My brothers were telling me my friends are taking advantage of me and I should dump them. Should I leave them?

[Anonymous]

Warning: long rant. My brothers kept telling me those guys are no good and taking advantage of me but I’m too stubborn and naive to see it.

So over the weekend my four friends and I went to the casino. They pushed me to come become I always stay home on Saturday nights and told me I needed to get a life. I gave in. It was fun until they asked me for money. I told them I wasn’t taking out any money.

They all gambled all of their money and I still had some money left ($40). My girl pal asked for some money so I gave her a $20. Then the two guys asked and gave them my last two tens. I told them to pay me back and they ignore me. One said, “Yeah sure whatever.”

So I went to take out $20 to play and that’s all I planned to do. I won $400. Not lying it’s the truth. My friends did win also. Then they kept gambling and gambling. I decided that I was done and taking my money home. My friends asked for money and I told them no and I was done loaning them money. They told me I was selfish and they’ve done so much for me the least I can do is loan them money. So I stupidly gave them each $100. They gamble and some ended up winning. My girl pal asked for more and I told her I don’t have anymore money. She looked at me like I’m lying and told me to withdraw some more money. I firmly told her no.

So after we left, none of my friends said thank you to me and ignored me when I asked them if they’re going to pay me back. They laughed and ignored me. I stopped them and demanded my money back. They called me a cold hearted selfish bitch and they don’t own me a dime because I owe them after what they’ve done for me. When I went to take them home, I kept bugging them about the money they owe me ($300, $100 each). They ignore me. My girlfriend called me a jerk for being so greedy and rude and cussed at me. I threatened to sue them if they didn’t pay me back. They still also owe me some money and never paid me back. It isn’t as big as this.

What do I do?

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on this situation and your brothers' warnings, it does sound like your friends may be taking advantage of your generosity. Here are my recommendations:

1. Stop lending them money. It's clear they have no intention of paying you back and see nothing wrong with borrowing money from you without consequences. Do not give them any more.

2. Reevaluate the friendships. Think honestly about whether these are truly healthy, supportive relationships or if they are mostly one-sided. Their reactions to you asking for the money back were rude and uncalled for.

3. Consider cutting ties, at least temporarily. Removing yourself from these toxic dynamics may be the wake-up call they need to realize they've been mistreating you. Sometimes space creates clarity.

4. Look for better friends. You deserve people in your life who respect your boundaries, appreciate your help and would never make you feel used. Work on meeting others with more aligned values.

5. Learn from this experience. Now you know the signs of one-sided "friendships": taking without giving, guilt tripping, anger when boundaries are set. Keep an eye out for these in the future.

6. Don't be afraid to say no. Practice asserting your needs clearly and confidently without hesitation or excuses. You get to decide who you lend money and time to.

7. Forgive yourself. You were trying to be a good friend, that's a kind impulse. Now you know better for next time. Be kind to yourself through this experience.

In the end, only you can decide if these relationships are worth salvaging. But at the very least, set a firm boundary around money and reevaluate how balanced and healthy these dynamics truly are. Your genuine friends will understand and respect your needs.

Hope this perspective and advice is helpful! Please feel free to follow up if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

Thank you. I just hate that my brothers are right. I don’t wanna hear them say “I told you so” in my face! I hate being wrong. I don’t need them or my dad or my mom.

[Oliverlogan263]

I understand it can be frustrating and upsetting to realize that your brothers were right about your friends. However, the most important thing now is to make decisions that will be best for you. Focus on yourself, not on proving your brothers wrong.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Your brothers likely just want what's best for you and were looking out for you in their own way. Try not to take their advice as a personal criticism. They saw red flags that you may have missed.

2. You're not "wrong"; you were just more willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. That comes from a good place of wanting to see the best in others. I was like that myself with someone I considered a brother for years treated me unfairly.

3. Rather than feeling ashamed, see this as a learning experience. You now have more wisdom about how to identify unhealthy friendships going forward.

4. Prioritize your own wellbeing over your pride or desire to be "right". If cutting these friends off will save you hurt and stress, do what you need to do for yourself.

