I cut my mom out of my life. Will I finally be able to heal and be happy?

[Anonymous]

Today was the last straw for me. Lost my dad to covid, had a miscarriage, and my mom basically put her life in danger, for “family” I strongly dislike. My moms had always been my only support system; my rock. I have a lot of trauma I haven’t dealt with from family, friends and lovers. I can’t keep my mom in my life if she surrounds herself with people who hurt me, bullied me, threatened me and made childhood suck more than it should have. I haven’t been happy in a very very long time. I’m hoping I made the right decision. For anybody who has ever had to cut their family or parents off, did it actually help you? Did you end up feeling better? If it did what did you gain? If it didn’t what do you feel like you’ve lost? Where do I start with the healing process?

[Not_Average]

You sound like you’re being extremely selfish. She can respect you by not bringing those people around you, but that’s your mother. She just lost her husband, and now she’s going to lose her daughter? Surely there’s something you can do to work things out. You won’t find happiness just because you cut your mom out. It goes deeper than that.

[Asker]

I think you might have misunderstood. My mom and dad aren’t married. They were technically never even dating. My father had 18 kids and I barely seen him. He never supported my mom while I was growing up. While I do admit they were surely closer than him and I, I never got to met the man she slept with. I never got to meet the man my other siblings spoke of at our funeral. Yes we BOTH equally lost someone but I didn’t even get to know him how she did. I didn’t just lost my father, I lost the opportunity to know him the way others did.

And to say I’m being selfish, is a very very long stretch. See not only did 2 members of that family molest me, someone threatened to assault me recently, they bullied me growing up, and I don’t feel it’s selfish to want to remove myself from a toxic environment. How do you heal in a toxic environment?

[Asker]

And I’m sure you also seen where I stated she put her life in danger. In my opinion, if I had only 1 child no matter how old they got, I’d never put them in a situation where they’d potentially have to bury me unnecessarily. I do understand that tomorrow isn’t promised, but there’s a difference between accidentally walking into gunfire and walking in gunfire purposely. Thats like saying I should let my family beat on me because their family but what about my mental and emotional well being? Should I just forgo my health for another person just because?

[dillbill561]

Thats seriously fucked up. In every way. Sorry to hear about your dad. I would accept your mom’s apology and try to recover your life, whatever is left or in store for it.