Does friendship after rejection work??

[gtex1991]

simple answer, based on experience

Yes

No

Maybe

[Twilight_Starstorm]

I know you said "simple answer," but there can be no simple answer if you want the RIGHT answer :)

So...

If you have the right mindset, and are willing to let go of your romantic feelings, then certainly; the friendship after rejection WILL work. It mainly depends on your mindset.

I've seen one of my friend's regection turn into a wonderful friendship, because he let go of his feelings (or hid them well for the time being). The girl that regected him was chasing another man at the time, and because they BOTH understood the others' feelings, it wasn't awkward. They are now really good friends. <-- these two were good friends before the regection, and remained so after it as well.

In another situation; A long time before we got together, my boyfriend regected a girl because she came on too strong, trying to kiss him the third time they ever met. While he bore no grudge against her, she acts all weird and spiteful around him, because she took it personally. <-- these two... their friendship didn't exist before the regection, so it had no chance of working after. If she had grown up and acted mature afterward, though, their friendship might have formed.

So once again; it depends on your mindset, the strength of the pre-existing non-romantic relationship, and the level of sheer determination and resolve both parties have to make the friendship work. Not to mention the ability to just let go of your feelings. Out with the old feelings so that you may embrace the new, I guess :P

Well, you've come this far, thanks for reading! :D rofl...

I hope that helps you understand a little more :)

[gtex1991]

First of all your two friends were friends before so that's why it was easy to let go. and you support this with you second example were boyfriend rejected a girl and it turn worked because there was no friendship. and you can't just turn off your feelings like nothing happened, rejections HURTS. also your mentioning one case, compare that to all your experiences and tell me how those two compare.. are your friends with all guys you have rejected?? or are you friends with ALL guys that have rejected you

[gtex1991]

Theys a reason why girls don't date their huy friends because the chances are that it won't work

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Gee, THANKS for rating me down. I KNOW I said that they were friends before regection, this is EXACTLY the point I was trying to make. If there was no friendship BEFORE the regection, how can you expect there to be one AFTER such an emotional shock? With a sh*te load of hard work, is how.

And I also know that you can't just turn off your feelings; I never said "instantly get over the person," I said to make it work you need THE ABILITY to LET GO of feelings. Over time. Not instantly. Some

[Twilight_Starstorm]

People don't even have the ability to do it over time, that's why I said they need the ABILITY to let go. For some it takes longer than for others.

"Letting go" of your feelings is not the same as pretending the regection never happened; what I meant by it was; don't hold on to the hurt, and don't encourage yourself to love them romantically, instead **TRY** not to think too much about what will never be. Let go of the past and live in the present. Embrace the present, and the new non-romantic

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Relationship. Remind yourself how glad you are to be FRIENDS with the person, even if nothing more will ever come of it. Let go of your pain, and embrace your friendship-ness MENTALLY, and your emotions will start to follow. To reword; Use logic and reason to "let go," and **EVENTUALLY** your emotions will follow.

But it IS neccessary to get rid of those feelings before trying to be "just friends." Because as long as you still feel the hurt, and still love them romantically, you're stuck. The

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Friendship is not going anywhere. Not till you eventually let go. I know it takes time, but letting go is still a neccessary step.

See the point I'm trying to make? Now do you see what I mean? I was trying to help, so no need to be so picky >:P

Anyways... I have never been regected by a guy; being that I'm extremely shy, and I also have problems with sharing my emotions. I'm in a relationship now, but only because he made a move.

Now, let's see, guys I've regected? Well, there's Jacob,

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Who wouldn't keep his hands off me, childishly "flirting" like a grade schooler even after I regected him. He wouldn't stop trying to get me to like him, but I still tried to make the friendship work, god knows I tried. But he wouldn't let go of his feelings. I let him down WAY too gently. I avoid him these days so I don't have to deal with his innapropriate comments and annoying flirty touches. And the creep was 20 yo, you'd think he'd know better...

In high school, hardly any one in my class

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Anyway, so I haven't had to regect many guys. Except for horny 12 year olds and creepy drunk 35 year olds -shudders- and the occasional guy my own age. And fyi, I actually DO date friends. I have more guy friends atm then I do girl friends, and there was one or two I would have considered dating. One friend even asked me out, but I had interests else where so I regected him, and we remained friends. Several others had a thing for me, but never said it to my face. Hell, my boyfriend was

[Twilight_Starstorm]

My best friend before we got together.

I wouldn't date someone who I didn't know as a friend first. No way. I like to know what I'm getting into; I go for nice guys, not players and jerks. So I DO actually date guy friends, thankyou very much. :P

[Anonymous]

It all depends on the situation but from my experience, yes, as long as you're willing to get over your own ego. I met my best guy friend sophomore year of high school and started liking him the summer before junior year. We were literally together all day at school and people would always either assume we were dating or ask why we weren't. After awhile I thought it was fairly obvious that we liked each other so I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt. Unfortunately for me, he said he couldn't be in a relationship with anyone at that point in his life, which was a bummer, but literally by the next day we were acting like nothing had changed. It hurt a little right after he turned me down but I honestly couldn't imagine not having him in my life at all. He's one of the only people I still hang out with from high school and honestly, I wish I'd told him sooner because getting rid of that "secret" between us definitely made our friendship stronger.

