Are my parents responsible for my failure to adapt to changes?

[Anonymous]

I'm their only child and can't really think of anything they ever did wrong. They are great parents that gave me love and everything I wanted. For my 18th b-day, they gave me my first very car. For the longest, I was used to the carefree lifestyle; no worries, no major responsibilities, no punishments, not too many rules, never having to really apologize for anything, etc.

All of the sudden, I'm undergoing a recent break-up and a couple friendships are drifting apart. I've already been told a couple times that I never apologize whenever I'm in the wrong. True. I hate apologizing. Even if I'm confronted or caught, I still don't apologize ever. I hate being wrong. I'm not very good in adapting to changes and can be childish at times. I like to consider myself as great. I never had to own up to anything at home. Lets just say I tend to have a very high self-esteem to the point my ego/image is more valuable to me than saying sorry.

Honestly I'm seeking help at this moment. I already had my appointment set up for Monday the 21st. Do you think my parents played a role in this? Are they responsible for my failure to adapt to changes?

[Anonymous]

Yes and no. They should have raised you to be more responsible, to earn those things, to face the consequences of bad choices. But the fact that you recognize this as well says that you are conscious enough to know right from wrong. So you need to step your game up, take responsibility. Fuck a lot of us went through things growing up that could have led us down the wrong path had we continued to be like those that raised us who weren’t good parents. But we didn't, we changed, we took responsibility. You can’t control all the cards your dealt, but you can change the outcome to make yourself better. It’s hard as a parent to know how to raise your kids. Especially a first time parent. I get they tried to do the best for you, to protect you which is what we all want to do as parents. Well most anyway. But they should have let you fail at things as well, because they won’t be alive forever to protect you. So in a way they sort of did a disservice to you by not letting you experience that stuff in a “controlled” environment , meaning in your home. As opposed to an uncontrolled environment, that being society. Now you’re having trouble dealing w that.

[Jdjfjcjj]

Let's just say they are 100% at fault.. ok, so what does that acknowledgment now do for you?

You can change the past but you can do what you need to do to improve in any areas necessary. Blaming your parents for your shortcomings is just a convenient way to. Not look at yourself

[Jdjfjcjj]

Can't**** change the past

[Jdjfjcjj]

Thank you for selecting my post as helpful:)

[Account]

Based only on the things you said, you were raised in a loving, steady household.
I was raised with a lots of love and I admire and respect my parents. They are always there for whoever needs it, they are full of empathy and they are amazing people overall.
When I started being a teenager and I started having more interactions with other people that broke something within me.
The world was not a shelter, it was a scary place, people were unsteady, they did completely unexpected things and I always expected them to leave.
Now I do adapt to change easily, but the impact it had within me was grave.
Even if your loving family was responsible, that doesn't matter. If you want to adapt to change, you can be, that is a choice you have to make within you, I just have to warn you that it may come with great cost.
Also stop viewing your other relationships as an extension of your family, in most cases they are not. Only time and circumstances will test if they are or not. Never set anything in stone unless it has been proven/tested.

[LazerBean]

They were responsible for raising you poorly, but as an adult it is still 100% your responsibility to change as required.

[AdithyaR]

The way you described your parents seems very similar to mine. They are absolute gems and gaver all their love and support.
But I seem to be the opposite. While i have no issues with apologising to people, I have practically no self esteem, I brush off my achievements as luck, I'm incapable of accepting compliments and i have social anxiety. I don't think my parents played a part in that.
And i don't think they did in yours either.

Now i could be wrong too cause i don't have the details of your parents' method of raising. I'd wager there might be some aspects of info I'm missing to be able to make the right conclusion.

[Asker]

Sorry to hear that. Perhaps seeking counseling might be useful to you. I'm going to have my first session with a psychologist by Monday the 21st.

[AdithyaR]

Yeah my parents have been advising me to do counseling, I've been putting it off until I'm a bit more settled. Maybe after my studies.

[Asker]

Good luck with counseling

[AdithyaR]

You too!

[Anonymous]

No, you are a grown woman and in control of your life.