Would you want to be in the room if your partner was giving birth?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I plan on getting married and having kids in the future. But I was talking to him today - a friend of mine is pregnant, and due to covid-19, may be unable to have her husband in the room with her. I was surprised by that and told my boyfriend how awful that was. But he said that was a good thing and that he wouldn't want to be there? Maybe I am overthinking, but I am just really taken aback by that. I always imagined he would be holding my hand and being there for me. He says he would be in the hospital, just not in the room.

Is that weird? His sister is a midwife and has told him horror stories apparently, but I didn't like that he basically said watching the birth could put you off your partner. There are stories of a lot of blood, women soiling the beds, and potentially bad smells. It is hardly attractive, I know, but the woman is bringing a human being into the world. I just don't think there's anything he could do to put me off him. I mean he farts all the time and is gross at times so its not like he tries his hardest around me. I mean in the moment someone is gross, I get not desiring them then. But afterwards, surely you still would?

I mean he may change his mind, this won't be for some time yet. I just know that if I was a man or a lesbian, I would want to be there when my partner was in pain to be supporting them and there for them, plus the obvious fact that your child is coming into the world and taking its first breath. Who knows, maybe I would rather be on my own anyway, I am quite private and don't like appearing in any form 'gross', especially in front of him. I also tend to like being alone when I am in pain and if I knew for certain I would soil a bed or something, then I wouldn't want him there. Just wondered how everyone else felt about being in the room/ having your partner in the room?

[razelove]

I didn't read anything past "isn't that horrible?" because I could care less. My wife just gave birth less than two weeks ago, I was there, like for our last two kids, difference was no one else could visit.

From what I've seen from my wife, who could pop a kid out eating a poptart and complaining about the weather, the first kid is toughest, and where you want and need the most support during childbirth.

Really the childbirth part is peanuts compared to how much attention and support is needed with a newborn. Just waking up at 2 am to change a diaper while your spouse has some time to blink awake instead of snap up makes a world of a difference.

Imagine a 9 month pregnancy of your body changing, betraying you, having a life inside you that has demands you can't refuse, then that's over, you've given birth, and this baby is more demanding, needs food every 2-3 hours, diaper changes about the same, and this only gets slightly better over about a year when they learn to say the word no.

[Barry88]

Some women prefer their men to be there, others don't want it. Some men prefer to be there, other don't. There is something to say for both. Some men say that watching your wife giving birth is like watching your favourite pub burn down. That might be a bit exagerrated, but for some men it's not a nice sight to see a baby coming out of their wife/girlfriend and it sometimes heavily affect the sex life afterwards. However, the most important is that it's a choice you make together, and try to understand each other's opinions on this. For me personally, I would want to be there in the room if my partner was giving birth.

[Asker]

Thanks for the great opinion! I can see why that would be a traumatic experience to watch. I wouldn't want my partner to become put off by me, but then again I wouldn't expect him to be down by that end watching it all intensely but rather supporting me and holding my hand.

[Barry88]

I think I would prefer to sit next to my partner and hold her hand, to support her like that. I don't need to see the baby coming through the part of her body I enjoy the most. But I want to be there for her, it wouldn't feel right for me not to be there at that moment.

[mne25]

I think its fair for the husband to be there because it's his child and his birth in a way too, the mother is the physical one but I see no real reason for men to be excused from simply witnessing the nasty parts of labour. They love to claim they are the more mentally stable and emotionally resilliant right? So why would they then not witness something a bit traumatic when the woman has to actually have that happen to her directly. in my opinion men who don't want to be there need to grow up way more before becoming a father. Life is not daisies and rainbows and having a child is not only the cute and proud moments. Men need to accept that sence women are kind of already forced to by nature.

[Asker]

Yes, that is true. Actually raising a child will be gross and disgusting at certain points.

[CubsterShura]

I'd be really happy if he joins! If he isn't comfortable seeing what's happening down there, there's nothing we can really do about it right? It is what it is, in that case he could just stay close to my head, focus on me and not look over there.

