This has happened to me so many times, I’ve only had a handful of males who I’m friends with that don’t pull this sort of crap where I’ll think they are just wanting to be my friend but they actually just want to be in a relationship with me and it’s super frustrating especially when at the beginning I set a boundary and tell them I’m currently not looking for any type of romantic relationship with anyone because I’m not in the right place emotionally?
And the second they start realizing I’m not reciprocating the romantic advances they say I’m “friend zoning” them and ghost me. I already struggle with low self esteem so when this type of thing happens to me constantly it just makes me feel like I’m not an interesting person that someone would care about outside of my appearance
Why do so many men pretend to be friends with a girl just cause they want a chance to be with her ?
If a man is only pretending to be a woman's friend because he wants to sleep with her, then he is being dishonest inauthentic, and selfish. Period. Full stop.
However, men may enter into a genuine friendship with a woman and still be sexually attracted to her. This isn't dishonest, inauthentic, or selfish. In fact, this is how I met my wife!
We were friends first. I always thought she was pretty but I had asked her out on two separate occasions in the past and she had said no both times. So, I got the message and decided to just enjoy the relationship for what it was—a wonderful friendship.
Mind you, I was still sexually attracted to her, but I closed the door on ever asking her out again. Then one night...
I was telling her how awesome it was that we were friends. That I had wanted our relationship to be romantic but that I was so glad we had this awesome friendship. She had a weird look on her face. When I asked her what was up, she said that she actually did have feelings for me now.
I was completely bamboozled by this new information, but we eventually started dating, and have now been married for almost 14 years.
People change. I'm attracted to lots of people, but I don't pretend to be interested in anyone just to get what I want.
In summary, make sure you aren't confusing a guy who is only pretending to care about you with a guy who cares about you and is also sexually attracted to you. He should never force the issue or push a boundary you've set. Ever. But it isn't wrong for guys to harbor sexual feelings toward their legitimate friends.
A lot of men have incorrectly decided that there are only two camps to fall in. The Nice Guy or The Asshole. They don't think there's anything else to it, and don't bother exploring any other ways to be.
How often do you hear a guy proclaim "I've been nice to women and it doesn't work, so I'll just be an asshole now." My god, there is such a thing as just being normal, not trying to be nice hoping for your sex punchcard to be filled. I saw this cartoon online a while ago and it about sums it up.
The thing is, men are either decent or they're not. Being decent means a guy can still have their moments where they can have bad moods or make mistakes, but carry on being the decent people they know they can be. If friendship happens, fine. If it doesn't, fine. A decent, well-adjusted person isn't going to have ulterior motives just for being "nice". A guy who decides nothing works and will just be an asshole is being shortminded thinking that's the only other way to be. If you think about it, his "nice guy" persona was just him as an asshole all along, waiting for a reason to show his true colours.
So why do they do it? Because women usually reject bad behaviour, and they want to ride in on their white horse to show they're not like that, hoping the woman will reward them. Just because women say that they prefer a guy not to be an asshole doesn't mean she'll fuck every "nice guy" she meets just because he's nice. Love and sex doesn't work that way. We still have preferences, and we are still allowed the time to not be interested in a relationship whatsoever if we so choose. Just because a guy is ready and wants it, doesn't mean his target owes him a relationship and sex.
@Ozanne Wait a second. This is not entirely just men feeling this way "A lot of men have incorrectly decided that there are only two camps to fall in. The Nice Guy or The Asshole. They don't think there's anything else to it, and don't bother exploring any other ways to be."
A lot of guys of today feel this way because it's the WOMEN who have scorned 'nice guys' and try to say that nice guys aren't really nice and only out for sex, while also putting assholes up on a pedestal to try to spite 'nice guys,' but also because so many young women of today see these bad guys as real men. Men are not deciding they want to be either nice or asshole just because they want to, but they're deciding it based on what they know of females around them and based on what they believe will give them success with those females.
Woman are generally far more sexual attracted to Alpha chad tyrone than beta bucks. not that you can't be friends, but... that sexual attraction is not towards beta bucks, even if a woman marry such. one of those human controversies that make me fly solo... JS cause i don't wanna be an alpha chad f boy. which is the choice i have.
@ManOnFire@CatVader You both pretty much just agreed with me. You have only given yourselves two camps to fall in. It would be nice if we had a variety of camps to select from. The alpha guys are usually in to women. The beta guys call themselves nice but are bitter. Naturally if we had to pick we're not going to pick some trickster who claims to be so nice, but is angry and jealous of the alphas. Give us some alternatives.
