I worry that my toddler will be hurt in preschool. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

So my son has autism, he's new to preschool just started last week. I see his teachers already annoyed by the fact that he can be a handful.. I did try to warn them and let them know his behavior and little quirks. I worry that they might hit him or neglect him. Bc I know how my son is, he can be moody some days, climb on tables, ask for snacks every 5 secs, wants to be pushed in the swing all the time, all these little things. I can handle him but I do get frustrated sometimes, so I can't imagine the teachers who have to deal with multiple kids at once. Does anyone work at a preschool and have experience with this? Any advice appreciated

[genericname85]

he will be hurt eventually but he will live. the sooner he learns how to deal with other people the better. specially with autism. just remember: your primary job as a parent is not to shield your kid from any sort of harm possible. your primary job as parent is to prepare your child for life without you as best as you can. and in order to do that, experiencing a bit of suffering and pain is inevitable. this is how they learn. i would try to make sure that the people at the place you're bringing him are competent/qualified to deal with autistic children. cause that's probably not something everyone learns in that profession.

[Anonymous]

A lot of bad behavior is blamed on autism when it’s really just lack of parenting/bad parenting. I dealt with a little girl myself who is exactly as yours is described. The mom just laughs at every bad thing the child does, says it’s just a baby and not worry about it. Her child is terrible, and the mom is always partying on the weekends leaving her kids with someone, and of course she’s a single mom. Not saying that’s your child. If I worked with little kids who were bad, I’d be more upset with the parents. There have been issues with teachers abusing children, but I’m sure it’s rare.

[JessicaEarl]

What a terrible thing to say behind an anonymous name

[Opinion Owner]

@JessicaEarl that a baby doesn’t have autism? Is a common misdiagnoses like anxiety. Autism has very clear and defined things that are recognized even in low spectrum. This child just sounds like a child.

[JessicaEarl]

You didn’t specify that you meant it was misdiagnosed, which makes more sense. It sounded like you were blaming the difficulty of raising an autistic child on strictly parental incompetence

[Opinion Owner]

@JessicaEarl could be misdiagnosed or aren’t diagnosed. A lot of parents create their own diagnoses.

[Asker]

It's definitely not just bad parenting but also literal autism too. It's a mental disability and they are not anything like non autistic kids. Im also a single mom, what's funny is we clearly don't have as much help as those happy couples you see with their kids. They have eachothers support, care, love and usually have a stable home life. Me on the other hand don't have help, dont have anyone to guide me or anything. I also didn't grow up with support or care from my own parents either. There's many traumas and insecurities holding me back from being the best parent I can be all I know is that I don't want to traumatize my child like my parents did. I think this is what you should start focusing on when you see single parents, I don't go to parties on the weekend nor am I careless about my child's wellbeing.. Im just a 1st time mom trying to figure things out on my own. If you worked with kids and are trained to do these things wouldn't it be more helpful to offer the parents tips. Esp the ones you clearly see are stuffing

[Asker]

*struggling

[TransAm85]

In the 80's and 90's I grew up w/a little bro w/ADHD and Autism. He was put in special needs classes and when he got a little older, about 10, he went in a recreational program. My mom used to snap and spank him bc she couldn't take it sometimes, but no teacher is allowed to do that! They underestimate those kids tho just bc they have a "disability". They are actually really smart. Just.. different.

[Asker]

I'm pretty sure my son has a mild form of ADHD and autism, if I ever spank my kid it's rare. I try to avoid doing that, it's sad bc ADHD is really hard to deal with but the child is really not able to control themselves so it's not their fault. Most regular neurotypicals dont understand disabilities at all

[jennifer_bloom]

A child sometimes needs to be ignored to get past his emotional dependency on others - As a child I never cried because I knew nobody would comfort me if I cried and I was excellent in everything until my mom started abusing me when I was 9 years old.

[Asker]

I'm sorry you dealt with that💔 people who don't have emotional regulation should not ever have kids. And your trauma is prob bc your own mom hated to hear you crying or being emotionally dependent, I wouldn't be surprised if she abused you way before you were even conscious of it. That's why you stopped being a crier

[Anonymous]

Okay. So, the nature of pre-school and its advantages for children is they get to experience lots of differing temprements in both adults and other children. This is important, partents can never be totally objective about their own children, and its good for you to place trust in professional care givers to know how to deal with your child.

Now, that said, you also do want to be confident that the caregivers ARE professional. Check the pre-shool is acredited and preferably has some kind of external approval from a government oversight. As example:

www.education.govt.nz/.../

You should have some kind of approval body in your nation/area etc. If your living in the first world (if your not you will need to just assess for yourself and that's way harder).