I'd be really sad if he doesn't even want to stay in the birth room. The best alternative would be at least having him waiting outside, but it just won't be the same as being able to see or touch him.

When I'm bearing all the pain and he won't even take it away from me, at least he should be there for me so that it's a little easier to go through it. Also he can see the baby soon after it's out, which father wouldn't want that?

[beatcoock]

Are you an Indian?

[CubsterShura]

No I'm not

[beatcoock]

Bengali?

[CubsterShura]

Bangladeshi.

[beatcoock]

Do you mind following me

[CubsterShura]

Yes.

[beatcoock]

May I ask you why?

[Asker]

Yes I feel similarly to you - I am not sure how I feel about the prospect of not having him in the room with me! I know if I was a man I would want to be there but it is hard to judge.

[CubsterShura]

I'd also love to be there if I were a man.

[HOAAH]

My first, My Husband was there. I had an epidural. My second, i did not want an epidural but my husband kept on talking saying that i wanted that epidural. I told him to shut up. I had my daughter all natural, one push. He was there. So was my son. My third, i did not want him there. He talks too much, and it just stresses me out. He forces me to focus on him and calm him down and every little thing becomes focused on how to make him happier. He gets annoyed if i need anything. So i am glad he was not there for my third.

[Asker]

That is understandable, I have heard a lot of stories of men being annoying for the woman in labour in the delivery room. I can imagine it can make it a more stressful experience at times.

[Finchie40]

A real man will stand by his girl while she is giving birth and holding her hand he doesn’t have to stand by her legs and watching the baby come out of he can’t handle the blood etc, but he should still be by her side holding her hand if he can’t do that then he is a coward and would really reconsider having a baby with him , that just shows he doesn’t love and respect her , she is just a convenience to him

[Asker]

I get what you mean - I don't see why if you're afraid of seeing anything 'down there' why you can' stay by the other end and hold her hand. I wouldn't even expect a man to cut the umbilical cord and all, but being there as a support for his partner who is in immense pain.

[Finchie40]

Yes exactly , the girl is the one going through the most giving birth to the baby , she is dealing with. the most so the fact that he can’t be in the room with her supporting her and holding her hand is pathetic , if I was a girl and the father of my baby wasn't by my side during the pregnancy , he wouldn’t be my man anymore , simple as that , i would lose all respect from him and wouldn’t want him part of my life anymore , I would look at him as a coward and a piece of shit

[sejla]

My ex was in the room and i heard him cry when our daughter was born. He isn't the kind to be crying for no reason at all unless someone has died or some other extreme stressor. All he has to do is hold your hand. Some labor is short but some goes on for 24 hours.

[Ratmuffin]

Childbirth changes a man's life

[Asker]

Yes, that is a moment I would like to see. I always wanted to catch the father's reaction at the first sight of their child or the tears.

[Lyndsielee666]

My boyfriend was in the room both times and he’s am glad he was even though he said he didn’t want to. I went natural with my second and when I was getting close to pushing I wanted my best friend to come in and for him to leave honestly. 😂 she wasn’t able to which sucks

[Asker]

Haha wow, I have heard a lot of women say that their men drive them mad during labour! To be honest if my boyfriend/husband wasn't in the room, I wouldn't want anyone else either.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you’re not allowed in the room. During an emergency caesarean, for instance, they don’t allow anyone else in the room. The good thing at least is that it’s over very quickly.

Wait until you’re actually pregnant to discuss this with him because it’s basically a hypothetical argument at this point. If you’re in labor for hours and hours, I doubt he’ll want to wait in the waiting area the entire time. But also stress that you need him there for support. Maybe his midwife sister can talk some sense into him.

[Asker]

Thanks for the opinion. I was just curious about others opinions on the matter as I had always seen it as the norm for the father to be there. I won't be having a child anytime soon so it doesn't affect me right now.
I also think you have a point. He can't stand it whenever I am ill or in pain and is always asking if I am OK. Don't know if he would be able to deal with being in another room for hours knowing I was experiencing the worst pain ever.

