Just realised I always asks either to my mom or sis or any female present in my house for food drinks to bring me from the kitchen... I don't know.. I just don't... All these years even why our Father was alive we never stayed in the kitchen for a longer period of time... My mom always shout at us get out of here.. or say go play or do your thing...
Why do men ask and expect females to serve them food?
Because, as you've explained, they've been raised that way - whether consciously or not.
Most men I know don't know how to cook, clean, do laundry, or even do more than a cursory Google search.
Most times, they have a "doting" mother, a "caring" sister, or some other host of women who think nothing of cooking, cleaning, or doing other things like that.
Most men have just... Grown up around women who, like the men, have grown up doing this. So it's easier for a woman to just kick out the men (who most of the time can't take initiative and just sit there talking) to clean.
Does it help? No. Does it teach the men that the women are doing it? Yes. Does it mean young men growing up have been raised with an unconscious assumption that a woman will clean up if she's there?
Yes.
Don't believe me? If you're a girl, try sitting down at your next big family gathering/meal and DON'T move to clean up after. Count how many women automatically get up to clean and how many men stay put and hand over plates. See how long it takes before a female relative insults you or a male relative looks at you oddly for not "going with the other women".
If you're a guy, try cleaning up after your next big family gathering/meal and if a female relative asks to take your plates, refuse and gather hers instead and wash them. Your grandmother/other women will be shocked, then call you a catch and tell their husbands they should learn something from you. Watch your most right wing male relative start fuming. Count how long it takes before other men start to join you.
I don't think it's necessarily always a conscious "women should serve men" attitude.
I think, most of the time, men just literally haven't experienced living another way. It's not their fault if their father never did dishes and their mother never taught them.
But that's also what the Internet and self-parenting are for as adults.
Men ask as everybody else asks. To have a desire for something to know or have done. That is the human nature of communication. The basics of communication. Men ask out of politeness, depending and how that is being asked. Women naturally as people should in general, have a desire to help and be of service. If you ask politely, as the saying goes, you may get what you want. That doesn't guarantee. But your requests are respected.
However, you need to learn as a man to do things yourself. You can't expect your female relatives to do everything on you. That shows and tells people you are lazy and don't appreciate the people in your life. The issue is your parents do not sound healthy and have problems. That tells me that your father was an avoidant man, and your mom was upset and took out her anger on you because of her anger on your father. I believe your mom never met to do that. But that they both again, do not sound like healthy people. And you sound like you never got the chance to see what a healthy family looks like. Your mom had displaced anger, and in turn, you don't know what is and isn't normal.
There's once was time when men did it all by themselves.
Top chefs , builders carpenter's everybody knew to work the things bc they had to build for themselves.
Then women didn't get much attention so they started to please men by taking the roles that best suited them at a certain point of time.
Men started giving attention but they were not that dependent on them they acted up all nice and took over all kinds of house hold work.
Then that became the norm it got them attention care and love what they had desired and men focused outside world more.
And all the things that made them more stronger was slowly made there weakness and made them dependent on women most part of it.
Now women are more focused in getting the outside world roles.
But it's trickier as it requires more physical strength and naturally thats a challenge hence the delay but slowly and steadily they will also be taken away.
Then men will start becoming more independent and won't depend on women them again women will feel left out and more and more women would go for traditional roles and the cycle shall repeat.
Because transitionally we were out in the field or ship yards or working and by the time we got home we would be to tired to make ourselves something to eat. So our wives would make sure we were fed.
it works and doesn’t work in modern times. It works If the women doesn’t work a paid job (house wives are still working they just don’t get paid). They can still cook for there husbands. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it. Women without kids work just as much as men so now both men and women are to tired to cook after works so the hit up McDonald’s or Burger King or some other fast food joint which is unhealthy but since both men and women work unhealthy food in now the easier option. This is why we have so many fat people in the United States. If one (be it man or women) stayed home there would be food on the table for the working person to eat healthy. Read the 2 income trap by Elisabeth Warren. She made a lot of sense before she went radical after the election of Trump now she just as far left as sanders
Traditional roles - man brings home bacon, woman cooks bacon. As ye learn, so shall ye teach (or at least act).
If I waited for my wife to cook a meal, I'd starve to death- well, I'd get very hungry, anyway. :- ). She is now in the better position to bring in money. I do 90+% of the cooking at home, which I like to do anyway. When married couples get into their 60s and 70s, they realize it IS a teamwork partnership and the name of the game is just getting through the day and not worrying about stereotypes. Hopefully couples have figured that out a lot sooner, but when it takes two people to, say, move a bench, it becomes more obvious- and essential!
As a Graphic Artist, I probably have learned 15-20 names for "blue". Well, according to "stereotypes", that would make me feminine, since "real guys" just know B. L. U. E., and not cobalt, navy, azure, peacock, slate, periwinkle, robin's egg, sky, delphinium, etc. (So, there goes another stereotype theory shot down in flames.)
Women are nurturers, so we tend to take care of those around us. So asking for something from the kitchen is more than likely to succeed when asked of a woman. My brothers response to each other was typically along the lines of "your legs aren't broke, get it yourself".