[gtex1991]

Because his a guy if it was you rejecting him, I don't think you would talk to him, at least from experience most girls don't. they will say lets be friends behind their teeth they have no intention of doing so

[Twilight_Starstorm]

When I say "let's be friends," I mean it. I have said it before and tried to make it work, but the guy is the one who acted wierd, and kept trying to force a more-than-friends relationship. If he tried to make the non-romantic relationship work, it deffinately would have. But when I told him "lt's be frends," I meant it.

[confusedinjersey]

Once your rejected, its hard to look at that person knowing you can't have what you want. So being friends will only make the feelings stronger.

[Twilight_Starstorm]

People always want most what they cannot have, it's true. But at the same time for some it's easier knowing where you stand, and they get over it. Everybody's different... :)

[martyfellow]

Yes, of course, they won't stop liking you if you reject them. That doesn't mean you can't be friends!

[NiceGuyUK]

It's depends, but for the vast majority of people, the answer is no. The rejector will always be a source of the pain of rejection to the rejected. They would have to have contact with someone who thought they "weren't up to scratch", and that is destructive to them. Some will call this ego to attack the idea, as it doesn't suit their ideals. In truth however, if you relabel it as self confidence (which is much closer to the truth), then it becomes more understandable. Others would say "You may not have been their type". That's just cliched nonsense. All of us have only two types: Those who we consider attractive enough to engage with physically/sexually. and those who we don't. If the rejected decides to continue the friendship, it's invariably because they secretly hope the feelings of the rejector will change. They very rarely do. In truth, the rejected is left feeling like a bag of pick-n-mix, and lacking in some way, usually physically. Those feelings are NEVER good and are indivisible from the person who rejected them. Also consider this: would a person who was a true friend allow a state of affairs which they knew would inflict pain on their friend?

[Guacamole]

Unfortunately, when you go for the gold and end up with the bronze, it's going to be disappointing. And that disappointment takes a loooooong time to go away, which isn't exactly conducive for a friendship.

My question is this: Even if you could still be friends, why torture yourself? She's very unlikely to ever change her mind and you'll end up being the friend she cries to -- not the one she laughs with.

I know rejection sucks. It really, really does. But this is one of those cases where nothing is better than a a scrap or a crumb.

[alltheabove1212]

In my experience, probably no. The girls I've rejected I've stayed friends with. But the girls that have rejected me won't act normally. I feel like they think anything I say/do is a plot to get them to go out with me.

So it really depends on the person.

[gtex1991]

Thats true, when I get rejected by girls its hard for me to be friends with them because they think I'm trying to get in their pants, even a simple Hi, they think I'm trying to do something.. so they avoid me, which causes me to cut off. on the hand I get along with girlsi reject, I don't make fun of it though, becuase its painfull to be rejected

[alltheabove1212]

Exactly. I have no idea what goes through a girl's head. It's really annoying because I don't mind being friends with them.

[girlsguys88]

No, after you're out of school and you don't have that school link/environment connecting you...guys and girls are never really just friends...more because of the guy in my opinion.

And after rejection, the girl may think they can be friends, but the guy still kinda likes her and has her still in mind in the back of his head...

It's annoying!

So NO.

[Twilight_Starstorm]

So true! But if the guy is able to let go of his feelings... then it can work! IF he is able... Good answer! :)

[Logic_Hammer_Bear]

Downvoted for actually saying "in my opinion". We already know it's your opinion, you don't need to actually say it.

[BlackJoseph]

Yes I was sort of rejected however the guy I admitted my feelings towards has being acting strange lately in a good way towards me.

There isn't any awkwardness between us, me being honest to him just made us get closer.

So you never know what will happen.

[Anonymous]

no it doesn't. it will never work. The guy I loved (and still have feelings for him) rejected me and it hurt me so deep, he broke my heart and I don't think I can be his friend like I used to be. I can't look into his eyes and have a normal convo withh him because I know he doesn't have the same feelings I have for him. I hope I'll get over him already and stop thinking about him! :(

[Anonymous]

i personally can't be friends with a guy who rejected me because it will hurt every time I see him, I will feel insecure I wasn't good enough for him to be more than friends, it may even make me look desperate that I have to have his friendship for my sanity, and it would even put him in an awkward position...so I rather just keep calm and carry on

[gtex1991]

Honest answer, buts its not about feeling not good enough, think of it not being you type

[Logic_Hammer_Bear]

No such thing as "types".

