Why do so many straight men think they can’t be platonic friends with women?

[doopayo]

Why would men say women being the shallow ones when there are a bunch of boys who say they can only be friends with a girl if they’re attracted and like the fact that they can potentially be in a deeper relationship with her rather than being content they’re friends? Compared to the women who are more open on average platonic male friendships

My question is if you’re a man and can’t be in a platonic relationship with a woman without the possibility of romance than how can you ever be in a true loving romantic relationship if you only look at women as these relationship prospects. I understand little boys thinking this way, but come on.. why the hell are grown men thinking this way?

https://youtu.be/bquLVSiJLNc

https://youtu.be/T_lh5fR4DMA

https://youtu.be/0rIrh0ivh1w

https://youtu.be/YNw9AjvwkN4

See a lot of YouTube videos on this

[lightbulb27]

I thought I could and had many women friends starting in mid 20's. But I was screwed up and wasn't building my own family, wasn't having any success at it. Most women I befriended were older and married, widowed..."safe". I fell into this because of the mess from childhood... lacking nurturing at home, insecurity, being hurt emotionally, to name a few.. so I avoided intimacy and females who were eligible. I was screwed up and so I'd avoid potential mates and seek friendships with women to fill the void... ones that I couldn't have. If it felt safe in that regard, if they were nice to me and especially needy or liked to talk, I was sucked in.

That lead to cheating with one briefly, regrets.. she came after me, but I was none the wiser. Another marriage was already falling apart with 4 kids, I didn't break them up, but I could have. I saw the hooks she was throwing and chose not to take them, I give myself credit for avoiding that mess. Others I thought were just friends... became clear they had interest. Most women would use me as their emotional dumping ground, felt safe talking to me, turning me into their "girlfriend". That's not good for my manhood, although it felt good to feel valued and get to know women, it is poison to their husbands and I was friendzoned and alone, was learning nothing of myself nor growing as a man.

The number of stories I've heard of "friends" or students trashing a relationship and then ending in divorce is too many. You gotta be careful with opposite sex and hold good boundaries and rules to protect the sanctity fo your emotional and physical relationship. Don't be gullible... you smile at a guy, he thinks you want him! It is not all the man's issue, there's two sides and women will trash another persons relationship if they want.

Add to all this today's messed up sense of values and morals we read about on this site and you got a mess out there. No wonder other mature cultures do a lot to protect relationships, "hide the women", etc... We should heed their warnings. Our culture is a short term experiment in freedom... it's all been done before and most of it doesn't work long term.

I learned a lot from my girlfriend whom pointed out a lot of how my behavior in the past was problematic. It really helps to see yourself from anothers perspective, have some experience to understand the risks. You can still have friends, but do so with wisdom.

[zeitgeist057]

I don't believe this at all, and have many, many platonic female friends. I also have romantic female friends, female friends I was once romantic with and am now platonic with, female friends I've never been romantic with but there is definitely some romantic chemistry coming from one side or both and potentially might be romantic in the future. Basically, it's all over the spectrum with me, and I love my connections with females as much if not sometimes more than my connections with males. Women in my life are welcome. I was raised by my mom and my grandparents. My grandmother was a daycare specialist and she taught me to read, to swim, and so much more in terms of art and craft. I have lots of aunties and ever since I was little, I preferred hanging out in the kitchen and talking with the women, to watching football in the living room and ignoring each other or whatever the men were doing. In fact, I started showing up early to holiday get togethers, just to have a little extra time chatting with grandma and helping her prepare, before everyone else showed up.

way better than staring at the picture box (TV)

I think I might be able to provide some insight into the "can't be platonic" mindset. I'm sure there are also a lot of other great answers that will give you some perspective. First, I will go ahead and pass judgement and say this mindset is more likely to come from a conservative or more 'traditional' male. Reason being, conservative people like to have things fit a certain box in a certain way. That's why it's seen as more close minded than open minded, there are fewer options. So for them, the female fits a certain box, a certain role, and to have her outside of that box will elicit reactions ranging from "an anomaly" to "an abomination!".

Why limit your topics of interest?

Because of these stricter roles, women aren't welcome or "allowed" to do the "man stuff" whatever that is: drinking together, playing sports, working on cars, I don't know. But women can go do their own drinking together. I just come from a different culture where I've always been inclusive of both men and women participating. I've even been invited to "girls night out" . I've also been excluded from it, and while I understood the premise, I also felt a bit hurt and DIDN'T understand why my friends wouldn't want me around. This separation by gender isn't just something men do, either. But men want to hang out with just men and be able to talk about women in a way that would be inappropriate/embarrassing if a woman was present, and women also want to hang out and talk about men in a way that would be inappropriate/embarrassing if a man was present. <---------- that right there is a red flag to me, why would you want to be involved with a person who talks about you/your gender behind your back in a way they won't say to your face? It means they are hiding how they really feel, and hiding something embarrassing.

Sure, when you involve people that could have a sexual attraction, dynamics change. But navigating these dynamics helps make you a more balanced and adept person; I welcome these interactions. I've had women crushing on me that I liked as a friend but didn't want as a girlfriend. I've crushed on my female friend (s) who didn't want to take it to that level with me. I've had these experiences and so many more, and I feel stronger, more cultured, more experienced, wiser, and more capable of handling various dynamics in the future because of them. I agree with you that it makes sense for inexperienced or immature males to have this viewpoint, but once (if) a person matures, they are not going to ignore half the human race because of gender.

