Why do so many men pretend to be friends with a girl just cause they want a chance to be with her ?

Question

This has happened to me so many times, I’ve only had a handful of males who I’m friends with that don’t pull this sort of crap where I’ll think they are just wanting to be my friend but they actually just want to be in a relationship with me and it’s super frustrating especially when at the beginning I set a boundary and tell them I’m currently not looking for any type of romantic relationship with anyone because I’m not in the right place emotionally?

And the second they start realizing I’m not reciprocating the romantic advances they say I’m “friend zoning” them and ghost me. I already struggle with low self esteem so when this type of thing happens to me constantly it just makes me feel like I’m not an interesting person that someone would care about outside of my appearance

Why do so many men pretend to be friends with a girl just cause they want a chance to be with her ?

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

A lot of men have incorrectly decided that there are only two camps to fall in. The Nice Guy or The Asshole. They don't think there's anything else to it, and don't bother exploring any other ways to be.

How often do you hear a guy proclaim "I've been nice to women and it doesn't work, so I'll just be an asshole now." My god, there is such a thing as just being normal, not trying to be nice hoping for your sex punchcard to be filled. I saw this cartoon online a while ago and it about sums it up.

The thing is, men are either decent or they're not. Being decent means a guy can still have their moments where they can have bad moods or make mistakes, but carry on being the decent people they know they can be. If friendship happens, fine. If it doesn't, fine. A decent, well-adjusted person isn't going to have ulterior motives just for being "nice". A guy who decides nothing works and will just be an asshole is being shortminded thinking that's the only other way to be. If you think about it, his "nice guy" persona was just him as an asshole all along, waiting for a reason to show his true colours.

So why do they do it? Because women usually reject bad behaviour, and they want to ride in on their white horse to show they're not like that, hoping the woman will reward them. Just because women say that they prefer a guy not to be an asshole doesn't mean she'll fuck every "nice guy" she meets just because he's nice. Love and sex doesn't work that way. We still have preferences, and we are still allowed the time to not be interested in a relationship whatsoever if we so choose. Just because a guy is ready and wants it, doesn't mean his target owes him a relationship and sex.

sheenagwapa · Accepted Answer

i want make friends but i'm scared of wesyern men because i feel like they are bitchy but maybe thry are not the frenemy. i don't like friends who are friends to me but secretly hate me. if yoy hate mecthen it's much better if yoy don't hang out with me. i'm not sayinh all girls or majority of girls are like that i just don't like to hang out who are like that. i am a good listener, i am trust worthy and my advise isn't really that bad. maybe that's enough for make friendship

bluecotton · Accepted Answer

If a man is only pretending to be a woman's friend because he wants to sleep with her, then he is being dishonest inauthentic, and selfish. Period. Full stop.

However, men may enter into a genuine friendship with a woman and still be sexually attracted to her. This isn't dishonest, inauthentic, or selfish. In fact, this is how I met my wife!

We were friends first. I always thought she was pretty but I had asked her out on two separate occasions in the past and she had said no both times. So, I got the message and decided to just enjoy the relationship for what it was—a wonderful friendship.

Mind you, I was still sexually attracted to her, but I closed the door on ever asking her out again. Then one night...

I was telling her how awesome it was that we were friends. That I had wanted our relationship to be romantic but that I was so glad we had this awesome friendship. She had a weird look on her face. When I asked her what was up, she said that she actually did have feelings for me now.

I was completely bamboozled by this new information, but we eventually started dating, and have now been married for almost 14 years.

People change. I'm attracted to lots of people, but I don't pretend to be interested in anyone just to get what I want.

In summary, make sure you aren't confusing a guy who is only pretending to care about you with a guy who cares about you and is also sexually attracted to you. He should never force the issue or push a boundary you've set. Ever. But it isn't wrong for guys to harbor sexual feelings toward their legitimate friends.

McLlovin · Accepted Answer

Learn this as fast as possible. Women and men can never truly be friends without both parties being involved in a relationship with someone else first. Even then it’s possible to like the other but more unlikely.

we are all built to be attracted to the opposite sex, so even when you make a conscience effort to “just be friends”, one of you if not both of you are subconsciously chasing the other. The real question is how long is it going to take before you catch up with yourself and realize; hey my friend is actually attractive, or are you ganna play denial forever.

