Why does my personality change so drastically around my parents?

[Anonymous]

If you asked any of my friends they'd tell you I'm the sweetest, most gentle person you'd meet. I pride myself in the way I treat others and I'm proud of the individual I'm becoming... But why is it that when I'm around my parents all I feel is anger and frustration? Sometimes simply looking at them makes me annoyed. I lash out and yell; the littlest things will make me cry when they're around.

I have never had a good relationship with them, it's terrible actually. They were never good parents to me and did not treat me very well at all growing up. I can't remember being an age where I didn't hold some type of resentment towards them.

I just don't understand... They try to be nice now and they've done a lot of good things for me too, but I just absolutely cannot be around them, my entire personality changes and I don't know why...

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I highly suggest therapy. Not because you're wrong or anything, but because this sort of strong emotional response is a signal for some unresolved issue still eating away at you.

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I have a good relationship with my dad, but I have a strong dislike, distrust, and generally bad relationship with my mother. Who is - or perhaps was, now that she's finally seeking therapy at 60yo - a narcissistic, controlling adult-sized child.

I honestly believe her "parenting" (aka using me as a prop in her many lies, terrorizing me regularly at home, etc) is the reason I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.

Now, I'm able to be around her without feeling anger, but that took years and a lot of building mental sort of barriers that keep her at more-than-arms-length.

Things will improve for you, especially after you move out. Know that nothing is wrong with you - your emotions are your mind's signals that something is up.

Try to sit down with your feelings and - without judging yourself or your emotions - determine what is happening around you when they flare up. Is there a trigger? Is there a reason? Is there a pattern?

This might help you determine what issues or incidents you specifically need to think about.