My boyfriend criticizing my parenting? Can he criticize me?

[nicole]

I don't have any kids but when I take care of the children of my friends, my boyfriend criticizing my parenting...

[SteveSmith1985]

Yikes.

I think that this is definitely something you would want to talk to him about.

I am trying to imagine what the hell this boyfriend is thinking... and what I come up with (correct me if I'm wrong here), is that he must be unaware that the way he is criticizing you, is interpreted by you as criticizing your parenting? Is that possible? That he might not realize that you're 'taking it that way'?

Honestly I can't think of any other way that any guy is going to be so dumb as to criticize his girlfriend's parenting... unless he didn't realize that's what he was doing.

I think it also depends on your situation with your relationship and kids (I don't know if this is your boyfriend of 3 weeks or 15 years for example)

Like if for example, you and he have talked about it, and he was aware that you definitely did not want any kids yourself (again, I don't know you)... then I can imagine a guy not worrying about offending his girlfriend in this particular way (thinking she doesn't give a shit about her 'parenting ability')

He CAN criticize you (depends on what he says of course). But he's absolutely dumb to do so. My guess is he is unaware.

You need to bring this up to him. Some time when neither of you are angry. Explain this to him.

[Pudsmucker]

I totally agree with your comments pertaining to child care. He is not the parent she is.

[Chazmatazz269]

First, it’s not “parenting” if you’re not a parent. Babysitting, caretaking, guardianship, there are a number of more appropriate ways to describe what you’re doing. Because you’re NOT parenting, of course your beau can criticize. But you don’t have to accept it. I suspect he’s imagining a future with you in which you two eventually have kids together. If you want that with him you should have that conversation. If you think you already had it and he’s still criticizing how you manage rugrats, the conversation isn’t over. Go back to it and either come to terms or come to the realization that you two aren’t meant to raise papooses together. Better to figure this out now rather than later!

[DubiousIntentions]

No one knows anything about parenting until they have their own. People who decided to never have kids have no clue, so they are quick to point out their perceived lack of the parenting skills of others, even though they may do worse if they have had some. I would tell him to take care of some kids for a day by himself and he would be frazzled and crying along with the babies by the end of the day - if he even makes it that long.

[Chazmatazz269]

I suspect you’re dealing in hyperbole and projection. Some people, albeit a grave minority, do a great deal of research before having kids, including helping take care of others’ kids and even fostering. Also, did i miss something about OP’s boyfriend never caring for kids on his own? She also doesn’t go into any detail about his criticisms. So maybe she drowned a couple and he has a fair criticism. Obviously hyperbole, so chill. The point is that you assume she’s doing perfectly and he has no experience, therefore his criticisms must be completely invalid. You’re wrong, but that’s life. Grow up and work on your reading and comprehension skills. Ell oh ell!

[DubiousIntentions]

And there are even more who have kids and had no clue what they were getting into, and those who got pregnant and had a kid and are now on welfare and a single mother with no prospects of a good future.

[Chazmatazz269]

Indeed, but you didn’t say that, did you? You began with an absolute. If you care to be taken seriously, you should learn to communicate more clearly AND work on your reading and comprehension. Ell oh ell! Otherwise, you’re just another ignorant troll on the internet; more concerned with your feelings than facts.

[DubiousIntentions]

Troll huh? And what makes you think you have all the answers? You sound like just another narcissistic wannabe know-it-all. I'm guessing you get blocked a lot. No one likes a sarcastic asshole.

[ElovieMe]

I feel like there isn’t enough information to answer your question. What were his criticisms? Were they totally off base and/or unnecessary? Or was there any validity to them at all?
Maybe he was intending to be helpful and it came across differently. Maybe he was just being an asshole and he needs to mind his business?
I do agree with the other answer regarding other people’s opinions. At some point you do need to just let people think or feel what they will. Because it’s not about you in the end. I tell myself that other’s feelings aren’t my business and I hold to that. We never get to decide what someone else feels from what we do or say, and we can’t make anyone think differently than they will want to. That goes both ways and for everyone. Take what’s applicable if anything at all, and let it go otherwise. Express your feelings to him, how he made you feel, and leave it at that in my opinion.

