Isn't spanking a child actually selfish since the parents are only releasing their frustrations?

[Vesuvius87]

Out with the old outdated style and in with the new. I think if you lose patience with your kid so badly that all you think about is hitting them for your own selfish needs of releasing your own frustration (making yourself feel better, thinking only of yourself at that moment), you suck. The parent isn't the one crying even more, nor feeling pain, they're not the one scared, they're not the only pleading to stop.

I believe you can have boundaries and parent without relying on objects to ''teach'' a child.

Updates

1 y

Is the parent even crying with the child for causing physical discomfort/pain? Nope. They're so relieved. They're the only ones feeling better, not the child.

Updates

1 y

Yesterday my other Latino friends and I were actually speaking against spanking. More of us are turning against that. None of us like that method anymore. It teaches nothing.

[AimeeKyle]

Unless it is an unstable, irrational parent, No, it absolutely is not. It certainly isn’t my usual or consistent/go to method of obtaining an obedience child; however, sometimes a swat to their bottom can be quite effective in obtaining their undivided attention. As they get older and increase their vocabulary /communication skills it will likely become a counterproductive action though as you will need to be more cerebral with your actions.

There are no set rules for parenting by the way and each instance and child responds and acts differently. You have to constantly adjust from birth, toddler, preschool, adolescent, preteen, teenager, young adult and then adult…… It is the parents job to figure out what works best for each child and adapt. Unfortunately, fewer and fewer actual do.

One thing I can say….. as I have raised my kids (who are extremely responsible/respectful), I see more and more disrespectful kids than ever before. Disrespectful to other parents, coaches, teachers, referees, strangers….. Lack of general respect for others seems to be the wave of the future unfortunately. Where do you think that lack of respect comes from?

[Vesuvius87]

Lack of respect comes from not even setting boundaries at all and actually those that spoil their kids. For instance someone still taking their kid to vacation or buying their toys after throwing a horrible tantrum would be spoiling. Secondly, there are parents that tend to leave their toddlers in daycare rather than actually being there for them. Lastly, a child spending too much time watching TV or on his cell can be a downfall too.
I won't spank my future kid but I'm not going to be one of those irresponsible mothers that lets the kids watch TV or be on his cell all day long.

[AaronKrieger]

Not always the case, but there is truth to what you are saying. For me, my mother had spanked me with a belt various times because I had done stupid shit (EX: pulling a knife on my brother during an argument at 9 years old). Years later that I was told by my step-dad that she had cried significantly to him afterwards each time.

As for my father, I did fear him growing up and he spanked me quite often as a child. He really didn't do it out anger though, as he has never raised his voice with me. He genuinely did it to try to set me straight and never out of anger. It could be that my parents are unique in this, but I think a lot of parents spank their kids in order to discipline them.

Teach them right from wrong. I am not defending spanking your kids in this, but I am stating my parents never consistently spanked me out of a need to express their anger.

[Vesuvius87]

I think crying once should be enough if a parent really feels guilty afterwards. But repeating it over and over again, still crying but still doing it? That doesn't sound like a mistake anymore.

Fearing a parent isn't really the same as respect.

[AaronKrieger]

You can do something that is right, yet still feel guilty/bad about it. My mother is a very empathetic person, so she felt bad about disciplining me. I never feared her either.

Anyway, my maint point was that neither of my parents spanked me out of frustration, but to wanted to teach me right from wrong.

[Jennz6]

I heard, “Spare the rod, spoil the child” but I don’t have children so I don’t really know.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Not at all. One thing that anti-spankers always seem to assume is that people who spank use this method of discipline EVERYTIME the child misbehaves. That wasn’t true for my father when he raised me.

I can only remember being spanked once when I was a child, and I knew I had been awful and I deserved it. There is a huge difference between parents who spank and parents who use spanking as a tool of abuse.

Parents need to be consistent with their discipline and they need to have expectations of acceptable behavior.

[Vesuvius87]

Meanwhile till this day I still wonder why on earth was my father trying to chase me with the belt (I locked myself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out until my mother manage to stop him) for not knowing how to operate a remote control? I hated him at that moment. I was anger with him and didn't want to speak for an entire day or so.

[Vesuvius87]

He spanked very few times though but those few times were scary and it was just him releasing his frustration or it was because I couldn't get my math homework right. What an idiot way to teach your child their homework.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Well, that is child abuse, there's a difference. I wasn't saying it's the most effective thing. I'm saying that it's a tool that if used properly can help to discipline a child.

[richardcory]

I'm not in favor of spanking, but I think the idea is to teach the child. Maybe you spank a young child who runs into the street. They may be too young to understand the risk and some parent think the spanking will make them remember.

Once a child is old enough to understand, I see no excuse for spanking - that too easily turns into abuse

[Vesuvius87]

Or maybe the parent shouldn't even be distracted, leaving the door open or be near the road where the kid can run into the streets? Maybe the parents should have basic knowledge about child safety.

[richardcory]

Sure, but parents can't avoid every making a mistake. Unloading groceries, etc - even the most careful parent can't watch their kid every second

[RavVid]

I think if you are spanking because little johnny has made you angry then you should wait before correcting him. However you do that.

