How can I get rid of this resentment feelings and control my anger & hatred?

[Farzaneh22]

I am 27 and have a 2.5 years toddler. Before I get married and I was single I never liked children even the slightest bit I always found kids to be annoying AF, loud, rude & disgusting now I have a child that ticks all of these boxes. It’s really embarrassing to go out because she is so loud and always shouting/screaming at the top of her lungs everyone turns around and looks at all even a very short food shopping to my local supermarket is dreadful. I literally can’t go anywhere like a coffee shop or a restaurant or anywhere else because it is just a waste of time and money I can’t even enjoy a long walk outside that doesn’t cost anything. I am middle eastern and husband (technically ex husband we feel so separated & over) works away mon-fri and comes back home on weekends. It’s been a long time I feel like a single mum it has been that way since my daughter was born in 2020. When my (ex) husband comes home he doesn’t really help with our daughter except asking me what she’ll eat or telling me what to do (typical fucked up Asian/muslim mentality) when she starts crying she comes close to you and screams in your ear like someone is trying to kill her it’s not normal. During the day she gets tired and needs a nap but won’t sleep and just keeps whining and crying and screaming no matter how many times I try to put her to a nap. i can’t really go anywhere locally to enjoy it let alone a holiday. We went to France for 3-4 days last October and it was the shittiest trip away because everything was ruined by a screaming toddler that win’t sit still for 2 minutes we went a coffee shop and even the waiter was annoyed by my daughter because she kept touching everything and throwing things on the floor. even other kids look at her strange when we are out. Her dad says she will grow out of it and change when she is 4-5 but it’s easy for him to just talk I feel extreme levels of hatred towards my partner and daughter

[Keyboardkat]

I feel very sorry for your little daughter. She is growing up in a home without love or warmth. What kind of an adult will she be? How will she ever form an attachment to someone when she's grown up? She's never seen a loving home, a loving marriage with TWO parents who are present in her life and who take care of her. She won't have a clue what that is. What kind of a parent will she become?
You say you never wanted children, you found the annoying AF and noisy and always in the way! You sound like a totally selfish, self-centered person, "Only MY wants matter, only MY convenience matters, children get in the way of MY doing what I want to do." You are, at 27, a needy child yourself! I don't know what your childhood was like, or what kind of parental models you had, but you were TOTALLY unequipped to be a good wife and mother. WHY did you get married? And why did you marry this guy? Did you know that he would be away most of the time and that you would be alone? Were you forced into it? Does a woman have a right to reject an offer of marriage from a man? Do families do "honor killings" in your society? There is NOTHING honorable about murder! There is NOTHING honorable about a family destroying their daughter's life by forcing her into an unloving, distant marriage! Does her family arrange her marriage, and it doesn't matter whether she loves the guy, or even likes him? Did you and he ever even discuss whether you would have children and what the arrangements would be? These things need to be discussed ahead of time! A child is not a "thing." And, guys, a woman is not a "thing," either. She's not a horse or a camel to be purchased or sold!
Unfortunately, I don't know how help you or what to suggest unless you are able and willing to leave your country, and go somewhere where the women have equality and the rules for men and women are more fair. And you would have to take the little girl with you. Remember, she did not ASK to be born. She depends on you. It's not fair of you to reject her.

[Anonymous]

She acts like that because you and your husband are shit parents. You're more focused on drinking at a coffee show than giving your daughter love and attention. You really didn't want to have kids you just did it for self gratification. It's more like a fashion accessory to you. You didn't really plan for your child's future or anything. You put 0 emotional investment into your child now it's going to grow up to have a shitty attitude like you and your husband. People just have kids just because they want to take cute selfies and upload it to Instagram. To be a good parent you have to actually want to be a parent. Embarrassed of your own kid? What kind of mother are you? I see where this is going.

[Keyboardkat]

Remember that she comes from a culture where women are bought and sold in marriage and have no rights.

[Opinion Owner]

@Keyboardkat I didn't know.

[Changiis07]

No girl they don't grow out of it. The best you can do now that she's this age is discipline her. Do it now and look up videos on youtube that can teach you how to discipline a kid. It takes time and patience plus consistency. Do not give up and it will pay in the long run. Grocery can be fun if you include her in some tasks. I know my mom would talk to us before going to the store and sometimes a good spank on the but not on the fact does the trick and not in public either. It's good to sit them in time out as well so they learn how to behave. Children are innocent and need to be loved and cared for. God gave you this beautiful baby. If you discipline her now you'll enjoy spending time with her. No yelling or calling bad names to a child as words hurt very much. But show love and kindness and seek help, watch videos. You got this but you have to do it. If you look up super nanny sha has great advice

[Youryeodongsaeng]

This is why abortion is a choice. Before you even thought about having a child, you should've spent your time with your sister's or brother's kids when they were/are toddlers, aka babysat them.

[Chazmatazz269]

Children are born essentially feral. As a parent, it’s your job to tame them. If you don’t have the ability to do that, you need to develop the ability. Read books and take classes on parenting. Learn the basics of child psychology. Hang out with parents whose kids behave the way you wish yours would.
If your own emotions get in the way of dealing with your child reasonably and rationally then learn to meditate. Get professional help. Join a support group or take an anger management class. Maybe all of the above.
There are no bad kids, just bad parents. The good news is you can change.

[Changiis07]

I agree there are no bad kids just parents that need to be informed on how to raise a good well behaved child

[faithgrace4u]

Kids are a blessing if you have enough money maybe take her to the doctor and see if there is a reason why she is like this maybe you yell at her and she is frightened of you and pray to God and maybe get help

[Mynameisbobby]

Why did you have a child for if you dislike them so much? Don't blame your child for acting like a child!

[SlangSlayer]

Give your kid to it's dad. And take the kid weekends

[James899]

hi. i m so moved after hearing you. please dm me whenever you want. i m here to help you out!

[In_Trance]

I'd suggest you both reach out and get professional help before this gets out of control

[jahaims]

By not being a horrible person

[TheFlak38]

The apple does fall under the apple tree.