[Anonymous]

Grown men are thinking this way because most of them have already done the friend thing with women and it didn't pan out in their favor.

You have to put yourself in a straight mans mindset to understand their point of view.

Men and women can be friends under circumstances where there is a small window to be friends and the communication stops when the main event for that friendship to have formed, stops. That would be like coworkers or the friendship you have with the mail man. There is no other friendship happening other than in those places or about those places. Like, being friends with your male pastor. You two only talk about church things or only talk when at the church.

Men and women cannot be friends (to men) based on how most women are in their friendships. Meaning, women like to gossip, talk a lot, express themselves, get emotional, cry, have drama, or be dramatic. Women are like this with other women. Men aren't like this in their friendships. They may have moments but it is nowhere near as much as it is in women's friendships. So, to them, it requires a lot of effort to be friends with women. No man wants to put in effort for no reward. Which means unless they are able to get with her then their isn't much benefit. It doesn't suit them much to be your friend.

Because of this, most men end up friends with women because the woman friend-zoned them. NOT because they wanted to be friends. The second video you posted proves this. These guys are friends with to these girls because the girl made it that way. They actually want to be with her but they can't have her any other way than to be her friend. So they do this to eventually have a chance to date her. That's why the guy is interviewing these "friendships". The guy did this subject because he knows how most guys think. He is showing you that these girls believe they're in a friendship with these guys but these guys aren't really into being friends. They want to date you.

If you are in a "friendship" where one person wanted to initially be something more or where one person wants to be something more... you are not really just friends.
To men, they know, most men are only going to be friends with a woman by waiting on his chance or by having her as the backup plan to who he is currently with. Most men don't benefit by being friends with women.

[globetrotter22]

Female MHO by far. Thank you for telling these girls not what they want to hear but NEED to hear.

Sometimes I feel that women (not all but too many) have a very superficial view of what a “true friend” is. They will never be the equivalent of a diehard true friend to a guys vs one of his buddies. They don’t have what is necessary for that kind of loyal companionship.

Anyway this girl is only 15 so I am not surprised she thinks this way. But I get really pissed off at women 30 and older who still believe in friéndzone bs. At that point if you still think it’s okay to do that to guys then you are nothing but a selfish piece of sh*t.

[Opinion Owner]

@globetrotter22 It's not easy for some to read and digest but I wanted to answer the question strictly based on what was asked. Whether we like it or not, this is how the majority of straight men think.

I personally do think men and women can be friends. But both parties would have to be on the exact same page, which is rare.

Many women can have a superficial view of friendships because most of their friendships have been like that. This is where you'd have to see the woman's point of view. Every woman doesn't get lucky and come across a "true friend". I think the ease some men bring to friendships is more of what women are drawn to.

To women, when we make a guy a friend, we think we are setting the tone for the relationship that's happening moving forward. Most of us do not think that a guy would be our friend for 5 years secretly hoping to get with us. In our heads, we think you're ok with being friends because you stuck around. The only way we'd know is if you confessed. Not all guys do this, which leaves women thinking the friendship just fizzled out. There really isn't an age to this, there's life experience.

Yes, when I was 15, I had quite a few guy friends. If I was asked this question at her age, I would have not known the depths of it and I would have thought these guys are weird. But as you get older, and you learn, your view of things changes.

[globetrotter22]

There are a lot of expectations on men to take initiative in dating vs. paradoxical messaging not to be “creepy” or harassing.

In a perfect world men and women can start out as friends and then become more. This seems ideal because the guy can “disarm her” by giving her an opportunity to get to know him. It’s non threatening. It is also what most women “say” they want anyway. To get to know the guy before sleeping with him.

But let’s be honest. That’s boring to most women. That’s why when I am interested in a woman I let her know soon and send strong signals about it. I find myself having to “make a move” and sometimes have sex earlier than I wanted to. It is not just for gratification but to make statement. As much as I don’t like rushing it the very horrible experiences in my past (long term friendzoned) make me cringe at the alternative.

Anyway there is a reason why you don’t see straight guys going on dating apps or approaching women to “just be friends”. We might become friends by happenstance (as you mentioned coworkers, etc). However no mentally sane straight man will seek out women just for platonic friendship and for good reason.

[Opinion Owner]

You're right. In dating, men are expected to take the initiative. This is because women like to see men as leaders. Taking the initiative signals leadership.

Yes, most women like to get to know a guy before sleeping with him. It's them taking precaution based on the mistakes they made in the past.

I disagree. I don't think it's boring to women. I think it can become boring due to lack of progressing conversation, no growing interest, and lack of attraction. To me, it's a period that puts men in a tough spot. There's not much to do but talk. Unless, you're a good conversationalist, it's probably not going to go well.

To women, when we make a guy a friend, we are denying him the right to date us. When you accept being a friend, we think you understand and have accepted it. Even, if things change overtime and you come out of the friendzone, we still think that you once accepted it and were ok with it.

But I get it, better to make a move and get the outcome early than to wait forever wondering.

From my experience, I have seen guys on dating apps claim they were looking for friends. I have also had guys message me wanting to be friends and no, I did not have to friendzone them. It was their call. BUT, Are they truly looking for friends? no. "Friends" is a cover up. But I know this because I have learned. To the women who haven't, they'll probably fall for it. So you're right, no straight man is going to seek out a woman to really be just friends. There's a hidden agenda attached to that "friendship".