Think about it. What benefits do you get from being friends with a male? Protection, and what benefits does a man get from being friends with a woman? You can sit there and say all day long that there’s more to friendship than just that, but remember birds of feather flock together.

I’m not saying never be friends I’m just saying don’t be naïve when faced with the situation and know how to move and set boundaries so you can enjoy friendships if that’s your real goal.

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

From a guy’s point of view there are guys who genuinely want to approach a woman with the intentions of being with her. Then there are guys who approach women just to have sex with her. It’s kind of like a loyal woman/girl or a female who wants to act promiscuous. I think it’s tough to be friends with a female if there’s no interest involved and both are single. It’s a slippery slope. But I’ll give an example — I liked a girl at work but I never told her, I was just civil and respectful would say my hi’s and byes and small chit chat.

But I didn’t pursue her that way because 1) I’m not a fan of pursuing a girl at work, I think it’s unprofessional and 2) she was as is still with the same guy. The same guy worked at the same place I worked at so had I admitted to her I had feelings at work it would have been awkward.

I don’t work at this company anymore but I recently stopped by my former job (no longer work there) and my former manager told me she left the company a few months ago. I was kind of bummed out but it’s life. I wish nothing but the best for her. Not everything has to be weird and awkward but it’s tough regardless guy or girl, man or woman. I mean to the asker it’s like if you did have feelings for a guy but he did not reciprocate the same way. It hurts, but unfortunately that’s part of life.

So long story short, you can’t control how guys feel about you but who knows maybe there will be a guy you click with and he is a proper/kind hearted dude and when the time comes and you’re in the right place you may be open getting to know him more.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

So, just being real here and giving you the straight up truth. I’m guessing by your age you’re meeting boys (not men) around the same age. They lack the confidence, worth, and maturity of a man. This means they don’t know how to approach you so they try and wiggle into your life by whatever means they can. This means friends, study-buddy, whatever. Then, while in this close proximity, they hope that they can be so nice to you that you will somehow develop feelings for them. Sadly for them this is almost never how it works.

It has NOTHING to do to with your worth. It has to do with their own insecurities and lack of self-awareness.

ohsheeT · Answer

You're going to find that 9 out of 10 guys only want one thing and that's in your pants

And the worst part about it those are the guys that are selfish they last 2 minutes they're done it's over

The next thing you know they're on their phone calling their friends bragging that they just got in that person's pants and guess what they were the worst lay of all they didn't know what they were doing blah blah blah the guy had to do everything blah blah blah

And he was the guy that lasted only 2 minutes and then was gone

When you have a true friend you'll be able to tell the difference just by the way they talk to you just by the way they looked into your eyes when they speak

And when you listen to a guy really listen to him because when he's lying to you he will tell you the truth in the same breath you just have to be paying attention

Summeroflove · Answer

Unfortunately because those type of guys are disingenuous. Ghosting someone is also cowardly. People need to be straightforward with their intentions.

I know someone will get angry and say something like “someone doesn’t owe you a explanation why they won’t talk to you” but it’s cowardly. Unless someone has done something legitimately wrong. Then it’s wrong to ghost them.

But to be honest those men are doing you a favor by getting out of your life. They're probably not the type you want to be friends with anyways.

inhua · Answer

purely platonic friendships between men and women can not truly exist

human beings are still animals at the end of the day with biological needs and desires

you may not like hearing this but your handful of male friends are very good at hiding themselves

if you happen to find one of them extremely attractive, you know damn well that a purely platonic friendship with him will immediately end and turn into something more

lack of attraction is the only thing preventing you from wanting to be in a relationship with one of your handful of male friends

Billlewis · Answer

No, not at all. In fact, I experience a tremendous surge of erotic excitement when it's firmly established that any possibility of sexual interaction is nonexistent. Once that element of the relationship has been completely eliminated, that's when my emotional connection with her is at it's strongest and most imposing. My focus and desire metamorphosize from being only about my preferences and recalibrates itself entirely in her interests. The only reason that sex is even a factor is because by voluntarily relinquishing my carnal desire for her (as If I ever had a realistic chance to begin with... lol), I can then effectively turn my attention to the purpose for which I exist -- to please the female.