If it is objectively demonstrating there are consequences it is a good life lesson. Again after you have calmed down.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm opting out of spanking. I'd rather take the longer router, where more time and effort is spent than do short-cuts with the spanking.

[RavVid]

It's parents choice on how to parent. It might depend on the child a lot. With dogs it does. On the farm, a cross word would send one dog running back to her kennel and she wouldn't come out for half a day. Another dog couldn't grasp the cows weren't having as much as he was when he jumped up and grabbed the root of their tail between his teeth so he could swing off it. That the cows tried to kick him off was just part of the fun game.

I have certainly seen children who are sensitive like the first dog and children like the last dog who think everybody is having as much fun as they are running around damaging things. I just think you might need to parent differently depending on the child.

But hey! dogs are as close I have got to parenting so what would I know?

Cheers

[LiamJHayden]

Nope. A child who reaches for a red hot burner, and gets slapped on the hand or spanked might will associate reaching for the burner with pain and likely refrain in the future. The temporary pain from the spank is far less than the second or third degree damage from the burner.

[Vesuvius87]

What about child safety? Why is a red hot burner even at the reach of toddlers? It shouldn't be there. There should be a safety gate. The toddler shouldn't even be in the kitchen.

[LiamJHayden]

Who said toddlers? I did stuff like that when I was 5.

[Vesuvius87]

5 still seems very young for the parents to be distracted for a bit. I think 7 and above is the age where the child would know better than to touch a hot burner

[LiamJHayden]

Perhaps. All I mean is that, while I do not see spanking as a valid go-to solution, it might be a better option than the alternative in some situations.

[MementoMori777]

Depends if it's for discipline or abuse, let's be honest kids don't listen even if you give them the advice kindly

[Vesuvius87]

You can discipline without hitting.

[MementoMori777]

How? An effective way please

[MementoMori777]

Cause my parents would tell me shit and I know I didn't listen when I was younger because curiosity sometimes gets the best of younglins 😂

[Vesuvius87]

It's not about just telling. Off course just lecture would bore anymore. It can be creative consequences. For instance if they steal my money or something from me, let them know hard to earn money if they want to buy something.
If they throw tantrums, let them exhaust themselves because I'm still not buying them their toy, NO is NO. Plus no more desserts. If older, get them to do exercises.

[MementoMori777]

I feel like this can still lead to spoiling them, because as they grow they will realize these techniques aren't real consequences, what about teen years? If they get rebellious and sneak out of the house for example, which they can also do if you decide to ground them

[MementoMori777]

At some point they can lose respect for you and if that's gone you will get stepped all over, if you whoop their ass when they are young they will know you discipline and you'll check em, the crazy reality is that fear works

[Vesuvius87]

Spoiling would be giving a child the toy he wants whenever they throw a tantrums. If I don't give them anything then I'm not spoiling them. It's only spoiling whenver you reward a bad behavior. If my teen steals money from me and I still take them out on a vacation trip then that's 100% spoiling them. In those examples I've provided, I'm not rewarding them at all.

[Vesuvius87]

If it's a rebellious 16 year-old that wants to sneak out of the house, then let them briefly feel what's it like being on your own, struggling, having to realize you need money, a job, etc. Give them a reality scare for a bit.

[MementoMori777]

No it doesn't work like that once they feel entitled that's when it's considered spoiled and there's many ways to spoil a child, let's also not mention if you don't give it to them, they can steal it, if they don't get it and think of stealing it, they will think of me whooping their ass before stealing it and if they steal it I'll whoop their ass lol

[MementoMori777]

You they will be like ehh what she gonna do, put me in a corner and they will take that risk

[Vesuvius87]

Whooping their is too simply. It's only in the short run (temporarily) and by the time they're over the age, then nothing will stop them anymore. You won't be able to stop an 18-20 year-old if he/she wants to suddenly steal by then. They're on their own by then and the fear of spanking will no longer exist. So what's now stopping them from stealing?

[Vesuvius87]

On the contrary, if they know right from wrong out of conscious, out of good eduation, morals, that's difficult and it remains something permanent, in the long run.

[MementoMori777]

Yea bit they learn those right and wrongs from discipline, your forms of discipline aren't enough even for a kid because they will eventually know they aren't going to get in real trouble, and they will rebel a lot quicker, as a teen they will be much more mature from my form of discipline, keep in mind that parents mold the mind of their children and if as they are growing there's no real discipline then their mind will think the world is just as lenient as you and and they can get themselves killed, they can end up disobeying you and go somewhere and get killed there, I'd your discipline would've been strict they would've been to scared to disobey you and that would save their life, thats why many kids are out there on the streets shooting others and shit because parents don't whoop them and discipline them as they grew and didn't learn the right and wrongs, now of course this is normally the job of the father so you personally don't have to whoop them but the father should take charge and whoop them if they are bad, for discipline, not abuse, clearing it again.