[globetrotter22]

I have NEVER said I was on dating apps. I have experimented with saying I am looking for hookups, casual dating or long term. But I sure as hell never put “just friends”. The is the weakest ass cover a guy could possibly do online.

I do want to point a key section about what you commented above “When you accept being a friend, we think you understand and have accepted it. Even, if things change overtime and you come out of the friendzone, we still think that you once accepted it and were ok with it.”

Okay in my experience most women who want to friéndzone are selfish and/or afraid to come out and say something along the lines of “can we just be friends”. In fact (I am actually 40) I have noticed women have gotten progressively worse about this since I was younger. Instead they play dumb and casually refer to the guy “as their friend”. That is doublespeak because sometimes a woman to a guy she’s having benefits with as a “friend” in conversation too. She’s definitely not crushing on the guy if she used the word “friend” but there can be subtitles.

Anyway from my dating experience the best ways to be rejected to worst ways goes like this:

1. She just wants me for sex but not a relationship (not common but I have had it happen). It did leave me feeling a bit hollow. But at least she saw me as very attractive. Best form of rejection lol.

2. She tells me she’s not interested respectfully and she does it early. She also is respectful enough to NOT ask me to be friends. This one is a close second and more common. It stings at first but she ripped the bad side off. I might be disappointed but I appreciate her honesty.

3. She admits she has boyfriend in our first conversation prior to me putting in any effort. This one is a no brainer. I was never a guy who tried to make girls cheat.

[globetrotter22]

4. She turns me down rudely (privately). This is getting worse. But at least i chalk her up as a cunt. But she has no right to treat a guy like that if he didn’t do anything wrong (e. g. being aggressively creepy).

5. She turns me down rudely in public. Yes I have had this happen. I tried to laugh it off but it’s disgusting bullshit. She’s getting off on “look at me i am strong woman” attention seeking bs. Feminists like this one (figures)

6. She ghosts. This is sadly getting more common. There was one girl I dated for 9 months who ghosted me after a minor argument.

[globetrotter22]

7. She asks for the friendzone after i put in significant effort, time, hope and money into trying to date her. She is a true piece of shit in this scenario. She accepted all my focus, effort, favors, etc for weeks to months just to have her backstab me by asking for that bullshit.

[globetrotter22]

AND number eight. The girls who “throws me bones” to keep me in orbit but never seals the deal while i am really permanently friendzoned. She never says one way or another where I stand. She might kiss me occasionally or even fool around but almost never below the belt. She never refers to us meeting up as “dating”. This is absolute worst. By far hell on earth. She agonized me and took full advantage of everything I did just because she loved the attention, favors, ego stroke, etc. There is a special place in hell for women who do this. You have no idea how what severe damage that can do to the guy’s self esteem.

[Opinion Owner]

WOAH. Are you saying that I said you said that? I didn't say you said you were on dating apps. This is your original statement "Anyway there is a reason why you don’t see straight guys going on dating apps or approaching women to “just be friends”. All I did was tell you my experience. From my experience I have seen straight men do this. I never said you did this.

I am talking about the women who make it known they just want to be friends. Not women who string you along.

Just curious with #8. Exactly how does a woman keep you in orbit?

[globetrotter22]

Yeah that was a long word wall above lol. Truth is this friendzone issue is a very serious pain point for me. Of all the negative experiences I’ve had with women this one tops the list. It’s not a sex issue but a respect issue. I had it happen a lot when I was younger because I was a “nice guy”. I do not look back and think fondly of any of the women who did this to me. All I feel is a deep anger towards them and towards myself for letting them get away with it. It was all just a hard lesson.

Anyway about number 8. Some women will “throw guys bones” to keep his attention but always cut him off when he wants sex or a relationship. They might kiss him and do some light petting. But they have an agenda to keep him in the friendzone and never really date him. They will purposely act indirect and indecisive despite already having their minds up they don’t want to date that guy.

I am definitely not saying you are like that at all. In fact I am very impressed with your insight. Truth is I am just ventilating. I’ve met grown ass women in their 30s who still pull this bullshit. That infuriates me. At that point she can no longer get away with naivety. She should fucking know better.

Anyway thanks for hearing me out. When it comes down to it attraction isn’t a choice but respect is.

[demonics]

@globetrotter22 I've seen women throw years long friendships in the trash over clothes, dudes, internet drama you name it. "Love you, love you too kiss kiss!" A week later they've blocked each other on everything, bad mouthing each other creating fake accounts to like their own posts about the other person, doxxing each other, sending nudes to one anothers boyfriend's...

I don't think most women know what a friend even is. Its not some person you hang out with because you're bored.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

As you get older you will find your guy friends expect things.. that you dont sleep with your friends so now they are upset cause they offered to pay for your meal thinking they get sex in return.

It is possible to be just friends with guys but you lay down the ground rules so no one expects anything and if any lines are crossed like if they go to kiss you.. you have to be prepared to get yourself outta there.

Talk is cheap most opposite gender friendships dont work because both genders have been so sexualized. But its possible when both people respect each other.

[globetrotter22]

It only works if there is zero attraction on both sides which is rare. There is only one woman I have been long time friends with for almost 15 years. We have shared a bed several times and haven’t done anything. I have been over her place while another guy was banging her in the room next to me. I didn’t feel even the slightest tinge of jealousy. I just didn’t care.

But those arrangements are rare. It’s actually deeply insulting when a woman plays dumb and actually believes the guy is going to be “okay” with a platonic friendship. It will never be “okay” with him no matter how he acts on the surface.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Its not playing dumb its being upfront about it with the guy! Its actually easy. I dont sleep with my friends and the ones that tried to make a move are no longer guy friends.