ManOnFire · Answer

I just answered someone else's question about men and women being friends. Guys do do what you're saying, but women are not entirely innocent about it either. A lot of women will be friends with a guy while they really do have feelings for him but they want him to try to make the moves, so that she won't feel stupid if she does and it turns out he doesn't feel the same way.

And many times women will use "just being friends" as a way to vet a guy and see what he's like, keeping him at a friendship distance when she's actually looking at him as a possible candidate for a relationship, but she's putting a friendship label on it right now so that he doesn't expect more than that and so that she can see what he's like from that angle. I have definitely experienced this, with both single women and ones with kids.

molonski2 · Answer

Women and men can never really be " friends " , acquaintances ( maybe sure ) , work colleagues , Club members - yeah all fine , maybe. Men will all have a ulterior motive , no matter what they actually say.

So , if someone breaks a relationship and says " I still really want to be friends " , they don't really , they just don't wish to feel badly , so they use this as an out , none of it is true , man or woman.

Hard to comprehend when you are young , but just save that thought and life will be far easier.

loveslongnails · Answer

You're 17, and let's say you're on the mature side for you age, just for argument's sake. I presume that because of the way you set boundaries from the start, which is a very wise thing to do even though they get ignored. So you're thinking more like a 19-21 yr old.

The boys around your age (17-18) think more like 14-15 yr olds. Their hormones are stirring, and they want what they want. If they think befriending you first will get them what they want, they're going to disregard your boundaries or warnings. Some may even think of them as a challenge and set out to "win you" and prove you wrong - and THEN dump you. It's not pretty, but that's one assessment as to "why".

RedInnocent68 · Answer

They’re not necessarily pretending. They are friends, until they’re not. Even when they are friends, that doesn’t make you any less sexually attractive to them You can’t change biology. If they’re available, you’re available, and there’s nothing else to lose, they’re eventually going to take the punt. Why wouldn’t they? After all, you’re pretty. If they didn’t want to, you’d be just as upset. If you aren’t interested, they should be friend-zoned, and that’s okay. If they don’t value being your friend and ghost you, they don’t want to be your friend, and that’s okay too. I think you’re conflicted between being pretty and being interesting, but they’re not mutually exclusive. Being interesting makes you even more sexually attractiv. It’s sad you haven’t found anyone interesting enough that you can say the same about.

Anonymous · Answer

Because otherwise she would not give him a chance.

Whether women acknowledge it or not they are looking for in a man a great many traits that can only be demonstrated if the woman spends enough time with a man to see them.

Without such creation of opportunities, many women would only date the men they find immediately attractive and therefore automatically assigned said traits to discover later to great betrayal if they don't have them.

Irony of course is the very few men who are so skilled or blessed in being attractive, have soo many women chasing them that if they are still available to court said women they almost certantly lack loyalty, or a long list of other traits less they would not be available to court at all.

rosemilk · Answer

it's happened to me a whole bunch too. it makes me feel awful that a guy would only want to be my friend in order to be in a relationship (i'm taken anyways). but it just lowers my value as a person, thinking that's all i'm good for as if being a friend isn't enough. guys who do this are awful. they pretend to be "nice guys" and then become so mean it's horrifying. i'm so glad i'm not in the dating scene anymore lol

mstbooblover · Answer

Seems rather obvious to me that, when a guy has a wee spot for a girl, he wants to be with her, and at first being friends seems in all logic a wise first step. If nothing more evolves, maybe the guy will prove to be a real good friend. if you do not want that guy near you, just make him politely understand.

StarWarGirl · Answer

Being with the person whom we do like gives a kind of energy or good feelings. Sometimes also motivates to do good. So all over it feels good that's why.

Sometimes it does gives pain also but for some people they like pain like masochist. So they still stays there.

Sonorous · Answer

Because they're hoping I guess. 🤣 I used to do the same when I was a kid. Not anymore ofc. I prefer to just be straight up about it if I'm genuinely interested.

Recently I heard something funny about this though:

Skip to 7 minutes:

https://youtu.be/jce6TrM1e4Y?si=0RcDwnDw--s4QEQc

Levin · Answer

Well, I suppose it's natural to want to date people who are attractive and have attractive qualities. Maybe it's a curse of being attractive? It's natural to gravitate towards attractive women, especially if they're single.

