I don't have my life together and still live with my parents, is this bad for a woman?

Question

I'm 34 years and don't have much of a life. I still live with my parents, never worked on my major, never learned how to drive and started cooking at the age of 30.

I don't even have money to move out. Is this bad for a woman at that age?

MrNameless · Accepted Answer

It's easy to compare yourself to your friends and think that you are failing, but everyone is going through their own struggles, and it's never too late to find what you want to do in life and be as successful as you always imagined.

You can think of a career that makes money and with plenty of job opportunities, and/or also makes you feel fulfilled and feels like you are giving back. I don't know what your major is previously.. But STEM or business fields are good and stable. Programming, biotech, public health, business etc..

Learn how to drive! It's a really important skill, especially for work or even leisure just driving to places. I think your parents should be able to drive with you as soon as you take the written test for a permit.. so you guys can save money and not have to hire an instructor. But it might depend on the state or country you live in. You can start out driving in an empty street/business park with a parent

cooking is a good skill. Most people our age age don't know how to cook beyond the basics. You're fine. Hell most people are too busy to cook everyday.

Just have confidence in yourself and your ability to succeed. If you aren't satisfied with your major, go back to school/go to a different field and try again. Just do your research and ask around too, besides internet search. stuff like salary, how easy it is to find jobs (will be so in STEM). I got a liberal arts degree, but went into the stem field for work after taking some science courses/program at a community college. Just do whatever makes you happy, but balance out with good pay

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Accepted Answer

What is holding you back? Sounds like you spend a lot of time inside your own head which can be a very bad place. Dwelling on the current situation doesn't fix anything. Now is the time to grind your heels into the ground and lunge yourself forward. Right now you are trying to push a heavy object (life) up a hill (depression and anxiety) and you are letting it slowly push you back down the hill. This is where you need to dig in and push it up the hill.

I fight my demons everyday. From the time my feet hit the floor until I lift them back into bed. I am constantly choke slamming each of my demons everyday.

You need to make a vision board or some type of visual aid to help you get what you want. Make a list of the things you want accomplished and then write down what it would take to make that happen. Make a board and split it in half, on one side you have things you want accomplished and on the other side you put the things you have accomplished. This will give you the satisfaction of seeing all the things that you made happen. This will give you the confidence to keep moving forward and get what you want it of life. Yes, you are behind in the race against time but the race isn't over. You still can get caught back up where you want to be, but it depends on how badly you want it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I hate to break it to you and this saddens me but yes you are only getting older and life is passing you by every year and minute and I will say it’s not late yet but it’s getting later and later and it’s going to be hard to find someone and it’s much harder on your body to bare children. What is it that’s holding you back from things? Is it depression? Is it like religious beliefs? I am wondering because at 34 yes most people have their life together and at least have had one child or have a boyfriend or married and I know not everyone wants that but even if you don’t it’s great to have some independence and at least be on your own and having a good career that you enjoy. I feel bad you’re in this predicament but what caused you to be there?

chrissykerdock · Accepted Answer

you seem lost like a lot of people... do what you feel comfortable doing... i can say at least your working and if you can be happy doing that then that's fine... what i mean you shouldn't think of matching others do what you can do and don't feel bad if someone's married or has a business or lives alone in an apartment... all those things can back fire too... the most important thing is not to feel sad or embarassed... we're all different and unique... maybe it's even GOD's plan... i hope i made you feel better because that is my intent.

Naninuneno · Answer

hi! how are you?
I saw your question and wanted to reply to you coz actually I'm in similar situation too. I'm female, early thirties living with parents still and also can't drive and can't cook much. So it is not just you. I can relate to your situation and why you might feel/think the way you do.

First of all there is nothing bad about your situation at all. So you live with your parents up to now still. That's cool. A good thing is that you are closer with your parents as a result. Enjoy their company and spend time with them while they are still here. Dont feel like living with your parents has held you back. As long as you have an independent lifestyle too to live and do what you like too. And you can't drive or cook well... yet. So what? It's ok. Soon you will. You just happen to learn it a bit later than other people that's all. And once you learn it's really fun.

The most important thing is your happiness. I saw u wrote u weren't happy. So it means you know what changes you want to make in your life. If you are not happy then only you can change your life to make it what you want to be ok? We only have one life and our youth is very fast so lets make the most of it while we can. Dont dwell on the past, focus on the future now. You are ready now to make those changes and you can do it!!!

I also saw u wrote you weren't sure if u can manage a household and about your work. Have some confidence girl! Don't let those thoughts stop you, no one knows how at the start it's they all have to learn as they go too. Everything always seems hard at the start but anyone can learn anything if they try. As for work good on you for sending your resume out. hope for good results. But work of any type is never wasted. your phone job helped you improve your communication and being bilingual is an asset too. Not everyone is good at small talk and being social but that's just who you are and you make up for it in other areas like maybe you are a good listener instead.