[MackToday]

No I would not, what good cold do? I'm no doctor. In the past men waited as doctors and nurses handled the birth. Men were not in the delivery room until Marxist flakes with their new age hippy bull shit made it a thing. Fuck those pieces of shit and what they think.

[Asker]

I don't really feel completely against him not being there one day, as long as he would be in the vicinity. I always just grew up with it being 'the norm' for the father to be there. But come to think of it, I don't know how much I've ever wanted anyone to see me like that , especially a man who I am attracted to. I have also watched birthing shows where the men tend to drive the women crazy during labour! I'm guessing that wouldn't help.

[MackToday]

You grew up in a time when society has decayed much more. In the past relatives were never allowed in a delivery room only professionals. The idea is asinine.

[Asker]

Yes, my grandfather was not in the room when my mother was born. Back in the 90s, my Dad was, and it always has been considered normal during my lifetime. Never really gave it much of a second thought.

[MackToday]

That's how the Marxists ruin a society they get to the young. They know they can do nothing to the older members of society the young are vulnerable though. That's why they get into the universities and now into even elementary schools. They call it ideological subversion. Yuri Bezmenove was a KGB defector who gave TV interviews about it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrS1qDcgdTk

[Asker]

Yeah I'll give it a watch. I have watched similar videos. I think a lot of what has happened in the last few decades has been moving society into a mess, and I think it's all a part of a plan.

[MackToday]

It is a plan, here is another video on it that's very informative.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPojltjv4M0

[Asker]

Thanks, I actually dislike what liberalism is doing to the world, particularly western society. I am definitely a conservative.

[MackToday]

The thing is it's not liberalism, the people doing it are actual communists.

[TITAN-IDC]

@MackToday Yes, and with this virus thing they might have won..

[MackToday]

@TITAN-IDC They can't actually win long term because they always collapse. They could ruin things for a hundred years or so though.

[TITAN-IDC]

Ya, that is true never thought. of that.. But im our lifetime we are doomed..

[MackToday]

@TITAN-IDC True.

[TITAN-IDC]

I heard Communist are creating a board to impeach trump again over coronavirus. Maybe this time they will and install communism under virus laws, it would happen over night im surre.. It all sounds. fishy... Im not for or against him or them. I simply dont trust any of them.. Just puppets they say, i agree..

[ShadowofRegret]

If she wanted me to, then yes I would, but I will admit... it would break my heart seeing her in so much pain and knowing I had a part in causing it, so I would probably go straight into another episode of depression afterwards...

[Asker]

I have read that actually - that men sometimes experience depression after witnessing their partner in that much pain and being helpless. If my boyfriend was in pain and I couldn't help him I would find that hard too.

[ShadowofRegret]

It may not compare to what the woman is going through, but it can really hurt, especially when he loves her so much and wants her to be happy.

[Apple1996]

I had my husband and mom in the room. It wasn't embarrassing at all. I'm planning on next time getting my whole family to be in the room. Or having a home birth so everyone can be there and it won't be a issue

[Asker]

Wow, that's interesting. So do your family like/want to be there?

[Apple1996]

Yesss they do and I also want my childern to see there sibling being born. I think it's really important for them to understand how it works

[walt0462]

I could be completely wrong but as a Dad and I have witnessed the birth of my two daughters... but here's my opinion your boyfriend is seeing you currently only as his beautiful hot sexy girlfriend and he possibly believes that if he see you giving birth to his child that he l could no longer see you like he was seeing you and have his penis inside you again the same place you pass a baby through recently and that picture of you giving birth would somehow cause him not to be able get it hard any play as hard and possibly rough Before baby days as if now you nolnger able to be a sexual

[iwannaply2]

I have not missed a birth of my children. I pray your boyfriend changes his mind. As this was the single most amazing experience in my life. And the love that you feel the moment that child comes into this world is topped by nothing...

