I feel like I just watch everyone my age living normal lives, people with friends, great families/relationships, moving up in their careers, while I'm surrounded by family members who think everything is a competition and petty battle. Unfortunately for me they are all I have rn. I was adopted so I always felt like the odd one out, but im just realizing how sad of a person I am. I don't talk to people on the phone, I don't chat with friends here and there. I literally just stay to myself, I have my own interests and hobbies but I feel like a loser bc I can't relate to anyone. I do have communication issues, vulnerability issues.. I don't want to get close to people bc of bad experiences I've had and I wasn't always the victim I've been a bad person too. But like there's a lot of shittier people in the world who have such great lives, friends, family surrounding them.. it feels like I'm being punished by God or something. Like he just wants me to die alone. It sucks, communicating/reaching out to people is hard. I don't know how to hold conversations, initiate 1st contact, I know it's not hard but it's like my whole body rejects it for some reason. Also lately I've been having health scares where my heart has been racing for 3 nights in a row, if I die no one would care and that's fine but it's scary to think about. Esp leaving my child behind and not trusting even my own family.. Just needed to put that out there
Updates
9 mo
*Absolutely no friends* correction
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Well at least you are not a weirdo like me.
What makes you weird?
Never had a girlfriend and I am a loser. COVID 19 ruined my life. The woman I love more than anything moved on.
People just point at me and laugh at how lonely I am. I am a misfit. An outcast. No one will ever love me. I am a freak.
The only thing I like is I am free from any societal pressure because to expect from a weirdo like me.
Well don't be so hard on yourself. You don't need a girlfriend right now, just focus on yourself and your own well being, I promise your life will get so much better when you stop wanting what everyone else has. Just be yourself, you are unique. As long as you're not a creep and you're at least trying your best to be a better person, you'll be okay :) hope is not lost if your working towards becoming better even if your progress is slow