[MementoMori777]

Your job is to discipline as well but not like the father, you raise them how you think you should as a mother, let the dad check them, mostly if you personally think it's wrong but if the father thinks it's right, let him, again if it's not abusive behavior and it's only for discipline

[Vesuvius87]

My friend Roy and his girlfriend have a 5 year-old daughter. Neither of them ever spanked her. He only raises his voice when she had gone a bit too far but admitted to never spanking her. He hates that method too.

[Vesuvius87]

The girl actually listens without ever getting spanked.

[MementoMori777]

Not all kids are like his daughter tho

[MementoMori777]

And give it enough time and let's see if she's just as good when she's a teen

[AviatorTom]

No. Sometimes, spanking ids the best means of getting a child's attention for legitimate punishment, setting boundaries and doling out punishment when a boundary is broken is a key parental function.

[Vesuvius87]

Well I'm trying to understand why my father felt the need to spank with a damn belt for not getting my homework right or knowing how to operate a remote control? Or another time, threatened to spank me just for losing my golden bracelet.
He lost his temper very few times though but when he did, several times it was either overdone or for no reason.

[slatyb]

It's ineffective and abusive. The parents are just repeating the abuse they received.

[Vesuvius87]

and here I am, breaking that abusive cycle. I don't want to use that on my child.

[Vesuvius87]

I actually want to educate my future child, guide them, not be a pathetic abuser.

[slatyb]

Good for you! There's a great book on using both actual and logical consequences to help children learn. When the actual consequences of behavior are endurable, then you allow them to experience those consequences. You don't have to say or do anything. If they child complains, you just tell remind them that it is in their power to prevent those consequences.

When the consequences are grave, then use logical consequences. If a child behaves in a way that is unsafe, then remove them from the situation. "I told you to stay in the..." Since you didn't do that, we are going home.

Once my six-year-old refused to brush their teeth. I said "Ok, I can't make you brush them, and I can't force you to let me do it. But if you won't brush your teeth, it would be irresponsible of me to provide anything sweet for you to eat." That worked immediately.

[humanearth]

I spanked my kids. None them turned out fucked up.

Compared to the other people that grown up without a good ass whipping.

[Vesuvius87]

I was spanked and still hate it till this day. I won't want to raise my future kid like that.

[humanearth]

At 36 your clock is ticking

[Vesuvius87]

I'm aware of this. I already have enough money to get pregant at a lab. Yet, I have to have a couple scans done first as requested by my doctor but the contrast dye isn't ready yet. That's the only thing keeping me still childless at this moment. Once I get that done, then I'm heading directly to the lab.

[AngryCarl2]

If you're releasing your frustrations by hitting your child it's abuse. Let's not dignify it by calling it discipline.

[Vesuvius87]

It sure is. The only single person getting satisfied is the parent, no one else. I'm outing out of spanking. My future child will never be raised with the ''oh no my mommy will get the belt'' mentality.

[roy_ricky09]

Were you spanked? Look at you asking a stupid question based on your assumptions.
As this to yourself when you'll have kids.

[Vesuvius87]

yes I was and I'm against it as an adult

[roy_ricky09]

Good for you.

[Guardian45]

Corporeal punishment should be banned. Not only can it be dangerous, but there are more effective ways to discipline a child.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. Discipline doesn't have to include hitting. What I see wrong is when some people say there is no discipline because there is no spanking.

[Guardian45]

They don't know what they are talking about

[admles]

It's assault, plain and simple. No excuse for it.

[Vesuvius87]

Exactly. That's what it is if my boss were to slap me. Same thing. Actually I think it's even worse since you're hitting someone you claim to love and care for.

[admles]

Bingo.
You're also hitting someone you are substantially bigger than, so you're also a bully.

[JohnK123]

I wouldn’t spank my kids…. I hope u or anyone wouldn’t either! How was your Easter?

[Bklynbadboy12]

I was spanked and it worked for me and my siblings

[Vesuvius87]

Individual experiences don't really count. I still believe there are other way of educating a child.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I agree there are other ways but those other ways aren't working just look at how disrespectful kids are today. That send that to there room and time out crap doesn't work

[Vesuvius87]

They're disrepectful because in several cases, the parents aren't involved with the child too much. If a child for instance is on his cell, tablet or with the screen for many hours (all day long stuck with the screen), that's negative. Then the ones leaving the toddlers in daycare instead of the mother (or father, whoever is in the house) taking care of them.

[Bklynbadboy12]

That true too but kids need structure and discipline what you said is one reason there are many many more

[Vesuvius87]

What can be said about my first ex boyfriend? He was spanked by his mother if he misbehaved (as you call it yourself, ass whooping) but he turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath and ended up scamming his own mother (the very parent that was that ''disciplined'' him and whom he supposedly had respect for) with money too as an adult? He also can't ever get his US citizenship because he lied about is DOB on his residence application; which that's a crime right there. He wanted my parents dead in the future. He was after money.
So if he got spanked as a kid, what happened there?

[Vesuvius87]

In that case he was spanked but still ended up a horrible person. What happened there?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes but no matter how you raise them they'll always be a few bad apples but you can't say it's a bad way to raise your children because of one person

[LazerBean]

Nope.