[eithyy]

It can, but in my experience with it, it's very difficult. I had a falling out with one of my close guy friends because of that and now haven't talked to him in almost a year. :[

[gtex1991]

It simply never works, either it does or doesn't

[bansheeminx]

It depends if you two are very mature yes it could work out but most of the time it doesn't because people feel awkward after rejection.

[gtex1991]

What do you mean mature?? if someone doesn't accept you what else is there left to say. I know girls who avoided me and even refused to say, is there a reason to be friends after that,

[bansheeminx]

Exacly what you just said. When you are mature enough you see past that. And if you guys had a good and strong friendship before you expressed your feelings about her and she didn't feel the sAme about you then you accept it and keep the friendship. Just because you like someone it doesn't mean you can't be friends.

[gtex1991]

True if I was friends with her then yes it might stay friends otherwise if we werent then there is nothing left, its like forcing something that wasn't there

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Exaclty, you can't force what wasn't there...

[inLoveButScared]

In theory, it should, but, in reality, it doesn't. I wish it could but it never does. It always turns out one person wants more and has a secret hope that some day it might work out.

[girlsguys88]

Exactly..attraction is attraction. unless it was just a fleeting crush.

well-put!

[Twilight_Starstorm]

With time, however, and I mean LOTS of time (like, more than 3 years prolly, at least), those feelings can **sometimes** morph into platonic love rather than romantic love. But usually they just get stronger till the other person either bails, or returns the feelings and something happens. So to an extent, I agree. Good answer! :)

[inLoveButScared]

Yes, in some instances people can become friends years down the road but at that point, I don't really consider it after rejection.

[bubbleboy]

If both parties can act "normal" after it, yes. In most cases, it never works.

Or if anything, the friendship is stale as expired bread.

[Twilight_Starstorm]

Yep. One of them usually ends up acting wierd, and despite the others' efforts, nothing good happens... but occasionally things work out; but only if both parties are mature about it.

[MrVashMan]

Yes, friendship can still work after a rejection. Those romantic flames felt for that friend die out after a while when you find out that there are SO many other girls out there. People move on.

[darkknight1x]

In my experience it hasn't worked out. I asked the girl out and I asked if we could be friends and she said yes. Despite that, things ended up being awkward and we don't speak to each other any more.

[gtex1991]

Same here

[Logic_Hammer_Bear]

Similar, she was the one who wanted to remain friends. Or at least that's what the initial rejection suggested. Time showed she had no interest in remaining friends.

[martyfellow]

Yes, of course you can be friends. Sure, it will never be 'just friends', since you both know there are feelings there.

But sometimes that makes for a stronger friendship, one that will last. It depends on how much jealousy there is...

[Anonymous]

it does. my friend asked me out but I turned him down because I didn't feel for him like that. but we're still very very good friends. he's actually the one that I go to for everything

[gtex1991]

The classical nice guy eh... but at least you two were friends

[DoeJohn]

Poor guy

[Amboyace]

I've been around for a while. As a guy, this is how I look at it.

If it's just some stranger or acquaintance I thought looked good that night, and she says no...who cares? I wasn't after her for "friendship."

If it's a person that I've grown to know and care about over a period of time, then yes, I can step outside of my self, see it from her perspective, move past the crush and accept her friendship.

[Logic_Hammer_Bear]

Bullshit.

[mormollio]

It can, a while back a guy asked me out and I said no. Now he's one of my best friends, not awkward at all. Just gotta give it time, you can't expect results right away.

[Anonymous]

no. I've split up with a couple of guys and its awkward and we aren't friends, though of course we stay civil.

[gtex1991]

civil ! that's good word for it

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

If you give it time then yes. Although it is never quite the same.

[noclueman]

Never...the womans a c unt and you can't get past that...

[Yeahhbro]

No it doesn't, who the hell wants to have seconds from the buffet you know?.

[ArtyGirl]

I tried, he grew increasingly paranoid that I pitied him, drove me insane.

[girlsguys88]

Exactly, they can't be gracious after rejection, they are always trying to make it seem like it's no big deal to them and they like others anyways and blah blah blah

[ArtyGirl]

Totally- their ego just eats up the friendship

[Donnadon]

Sure. Only depends on their attractions and feelings. ;)

[Anonymous]

Yes, it can work. But I think it's important to step away from each other for awhile first before truly becoming friends.

[emzy-89]

it could, but I don't want to rick a friendship so I don't date my friends.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the guy and probably in the way he did reject me.

[Anonymous]

no. it won't unless both of you din have true feelings

[Oliviawinters]

Yes it can but it can also be awkward x

[Anonymous]

i voted no, at least not like before

[DoeJohn]

Not for me sadly

[Anonymous]

depends

[gtex1991]

on what ?

[Opinion Owner]

if the guy asks the girl out and she says no if the girl is nice she will act like it never happened and move on while being friends with u. But some girls find it awkward to be friends after she rejected him

[Anonymous]

yesh lol