Attraction doesn't mean you have to have sex. You can be attracted and still be friends as long as you are both in the same head space.

If he says he can't be just friends with you wish him all the best and know the best is yet to come!

[globetrotter22]

When it all comes down to it attraction is NOT a choice but respect is. Those guys who wanted you did not get a decision to feel that way just like you didn’t decided whether you were attracted to them or not.

Also thank you for NOT staying friends with those guys. You got to respect them for giving it a shot (as long as they weren’t creepy about it). You also need to respect them and be honest about how you feel.

But there are LOTS of women out there who naively and selfishly believe that a guy can just magically turn off his attraction if she’s not interested but says nothing and assumes he’s fine with being “just friends”. That’s conceited bs. It’s also something some women never grow out of.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Honestly with me a good looking guy means nothing to me its the inside that counts. a lot if times the good looking guys are assholes. So physical attraction has never been my highest priority. But in your defense a couple of my guy friends admitted during than pandemic that they have fantasized about me more than once and I have a boyfriend so I completely cut them off one has been a good friend over 5 years I actually dated his brother his brother is my age he's 2 years younger. As much as I used to wish I met Andrew first I couldnt do that to Taylor. Now knowing he has fantasized about me I feel like I have dodged a bullet... not sure what I was thinking.

So I disagree making a move based on attraction is a decision. I can see a good looking guy and thats all he is. I have no desire to get with him. Attraction is a choice try it you see a good looking woman think wow God you did a good job on that one! After all beauty is in the eyes of the beholder thats why we are all so different.

If I stayed friends with knowing they werent what I was ultimately looking for it would be like a disaster waiting to happen! Like dangling a carrot infront of their nose they can't have. I just know the type of man I need and I don't want ti hurt people so its just easier to lose touch with them on purpose. I still have guy friends you see I grew up as one of the guys. So I was like the microphone between them abd the girl they liked. I have always got along better with guys. I do have friends that are female I am thankful for that!

Yes I do respect them for being honest with me. I try to let them down gently by saying why they are great abd how I know we wouldn't be a good match.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Thats right once love is birthed into someones heart and mind its hard to turn off no matter who you are. Its unfair to the one that loves the other too deeply to keep that friendship going unless they come back and thank you. A friend did it George told me thank you... you were right were not suited for each other long term and im glad you chose our friendship over immediate satisfaction. Weve been friends over 10 years I met him through Taylor when him and I were dating. At the time Taylors best friend. Im still friends with Taylor no interest there not as good as friends now since before we dated but still friends. He becomes possessive and untrusting when I was dating him. If I told him I was walking my dog why I didn't respond ASAP and then what? Or you were so much longer than last time why? Ginna go for a drive? Where I dunno... I have worked from home 2 years before the plandemic hit. So going for a drive with my dog was refreshing never had an end destination just drove most the time id get lost. Go somewhere I haven't been and challenge myself to find my way back without the gps.

I am very independent and told im not like most females guys that feel awkward towards females dont with me. Girls like me for the most part... when a girl doesn't its because im friends with their boyfriend and they give off jealous vibes so I leave them be. No hurt feelings. I've got friends male and female I dont exist unless they are single. Its cool with me. I forget where I was going with this. So ending it here lol.

[Blueeyes81]

I've learned over the years that men and women bring different aspects to friendship. For me that tends to lend to one sided friendships. What most women offer in the way of friendship is talking and sharing and venting., again from my experience. I don't seek those things in a friendship. What I seek are more activity partners (women, again from my experience) are more reluctant to be activities partners as they don't want to give you the idea that they are interested in you or don't want to cause a potential relationship problem with a boyfriend or husband. Therefore that leaves talking and her asking for favors (moving, changing a tire, kill a spider, etc)

I say all that to get to my point. I only seek out females that I can see myself dating. Doesn't always work out and you end up as friends. Which leads me to my point. Its not platonic if I would sleep with her if the chance arose. So if I only surround myself with women I find attractive both inside and out then it doesn't bowed well for platonic friendships.

[Anonymous]

We can only be friends with women who we are attracted to because, frankly, women are boring, annoying, have worthless interests, unreasonable expectations and can't be relied on.

A friend is someone who will go out to drink beer with you when you ring their doorbell at 11 pm.
Or someone who will go throwing yogurts at a bitch's windows after she has dumped one of your buddies.

Women don't offer that, what they "offer" is the opportunity to be their emotional and mental health sponge by "listening" and "talking" about their crap.

No straight man cares about or wants any of that.
It's something we only tolerate with women who have sex with us.

So, if it seems a guy is tolerating you, then he is either gay (and thus cares about the nonsense women care about) or sexually/romantically interested in you.

There are also rare women who have a masculine brain, masculine values and masculine interests who could, in theory, have successful platonic friendships with men.
But in practice they end up surrounded by an even bigger swarm of thirsty men by the virtue of just how attractive that kind of personality is in a woman.

[JCrockett]

This is the correct answer.

[-Asca-]

I have wondered this before but by now I have found an answer to your question: The men who claim they can't be platonic friends with women actually could, they just don't want to.
Really. It's that simple.
They don't want to cause they'd just rather be in a relationship or have sex than be friends if it was their choice. And because they'd rather have sex or a relationship they say they can't be platonic friends with women, because they always want more than a platonic friendship. It's all bullshit though, friendships don't depend on gender.

