How to move overseas when family are strict?

[Anonymous]

*Please don't judge me. Please just provide me the best advice*.

I am living with family who are way too strict. I missed out on all my teen years looking after everyone's children and my grandparent. I have had no social life whatsoever. I have always wanted to move, but never had the stability to do so. I have now met an extremely amazing man, however, he now lives overseas. My family doesn't know about him because they are really strict. They want me to stay here and look after everyone's kids and my grandparent. None of my aunties or uncles want to look after my grandparent because they want to live their own lives. I finally have a chance to be free, and I have an amazing man I want to spend my life with. I am planning to move to him and stay with him for good. But my family isn't going to allow it. As you can tell, I am no longer underage and technically have a say in my life. But I am starting to worry about how they're going to try and stop me. I'm scared I will be hunted down, or hurt. I'm still going to move, but I don't know how to go about it. As you can tell, this environment is toxic. I love my family, but I need my life. And I really do see a future with my boyfriend. So please help. Please give me some advice. How do I run? Should I start up a GoFundMe? But if so, I am worried my family will find it and that no one will donate. Please help. How do I get away for good?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I'm in a similar situation like you. I still live with my parents and they make my life a living hell, they constantly have an opinion about everything to do, from what I'm wearing to who I'm talking to on the phone, my political views etc. everything.
I've tried to talk to them about it and voice my concerns, and they say they understand, but then they start again lecturing me, scolding and giving me orders like I'm a 5 year old.. I'm planning to move out of this hell hole soon
But yea back to you. Is it possible that you could get a job to gather some money? Are you still in college? Do you have a degree?

Is there any friend or relative that could temporarily help you, offer you a place to stay and borrow you some money to help you till you find a job, or in case things don't work out with your ldr boyfriend?

Another idea would be also to sell your jewelry, or other assets, such as camera, mobile phone etc.

[Opinion Owner]

It truly is terrible when parents are trying to control their adult child's life.
I'm no one's property or slave...

[Nidal_AA]

You say you will your family but you would actually start a gofundme to go away from them...
Listen, no one knows the situation well enough to give you an advice on this app.
But i think you should calm down and wait... I don't know how exactly old are you... But even if you were like 24 you still have a long life ahead...
Also I don't know where do u live or how are the marriage traditions there... but it dosent seem like a rational option to just base your life on this mess...
If your looking after kids and old people its a good deed and one day it will pay off... Love what you do until you do wht you love

[Asker]

I understand what you're saying, but I really have had no life. I haven't had a childhood since seven years old. I've been parents to so many children. Then by the time I will be able to move out (in like 15 years maybe), I'll be encouraged to have kids. There's no end. I feel trapped. I want to live. I want to explore. I want to do more than just be a caretaker. I love my family, but they have never put me first. I have never put myself first. I am not even allowed a job. No outside life. If I don't get out, I'm actually going to kill myself. I can't do it anymore. I'm so mentally exhausted. I am more than drained. Why am I putting my life on hold for others? When I was extremely depressed due to childhood trauma, I was still forced into looking after everyone else. Then shamed over my self harm scars. I really need to get away

[Nidal_AA]

I understand what you mean and yes it seems like your struggling but the outer life isn't the paradise you think it is... If you somehow manage to go travel to that overseas boyfriend and you one day argue with him or something then you will have no where to go...
Again im repeating myself, im not at all aware of your situation to give a true fit advice..

[Fromdusktilldawn]

After 18 your parents cannot restrain you anymore and you can go. This scenario seems to me like your family is very possessive and old fashioned and almost took advantage of you.
I'd advice you to get out of that toxic environment.
But also careful with such a lover from far away. There are many instances where the relationship via phone is all cool but as soon as you meet irl it all changes go the worst. Focus on moving out but dont set all your hopes on that one guy

[Asker]

Thank you. That's true and I do know that. It's just really complicated. Obviously if things don't work out with my boyfriend, and my family Shun me out, I'll have no one. But at the same time, if they can't support me of my decisions or be there for me, do they deserve to be in my life? They really have taken advantage of me. I was practically told that today. But I really do love my boyfriend. It would be amazing to be with him. I really do want it to last. I am still aware that it might not work out, but I know we both are very serious about each other. Either or, I do need to move out. I just don't know how to go about it

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Try to get a place to live abroad you can afford yourself and a job so you dont have to fall back to your family if you get rejected by him