Is this person pretending to be friends?

[KLTheErudite7229]

I have been going to a group at my school where I met this person who is also a leader at the group. After the first meeting from the group, I asked him if they want to hangout and talk, to get to know each other. We have been meeting one to one for a while now. Most the time, I have been explaining to him how I felt like I don't be long to the group. I remember once I jokingly said that if I leave, it'll just be two guys (the 3 guys including me from the guys group merged with the girls). He was silent when I said that, but the next day we met up and he told me that he would be sad if I leave, and he would be extra sad if I disappear. I believed that he is a real friend, so did 2 of my other friends who only met him once. In our last meeting, I switched topic a little bit. I told him that what he said to me that other day sounds like a real friend, but I am not seeing how he has been a real friend in action. He told me he felt manipulated. If we ever schedule a meet up, it has always been me asking him, he never asked me a day & time to meetup, and we only meet once a month. Those are the reasons I dont feel like he is a real friend, because it looks like there is a distance & silence in between our friendship. He has also told me "don't be shy" and I asked him not to tell me that and he went on and said that if I say that, we are not going to meetup anymore. I find that very offensive & rude, but I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. I think a real friend will be ok if you are shy and are not open to people you don't know too well. I concluded the meeting by telling him that he is appreciated and that I am more than happy to continue being friends, just so I don't say the wrong thing. I am not saying he is not a real friend nor am I saying I am leaving him. I just wanted to process all this, because I felt manipulated by him too. If he wants to leave me, I'll let him go.

[Starbers99]

Forget trying to label this and figurinh out this person in a few weeks/months. I've known people for years who have not been 'friends'. Trust your gut instinct, this person is giving off vibes - he is not your friend and whilst I don't know the full story, I would start focusing on the other people in the group about non-personal stuff and not talk about how you really feel (save that for people you trust). If you don't want to stay in touch with anyone else in the group/dont find the group helpful then stop going to the group if the reason for going to the group was to socialise. You have to establish boundaries and protect yourself, I never did it and this kind of person impacted my self esteem and confidence greatly. You're lucky, you're getting early red flags before you waste any more time. These kinds of people pick on shy/reserved people who they think they can manipulate but they feel bad about themselves and the only way they can feel better is by attempting to manipulate and control you. Trust your feelings, if this person is making you feel like this, they are a bad egg.

[Guy13]

Only time reveal his heart. No one can tell now…even yiou