I imagine in some cases it's probably a cultural or societal thing too. It used to not be normal to be friends with the opposite gender in the past and in some places it's still not normal, so for some men it's due to their upbringing, cause they learned that men and women just aren't friends. It's often difficult to unlearn things that we learned as little children and that just seemed normal for most of our lives, no matter if they don't make any sense.

[RolandCuthbert]

Hmmmm. . . the question is asked weirdly. How many women are attracted to men they are friends with?

Men and women are different. Most women don't develop romantic feelings for their friends. But men can.
I think the question is this. Why do women think they can form some deep bond with men they do not know but are really attracted to as opposed to a male friend they have known for years as being a good, respectful human being? What are many women seeing in fantasy, that does not fit with reality?

Then on the flip side, this is what I always found amusing. Men have plenty of women friends. They just never consider them to be romantic options. And it is really hard because the women only drop subtle hints, because they are the ones who want to be chased. I have had women friends blatantly try to "tongue" me, trying to communicate they want something more.

[doopayo]

I understand what you’re saying but I’m referring to guys that are friends with a girl specifically only because they want to sleep with her or be more than friends. So a ulterior motive, it just seems disingenuous to me if someone’s going to act like your friend but In reality they just want to use you ^^

[RolandCuthbert]

Oh, we have a bunch of males like that here. But this forum attracts a specific type of male. Many are totally pissed that women are not obligated to provide them with sex.

[ChrisMaster69]

I don’t get why there is this constant thing that says you can't just be friends with a girl.

it’s blatantly true that you can just be friends, if it’s not then these people must live in a nightmare world where they view their friends as constantly thinking about fucking their wife, mother, sister, daughter, girlfriend etc.

Equally their friends will be viewing them the same way.

I have a bunch of women mates and definitely not planning on sex with them or anything romantic.

equally my gay mate has assured me he does not want sex or anything romantic with me.

[mobiusforniner]

I think people have wide definitions of what they call "friends". Is it just some generic acquaintance you met at a bar or in class? A coworker you hangout and get drinks with after work? sure. Men and women can be friends. But if you're talking about comforting each other, being there emotionally, spending close time getting to know each other and what's important to you both, doing paired off special things together, seeing each others families... then no. Building this trust and feeling will make friendship ultimately impossible. If you're a girl and you feel you can have this level of friendship with a man without him developing feelings, you're delusional.

[-Asca-]

I have friendships like the ones you described with girls and it has never been a problem. Why would it?

[mobiusforniner]

@-Asca- well, whopdie do man. Great for you. All i can say is that if she opens up emotionally to me and I to her, it forms feelings. And thats when it goes from platonic to plutonic lol

[Lionman95]

I think it depends on upbringing and experience. It´s harder to be in a platonic friendship with a female because it needs better preparation, trust and communication because one catching feelings is the unwanted elefant in the room.
On the other hand I think it´s possible and it can serve the similar purposes guy-friends have.
One of the reasons that many guys have a hard time doing is because they wired in a way to see women only as potential partners and because it´s not always seen as trendy to be in a platonic friendship because the so called "friendzone" is quite to that.
Guys learn in dating coachings to not be happy being in the "friendzone" but actually it´s quite the same thing when you just compare the relationship level in both.
Both have that there won´t be a sex life or feelings involved so platonic friendships could be declared as a different kind of view to the friendzone.

[LikeALog]

I have a few women friends that are just friends.

One of them, we share some common interests which is how we met. It was a competitive cook-off. We agreed to go together as a team to the next event each paying our own way. She is extremely attractive, great personality, appears to be laid-back and is funny at times. I would like to have dated her. However, we are both extremely independent and confident. Just being together for that event, we realized our relationship was not destined to proceed beyond just being friends. And at times even that is contentious.

[Sparks32]

A reason Men and Women can't be just friends is because one day she will be in a relationship with a man and he will most likely be suspicious about the guy who is spending time with his wife because married women who hung out with a guy friend is most of the time having an affair and most sensible husbands will issue her with an him or me ultimatum. A lot of people believe that you have no right to hang out with a married person of the opposite sex. Unless he is a gay man, I didn't make the rules.

[Moose304]

I'm not going to say it's impossible, but it's damn close. People do not understand that cheating is like an accident the last link in a chain. I know of hundreds of situations where friends because bed partners. When two people of the same sex get together that is a link in that chain. It does not mean cheating will happen, it just means it is closer to happening. Now, all it takes is something like getting drunk or getting really pissed at your spouse/partner, and now it's game on. I know it's not politically correct in these days and times, but I would NEVER allow my wife to have anything like a close friend that is another man. At some point, if she doesn't stop it she will come home to find me gone!

[Moose304]

I had some time to think about this question. After some thought, I was wondering why the question was limited to just straight men? Do you know that bi-sexual men vastly outnumber gay men? LGBQ men can be just as jealous as straight men can be, in fact maybe worse!

[Summerx-x]

I remember talking to my friend about this a while back. He told me the same thing, how it's hard for guys to be friends with girls because either one or the other tends to catch feelings. And I hate to admit it but he was right. We're really close now but I did use to like him. he has admitted he finds me attractive which according to him is one of the reasons he approached me but never in the way of wanting to date me. Being friends with the opposite sex takes work. You need mutual trust as well as communication when upset with the other. My friend and I work because we're there for each other and talk things out. It very much depends on many factors but yes I believe it can work out if the effort is put in and the two sexes are both clear where they stand with each other.