You don't need a fancy career or go overseas or achieve something great to be successful in life. if you want it great go for it it's good life experiences but it's also ok to be satisfied and happy in simple things too. As long as you know what is important in life to you in then you can think carefully and make a good plan to achieve your goals.

And if I can recommend some advice,
if you use Facebook or some other social media to keep up with what your friends are doing, then be careful. Limit your time on them or delete them, it's really bad for making you feel bad. they only put the best and happy pictures online like when they go sightseeing or night out with friends and make it seem like they are having a life and then you start to compare with your life. Social media posts is not always true representation of people's lives. And on internet it's ok to ask people advice on things or situations but don't ask for opinions on your life on the internet. It's much better to find a close friend you can talk to instead who will encourage and support you when you are feeling down. I don't know what kind of answer you were hoping to get but omg the majority of comments weren't very encouraging and quite judging. Don't listen to them. I get that the internet is anonymous but you don't need random strangers making comments and giving you advice and opinions about your life when they don't know anything about you (myself included...)

ok sorry for the extremely long post but I've said all I wanted to say and I hope you feel better and I wish you all the best in your life. You may feel like your stuck but it won't last forever. Keep pushing forward and your time will come soon. You can do it!

Poppykate · Answer

I had my ‘life together’ by the time I was 24. I was a financial analyst. I had my masters degree. I was engaged. I was living away from home and looking at buying a small house. By all standards I had my life ‘together’. But it was the most depressing period of my life. I was so unhappy. Some days I wanted to drive my car into a wall or off the road, just to avoid going to work.
Today, most people who would look at my life, would see it as ‘unconventional’. I am not married. I don’t owned property. I don’t have a high profile career. I have my own business and make decent money. I love going to work. I enjoy my job. I feel in control of my life. I refuse to do anything in my life just because of social convention... because quite frankly- society sucks!

rjroy3 · Answer

In a lot of cultures you live at home until you marry and move into your husband's house. It's not only acceptable, but expected to live in your parents house as an adult.

It's just more common in Western countries that there's an expectation to move out on your own and "grow up". I think what's more important is the kind of life you're living and how you perceive your life.

Are you living a life you can be proud of and enjoy? Disregarding anyone else's opinions, Disregarding what other people are doing. Get away from the comparisons.

Do you like your life? Are you proud of yourself? If no, then make a change. If yes, then forget all the BS. There is no "should" in this.

rosemilk · Answer

I think you need to change something, I can see how this bothers you. Maybe start small, like start learning how to drive. Once you accomplish that, move to the next thing. You need to get on your feet, you'll feel a lot better about yourself once you're more independent and things will start opening up 🌸

crazy8000 · Answer

If you don't get a income to support yourself and pay for yourself. yeah. it doesn't look that great when it comes to getting a partner in a western country.
It will limit who wants to have anything more than something temporary. FF friends with benefits ONES fling.

Living with parents can be limiting. doesn't need to.
Doesn't limit as much as not being able to support yourself financially.

Then you have the limitation you putt to the table.
how and whom you choose. (your selection process )
If you're like many female's in some western countries your not gonna have anyone for you.

beardedbigguy · Answer

It's not ideal. However it's your life and what you want to get out of it. Being around people such as your parents is better than being alone and broke. I lived with my parents when I was 28. Many people have done this. What sre your goals and what makes you happy? Then make the best life you can and be happy

RachelBrooke · Answer

In Japan, it’s common for families to live together. People in the West see this as a bad thing. Family is very important to the Japanese culture and people are less concerned with getting away from their parents. Comparing yourself to others isn’t the way to solve this. Learning important life skills takes hard work and time, and certainly isn’t a race. You can do it!

menina · Answer

Yes, it's bad but I'm not going to judge you. I don't know what happened in your life, I don't know if you had any other issues so you might have good reasons to be in this position.
However, you can always change your life. You can start by looking for a job, then you will be able to live on your own.
And this has nothing to do with you being a woman, if a man was in that situation it would be also bad.

exitseven · Answer

I hate to be critical but yes, you are in a rut.
Finish college, get a drivers license, find a job, get a boyfriend. Do one of these and check it off the list, then do another etc.
Break each task into smaller tasks.
Only you can move your life forward and the later it gets, the later it gets.

Wiredone · Answer

Can I ask what your parents say about you still living home? It sounds like they are enabling you to be this way. Didn't they teach you how to do anything. I'm a guy and my mom had me in the kitchen at 10 years old teaching me how to cook.
What type of jobs are you qualified for? I'm not trying to put you down. I'm trying to lift you up and give you motivation

Rok4bakAR · Answer

Thank western misandry laws and BS male hating feminist.
The system that took away all the power from men.
Plus SIMPS who kiss women's a**!! and pay for them.

