Friend moving, am I handling this right?

Question

My best guy friend (I'm female), who've I've had feelings for for a while and love as whole, to where he's the person I trust the most and feel like I belong with the most (his presence I mean, not relationship wise, like I feel he's the most accepting and amazing friend I ever had to where hanging with him feels like home), this friend is moving away across the country and I'm heartbroken. I don't want to stop him from moving, I want him to pursue his dreams and find what he's looking for, but deep down I'm crushed. My instinct is create distance from him and I honestly don't think I could say goodbye on the day he leaves, I feel like it would be too much for me to handle. Does it make me a bad person to not want to be there and say goodbye if I can't handle it, if I were to distance myself emotionally and verbally until I heal, am I handling this wrong?

RACSKC0B · Accepted Answer

I find it hard to believe that if he's as good a friend to you, that you'll be able to just start distancing yourself, without it causing you bigger problems.
Most likely it will go one of two ways:
1. He'll notice that you're not available all of a sudden, he'll bring the matter up, you'll cry and explain why, he'll hug you and you'll cry more, he'll talk you into spending as much time together as you guys can while you can, it'll suck more then you're expecting it to when he does leave, and you're going to have a rough time for a while afterwards.
2. He'll notice how you've started acting, he'll try to get you to meet up to do something together, but you won't commit, or you'll back out, he'll be hurt and won't feel like you were ever really his friend if that how you're going to be, you'll hate yourself more and more because you'll realize the only reason your friend isn't going to be in your life is because your making it that seem like you don't want him to be, after crying for too long the day before he leaves, you'll try to go see him to apologize for how you've acted, but you'll be too late.
He'll be gone already, because the friend he hoped to get to spend most of the time with until he left was a selfish cunt. So, with no reason to stay, he left early.
But you do what you want to, basically end your friendship now, or suck it up and cry your heart out while you say good bye. Maybe forever, maybe not, but either way you'll remember how much you regret not saying good bye and how long that hurt everytime you think about it. Or remember what you guys did before he left, and be there kind of to him that he is to you, so even if it is a long time until you see each other again, he'll want to stay in touch with you and you'll both be sure to find time to talk when you can until you do get to hang out again.
Then come back on here and ask if you should go see him or not because it's been so long, and it really sucked last time having to say goodbye, and then I'll copy and paste this whole thing as a new reply.
And then in the background you'll hear "It's like the circle of life" being sung and you'll be Simba, I don't know who he'll be, but with any luck I'll be Mustofa.
Dead soon.

DonkeyDan · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't be looking at distancing yourself from him he is after all your best friend, and that is a life long friendship. You have no idea what the future holds and where you'll be in a few years. Say in 2 years time you have the opportunity to work in the same state as he is in, but now you aren't friends because you removed yourself from his life. It's going to hurt believe me but just because he is the other side of the country doesn't mean you can't see each other now and then. Trust me if you have a great friend, hang on to that, great friends are hard to come by.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I am someone who unfortunately said goodbye to a friend for the last time as he never actually came back from his vacation because he died tragically. In life, you never know what can happen, and the last thing you want is to spend your last days ignoring YOUR FRIEND and creating distance because you think it's too painful to say goodbye. Pain is a part of life and sometimes saying goodbye can really suck, but it's part of it. You may be friends for the rest of your life or you may not, but if this is someone you care about and want in your life as long as possible, start today by treating them that way, like they are important enough for you to show up to say goodbye even if you are breaking inside because friends show up for each other in the good and the bad.

BlackBeauty90 · Accepted Answer

*rolls eyes*
Have you never heard of the internet. There's magical sites like Facebook What's Up app that lets people talk to one another. And there's even another amazing invention called the telephone.

Sorry but your idea to distance yourself is very, very selfish. Very inconsiderate. Very mean and nasty if you are indeed as close as you say. Your friend is going to think he did something to offend you, worsened by you not seeing him off, and all you will do is succeed in destroying any chance of the rapport continuing after he moves.

Besides you do understand as we get older we do move apart, yes. If he got married and had children those would be his primary focus not you. Even if he never moved.