So, in summary, trust that others are able to judge. Know that although you do uniquely understand your son and his special needs that him learning to cope with a range of people is important and Autism is something he will have to live with his whole life and will need to learn to deal with.

Definitely breif the people about what you know regarding his special needs but show respect for how they choose to deal with matters (here presuming that hitting children as a punishment is illegal and, if acreddited they won't be doing such illegal acts)

[Dnice1]

Don't worry we teachers are trained to handle kids like this. As a teacher I see it happening a lot and deal with tough kids nearly everyday. It is tough to deal with children sometimes but having fellow teachers that know how to work with these kids will really help. It'll take time and patience but I'm sure your child will be just fine.

[Asker]

This is so nice to hear thank you ❤️ would be it be weird to ask the teachers for parenting advice on how to make it easier for them as teachers. Bc sometimes I'll want to ask them but it seems like they don't want to hear anything or are used to parents just dropping off their kids with out saying a word

[RolandCuthbert]

I can't imagine what your life is like. And I don't advise seeking console here at GaG.

As a society, we are failing. And folks are justifying intolerance and cruelty. If I were you I would be very careful about which pre-school I selected for my child. But I don't know if you have a choice in this situation. And if you do not, I don't know what to say.

But you need some advice and you need some very qualified people to sit down with and discuss this seriously.

[laraWM]

Not sure he will be hurt but I think very few people are trained to such situations. Maybe you could find a more specific school, where they know better how to take care of him

[Asker]

Yeah I was thinking that too. This is a preschool that says they work with doctors and all that stuff so if they tell me they can't help him I'll have to consider that.

[laraWM]

Yes you could try it

[Apple1996]

He will probably be okay. They deal with kids like that every year especially if it's a seasoned teacher. If it's public school they might move him into a different class so he can get more help.

[Googlemyahoo]

These kids shouldn’t be in regular schools. They’re a distraction and disruptive to everyone else. It’s unfortunate at least where I am they put special needs kids in with regular classes. Require educational assistants all the time. Unless they’re high functioning autistic they’re fine. My sons class had two howlers.

[Asker]

They don't do that in this preschool bc they say it's good for the kids to be exposed to eachother and their differences. But I agree

[Googlemyahoo]

I know the teachers don’t like it either. My son has two in his class. One is in a vegetative state and moans constantly. During their graduation while everyone clapped you suddenly heard this blood curdling shriek and thus autistic girl leapt up and ran away.

[Asker]

Oh wow yeah it's good for them to be exposed to that so they don't grow up to be bullies but yeah it can be uncomfortable

[Anonymous]

I mean I know you don't want to hear, but most likely he's going to treated poorly by teachers and students. I was diagnosed with slight autism and the teachers didn't like me because I required too much care and wasn't as independent. I need diapers at 4 to 6 years old and I was talked too much and kids would get upset at me. But i learnt how to socialize really well due to the harsh treatment and became more independent because of it. It did suck, but I learnt how to communicate because of it. There are a lot of autistic people that never learn basic social skills and are really obnoxious when you talk to them.

I feel like montessori schools are better for autistic boys. Telling an autistic boy to sit still and pay attention is not the best method for teaching. I learn by doing things. It's why I am successful in my career I need to do what I am learning and not just hear someone tell me.

[Asker]

I'm happy you learned how to be independent and im sorry to hear how you were treated 😓 no one deserves that esp not someone with a disability. I hope one day my son can become more independent like you, he still wears diapers at 3 and he doesn't talk yet but he understands what's happening around him. How to gesture for what wants and stuff like that, he has mild to severe autism I'm not sure yet. I'm pretty sure I have a form of autism but was never diagnosed so to other people it probably looked like I was just falling behind

[josephinelcajon]

Go with your gut! But I personally would remove him!

[JohnK123]

Go to a school for special needs… it’s not bad but the teachers know how to professionally handle kids with autism learning disabilities etc

[hahahmm]

What does your husband say?

What does the father say?

What does any man with balls who doesn't drink soy milk, say?

[Anonymous]

there are no special needs, special attention day cares or people specializing in this? ?

[Opinion Owner]

i would immediately take my son out of that day care if i notice his teachers are already being ANNOYED... this is their job. terrible place. find a better one.

[saffoler]

Homeschool? Public schools are designed for neurotypical children.

[userxvi]

you can't baby him forever, he needs to face the world and learn about it

[Iron_Man]

Give it a chance and see what happens