I'd also say the reverse is true. I've had some women accuse me of wanting to date them and sever a potential friendship (and a friendship is really all I wanted). Hate to break it to them, but they really ain't that special!

GOOSEBOY78 · Answer

LOL and you actually beleive that?
get them all drunk enough and they all will try and bang you.

no guy JUST wants to be friends with a girl unless they are interested in other men. its fact.
you are wasting their time and leading them on if you just want them as a friend.

provokeesmokee · Answer

They're stupid.

Men who do this are "friendzoning" themselves.

You laid out your boundaries and made them clear. You're doing nothing wrong. It's on the men for not believing you were being straight up with them.

elizamichale1 · Answer

because usually thats the only way to go about it for them which tbh is very very wrong not just morally but it just destroys the girl emotionally n i dont understand why dont they just say it straight coz there r many girls who would also be interested in a 1 nitghter...

Nik1hil · Answer

For following reasons:.

1) They want to stay on your radar.

2) They are hoping for a moment of weakness, then be a shoulder to cry on, then a Dick to ride on.

3) They are low kind of man.. A strong man would rather straight up not be your friend, and tell I find you attractive, I cannot be your friend.

SeekerOfTruth007 · Answer

I've been "Friend Zoned" a time or two, and it sucks. Then you end up in a "fifth wheel" scenario where the girl you'd like to date is dating or later married to another guy, and it's like, "Okay, I'll bow out now and find something else to do with my lfie."

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Not to sound like an ass… but male/female friendships are always complicated and full of drama. When it comes to real friendships it’s so much easier and natural for guys to make good friends with other guys. There just isn’t much incentive for men to pursue strictly platonic relationships with women.

findacure4wokeness · Answer

Maybe they started liking you more then a friend afterwards. When their feeling aren't respirated they need to put space between the both of you. I would do that not out of spite but to protect myself. It must be so painful being around a girl you like and watching them get a boyfriend. I wouldn't advise a girl to be in that situation either.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

What’s your objection? That they aren’t clear about their intentions? Nobody has the time to be everyone’s friend. They can say they’d like to get to know you as a friend with the intent of pursuing something romantically. If you reject that, then you shouldn’t be butthurt if they withdraw.

litty · Answer

You are 17. Guy friends your age are horny AF from all the puberty.

People are saying someone else has to be in a relationship first, but that's not always true. Someone in a relationship can cheat, and those not in a relationship try to get others to cheat.

Regardless of gender, it's important to measure someone's character first. Otherwise, making friends with them is asking for trouble as you are already experiencing firsthand.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know what it truly is. The only explanation we have is the patriarchy and I feel like it falls short.

I think us guys are taught we must be special in order to get a woman.

But special how? Nobody knows.

And since most men are utterly lost and clueless when it comes to women, this is the result writ large.

Women are a mystery to men. That is the root of it all.

Men are utterly desperate for a woman.

Why all of these things I just don't know.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men can’t be friends w women who are cute. If men came straight out, said what they wanted from you, would you even give them attention? Probably not, so in order to increase their chances they have to play the game. I don’t think men really truly get much out of a friendship w women. The benefit is more toward the female as far as having male friends, assuming she can find real male friends who aren’t just looking to sleep w her.

Surely · Answer

From the polls and the responses from the guys (boys) on GAG. Most men or boys can not be friends with a woman without having sex with them.
There are some of us out there that doesn’t follow along with those thoughts!
Keep looking and good luck!

Kaamraj · Answer

Men and women really dont have much in common, and friendship with a woman almost always benefits the woman more. No man should cheat himself and the girl by being the the friendzone. Dont be friends with her if you dont want to.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Cut the crap. You actually like it. How do i know? Whats with the picture? You talk about being "friends" with guys and then you post a couple picture. Well... at least you did not post picture of couple fucking...

And then you are like "im the victim here" "i dont know what to do" - CUT THE SHIT! If you dont want them in your life then tell them that and after that block them.

Guido · Answer

Those guys that did that were on the hunt and I you were sized up as one of their prey. There are unfortunately some men that will say and do just about anything to get in a woman's pants. It tends to make some women scheptical of all men which is unfortunate.

