to start something" and just "trying to protect me" which is bullshit because they've been talking about it for almost 2 months now.

They asked her not to tell me who they are, and she is choosing to side with them, instead of me. I understand that she feels like she needs to keep the promise, but also, if the rumor is about me, don't I have a right to know who said it? She's my best friend... It seems like she would want to help me resolve the situation. Am I wrong for thinking she should break the promise and tell me who said it?

MarriedMale43 · Accepted Answer

You are not HER best friend. If you were, she would have had an ethical obligation to you to not make that promise.

I think you are correct to be upset with her.

The question from here is, do you want to have a best friend who would not defend you, and who would make a promise that is clearly harmful to you? Whether or not she's willing to break the promise for you?

Also, +1 to @Chuckles007, who said the rumor-starter is probably HER - this has been the case 100% of the time that I have gotten to the bottom of a case like this, even as an adult (when the rumor starter was my 68-year-old next door neighbor!)

ASEXY · Accepted Answer

That's not your best friend. It sounds like she might be the one spreading the rumors about you or she's your frenemy. I wouldn't be friends with someone who doesn't stick up for me and refuses to tell me who said it... I would've punched my friend in the face if that happened...

LittleLila · Accepted Answer

She's a bad friend, plain and simple. There is no reason for her to let others spread things about you that she knows isn't true. She's a shitty friend, and you'll be better off without her. Trust me, been there, done that. You'll get nowhere keeping company like her around. Find some people who will treat you like an actual friend.

peachblossomluck · Accepted Answer

I don't think she's a true friend. She's more like an enemy. It wouldn't surprise me if she's making it worse on you. She's already duplicitous, disloyal. That's somebody two-faced. You need to find somebody better to be friends with, to have your back. A real friend would tell those people to fuck off.

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

I believe that on her own End as Even Everyone's Friend... Silence is Golden.
She should Never have Opened up a Smelly can of Worms with her Words. Now she has Cheated the Other ones, hun, and is Cheating you out of Knowing Here, dear.
Let it Go. Do you Really want to Know?
Good Luck. xx

paulyy_07 · Accepted Answer

You're not wrong for thinking she should be defending you and telling these immature people to fuck off with their rumours. She ain't your best friend 💁

tdneves · Answer

hum... she has the right to do that. i understand her point. and I dont think you should force her to choose. on the other hand. a true friend not only would tell you but it would tell you in front of them. but that is just my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

a real friend would tell you as soon as she heard about it. try making friends with a different crowd of people and cut off connections to her- she obviously cares more about her social status and about what the people spreading rumors think of her. she's not a real or good friend, and she probably won't ever change.

SteelerNation50 · Answer

You're wrong for thinking she is a friend to you. I have never and will never have a friend that would refuse to back me up when they know something isn't true. This shouldn't even be a question for her she should have defended you instantly and then told you everything it's what friends do.

Justinaveragedude · Answer

Talk to your friend, if they won't tell you whonit n is, there may be more then just a promise keeping them from telling you. It might even be that they firmly believe they are protecting.

Also,. to your friend integrity may be really important to them. Breaking a promise can be a real blow to integrity.

modeve · Answer

Any promise that damages anybody's reputation and honor MUST be thrown out. You have every right to know who is doing it, and why? Your friend should have taken side with you in two ways: by defending you, and failing, by telling you who did/does it.

junior7879 · Answer

Obviously your best friend is not much of a best friend to you. When the opportunity was there for your best friend to stand up for you and didn't then they are no better of a person than the individuals spreading the false rumors.

Cola7248 · Answer

It sounds like she is the one spreading the rumors.

Toad-1 · Answer

I think it's time to drop her and hang out with new friends

Notagoodusername85 · Answer

No. If she was your best friend in the first place she would tell you regardless of the number of people spreading rumors about you.

Anonymous · Answer

This is so typical of girls - she isn't your best friend. Not by a long shot.

Anonymous · Answer

I would stop hanging out with her and find someone else to hang out with.

Chuckles007 · Answer

Its probably her

daniela1999 · Answer

it was probs her who started it

Anonymous · Answer

Nope it's probably her

ThisDudeHere · Answer

She's not that much of a best friend then.

Anonymous · Answer

She is no friend to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Could be her?

DirtyGuy · Answer

It's her doing it

My best friend won't tell me who is spreading rumors about me, don't I have a right to know?

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