I have a boyfriend...but there's another guy

[Anonymous]

hey!

well, I love my boyfriend to bits. I'm in love with him and we've been dating ages, and I have this good guy friend who's liked me for about two years (not an IN LOVE like, it's like a simple crush) and the feel was mutual for a bit (like, two years ago) but went away. anyways, lately we've been talking a lot and he's into me a LOT more now, and I feel like I'm starting to like him. I don't want to at all, but I can feel it. we even flirt a little and I can't help myself. I don't want to stop talking to him because I still like him as a friend, SO HOW DO I STOP CRUSHING ON HIM? I feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend. my boyfriend knows about the guy and how he likes me, but doens't know I'm worried I'm starting to like him

[ckernan2]

That's a tough feel. Feelings develop for a reason, and more than likely, yours are a human instinct to want something different.which happens to be your friend. The flirting is fine, unless it's taken to the next level. I'm a guy who has been the good friend to 3 different girls who have had a boyfriend of over a year. At the time, it seemed like an out of reach possibility to seduce them, but the first girl I actually went after and got. She continued to cheat on him with me until my conscience caught up to me and I cut her off. The second and third girl went after me and I let them.not clear why, but I did regardless.

The common theme out of all of them was that I was an incredible guy, a great friend, a good listener, and was always there for them when they needed it. I was basically filling what their boyfriends lacked. They had the stability of a relationship and the fire of what it felt like in the beginning. My gut feeling on your situation is that you're yearning for that feeling of what it was like in the beginning and the thought of another guy flatters you to the point you've developed slight feelings. If the feelings are really true, then question your devotion and loyalty to your boyfriend and be honest with your boyfriend. If they're feelings of lust, let them go. While the girls I had don't regret it because I never betrayed them and told or got weird on them, not all guys are like that. And you may not be ok with yourself. Consider all options and go with what your heart wants, not what your head wants.

[Asker]

Yeah, I think you're exactly right in that all this guy's qualities are exactly what my boyfriend lacks, and I'm just trying to get the best of both worlds. thanks!

[Smash-Box]

OMG this happened to me too. Before I go on I chose my boyfriend over the friend because noone got hurt.badly. My guy friend has been my friend forever and is to this day still in love with me. Anyways he moved away to another state right when I got my first boyfriend. We stayed in touch with the phone but it got tough when my boyfriend found out that he was in love with me still and I possible was having feelings toward him. We talked it out though and I chose my boyfriend for the fact that my friend was in an entirly different state and that I had turned my friend down every year. I figured my friend doesn't care he dates other girls so he's happy and I'm happy because my boyfriend is perfect and my boyfriend is happy because I'm still with him. no body got hurt and I figure that's the best way.



You should follow your heart and if your not getting a answer then decide if who will better better for you and if you were to end it with your friend would you still be friends. Are you willing to risk your friendship for a maybe great relationship or a break up that ends your friendship

[Asker]

Yeah, I told the guy I don't want to communicate with him anymore, and I told my boyfriend about that, which he was very glad about, so I think I've made the right choice. it's always good to hear people who've had the same experience - thanks so much for your insight, it made me really think about it

[Simple-Simonette]

The best way to stop crushing is to just stop communicating with him. It sounds harsh I know, but what else can you do? If he's a good enough friend then I'm sure he will understand.

You have to decide what it is you really want, because you can't have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

hun, I seriously think that you need to pick a guy. you're not being fair to you boyfriend, your "friend", and yourself. deciding will help you set your spirit free, and your guilt will evaporate.

good luck with your future. I hope you make the right choice!