Twalli · Answer

I am actually the type who won't become friends with a girl just to date her. I won't date a girl who isn't a friend already, but she has to have shared interests with me before we become friends. Of all my female friends, I've only been attracted towards 2, and I am dating one if them.

msc545 · Answer

Probably because there are few men ever get laid simply by promising a girl. Great sex. Instead. The girl wants to hear all about grandiose plans for her future and her relationship and things that will please her girlfriends and her family and on and on including a lot of money. All the guy wants is sex.

Finchie40 · Answer

For the most part Yes , Girls’ do this to Guy’s as well , Why it’s best to distance yourself from opposite sex friends when you are in a relationship with someone already , Opposite sex friends usually want more than just friendship

Behemoth_burns_stars · Answer

Yeah guys do, do that. It's pretty easy to tell. If you're setting clear boundaries before hand then yes they're just wrong. On the other hand if some guy steps to you at an event and tries to get to know you. Don't be surprised if he acts interested in you a few weeks in.

Anonymous · Answer

They are hoping eventually you’ll want to be more than just friends so if they stick around long enough maybe you’ll want them more also, I don’t think they are pretending, they figure a relationship starts out as friends anyway, you’re also at an age where guys are very horny too

Nikki1989 · Answer

Most men will always say what they think the woman wants to hear. It is wise to not take anything they say seriously.

MiddleAgedClimbee · Answer

Immaturity and a refusal to accept that you can't be won over at this time

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Its not always the case. Of course every guy has once had thought how it would be to have sex with her but there are many guys who are not interested in a relationship or she is clearly not his type/match

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Who told you str8 men and str8 women are supposed to be friends?  Str8 women are for sex and relationship, no such thing as friend... Ask yourself why do women have so many gay friends.

Guanfei · Answer

Why do so many women pretend to be friends with a guy just cause they want a free meal and attention before throwing them away to get with the guy they want, then come back when the said guy dumped them?

katiesmuff · Answer

I have plenty of guy friends who I connect with and no interest in sexually which have been friends for years.

Emyyyy · Answer

If he pretends to be friends with you for a chance at fucking. That’s exactly where he belongs. In friend-zone. 😂🖕

Kabluie · Answer

I don't pretend, because there will be some friends who we will sleep with because there is that physical chemistry but may just not want to date.

CoolCatMar1 · Answer

I also have one male "friend" who knows i am not interested in him and knows i have a boyfriend and yet he still tells me he would love to date me LMAO

Drewtate · Answer

Because it works often. They often use the friendship as a way to manipulate the end of her current relationship

DaBiggestBird · Answer

A case of emotional numbness it seems like, in an empathetic way. “Rules for thee not for me”. Like Quintessa telling Optimus he’s just a thing for her to command like Infernocus.

catarecute · Answer

cuz they are a dick manipulator desperate. stupid ugly

YesterdaysChild · Answer

To just be with her, or to have sex with her?

strateguy632 · Answer

considering they are attracted so they aren't pretending

genericname85 · Answer

what do you mean "pretend"? doesn't a relationship start with friendship? they wanna be with you. so how else would they go about it?

midnightmoon05 · Answer

What do you think the guys should do instead?

zagor · Answer

Where do you meet these guys? School? Work? Unless you get to know them gradually and organically, they're probably interested in you for a particular thing.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

This is the only reason men are "friends" with a woman. Take it as a compliment, many guys want to be with you. The smart ones don't simp once they have been friend zoned.

DextroShade · Answer

Men are NOT your friends, we only deal with you for sex and the sooner you realize that the better.

krin_m · Answer

You can be friends just because you like each other. There does not have to be any other motive behind it.

jshm2 · Answer

You are friendzoning them instead of being honest with them that you're probably lesbian.

Christoff92 · Answer

The whole idea because of their good looks. Without getting to know her personal traits and the culture that surrounds her.

Anonymous · Answer

Simps. My firiend has such friend, she is not interested and shows that, her friend is still delusionally thinking he will get his chance. Lol

joeND · Answer

because men are sure women hate sex, since you avoid it so much

Why do so many men pretend to be friends with a girl just cause they want a chance to be with her ?

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