Interstate · Answer

It is understandable you not wanting to say goodbye, as well as putting distance. By doing so, you have already begun the process of accepting his leaving and his presence is gone. People are so insistent on holding on because they don't want to let go, to where they can't accept the other is gone. But be careful not to put TOO much distance. Otherwise, he will become a stranger to you. But I'm sure he will be home for Holidays, so you will get to see each other and spend time together at those times.

Anonymous · Answer

you'll regret it if you don't say bye in person. if this past year has taught us anything, it's that life is precious. anything can happen. that said, it's also kind of rude to not say bye to your best friend regardless of how it'll make you feel. it's actually kind of selfish. how do you think he'd feel? and yes, it may alter your friendship. anything can. growing older can also do that. you two have different paths in life. but the good thing is is that it's 2021 and we have technology at our fingertips. can literally text or call him anytime. facetime. whatever. and if you two grow apart, maybe he's not as great of a friend as you thought he was.

ultimately, you will create a rift. you will self sabotage this friendship yourself if you act this way.

humpbackjack · Answer

The truth is that you’re being stupid. You need to let him know how you feel because if you’re worried about ruining the friendship what do you think is going to happen when you distance yourself until you heal? It’s going to ruin your friendship for sure. I mean if my best friend did what you’re planning on doing then my feeling would be hurt and you would create a wedge between you guys that is just gonna get bigger and bigger until he has replaced you and you guys stop talking. If my female BFF confessed her love for me and I didn’t feel the same I’d be flattered and let you down easy but would fight like hell not loose my BFF and if you truly don’t want to stop him from his dream then go with him. You’ll regret not telling him and it will haunt any future relationship and probably ruin you for any true love with another

exitseven · Answer

You need to be there when he leaves. He is going through the same thing. You will still be close to him. He will not forget you. I know this is hard but you should be there to say goodbye.
My best friend for over 40 years moved a few months ago. Because of the pandemic we never got to say goodbye to each other. It makes me sad.

Miristheiss · Answer

No, do what is best for you.
Just be honest.
Tell him you are heartbroken and that you can't handle this, tell him you are going to pull away and this the conversation you are having at that moment is pretty much good bye. Life is easier when people put all their cards on the table and communicate openly without having to try and "interpret" what is really going on.

SunnySensei · Answer

That's a logical way of thinking Miss, but that's not right according to me cause if you distance yourself from him you will always feel the regret of not spending the last days together.
You will always think what could we have done differently, what could I have told him and such things.
Please don't take such regrets with you, enjoy the fullest in the days left.

Browneye57 · Answer

Such a fatalistic attitude. Denial isn't of benefit, to either of you, ESPECIALLY you.
No, you be gracious, you say goodbye, and you keep in touch. Cherish your friendships, or soon you won't have any.

Our youngest just moved from 300 miles away (a day's drive) to 1200 miles away. It's heartbreaking. But we don't disown him because of it.

Anonymous · Answer

A part of your world is changing, an emotionally invested part that you rely on and right now you're running from it because you're heart is feeling crushed.
My feeling is that you need to face it, explain your feelings as you have here to him. A few tears, hugs, and work your way through it.
Maybe you'll always be friends, maybe not. But you'll have the memories and space to find someone for the next stage of your life.

spartan55 · Answer

Do what you want, but if it were me, I would feel like I wasn't really important to you. Very selfish move.

cloudspy · Answer

I think you are being selfish. Nothing lasts forever and all relationships evolve and change. You should show him how much his friendship has meant to you by being there to say goodbye to him and wish him well on his new journey.

RealMarek · Answer

I think you will regret it if you aren’t there to send him off. It’s going to hurt either way, so you might as well be there.

Iron_Man · Answer

This is not really a friend is it? This is somebody you want in your life forever like a husband

Sam_The_Savage · Answer

Wow you remind me my female friend 😪 It's so difficult. I feel u.

jeffryrobertbabb · Answer

I have moved across country and across the world, all you can do is move on, it's best for both of you.

Hiitsme23 · Answer

Keep in touch with him he may come back!

ToastyOats · Answer

Shoulda put a ring on it. Don't miss the next one!

IncognitoBandito · Answer

You're handling it in a sensible way.

Joker_ · Answer

You're handling it well

888theGreat · Answer

nope, do you dodge funerals?

Anonymous · Answer

Just let yourself cry ffs don’t distance

Friend moving, am I handling this right?

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