@Ozanne But men are not putting themselves in these groups because they want to or because they think it's brilliant. They're doing it because they think they have to based on the kinds of men women are picking. Granted, the beta simp nice guys are pathetic, but I have no respect for women who choose assholes as a way to say the nice guys are no good. Girls know extremely well that a man can be decent and nice without needing to be an asshole, but they use the "nice guys aren't really nice" excuse as a reason to choose assholes because deep down they think that kind of man is hot.
I don't identify with either group and not trying to be one. I can't stand all that loving badasses foolishness but I also don't think beta simp dudes are great either.
@ManOnFire So then please, for the love of christ, be something other than that proverbial "nice guy". It's synonymous with insincere. And please realize that we women don't go running out to have an asshole. We're often duped by them because they have the look of what excites us -- as the "bad boy" usually has a way about him that is different from the rest, but promise they us that all is well. The lie to us, and we don't even know it. Then when we're in too deep, some of them are abusive and hard to leave because women are afraid of them, or they trick us for so long that we get in to deep and fall in love.
@Ozanne And that is exactly the reason so many women end up in trouble. Half of em pursue these guys cuz they think they can change them, instead of going with men who are put together because they don’t like that there's a guy who has his shit together more than she does. One thing I've learned in my life is a lot of women have a need to control men, in different ways, and wanting to fix one is no different. Only difference is the joke ends up being on them.
Again, I'm not supporting "nice guys" but I stay away from women who have a love for men they know very well are not good for them. All my life I've seen them mess their lives up with it, so I think I'm doing just fine not trying to appeal to them.
i want make friends but i'm scared of wesyern men because i feel like they are bitchy but maybe thry are not the frenemy. i don't like friends who are friends to me but secretly hate me. if yoy hate mecthen it's much better if yoy don't hang out with me. i'm not sayinh all girls or majority of girls are like that i just don't like to hang out who are like that. i am a good listener, i am trust worthy and my advise isn't really that bad. maybe that's enough for make friendship
the real problem is when a guy doesn't DO anything bad and that is still called DOING "ghosting or passive aggressive" we didn't do or say anything rude. that is the real problem.
Learn this as fast as possible. Women and men can never truly be friends without both parties being involved in a relationship with someone else first. Even then it’s possible to like the other but more unlikely.
we are all built to be attracted to the opposite sex, so even when you make a conscience effort to “just be friends”, one of you if not both of you are subconsciously chasing the other. The real question is how long is it going to take before you catch up with yourself and realize; hey my friend is actually attractive, or are you ganna play denial forever.
Think about it. What benefits do you get from being friends with a male? Protection, and what benefits does a man get from being friends with a woman? You can sit there and say all day long that there’s more to friendship than just that, but remember birds of feather flock together.
I’m not saying never be friends I’m just saying don’t be naïve when faced with the situation and know how to move and set boundaries so you can enjoy friendships if that’s your real goal.
I can make a plethora of benefits of having friends of a different sex, in my opinion if you’re really this adamant about thinking that men can’t benefit from being friends with a woman you need to rethink how you perceive women in your life. Why is it that you can only be with a woman if she’s “benefiting you” by sleeping with you.
If you continue thinking that way and you don’t put up boundaries. You are going to get hurt or disappointed 1000%. And if you really think how you think. then I dare you to call up any of your boy friendships and tell him he can hit today.
@McLlovin - are you a human being capable of deep intelligent thought or a dumb animal incapable of thinking beyond the most basics?
Many people are more than capable of having friendships with people of the opposite sex. What the HELL do you think happens in high school, college, university. Not everyone is a desperate horny fuck that can't think beyond their dick or vag.
@WolfBaneHunter78 lol you are nieve. You do not understand men, or there mentality. See that’s what wrong with a lot of you women. You think with your heart in situations you need to be smart. Well, go ahead you win. do not be upset or cry when you get hurt. I gave my wisdom to you, take it or leave it. As the old saying goes “ if you don’t learn you will feel”.
I want to reiterate and make sure it’s clear I am not saying do not be friends with men. It’s definitely possible. All I’m saying you’re “friend”, will bang you in a second if you give him permission. And that true friendship for a woman is more real/ true with another woman
Let’s stop the cap. I challenge all women that think this way. If you believe your boy is a real one then tell him he can hit it.