[dustybiker]

Do you let him?

Tell him (nicely or you will trigger them) not to criticize but that you are open to kind suggestions on how you could do something better.

He might just be going about his meaning the wrong way. In his mind he could be helping you.

And learning isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes we just have to point out how we can better communicate with each other.

[Pudsmucker]

I'd say your boyfriend is wrong for criticizing you. I know a lot of people that are single are the most critical beings on Earth. Especially if they've never been a parent. They have more time to read about how to become parents. But all these authors don't know anything about raising children or being a parent. Everything they do is all theory. If a person is never been a parent they have no right to criticize. Each child is totally different. Each child has their own personality. Each child has their own challenges. I personally think those that have never been a parents should keep their mouth shut and let us that have been parents give support. We parents should also not criticize other parents. We all have our own views and ways of parenting. So if you've never been a parent keep your mouth shut.

[melanieeeB]

Sure, he can definitely respectfully start a conversation with you about this topic and constructive criticism can be good, expressing feelings and views is also important in a relationship. You don't have to agree but just say your view . . You know have a conversation lol

[Guccigabbana18]

This

[Finchie40]

No he shouldn’t be criticizing you he should be supportive of you whether he agrees with you or not and compromising with you , instead of pointing fingers at you that you are doing things all wrong , if I was you I wouldn’t have babies with that guy whatsoever honestly

[Drumlin2001]

Watching someone else's kids for a short time is nothing like parenting. Raising a child 24/7 from birth is totally different.
Bigger question is do you want children? If so, do you want it to be with someone who is going to crticise you? No disrespect, but at your age, if you want kids, you need to find someone who you can raise a child with, someone who will have your back, not put you down

[Nomina]

Yes, of course he can. Everyone has their views on parenting or caring for kids, even temporarily. He can voice them.
If you two see having children in the future, you might want to sort out your views on that.

[CateM]

Depends on what you're doing. If you're beating the child, then he shouldn't just criticize you, he should report you to the cops, but if you're not actually doing anything wrong, then he shouldn't

[DeeDeeDeVour]

He's entitled to his own opinions.

He may be out of line or even the least likely to criticize your parenting skills but he is still entitled to have an opinion or more about you.

[ohsheeT]

He can talk to you about it but he cannot criticize you for it it's not his kids it's your kids and they come before he does or that's the way it should be

[D_Bone_Steak]

I wasn't there to see said parenting. If he already did criticize your parenting then I guess you answered your own question... he can. 😂

[OlderAndWiser]

What do you mean, "Can he criticize me?" He IS criticizing you. Are you suppose to have some immunity from that?

[coachTanthony]

Can he not give his opinion? Is that what your future looks like with him he just keeps his mouth shut? hmmmm I know I wouldn't go for that.

[jshm2]

Well... he's not husband material then, is he? Also, ask the dumb fuck, who is being trusted with the kids, you or him.

[BlueScorpio]

Interesting, does he have any children outside your relationship with him?

[AmandaYVR]

Develop a tougher skin. People criticize others, they disagree. That's life.

[Twalli]

Obviously, he can, he's doing it. Should he, not unless your actions are not beneficial to the children and not unless he isn't intent on keeping you as his girlfriend.

[AdithyaR]

That's not really enough context. Which aspect of it does he criticise, what does he say exactly?

[TallAnon]

There's a difference between constructive feedback and criticism. Finding out which one this was is pretty important.

[loveslongnails]

That depends on what you're doing, or not doing!!

[User3191989]

he's allowed to do what he wants. it's a free country. the question is, SHOULD HE

[HugeDikEng]

Yes he can, he is a man after all. You are just a woman. You should be thankful he is even there with you.