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Why do I feel so angry and jealous seeing everyone with loving mothers?

I never felt loved by my late mother as a child. I was a few times but I don’t remember since I was very little. I was 6 when I got diagnosed with autism and she became distant. She misses out on everything. She didn’t even participate in my 7th birthday party and went out. She abandoned my dad and I when I was 7 in a half because my mom didn’t wanna deal with a special needs child. I would look out the window asking where’s mommy every night. My dad told me she isn’t coming back. I would scream and tell him he’s wrong but she never did.
when I see kids making Mother’s Day gifts, I was the only one that didn’t make one. My 2nd grade teacher told me it’s only for kids who have mothers in their lives. She wasn’t sympathetic. I would get jealous of seeing everyone with their mothers. My dad always got tired of me talking about my mother and got in my face telling me to stop talking about her and move on. She did not want me. I told told to stop trying to call, text and send her gifts.
I hated Mother’s Day and still do. Nobody in my family accept for some people were sympathetic about it. My dad wasn’t either and expected me to suck it up and I have other mother figures to be grateful for. When I was 18, I saw my mother for the first time in 10-11 years and told me the truth. Man it stung so hard. My mom passed away two years ago and not a lot of people went to her funeral.
I will never have that special mother and daughter bond. I’m so jealous of people with amazing mothers. It isn’t fair!
Who wouldn’t I have a real mother that lived at home. I know one of my my aunts stepped in to help since my mom left. My older half sister did too. She was married and had her own family but still.

Why do I feel so angry and jealous seeing everyone with loving mothers?
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