If a woman and a man can be friends this should not be a risk because women and men are the same right. Surely your male friend doesn’t see you in that way.
Only condition is they can’t be with someone already, they must be single to do this test.
From a guy’s point of view there are guys who genuinely want to approach a woman with the intentions of being with her. Then there are guys who approach women just to have sex with her. It’s kind of like a loyal woman/girl or a female who wants to act promiscuous. I think it’s tough to be friends with a female if there’s no interest involved and both are single. It’s a slippery slope. But I’ll give an example — I liked a girl at work but I never told her, I was just civil and respectful would say my hi’s and byes and small chit chat.
But I didn’t pursue her that way because 1) I’m not a fan of pursuing a girl at work, I think it’s unprofessional and 2) she was as is still with the same guy. The same guy worked at the same place I worked at so had I admitted to her I had feelings at work it would have been awkward.
I don’t work at this company anymore but I recently stopped by my former job (no longer work there) and my former manager told me she left the company a few months ago. I was kind of bummed out but it’s life. I wish nothing but the best for her. Not everything has to be weird and awkward but it’s tough regardless guy or girl, man or woman. I mean to the asker it’s like if you did have feelings for a guy but he did not reciprocate the same way. It hurts, but unfortunately that’s part of life.
So long story short, you can’t control how guys feel about you but who knows maybe there will be a guy you click with and he is a proper/kind hearted dude and when the time comes and you’re in the right place you may be open getting to know him more.
So, just being real here and giving you the straight up truth. I’m guessing by your age you’re meeting boys (not men) around the same age. They lack the confidence, worth, and maturity of a man. This means they don’t know how to approach you so they try and wiggle into your life by whatever means they can. This means friends, study-buddy, whatever. Then, while in this close proximity, they hope that they can be so nice to you that you will somehow develop feelings for them. Sadly for them this is almost never how it works.
It has NOTHING to do to with your worth. It has to do with their own insecurities and lack of self-awareness.
You're going to find that 9 out of 10 guys only want one thing and that's in your pants
And the worst part about it those are the guys that are selfish they last 2 minutes they're done it's over
The next thing you know they're on their phone calling their friends bragging that they just got in that person's pants and guess what they were the worst lay of all they didn't know what they were doing blah blah blah the guy had to do everything blah blah blah
And he was the guy that lasted only 2 minutes and then was gone
When you have a true friend you'll be able to tell the difference just by the way they talk to you just by the way they looked into your eyes when they speak
And when you listen to a guy really listen to him because when he's lying to you he will tell you the truth in the same breath you just have to be paying attention
Unfortunately because those type of guys are disingenuous. Ghosting someone is also cowardly. People need to be straightforward with their intentions.
I know someone will get angry and say something like “someone doesn’t owe you a explanation why they won’t talk to you” but it’s cowardly. Unless someone has done something legitimately wrong. Then it’s wrong to ghost them.
But to be honest those men are doing you a favor by getting out of your life. They're probably not the type you want to be friends with anyways.
purely platonic friendships between men and women can not truly exist
human beings are still animals at the end of the day with biological needs and desires
you may not like hearing this but your handful of male friends are very good at hiding themselves
if you happen to find one of them extremely attractive, you know damn well that a purely platonic friendship with him will immediately end and turn into something more
lack of attraction is the only thing preventing you from wanting to be in a relationship with one of your handful of male friends
No, not at all. In fact, I experience a tremendous surge of erotic excitement when it's firmly established that any possibility of sexual interaction is nonexistent. Once that element of the relationship has been completely eliminated, that's when my emotional connection with her is at it's strongest and most imposing. My focus and desire metamorphosize from being only about my preferences and recalibrates itself entirely in her interests. The only reason that sex is even a factor is because by voluntarily relinquishing my carnal desire for her (as If I ever had a realistic chance to begin with... lol), I can then effectively turn my attention to the purpose for which I exist -- to please the female.
Because otherwise she would not give him a chance.
Whether women acknowledge it or not they are looking for in a man a great many traits that can only be demonstrated if the woman spends enough time with a man to see them.
Without such creation of opportunities, many women would only date the men they find immediately attractive and therefore automatically assigned said traits to discover later to great betrayal if they don't have them.