And the better question to ask, is what were you doing in your early and mid 20's?
Friend-zoning men? And chasing superman?
After your 30's when you lost all the pickings you had in men. Now is time to think about WTF you goanna do?
Men paid and took care of you in hopes they'll get a chance to sleep with you.
I love God's plan. You girls when you're younger and attractive. You use all that time chasing superman.
you only start to understand that power won't last forever.
All the girls I knew in my teens and my early 20's. Are all not fat and their faces have got damaged from all those makeups and poor diets and partying.

While I'm working and building up something. Meanwhile banging' 18 / 19 /20's olds.

Browneye57 · Answer

Yeah, it's bad. Seems there's a lack of motivation and ability to stick to something and reach success.
Some people these days never do grow up. Our neighbor across the street are in their forties and fifties and still live with their parents. Their dad just passed away recently and now they want to wait for their mom to kick it so they can keep the house. Adopted children.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are asking is because you have something inside you that wants reassurance.
If you want I change your situation search for people (experts) that can help you. I would start with if you want I change your work but seem to not be having luck, contact a career coach, and work on it. That's what I did and it worked for me.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Nah you're fine, the economy is shit right now, its dumb to live on your own atm even with a job and car.

hahahmm · Answer

Why did you not bother to learn how to drive? Why don't you have the money to move out? What exactly do you wish that you had right now but you don't have...

Interstate · Answer

Generally you should be farther along than you are now. It is time to take advantage of your secondary education, get your license and get a job to work on getting out on your own.

Avicenna · Answer

Yeah, it's a problem, but what really makes it a problem is that you're unhappy with it, because that's what matters. You won't have any trouble getting a boyfriend, though.

The_Maphio · Answer

At 30-35? You might be fucked, my dear.  But you never know. You might find some Peter Pan syndrome guy who matches you like a glove.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Yes, it is. Your parents won't life forever to support you and that's why it's a problem, you need to decide what you want to do with your life and learn how to be more independent.

Twalli · Answer

My girlfriend is in a similar situation at 35. If you have a leatning disability then it's actually quite normal. I also live at home and have never even held a job. Of course I am 4 years younger than you.

thathonestman · Answer

At 34, I'm sorry to say, yes. There has to be reasons why this is the case. Women also mature at a much faster rate than men do. If you have not been able to get some aspects of your life together by mid 30s, there is a major disconnect somewhere.

kitty71 · Answer

Dont feel bad im in the same boat and Im much older. For one my life or all my life had been the same cause im single, no dates no boyfriend no married dont have kids and at this point im unemployed

bamesjond0069 · Answer

At your age? Damn. Im all fine with girls in your situation up to about 25 but by then... if you're not married you need to start assuming you're going to be a single old maid cat lady and learn to take care of yourself.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What in the hell do you do with your time Get high every day?

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Definitely doesn't look good, but women are judged far less harshly for that kind of thing than men. I am sure that it's not that big of a deal.

Dinklex3 · Answer

Find something that motivates you and set some goals 🙂

bulletbob555 · Answer

You could definitely have a lot to do everyday by going and experiencing the things you haven't yet. I think you would find it very fulfilling. It should also improve your life outlook as well

WhiteWolf69 · Answer

No its not a bad thing. I have my life as together as I can get it right now and dont make enough money to live on my own so I live with family. There is nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous · Answer

Lool funny how used up old divorced /single men in their late 30s judge you. These guys also have a pedophilic tendencies since they are do obsessed with young women

Wise4myage · Answer

Unless your parents would be homeless without your support, or your saving to buy a home, then I think its bad.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're happy with it and your parents don't mind, it's not "bad". Not totally uncommon either.

ItsMeItsMe1989 · Answer

I'm 32, barely have a job, have no girlfriend, and all my friends are brown and red, lol. no, but they are all married im also an only child Am i a loser?

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Yes, it is kind of bad. But I can help you if you want advice or encouragement.

AmeerX · Answer

Don't feel stuck. Just don't feel right to be like that

Pterodon · Answer

Yes it’s bad. Do you have major depression that’s holding you back?

Iron_Man · Answer

Do you have some type of disability or is it just that you’re a slow starter in life. ?

Shihab91 · Answer

Learn new skills, there are tons of online courses try to find something you like find a job.

Anonymous · Answer

What was your major? Are you attractive and do you work out at least?

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

I went through something really similar. Mine had a lot to do with an abusive situation i was in.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are more likely to overlook this than women are

jahaims · Answer

Yeah. Wasting your life

Clarke498 · Answer

Well... What have you used your last 16 years on?

lycanthrope3 · Answer

What do you believe is the problem

Anonymous · Answer

Yes, you need to start living your life.

I don't have my life together and still live with my parents, is this bad for a woman?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I don't have my life together and still live with my parents, is this bad for a woman?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.