MM well that's the mindset of women belong in the kitchen. Well at least that's what your saying and for some they would say you aren't wrong and others would say ya are. As for why your father didn't do it, more than likely he was older than 60 at least by before he died. As for you well your a male and most males will look up to their dad mentally and phyiscally in some kind of way
He left us at 59. We miss him so much 😭... I regret mistreating him... When he was alive i never valued him.. I was kind of a rebel... I always cared and loved my mom more than my father but when he gone I realised he cared the most.. Provided everything more than we needed... I miss him. 😔
To be honest I enjoy cooking. So I don’t expect to be fed. Now that I am divorced and my kids (who actually live with me) are independent it sucks cooking for one but most Sundays my family gets together for a big meal: Family Buffet Style like most Italian-American families do.
I was raised watching my mom fix my dads plate and my brothers plate and when I started my family/household I do the same. I fix his plate and my son's then my daughter's and then my own.
Well generally from my experience men and women typically cook different things. At my dads house when I was younger he made lots of boxed things or he grilled stuff while my mom made stuff out of cook books and she watched tv and videos about cooking and liked trying new things. I’ve also had numerous girls offer to cook for me. While I really only make chicken and rice.
I’ve never understood this gender stereotypes for women cooking food, I feel like it’s demeaning to men that cook. I know a lot of men that cook amazing food? My uncles are some of the best chiefs I know
It's a patriarchy norm from a simpler time when women were expected to serve men as that was their roll in life. They were to be subservient to men, and in many countries that is still very much the case.
I'll tell my wife to make me a sammich and she'll fire back to make your own damn sammich
Sounds more like a household thing. You're family (mom, sis or any female) are used to being the ones allowed in the kitchen more often. You don't speak for all males because I don't ask them to get me anything. I cooked and served myself because my family taught me that and they sure as hell will tell me to make my own food if I'm hungry.
If you have legs and are fully capable of walking you can get yourself something to eat or drink. Would you ever ask your dad to bring you something? If not... you need to do some self-reflection cause something isn't right lmao.
Okay then the only other thing I can suggest is using your fully capable body to get things for yourself. I'm not trying to come off as rude, it would actually be good for you to start doing things for yourself rather than relying on other people. Your mom or sister aren't always gonna be around to smother you.
My hobby is working on my family tree in everything I have read, and as far back as I have seen, it was all the woman's job to feed the men, even when all the men were expected to work at a different location. The women would take everything that was needed to feed the men on site. Because of the men being so much stronger, it was always his job to do all the manual labor that required the men to do the hard jobs.
I never have, but that could be that I'm from a large family and at meal times it was a case of whom ever was in the kitchen brought through the meal, as for cooking the meal it cold have been prepared by my father, mother, myself or the eldest of my sisters, just who was there when the prep needed doing.
My parents are divorced. My father at a dinner with me and my sister told my sister "serve me". While laying back on his chair looking all arrogant. My mother didn't raised my sister like that... Not only she didn't served him she scold him badly. It was awesome!
The old traditional model involves the man doing physical work every hour god sends in order to bring home a wage and the woman looking after house and home, her man, and producing little workers to bring in more money from a young age if they live long enough. It was in her interests to look after her man because her options were limited if he failed. You can see how much things have changed from olden times.
Very well put. My parents gave me everything i needed but only a little of things i wanted. They raised me to understand that if you want something earn it by working hard to achieve. So if i didn’t want what was for dinner, buy the ingredients and learn how to cook what i wanted.
That’s not something that a person can “feel” through online comments. If you genuinely think you know anything about my personal life, you’re delusional. See a psychiatrist.
The more likely possibility, however, is that you see your own behavior reflected in what the original question. So you feel called out by my comment. And because you don’t actually have a defense against my claim you resort to making straw man arguments, and because you have no evidence to support those arguments, you just make the claims as patronizing as you can with the hopes that I’ll somehow be embarrassed, and that that will somehow mean you’ve won.
But why would I feel embarrassed when your comments say absolutely nothing about me, but do say a whole lot about yourself.
Because that's what women traditionally did for their male partner and children throughout most of human existence. It's kinda messed up that women in general can't even do this anymore.
Naturally women are physically weak, not strong like men, thay are for light jobs, and they undergo delivery matters, so they must do light job, Women are housewives, men are for outside jobs, so kitchen is many countries
I know most modern time girls don't know n understand how a women shows love n respect to the men of her family... So I'm not surprised with these replies but I'm also glad that there are few old time angels are left.
Are you under the assumption that women don't expect men to serve them food? People like being served, it's not a guy thing.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I think guys who do that are sexist or biased/ignorant and want to base it off of social norms. But societal gender roles are outdated.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I don't know but woman are really good at finding whats needed and fulfilling that and I appreciate that. Whether its with food or relationship things women are awesome
Wives are not moms. A grown man should be able to cook meals for themselves and it shouldn’t be an expectation just because they’re a women, not all women are even good cooks just like some men might want to be more involved in family rather than being the breadwinner type. It should be decided by what the expectations both in the relationship agree on and are happy with
@doopayo What if i'm a busy Man and i don't have time to cook. there is no such thing a man cooks for himself. yes if he is single. if' he's married. he doesn't need to. accept your role as a woman. and serve your man. it is in your job description. the man is boss. he deserves it.
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