Why is my father more logical than my mother?

[Anonymous]

I have a close, good relationship with my parents. They know I'm not in love with my current boyfriend of 11 months.

Meanwhile my mother feels passion is needed and wonders how I can stay with someone I'm not in love with, my father has a different view. He actually found it great news that I'm not in love. He believes that as long as I'm happy, he's a decent man that's treating me good, I'm at peace and our goals is to form a family, then screw the ''falling in love part, that's not the main priority, real love takes time and patience to be constructed''. Plus he added ''you don't have too much time, if you follow your mom's advice of needing to fall in love then you'll be single and your fertile years will end''.

My father seems to analyze everything in a logical way and is thinking of me benefiting from this meanwhile my mother was disappointed to hear I'm not head over heels with him. Why is my father more logical than her?

Updates

1 y

Both of my parents like him.

Updates

1 y

Shocking my mother puts more emphasize on the emotions and passion than my fertile years and the benefits while my father is the opposite; he doesn't care about passion apart.

[ConfusedGirl100]

If you aren't in love with your boyfriend after 11 months, you will never fall in love with him. That's the honest truth and the sad part is you are kind of leading your boyfriend on because he is likely under the impression you are in love with him when you aren't. I guarantee if you go onto have a family with this guy without being in love with him, you will eventually both end up divorced. Sorry but you need to be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings because right now you are kind of wasting his time.

To me it sounds more like your Dad is just saying what he is to get to you married and for you to give him grand kids because no logical person would ever tell you to stay with someone who you aren't in love with.

[Asker]

The last time I was in love with a past boyfriend, it was a disaster, too much drama, arguments, my parents (esp mother) hated him because they would see me crying, making excuses for his trashy behaviors out of love and I ended feeling like the most miserable woman ever. It lead to nothing. I ended up being stuck in the forever honeymoon/girlfriend zone for years until dumping him in the end. Waste of time. Yes in love but at what cost? What did I gained out of that? Nothing

This relationship on the other hand does brings peace and overall happiness within me. There is no drama, I don't argue with my parents anymore and we have similar common goals and interests. Sure while I don't feel butterflies in my stomach (no infatuataion), I feel happy overall.

[anon1903]

It's a matter of priorities. That's gonna change over time. Your dad's right... For now. But in long term, you may wanna fall in love.

[Asker]

Yes my main priority is getting married and having a child at least. I was straight forward with him from the start that we're dating to get married.

[anon1903]

It's gonna change in a few years

[Asker]

I believe so and that would be even better than women that focus too much on the infatuation stage from the beginning, love in fall... only for the man to never propose, never marry them and it ends up in a break-up and time was wasted for nothing.

[anon1903]

All right

[FireGodGoesSeeknFire]

So logic is not simply the devaluing of romantic notions. Your Dad made several bold claims that seem to fly in the face of both modern folk wisdom and expert psychological.

For example an immediate and obvious question is how does your boyfriend feel about this. half you addressed the infideliy question.

I can tell you that women in loveless marriages succomb to seduction well more often than night.

[Asker]

Well I would never tell my boyfriend ''I'm not in love with you''. There is a difference between being truthful and being brutal truthful to the point of idiotic. Perhaps it'll grow into way more than the infatuation stage over time like my father suggested. Maybe real love takes effort and time to be constructed, like a building does.

[Asker]

It makes no sense to cheat. Why would I cheat on someone that's treating me good, who I'm having a peaceful relationship without arguments nor drama for worthless passion?

[Noahzaid]

I’m ready for women leaching on me so,

It’s because he’s the man”👀

there I dropped the bomb and said it.💣

[Asker]

I've analyzed both of their explanation and I have to give him credits. Meanwhile I'm not in fall with him, I'm in a stable relationship and there is peace and no drama. We have common goals and interest and it's the type of relationship that leads to forming a family. The benefit for me would be stability, security and having a child eventually.
Meanwhile I see no benefit if I just focus on attraction and intense feelings. Ok but what about having kids, what about common goals, what about stability? Just intense emotions only will get me nothing.

[inhua]

men tend to be more logical whereas women tend to be more emotional. men had to be more logical because emotions could get us killed. we have a capacity to do real good and real harm and logic will ensure we don't do the latter.

[Asker]

Yes the last time emotions took over (with my ex boyfriend) and I fell in love, it was a total disaster. I ended up feeling like one of the most miserable woman ever. I had to dump him in the end. It brought drama, misery, toxicity and he took my money in the end. So much for ''falling in love''... he never married me, lol. Yes while those intense feelings would've been ideal in romantic stories, it's just pure attraction and short-lived.

[Anonymous]

Men=logic
Women=emotion

[Asker]

I actually think his explanation makes more sense than mom's. To be honest falling in love is the infatuation stage, which is just irrational intense feelings rising from pure attraction but no actually strong foundation in the relationship.
Come to think of it, thinking about your partner 24/7 and fantasizing about being on top of the world with him and idealizing them too much (falling in love) actually makes no sense at all.

[Anonymous]

Because he's a man and she's a woman.

[Asker]

Yeah and I think his explanation makes more sense. He's going after the main priorities, which is peace, stability and for me to become a mother. I'm actually happy and at peace in my relationship even if I'm not in love with him.
The last time I fell in love with my ex boyfriend, I ended up in a toxic relationship. It was terrrible. I had no happiness, no peace and lots of crying and drama. What did I get out of that? Nothing