[Asker]

That's wonderful, thanks for the opinion!

[KrisKris81]

Yes. It might be disgusting, and a little tear jerking to see her in so much pain, but being there for the delivery and being one of the first people your child sees is important (I think).

[Asker]

Thanks for the opinion. It obviously isn't super attractive, but it is one of the most important moments in your life.

[MannMitAntworten]

Of course I’d want to be there. The whole wild ride I want to be around for. From conception to seeing our children become adults and living their lives. All of it!

[Asker]

Aw, that is nice. What concerns me about this, is does it say anything about the potential behaviour as a father? Like I get maybe not wanting to watch but in some ways a shame missing your child's delivery.

[MannMitAntworten]

I really could. It say on that point. I can only speak for myself here, and that is that ai wish to be present for my hypothetical wife and hypothetic children. I want to be their for ‘Us’.

[Asker]

Yes I get that. I really want my future kids to have a really active and involved father, so just worried that not wanting to be there at that first moment may suggest it becomes a pattern.

[MannMitAntworten]

I wish I could tell you a definitive answer.

[Asker]

That's OK, nobody can. I am probably overthinking which I often do haha

[MannMitAntworten]

We are guilty of over thinking things. As you get to know him further through this experience you will be in a better position to answer for yourself these life questions.

[HeyMikie]

I have never understood why a man would not want to share such an important and wonderful moment with the mother of his child. It just doesn't make sense to me.

[Asker]

I'm finding it hard to understand, but then again my boyfriend's sister is a midwife and has told him all kind of stories and that he shouldn't be in the room as he doesn't want to see it...

[HeyMikie]

It is tough on any man to stand by while his lover is in pain. Try to get him to watch videos of childbirth to prepare him for what is to come.

[YHL6965]

I want to be there to support her. I don't care about the smells, the blood or anything like that. I want to be there for her, to help her with this fight because, after all, this is OUR child and, even if she will be the one fighting this battle, I want to be here for her, to help in any way I can.

[jgibsonian1986]

She needs a hand to ruthlessly crush.

Absoloutly.

[Asker]

Yes maybe it feels better to pass on some pain haha

[jgibsonian1986]

Share the pain :) I would honestly love to have a baby. Every painful, mind numbing, and stress inducing moment

[Ratmuffin]

Fuck yeah! I pumped hard and my boys swam a marathon to make it happen. U think i ain't gonna watch 50% my creation pop out

[Ratmuffin]

No offense but ur boyfriend sounds like pansy

[Ratmuffin]

Thats a joyous fucking moment.

[Asker]

I get why you would want to be there. I think his mind has been changed by horror stories from his midwife sister!

[Ratmuffin]

Oh gawd lol

[Antelope]

Let's get something straight-- birth isn't "beautiful" like they say

However, how can the god damn father of your child not be in the room? Besides corona of course

[Asker]

No, I have never thought that birth was beautiful, how could it be? Holding your baby afterwards, I understand, but not the process. Women's bodies and what they do are amazing, but watching it can't be pretty.
Not sure how I feel about it - still feel like if I was a man I would want to be there and that, although it may not be pleasant to watch, it wouldn't put me off my partner.

[Antelope]

I would agree that it's gross but that he shouldn't be there and that it would deter him? Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

No I wouldn't want to be there.

It is just all possible liquids sliver not hlthe most pleasant smell and all that shouting.

Why I can wait behind the door before they will deal with all the mess and noise...

I'm happy that I would not be able to contaminate the room by my presance and bring any nasty stuff...

[Anonymous]

I don't want human kids but if I loved her enough to actually give her one then
I'd most definitely want to be in the room during labor. Even though
I wouldn't just want to sit there eating cinnabons and watching the child come out, I'd want to keep her company.

[0112358]

I was in the room as my kids were born but didn’t watch the miracle of them coming out of their mothers body. I held their mothers hand and held them and cut the cord.