Like legit not a single person in my life mom dad grandparents existed cousin friends lovers not a single person kept my trust they all emotionally broke me ditched me stole from me cheated lied and abused me how do you forget that pain how do you not let it crush you how can you move on and trust again when you litterly have no one
How do you learn to trust people again when everyone in your life stabbed you in the back several times?
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Anonymous
(25-29)
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the family you come from is not a choice, but you learn to seek out those things which you are missing from the toxic family members. You seek normalcy in the rest of the world. You would be just like the rest of us if this is true. You expect the rest of the world to be as picture perfect as the ones you see on TV-each friendship wholesome and each relationship meaningful. I was the same way and it took me to break to realize some things. For one, you seek too much. Your expectations are high and that’s why you keep getting disappointed. Secondly, the company you keep is mix of both coincidental assholes as well as familiar and you may be subconsciously seeking these relationships or simply nurturing the ones that are dead. Which brings me to the third thing-you don’t know when to let things go. Betrayal usually hurts so much because we lose something which we can’t get back. It could be anything you invested like time, love, loyalties, special treatment, etc. or it simply hurts your ego that your own mother and father can’t be trusted. You think it’s inherently something wrong with you that people keep doing these things. Sometimes we’re blindsided and sometimes we nurture relationships that don’t deserve another second out of this fear of turning into what you want to avoid... a pessimist. I was in the same situation a while ago and what helped me were a few things. Fist, dropping my expectations and having no regrets about doing so. The only hint holding onto high hopes will do is bother everybody around you and lead to more disappointment. After I was able to do that, I naturally appreciated those who proved countless times that even though I expected nothing of them they would be there. I got comfortable being alone, and I appreciate those who chased me anyway. They are few and rare, but hey existed for me... not all at once but gradually I was able to trust the people who earned my trust. I treat people with respect and when I’m wrong I apologized. When I feel victimized I avoid the blame game, but I’m only human and I have moments where I feel that some things are unforgivable-that’s okay. That’s out of my control and I think you need to do the same. Relinquish control. Stop worrying about how things are “supposed” to be. And try. That’s all any of us can do in this life
Yeah, that's how humans are, that's also how I felt. I think there are so many fake people in this world, but also everyone has flaws so sometimes good people also hurt people unintentionally. You have to really focus on yourself and make yourself the happiest you can. Most of the time people will get jealous and try to fuck you over even if you've never wronged them. Probably you are a very kind and sensitive person, so people will take advantage of it. All you have to do is keep to yourself and focus on your tasks and only pay attention to the ones who are worth it.
It's the hardest thing to do in your life, but honestly, the way you learn to trust people again is to accept the truth of your role in your life. You see, it's your life. Not theirs. Decisions you made, even if you were manipulated, were still your decisions, and you need to own them.
It sounds like a blame game, but believe me- it's liberating once you own your shit (your role) in the outcomes of your life issues. Take control. Get rid of toxic people and replace them with new ones.
Learn to stop carrying your baggage into new friendships/relationships. Treat each new person as a unique individual and don't look at them in terms of whether or not you trust them. Trust nobody until they give you a reason to, while at the same time giving people the benefit of the doubt until they give you reason not to. It sounds difficult but it's actually easy. The difficult part is holding yourself accountable and with true self-honesty.
I am sorry for the pain you are suffering. I'm sorry that you have been abandoned and abused and lied to and cheated on. I'm sorry that no one has showed you loyalty and true trustworthiness.
How do you learn to trust people? You have to do two things. The first is you have to learn to heal from the wounds you have had in the past. The second is you have to learn how to identify beforehand if someone is trustworthy or not. And you can't learn any of those things from the people who have been untrustworthy. They are the last people you should be learning from.
I don't understand what I did to deserve not to have a single person I can trust for fuck sake even the banker told my mother that I asked about a home loan when I was 20 like come on I can't even trust the bank
First off, no one ever ever deserves getting stabbed in the back. No matter how evil they are, even Hitler didn't deserve that. So don't even start doing that to yourself. If you think you did something to deserve it, if you even ask yourself that question, you are betraying yourself. I don't blame you for asking it, because I'm sure many of them said you deserved it. It's a way for those who are doing something awful to excuse themselves, even though it's not true
One of my closest friends was abducted and repeatedly sexually assaulted. And then was sexually assaulted several other times by several other people. She has now healed completely from those, and has gotten to the point where she is grateful for the growth she experienced through that extreme suffering. So you need to find someone like that and listen to their story. Listen to those who have gone through what you have, and have come out the other side with their goodness and their self-worth intact
I wouldn't even know ware to start. I have been mentally abused physically abused sexually abused neglected cheated on and abandoned. And then I have people tell me that I wouldn't understand how tough there life was because mine was so easy
I suggest looking him up. He is a clinical psychologist in very well respected in his field. Will come up and type in suffering, overcoming trauma, and the meaning of life
There is one thing I have learned from people that say everyone in their life have stabbed them in the back. That one thing is that they all have one common denominator. That common denominator is you. If you have a problem with EVERYONE in your life then maybe you should not be blaming everyone else, maybe, just maybe, you should be looking at yourself and asking yourself, what are YOU doing wrong instead of blaming everyone else. Holy shit, really, the banker? You do realize that a banker will basically just look at your credit score and how much money you make to base their decisions on. The problem is YOU, not everyone else.