Irony of course is the very few men who are so skilled or blessed in being attractive, have soo many women chasing them that if they are still available to court said women they almost certantly lack loyalty, or a long list of other traits less they would not be available to court at all.
Women and men can never really be " friends " , acquaintances ( maybe sure ) , work colleagues , Club members - yeah all fine , maybe. Men will all have a ulterior motive , no matter what they actually say.
So , if someone breaks a relationship and says " I still really want to be friends " , they don't really , they just don't wish to feel badly , so they use this as an out , none of it is true , man or woman.
Hard to comprehend when you are young , but just save that thought and life will be far easier.
I just answered someone else's question about men and women being friends. Guys do do what you're saying, but women are not entirely innocent about it either. A lot of women will be friends with a guy while they really do have feelings for him but they want him to try to make the moves, so that she won't feel stupid if she does and it turns out he doesn't feel the same way.
And many times women will use "just being friends" as a way to vet a guy and see what he's like, keeping him at a friendship distance when she's actually looking at him as a possible candidate for a relationship, but she's putting a friendship label on it right now so that he doesn't expect more than that and so that she can see what he's like from that angle. I have definitely experienced this, with both single women and ones with kids.
They’re not necessarily pretending. They are friends, until they’re not. Even when they are friends, that doesn’t make you any less sexually attractive to them You can’t change biology. If they’re available, you’re available, and there’s nothing else to lose, they’re eventually going to take the punt. Why wouldn’t they? After all, you’re pretty. If they didn’t want to, you’d be just as upset. If you aren’t interested, they should be friend-zoned, and that’s okay. If they don’t value being your friend and ghost you, they don’t want to be your friend, and that’s okay too. I think you’re conflicted between being pretty and being interesting, but they’re not mutually exclusive. Being interesting makes you even more sexually attractiv. It’s sad you haven’t found anyone interesting enough that you can say the same about.
You're 17, and let's say you're on the mature side for you age, just for argument's sake. I presume that because of the way you set boundaries from the start, which is a very wise thing to do even though they get ignored. So you're thinking more like a 19-21 yr old.
The boys around your age (17-18) think more like 14-15 yr olds. Their hormones are stirring, and they want what they want. If they think befriending you first will get them what they want, they're going to disregard your boundaries or warnings. Some may even think of them as a challenge and set out to "win you" and prove you wrong - and THEN dump you. It's not pretty, but that's one assessment as to "why".
Seems rather obvious to me that, when a guy has a wee spot for a girl, he wants to be with her, and at first being friends seems in all logic a wise first step. If nothing more evolves, maybe the guy will prove to be a real good friend. if you do not want that guy near you, just make him politely understand.
it's happened to me a whole bunch too. it makes me feel awful that a guy would only want to be my friend in order to be in a relationship (i'm taken anyways). but it just lowers my value as a person, thinking that's all i'm good for as if being a friend isn't enough. guys who do this are awful. they pretend to be "nice guys" and then become so mean it's horrifying. i'm so glad i'm not in the dating scene anymore lol
Being with the person whom we do like gives a kind of energy or good feelings. Sometimes also motivates to do good. So all over it feels good that's why.
Sometimes it does gives pain also but for some people they like pain like masochist. So they still stays there.
I've been "Friend Zoned" a time or two, and it sucks. Then you end up in a "fifth wheel" scenario where the girl you'd like to date is dating or later married to another guy, and it's like, "Okay, I'll bow out now and find something else to do with my lfie."
Because they're hoping I guess. 🤣 I used to do the same when I was a kid. Not anymore ofc. I prefer to just be straight up about it if I'm genuinely interested.
Recently I heard something funny about this though:
Well, I suppose it's natural to want to date people who are attractive and have attractive qualities. Maybe it's a curse of being attractive? It's natural to gravitate towards attractive women, especially if they're single.
I'd also say the reverse is true. I've had some women accuse me of wanting to date them and sever a potential friendship (and a friendship is really all I wanted). Hate to break it to them, but they really ain't that special!
LOL and you actually beleive that? get them all drunk enough and they all will try and bang you.
no guy JUST wants to be friends with a girl unless they are interested in other men. its fact. you are wasting their time and leading them on if you just want them as a friend.
because usually thats the only way to go about it for them which tbh is very very wrong not just morally but it just destroys the girl emotionally n i dont understand why dont they just say it straight coz there r many girls who would also be interested in a 1 nitghter...
