Is my b-day worth celebrating if my mother died that day?

[Liliesxoxo]

I have double sadness every single time Aug 4th lands. My mother died in the hospital when I was just 6 hours old. The other sadness is that was her b-day too. My birth was her death.

Even though my father, my close friends and other family members always tried making my day special, I can't help but feel some emptyness. It's an awkward day for me. I'm suppose to be sharing my day with the most important person I never knew nor will ever meet. I'll never know what a mother's love is like.

Is my b-day worth even celebrating?

Updates

+1 y

I would like to be a mother too but what happened to her scares me. Now I'm scared of dying giving birth, of what she missed out on... never having a chance of being in my life.

[crossdressingrihno]

Honestly your birthday is worth celebrating depending on what you prioritize

Whose emotions matter more to you

Your friends and families emotions

Or your own emotions


If friends and families emotions matter more than your own then celebrating your birthday is something worth doing for their sake

Or maybe you'll go down my route and you'll say that their emotions Don't matter nearly as much as your own emotions do and in which case I kind of suggest cutting contact for a few days before and after your birthday which is what I do

[Liliesxoxo]

I think I'll go visit my mother's grave on that day (that was her b-day too) and the following day I'll have my b-day done

[crossdressingrihno]

Sounds good

[nawtee_me]

You can not let what happened to someone else keep you from living your life to the fullest. Your mother would not have wanted that for you would she? Celebrate your life for her and her death for you... Write her a letter and tell her how you feel, place it on her grave if you can. Read it to her if you want before you leave it. It sounds like you may need some closure.

[Liliesxoxo]

From the way my mother was described (devoting, warrior/tomboyish side, nurturting and a beautiful person overall), I imagine my mother being there on my side and telling me to be strong, that I can do it.
I guess I'm being so hard on myself. It's been so hard on me to process all that; my mom's b-day, my birth and mom's death all things happening at the same day. It's hard but yes in her honor of what would've been her b-day (on my day too), I can visit her grave. For some reason her grave is the only place I always feel a warm air/wind (even on a cold day) while no one else feels that.

[nawtee_me]

@Liliesxoxo
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Liliesxoxo,
Happy Birthday to yoooouuuuuuuu...

[WonderBell99]

My great grandmother died on my birthday. I was very close to her. I was about 7 when she passed away. Sure, it made me feel unhappy that she died on my birthday, but it did not stop me from remembering her every year. She will always live on in my memory and heart.

Everyone’s birthday is worth celebrating. I don’t think your mum would want you to not celebrate your birthday. I’m sorry for your loss. My condolences. It’s up to you when you want to celebrate. If you do not feel comfortable, then you can celebrate it the next day.

[Liliesxoxo]

I'm sorry for your loss. I always keep a locket of my mother and try to imagine her being on my side, being happy over my success and things I've done so far.
I think this year, for Aug 4th I'll visit her grave since her b-day was also on my birth. Then on the following day, I'll have my b-day celebrated.

[TrueConfection]

As a mother, I would want my child's birthday to be special every year.

As a sister, I lost my brother and later aunt on the same day which is also a special day. It was hard for me to "celebrate" that day, but my family continued to treat it special. I take part in celebrating and my brother has a special place in my heart on that day too.

[Liliesxoxo]

I'm sorry for your losses. They'll always have a place in your heart. In memory of my mother, I often wear my locket (inside there is a small picture of when she was 20) and to me that is my good luck charm. For this year, I've decided to visit her grave that day (since her b-day was also on my day) and celebrate my b-day on the following day.

[TrueConfection]

Your locket is very special. Your idea to visit her grave and celebrate the following day is beautiful. 💕

[TrueConfection]

Thank you for the MHO ❤

[JoyGirl]

Your mother would not like to see you sad on your birthday. Yes, it took her life, but she also brought life into this world. She didn’t give birth to you, so you could suffer and be sad. 💜

Also, every woman’s birth experience is different. 💜

[Liliesxoxo]

She would've wanted me to be happy for sure. My only comfort is she got to see me and hugged me for several minutes with a smile after the nurse placed me on her side before losing conscious again.
When I was younger I would find it hard to process all 3 things happening at the same day; her b-day, my birth and her death. Sometimes I found keep wondering why this had to happen to me, why couldn't I share my day with her, have the chance to grow up with my loving mother, etc. It takes a while to process all that and my father misses her till this day.

[JoyGirl]

🤗🤗🤗

[connemara_crocodile]

Do you think your mum would have liked you to stop celebrating your bday because of her passing away? Celebrate the fact that her strenght allowed you to live whrn she couldn't. Probably that's what she would've wanted.

[Liliesxoxo]

yeah she would've wanted the best for me
It's just sad that all 3 things happened right on the same day that it can be hard to process that: her b-day, my birth and her death.
She was a strong person. I was told she was briefly alive when the nurse placed me on her side, managed to hug me with the little strength she had smiled for several minutes before fainting again and deteriorating until she died. It helps out a bit... to know she was able to see me for one last time.

[slatyb]

Wow, I'm sorry. That's tough. If you don't feel like celebrating on that day, don't. Maybe you could pick another day to celebrate?

[Liliesxoxo]

Thank you. Yes it's tough growing up without a mother. My father tried his best but some days I would talk to my aunt (his sister) and other female relatives in the house for other advice I needed help in. I guess I can choose the following day, on the 5th to celebrate it insteadl.
Her passing after childbirth is exactly the only thing keeping me from becoming a mother myself. I'm scared of the same thing happening to me, of not being in my future child's life.

[exitseven]

My mother died on my wife;s birthday. My wife often says it was a final way to ruin something for her. My mother did not like my wife.

[Liliesxoxo]

Wow is there a reason your mother didn't like your wife?

[exitseven]

I am not exatly sure why it was so. She like my ex-gf a whole lit more but my wife treats me way better than her. My wife was always good to my mother too.

[Liliesxoxo]

I guess we can't always make impress everyone. The most important thing is you guys love each other. That's all that matters.
My father still misses my mother and he believes that she's watching over us. I can't confirm that but one thing I've noticed is every single time I've gone to her grave (even on a cold day), I felt a warm air/warm. I went with a couple relatives several months ago and I was the only one that felt that warm air, no one else. Interesting isn't it!!!

[exitseven]

yes, it is possible that she still is looking out for you somehow,

[Shy_Steve]

I think your Mum would want you to be Happy on your Birthday and not think about her too much.

[Liliesxoxo]

yeah she would want that but it's hard not to think about her when she died on her b-day too... and her b-day is my b-day. It can be hard to process 3 things happened on that fateful day; her b-day, my birth and her death.

[Wise4myage]

In this situation, I think its fine not to celebrate your birthday.

[Anonymous]

That’s really sad , I could see why you feel that way but it’s your birthday too

[Liliesxoxo]

I think I'll do my b-day on the following day, on the 5th.

[Opinion Owner]

If it makes you feel better then do that

[doe9de]

Everyone's birthday is worth celebrating.

[Liliesxoxo]

What's the use of celebrating my b-day if I can't share it with my mother? It should've been a normal, happy moment of us sharing the same day but instead it's a tragedy.

[talka20]

I wana dm u something

[In_Trance]

Totally up to you. No wrong answer here

[Liliesxoxo]

Ok. I think I'll choose to have my b-day done Aug 5th from now on.

[Iron_Man]

I’m so sorry

[Liliesxoxo]

Thank you. What happened to my mom is the very thing keeping me from being a mother myself. I'm scared of dying giving birth and not being in my future child's life, of causing sadness on the child.

[Iron_Man]

I’m so sorry
This makes me feel so bad