Why would my therapist tell me to stay with a man just because I'm having his child does she not see how unhappy I am?

[Anonymous]

I need a different therapist. She doesn't seem to know what I need. Considering the fact i tell her i want this but she says no you need that.

I'm tired of people running my fucking life. But at the same time i can't make my mind up

[lightbulb27]

I went through 5 therapists. you'll get different opinions, some are more adept than others. Therapy is about finding your issues, working on you... and finding ways to work things out with the other.

Couples therapy: the primary problem in relationships is disagreement, finger pointing... wanting the other person to change, when you only control yourself. Other people don't want to change, it's painful to change. Not getting something you need, not being heard, or understood, not having your feelings protected... that stuff causes big problems and breaks relationships.

Some people are knuckleheads... my guess is there's around 8 billion of them.

You really should and do need support having a kid, it's a lot of work. The kid really needs two good parents. Question is can the two of you add up to something greater than one by yourself and learn to communicate in a loving supportive way, and accomodate each others needs. Listening is step 1, responding in love is step 2. To make it easy, both of you learn to say yes... before saying anything else.

If you were willing to jump into bed with him, I guess she's saying, stick with him and try to work this out because your hormones are all aflame and give it time. That said, it sounds like he needs to make some changes and maybe you do too.

It sounds like an emotional mess. It's all about the baby now, so do what's right for the baby.

That said, you can raise a kid without dad there, but I still think if he's a decent guy, he should be "honored" to the child and be there as a nuclear family. That can be done, if you build the family that way and have the heart for the childs best interest... and he's a good guy.

[Asker]

He is a good guy. I just wanted him to show interest in me. I was gonna leave him I wasn't happy for a long time.
It's his always "investments" never showing up with the ring. We are on 5 years this year. We thought year 4 lol but I'm out after this year is over baby or not and i dont become happy. I'm mostly in resentment with him. I've cried for him to take me out on a date. $6 flowers... something? A ring pop? Like I spoil this man. And he says well if i wanna go here and there and everywhere he's gotta save. He claims he has the money for a ring. He hasn't provided it yet. I'm giving up. He just fixed his car too that he had to put all his investments into. I'll be waiting another 5 years that I dont have in me. Currently he has 3 jobs but it's not for me. I know it's for his son which is great. I'm no longer a priority and that's all I wanted. At least just take care of your son. I want to go my separate ways. I'm scared to tell him it's over. Not sure if its cause what I say is true I'm just a place holder or he's too comfortable or I'm very hormonal and unhappy

[lightbulb27]

That writeup is what he should hear, you need to be his #1 and you aren't. That's what my girlfriend was telling me. I understand. It sounds like he is really just dragging his feet and making excuses for some yet unclear reason. Maybe he got banged up in the last relationship, or he's just afraid.
I was very resistive to my girlfriend but after a lot of arguments, I decided to commit to her and all the change and it's worked out well, we're married. share that with him as a data case of 1 it can work.
You aren't asking for too much from the list you provided, you are being normal. Everything is work though to learn to communicate and understand.
you could dial back the wedding expense, and find ways to work together and maybe make it positives so he doesn't feel he has to work so hard. He doesn't sound like he's thinking as a team, but as individual. he's scared...

it's your call...

[Breanna_nonbinary]

If you’re tired of people running your life it may be because you aren’t running your life.
If your therapist is telling you to stay with this guy because you’re pregnant it’s probably because they are heavily influenced by religion since they tend to think that it’s better to have a mother and father that hate each other and fight all the time then to have a single mother.
Either way it seems like you just need to get all the information available to you and make a decision on what to do. It’s the only way to take control of your life. 🙂

[andy530]

Hmm as a therapist that sounds odd to me. I’d be questing if they are the right therapist for you if I were you

[Asker]

Ugh it's annoying. She told me to stay with a man I'm not happy with all because I'm having his child

[andy530]

Yeah I would call her out on that. And possibly be looking for a new therapist

[Asker]

I plan on doing that.
she's good considering healing my trauma but I need to really know what she's smoking.
I may have issues with my self like perception of reality sometimes but I'm not getting my needs met at the same time

[andy530]

Sounds like it’s time to have the tough conversation with the thanks you deserve to have your needs met

[Asker]

Thanks andy

[andy530]

You’re welcome! Good luck