[SAMI_DABBAB]

You're very thoughtful for a 15 year old, had to get this out of the way.

Now for that I think it's a social issue, men are ridiculously close to being crucified for every "off" thing they can be perceived as doing with a woman and being in such suspicion will not help their image in the eyes of society, it's more like men are only going to do something with a guaranteed result because zero is greater than minus one.

Some are confident enough to overcome this thinking but the bar is higher than it once was...

[Hypnos0929]

It's not so much that I can't, it's more like I don't want to. Someone always develops feelings unless both are extremely stable people, furthermore a lot of women specifically will "ignore" the signs that their male BFF is into them.
I've been in the friendzone all because she didn't want to lose the friendship and I honestly tried waiting around/being just friends and I don't like it. It's not for me so I don't try anymore.
In short if you reject me, or I try to set up a date 3 times, I take it that you're not interested and I'm moving on. I don't need to care about what you want but I do need to respect myself.

[Anonymous]

Because their own interest in a relationship when single takes priority.

The vast majority of the time, men who are single and want a partner are not going to be investing all their time and energy into a platonic friendship when there are attractive women around who they need to figure out how to connect with. Single men's friendships with unattractive single women are most commonly friendships of convenience. These friendships can happen often, but the guideline would be that single men will first focus on securing a partner before a friendship with a woman -- and that rationing of their time, energy, and resources should make perfect sense to a normal person.

[Msputiton]

They taught to think this way somewhere in their life, and really believe it is impossible.

a lot of men still only think all we are useful for is sex and relationships.

[globetrotter22]

You need to seriously ask yourself what you can provide in a “friendship” to a straight male?

These friendships only work if there is no attraction on either side which is rare. The acid test is if you feel jealous if you know the person is dating someone else.

Why women are so confident that they can be “friends” with straight guys is beyond me. This is something many women never outgrow either. Being friendly is one thing but being true friends another.

[-Asca-]

A woman can provide exactly the same things in a friendship to a straight man that another man could.

[globetrotter22]

@-Asca- do you seriously believe that? The so called “female friends” I had in my teens and 20s benefited way more from the “friendship” than vice versa. There is only one woman I stayed friends with for over 12 years. It works because there is zero attraction either way. She’s also very independent.

But what this young girl is naively talking about is friéndzoning guys. Even at 15 she knows many straight guys who act as “friends” really want more. But she wants all the benefits of having a strong guy around without the emotional investment of a relationship.

She’s young so I will cut her some slack. But I’ve met grown as women in their 30s who still believe in this crap.

[MoJoYoYo]

Because they don't want to come off as flirtatious or anything else like that. However, I have tons of straight, male friends who will just be my friends and neither of us have feelings for the others. After you get married, I believe that friendships with people of the opposite gender will definitely change, and I believe they must. However, I do think that girl/boy friendships are possible outside of a romantic relationship.

[globetrotter22]

Some of those guys you are “friends with” deep down want to be more than that. Either they are too shy/scared to make a move and/or they have given you signals that you just conveniently ignore. You don’t even want that thought entering your mind with that.

Anyway I am not saying it’s wrong to be friends with guys. But more often than not these guys were “friendzoned” vs. making a conscious choice to be friends to begin with. Their stupid to waste their time with you but enjoy getting away with it while you can.

[MoJoYoYo]

@globetrotter22 Maybe all people need to start friendships with people in an effort to be friends FIRST. If that works out, then pursue it.

It seems to me that you are implying I use my male friends to get male attention, when I know that they supposedly like me and I basically lead them on. I do not appreciate that, as it is not true. I have friends that are interested in my sister, but are my platonic friends. I have friends that are platonic friends with my sister but interested in me. Both of us intend to pursue these potentially romantic relationships when we feel old enough to. Both of these relationships started as just plain friendships, and not with the intentions of being in a relationship. I know this because these friendships started as elementary school kids! I'm not getting away with anything, and I'm sort of offended, I guess, that you would assume that.

[globetrotter22]

Well you are big younger (no offense). So yes it make sense you are acquainted with kids you grew up with.

However I am talking about new guys you just met. I can still remember my first shitty friéndzone experience with a 15 year old when I was 17. One our first “date” i picked her up at her house, drove her to an all ages dance club, paid the entry fee for both of us and drove her back. She wouldn’t stfu about how heart broken she was over her ex and kept referring to me as her “friend”.

I didn't know what the hell I was doing back then. But she was definitely entitled. If a guy goes through the effort of doing all the that never EVER assume he’s doing it to be platonic friends.

Now that was an experience as a teenager. But I’ve met grown ass women in their 30s who STILL act this way. They might be more subtle and clever (they would know better than to bring up exes) but the setup is the same. They take all the effort the man does for granted and conveniently call him a “friend”. Do not ever be like that.

[MoJoYoYo]

@globetrotter22 Yes, I am young. That's not offensive. Assuming I use my friends is.
I'm sorry that happened to you. She shouldn't have agreed to go on that date if she wasn't ever gonna pursue that relationship. That was wrong of her.
I'm not saying this as self-deprivation or to get any attention, but I have never been asked on a date or anything like that. People I meet are attracted to my sister and not to me. No new person I have met has felt like that towards me. If it was someone I was attracted to, and they asked me on a date, I would say that I would be interested in going. If a friend of mine asked and I didn't feel that way about them, I would say so and tell them no. I would be respectful about it though. If they continued to feel that way about me, I would probably pump the brakes on that relationship. I would never intentionally use my friends and break their hearts. I respect them enough to tell them no and then gradually break off that friendship.

