Is my friend right or wrong for holding grudges against her mother?

[Anonymous]

She's my age by now (29) and her son is 13 years old. She can't forgive her mother because the lady literally kicked her out of the house when she got pregnant, told her not to ever come back, that she was a shame, that she's dead to her, forget she has a mother and other horrible things.

The lady has been trying to get her forgiveness for the past 10 years, trying to meet her grandson but she wants nothing to do with her mother. She reminds her that she's no longer her mother since, she wasn't there when she needed her the most, that she can go take a hike, that she'll never forgive her ever, etc. My friend still doesn't understand what mother kicks out a then underage child. She was 15 when telling her mother about it (and getting thrown out) and gave birth at 16.

Right... fully agree with her

Wrong... disagree with her

Updates

+1 y

She claimed, her heart hardened when her mother kicked her out. She gives in consequences and that consequences for that lady is losing her daughter for good and never ever having access to her grandson.

[SnakeBoop]

completely up to her who is in her/her child's life. sounds like a shitty parent. she should just be aware that the son may grow some resentment at her basically "cockblocking" a relationship with his grandparent.

[Asker]

By her own admission, her son is getting a bit harder to handle lately and sometimes talks older than his age. He answered the phone once (last month) when he was home alone, spoke with her and has been asking for grandma since. Even after telling him the truth, his son was like ''then what's the point of going to church and praying to God if you can't forgive, I'll see her on my 18th b-day and you can't stop me by then''.

[Asker]

He still has 5 years to turn 18 and that kid already made that promise of seeing her by then. That's the only gift he wants when he turns that age.

[SnakeBoop]

then what would be better for your friend is to turn down her own hate boner to help them build a relationship with her son not seeing her as an enemy

[Asker]

My friend has reached a deal that at some other time, she can take him to the address but she wants nothing to do with her mother. She will not take a single step on that house. The visit will be between just him and grandma only. She'll wait for him outside when she picks him up.

[SnakeBoop]

Honestly that also sounds like a dumb idea. Public with lots of people sounds best if she's that concerned. But good on her for that deal, its still much better.

[Flower7]

I agreed with your friend until reading the comments about the son wanting to spend time with his grandma. Since that’s the case, I feel they should be allowed to get to know each other.

I can understand that this situation could be very uncomfortable or awkward for your friend though. I’m sure she was VERY hurt by her mom’s behavior when she was a teenager.

[boggboss]

I agree with your friend

[Asker]

Yet her son wants to see his grandma when he turns 18. He wants to know her. Weirdly he doesn't hold any grudges to his grandma.

[boggboss]

Which is fair enough

[Wise4myage]

You should forgiver her and try to mend things.

[Asker]

I would if I were her but my friend can't. She feels like she doesn't have a mother anymore and hasn't since. She feels nothing for mother. She wants nothing to do with her and even told me she wouldn't cry if her mother dies.

[Wise4myage]

Well, then so be it.