I spent my whole life blaming myself and you know what I'm done doing that because it's not my fault I didn't deserve to be raped when I was 7 I didn't deserve a mental abusive alcoholic mother I helped raise my cousin helped him with his homework did his laundry made his breakfast lunch and dinner and and was there for him for everything he used to beg for me to come see him when he went back to his mother and I was invited to everything and now he doesn't even call me. And you know what I did to deserve being cheated on a woman my fiance worked with was being abused by her husband and I let her info my home so she had someplace to stay till she got back on her feet for god sakes she came to my house with nothing but a few clothes so I bought her new dishes food shoes got her a job trying to help her back on her feet and you know the first thing that snake fucking did was bone my fiance and she did More than once and then she fucked my cousin and when I found out she didn't even have a once of gilt and tried to jump my bones.
The only thing I did was I was born and that I was born without a damn back bone I'd give people my soul to make them happy even if it crushed me but they don't give a damn
At least you have discovered the problem is you do not have a backbone and you keep on letting people walk all over you. So now do something about it. Make sure you put yourself and your needs before anyone or anything. Take care of yourself FIRST. As far as TRUSTING other people that will never happen until you make sure that YOUR needs are ALWAYS put first. Once you make yourself happy and put yourself first then the people you attract will not end up being people that take advantage of your kindness.
First of all, let me tell you that I am sorry. You should have at least one person to always have your back.
You are on your knees, you can't go for a blossom on a branch yet. To reach it, you have to get up on your feet and make yourself strong and happy. Just then, you can continue and begin to trust people.
Philosophy - it has answers to all your life questions. buy a book or watch a video regarding, for example, Stoicism. It will help you find your purpose and think reasonably, not emotionally.
With success, happiness and calm, trust in people will be resurrected. I always say that to my guys and gals and it seems to help. It helped me to be there for them when they need it, I am the person they can always lean on, that's how powerful the philosophy is. Good luck, we are with you!
I would need more context in terms what had happened to you that you believe so it's not a one day thing someone says something profound and you will be magically start trusting.
To tell you the truth it's in your hands only how you decide to move on from past grieveinces I could try and help if you let me know what happened
I have been in that position too like no one understood me before but I always have had hope and after all this you realize you need to walk your own path and fight for what you think. the people you want will or won't come but you need to keep fighting for what you want whatever it may be
Well, people can be mean, doesn't mean they are bad, most of the time. It's just sometimes we act like a baby or some of us are like a baby all the time and it feels so bad. But straighten up soilder and face it. Learn to understand why they did it.
Um I legitimately can't think think of a single reason why I would deserve to be sexually assaulted by my cousin, mentally abused by my mother, physically abused by my cousin, cheated on by my fiance , and manipulated by my grandmother and " a friend who took advantage of me to bang my fiance and my younger f****** cousin after I helped her out of a abusive marriage and gave her a place to stay" there's a lot more but don't feel like listing it all out
You don't forget it! You have to look past it, you have to allow yourself to trust, otherwise it will stop you from being able to move on and make a life for yourself.
It wasn't all by choice not a lot you can do when your twelve and live with a mental abusive manipulative mom and the rest of your family is just as toxic. You just kinda grit your teeth and try to keep moving
Ah I see :/ I experienced that too, the family part. I don't get backstabbed anymore I just stick to myself and don't share any details. As for your question... take your... time when getting to know someone. You probably thinking I was being a bitch scolding you or something :p but as you get to know me you'll see I'm just harsh in my opinions, but of course it takes time.
A friend of mine here, guy, shy, only talked when talked to, he doesn't let people in either. Not cause he doesn't trust them, he's just really shy. I think it took me at least 6 months before he became more chatty with me. He started to feel more comfortable. Take your time getting to know someone, have your guard up, but follow your gut feeling (if it's accurate). If you feel like he's a good person you can share more with that person as time goes by OR they will share personal stuff with YOU that's a sign they TRUST YOU, which is also great
honestly no idea, if you are just trying to survive and not live the life, there is no point, but you never know maybe in few years it will be easier for us
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