[FilmGuy93]

A lot of it comes from having life experiences where every male-female friendship fails miserably. I know that I have never once seen or even heard of a male-female friendship working in my entire life. I'm totally open to the possibility of it working, I've just never seen it work in my own life.

[Anonymous]

There are many men who do not know How to talk with women. They just think about playing video games and their dick. So they see all the girls just for sex. Their blood does not go to their brain. So, it is normal for them to hard to find female friend.

[Iron_Man]

That’s a fake ploy guys always want something else besides friendship. But how else are they gonna get close to the girl so they have to take some kind of a friendship card for now. And then they will work on her emotionally hoping that she comes around

[cookiecrusher]

Depends, women i find attractive, can't really be friends with them without any feelings.

Women who i don't find attractive don't interest me enaugh or put me off to a point where i would not seek friendship with them.

And i'm not only talking about attractive looks, but also her personality.

If she is an 8 with a bad personality, no.
If she is a 4 with a good personality i would be interested in dating her, so still no to a friendship.

[Belgie]

Experience? I have had many platonic female friends.

[grega239]

Because i had several friends who dropped contact the second they found a boyfriend which comes across as of i was just there because she felt lonely not because she saw me as a friend.

Because a lot of such " friends" only" remembered me when it was convenient for them.

Im not a utility tool at their service.

And if im that expendable that they drop contact when they get a boyfriend... thanks but no.

[TheAfrikan]

I do habe female friends whom I see as friendz only. And at the other hand I have female friends with whom i can trigger my romance feelings with, without them even pulling back I guess they like it like that too.
But is way too possible to habe female friends just like guy friends.

[sensible27]

I don't really think that's the case.. it might also be the case that the definition of friends varies, for some why would they friend someone they wouldn't really like, for others it's just.. more casual maybe in the sense that they're just friendly

[jasco]

Some people just don't like being friends with the opposite sex and ofc theirs the fact that a lot of people are really insurcure when it comes to this.

[AdithyaR]

I don't know either. I've got many platonic women friends and it's literally no different from my guy friends.

I guess those dudes who say women can't be platonic friends to them are maybe desperate.

[Kingofkings1992]

Because they think at some point one person will catch feelings for the other. It is true when men and women are friends, there’s almost always some level of attraction between them. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s impossible for men and women to be friends, but it’s certainly very complicated.

[lucas262]

You can't, I couldn't converse or be friends with a woman like I could a man. And if I could id marry her. No way I could keep that kind of thing platonic.

MEN. Your either a sexual prospect. Or an orbiter. There is no friend.

[lucas262]

Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends” ↗

[worldscolide]

Not a clue. Dont get me wrong, i have just a small hand full of female friends. but they are friends. One i made the stupid choice of dating, and it took us a couple of years to get back what we had.. But we remain friends.

[FreyaRed]

Lack of impulse control, lack of respect because of stereotypical thinking patterns and finally general limited level of intelligence.

[andy530]

I think there is a cultural myth that a guy can’t control himself and so if he is straight he can’t be trusted ti have female friends

[bgreek]

This advice applies to both men/women

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

[Anonymous]

Imagine a 15 year old girl telling men how to think about male sexual attraction. Lol

[doopayo]

I’m not allowed to ask questions?

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, did you really delete my latest response? You really need to grow up.

[Paul09]

Great question. And these are the type of men that get women. Lol beats me. I have female friends. I do mot want to fuk every single female I see or know. I guess it all depends on your maturity level and self control.

[snowboarder720]

Because their girlfriend/wife don't like it when their man talks to other women.

[Leonharted]

I'm friends with women I find totally unattractive.

[Manuel2]

The pronlem is you women
For if we see a woman we want to dste while on a nigjht out with a female friend. She gets jealous and motherly protect you from getting laid.

[007kingifrit]

because its 100% true. any examples you have of friendship lasting are temporary and will be gone in 5 years

you're young. you don't understand yet

[Anonymous]

They can only be friends if both aren't attracted to each other. They can try but one person will always be in pain.

[Subarugirl]

Because they don't see women as equals, they see them as objects to be used. Why would you befriends with an object you can't use?

[Tabasco25]

Grown men act in their own individual way for self protection guarding their hearts in what ever way they deem necessary for mental survival. in my opinion

[cth96190]

Because, on some level, we are always thinking about fucking her.

[PapiMijo]

If the girl is ugly then yes we can be friends with them. Otherwise no.

[Darksign]

I don't know I always thought it was fine and liked being friends with someone of the opposite sex. I guess you're not supposed to for some reason

[Deserter]

You can, if you don't find her attractive. If you do you might catch feelings, or at least want to sleep with her

[neoagent1]

Exactly!

[emperor90]

Like for me i would not date straight away i would wait

[doopayo]

Yes but are you friends to women with ulterior motives. Because I hear many women express how they have male friends who they just want to be friends with but the male friends just want to sleep with. This also happens to me so I’m wondering why older men are doing this?

Can you guys have normal loving relationships with a woman without the possibility of romance or no because these videos make it seem like straight men can’t but I have lots of lesbian friends that aren’t like this so I don’t understand how it’s about the attraction part?

[emperor90]

I only want to be there friends if the girl wants to take it further then she can tell me but i have no altetero motive

[Anonymous]

I have hooked up with every platonic female friend I’ve ever had so it is definitely possible to just be friends. I just haven’t found the right platonic friend yet.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why so many straight women think they can’t be platonic friends with men.