5. Focus on developing healthy relationships with people who enrich your life and treat you with care and respect. Your worth isn't defined by who you know - it comes from within.

6. If your brothers do say "I told you so", try not to take it to heart. Just acknowledge their concern for you and move the conversation forward in a positive direction.

The most important thing is that you're now aware of the reality of the situation. You have the power to make choices that prioritize your own happiness and self-respect. Don't get caught up in who was "right" or "wrong". Instead, choose to move forward in a way that feels best for you. I wish you the very best moving forward.

[MementoMori777]

Your brothers are totally right on this, that's fucked up, it pissed me off id loanshark all three of them mfs, they are definitely taking advantage of you and using you, you should cut them off completely they are fake friends, you need better friends, all three are fake.

[Alli39]

I mean definitely leave because their attitudes seem like trash, but also you realize you threatened to sue over like 300 dollars right? The legal fees would cost more than that. Find new friends and work on your temper a bit.

[Asker]

What the hell do you mean work on my temper? I have every right to be upset with them! They insulted me and called me a jerk and brutal names! What do you want me to do, just sit back and let them disrespect me? Fuck that!

[Alli39]

I mean there are ways to respond to conflict that don't involve cussing, threatening to sue, etc. I'm not saying their actions were in any way acceptable, I'm saying that them acting like literal trash doesn't mean that you have to respond. Learn to walk away... or don't. Up to you.

[Asker]

They’re the ones that cussed at me!! They did not me. Besides they owe me money and I only said that so they can pay me back. I can’t help it. Someone yells at me or cussed at me, I WILL stand up for myself. I’m no pushover. I just told them to get out my car when I dropped them off. I got text messages from them just this morning and I refuse to respond to avoid fights.

[XXblack88]

If these are your friends, I'd hate to know who your enemies are. I agree with your brothers. Your friends are treating you like a doormat.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Trust your brothers, they love you.

[Asker]

I know they do and I love them too. I hate when they’re right.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

That's why their brothers, it's their job to protect sis

[Asker]

I know but is girls and women aren’t weak. I’m sick of men thinking we need them. Fuck this

[Asker]

I don’t agree that I’m naive because I’m 21 not 13. Just because they’re older doesn’t mean they can treat me like a little kid. They’re 25 and 28

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You do need men and your brothers need you for other stuff, stop being so "i don't need anyone," be lucky you have protective brothers.

[Asker]

No I don’t! I’m sick of men saying that women need them for things and they won’t last in the world without them but men can survive without women? If it wasn’t for women, men wouldn’t be born so no I don’t need my brothers of my dad. My best friend even said listen to my brother and I’m being so ungrateful and stubborn because she wish she had brothers that care and us women do need men because we’re worthless without them. I can't believe my best friend said that! We’re not worthless without men. We’re not weak!

[Asker]

Of course men need us! Women are the ones that give birth (accept I’ve never given birth).

[balyai]

Get rid of them

[balyai]

And listen to your brothers

[Asker]

I hate that they’re right. Even my best friend (who refused to go and warned me not to go) told me I should have listened to my older brothers and how lucky I am to have brothers than care and protect their little sister. She told me I’m being stubborn and ungrateful. Fuck her

[balyai]

I'll be honest, I agree with your best friend. She's the person you should be around

[Asker]

She called me stubborn and ungrateful. I told her I know she is trying to protect me but I can take care of myself but she told me I don’t always see and I’m too naive to do so and I need people in my life to give that tough love to wake up. Best friends are the “meanest” because they hurt your feelings with the truth. I prefer the truth but don’t be so brutal

[balyai]

That's true. But the truth is always painful. And I don't think it's the first time she's warning you about something. You don't listen and she's tired of you, but as a best friend she still wants you.

[Asker]

I’m tired of her sometimes. I love her but damn she needs to back off and let me live. I don’t want to be the loser with no friends or one friend (no offense to my bestie. I love her.) there’s people with like 10 or 20 friends

[balyai]

I think it's time for you 2 besties to go your own ways and make new friends

[Asker]

No I don’t wanna let her go! I never said I wanted to leave her.