[Anonymous]

Why do you have such anger towards men? Every post of yours is like this. You are way too young to be this jaded.

[This_Is_My_Opinion8]

No idea. I have girl friends. And yes I do find them attentive.

[whosnumber1]

I have lots of friends that are women. and ex lovers that are still friends.

[Shyguy206]

I have so many friends who are women 😂 it is possible to be friends with them.

[Anonymous]

1. Every girl knows the guy wants to or would fuck them
2. Female friends serve no purpose

[Anonymous]

I don't know about them but I can't, I eventually catch feeling 😬

[jimmy2]

You know better that good and dont belive Bj is not sex it is

[MelonSoda]

Men are whores who just wanna fuck anything

[Joeshamo]

I understand why you think that way because society puts high a emphasis on sex. For women some women they don't feel comfortable with their sexuality because a lot of people will make them feel ashamed just having sex or make her feel like she doesn't deserves man because she her chest is flat or her butts not big enough. Silly stuff like that makes a lot of people feel insecure & think develop negative ways of thinking that are detrimental to themselves. For men they make a lot of guys feel like everyone is having sex or has a girlfriend & if you're not somethings wrong with you. And also the high-emphasis individualism, they make you feel like if something went wrong in your life it's all your fault & the system we live in is prefect & if you feel like shit, that's because of you as a man or woman. I'm not trying make you feel bad about thinking like that because we already have enough of that kind of negativity floating around everywhere. I just feel really sad that you feel that way about all men. Same way I feel bad when a guy says all girls only like bad boys which just like all men only want sex just isn't true. A woman will want to stay with a man if he's honest nice, disarming & genuine. Sure some women pick bad boys, but bad boys have nearness to them that is charming & charming is disarming. Men think they need to be the bad boy or a sleep around to feel accept by others. If the guy is pretending to be nice to get sex then she not going to want him. You just need to be honest & a good person. The bad boy is just honest that he's an asshole & he's not pretending. If you're being fake to make a sale, to scam peoples money, to get sex or anything from them people will know & not want anything to do with you.

[Joeshamo]

A lot of people allow their thinking to become corrupted & just fall into negative behaviors that causes them get hurt even more in life. We're all born in this world depended on someone else for us to survive & if the person who is in charge of you doesn't take care of you then that's not your fault. Same thing if you never understood how to do math in school because the teacher never simplified it for you, again it's not your fault. And if society brain washes you into believing awful things about men or women again, it's not your fault. It's nothing wrong with it's a lot of people have corrupted thinking that is causing them to have self destructive behaviors. How far has the gender gotten us so far? How many people have took their lives or gotten stupid surgeries that celebrities' brained washed them into getting because they feel they're not beautiful & are only good for sex reproduction. The gender war is a waste of time. Shaming each other does nothing, but cause each other more pain. You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. It's not your fault you feel the way you do.

[Joeshamo]

Everyone makes mistakes, it's nothing to feel ashamed of.

[MelonSoda]

@Joeshamo I was just joking, but uh, I see. 😶

[Joeshamo]

@melonsoda I figured you were. I wasn't trying to shit on you or you feel bad. It's I had to grow up dealing with shitty adults that were in charge of everything & now that I'm in the position to be more understanding & not shit on younger people & make they them feel bad. I didn't realize that a lot of younger people are confused & feel lost in the world. A lot of them think like because I grew up before the age of the smart phone I have better understanding & wisdom that a lot of young they never got that growing up. Before I thought younger people have easier than me. But then when I was 25 notice a lot of them were looking to me for answers & they felt lost in the world. I just feel like it's my job to be the difference that I want to see from other older adults. To let younger know it's not your fault, there's nothing wrong with you as a person, & everything is going to be okay. I figured you probably were just joking it's just a lot of young people think like that, so I'm never sure.

[Cherry234]

They think like that because they're too insecure.

[globetrotter22]

Or maybe we just don’t like being taken advantage of.

[Cherry234]

@globetrotter22 If there's no attraction between a man and a woman they can be just friends. Sure there will be bad people who cheat and there are people who use others but not everyone is like that.

[globetrotter22]

I agree. I have been long time friends with one woman because neither of us having any interest in more. I have been over her place while another guy was banging her in the room next to me. I didn’t feel even an ounce of jealousy.

But those scenarios are rare. More often than not the guy is interested but isn’t direct about it. She knows but conveniently plays dumb and conveniently friendzones him for her own selfish benefit.

Now I haven’t had let a girl get away with that bullshit in many years. I developed radar for that crap. But I can honestly tell you that I have NO good memories of any girl who friéndzoned me in HS and college. Absolutely none. I have just a feeling of hatred towards them and to myself for going along with it. I look back on all those incidents as hard lessons.

But I still encounter grown ass women in their 30s who think it’s okay to pull friéndzone bs. It’s like a man in his mid 30s who lies to pump and dump women like he’s a 22 year old player. He might be able to get away with it. But he’s a selfish piece of sh*t who should know better.

Then there have been a handful of women who tactfully rejected me (early). Although I was disappointed at the time I actually look back on them with gratitude. They had the respect to show me where I stood. They were considerate of my position. I hold no ill will to those women and I hope things worked out for the best for them.

[jshm2]

The same reason many gay men don't?

[Jamie05rhs]

I can. As long as I'm not interested in her.