I love my sister but yet I destroyed her reputation, I feel bad but yet no... did I do right or not?

[Anonymous]

My sister's ex boyfriend dumped her because he found out she was after wealth. Apparently someone exposed her and she got caught in the lies. She's still very upset at whoever it was that exposed her, ruined it all for her. She doesn't know who it was though.

It's been 5 months and her reputation sank. That person that exposed her was really ME. I didn't want to be part of golddigging scheme. People like her destroyed relationships and families, do the rest of us looking for real commitment a disservice, destroy the last hope few have, make it harder for us to find a good man.

I'm not proud of doing this but this is what I did:

I secretly recorded her conversations with a friend (another one like her) and sent it to the long-term boyfriend through an anonymous nickname. He broke up afterwards. If my sister ever finds out I've been behind the demise of her relationship, she'll likely not speak to me. But I felt bad someone was getting used. Yet if I had allowed that, then I would've been no better than the users doing it. Sometimes I struggle with it. I know she's my family and dear sister but I felt that's something I couldn't agree with. Do you think this was right or I should've remain quiet about it?

Updates

8 mo

The ex boyfriend likely then spread the news to others and her reputation isn't good at this moment. I hate to see what she's going through but I felt I coulnd't let someone get used. If someone was cheating or using me, I would like to know too.

[DarkWinterNights]

It’s a pretty tough one to answer. I think ultimately it comes down to your own personal reasoning. Did you sabotage your sister because she’s going to hurt someone else, or is it coming from a place of jealousy? It can be tough watching people you don’t think deserve having a good partner while you can’t even land a date. I know that feeling personally.

[Asker]

I have no jealousy at all. She admitted on the recorded conversations that she didn't even love the man at all. She was after wealth and living a luxurious life.

[Asker]

I was upset because people like her make it harder for the rest of us to find decent men marriage-minded men. Those men are getting rare and women like my sister is ruining it for all of us that actually do want to commit out of love and not money.

[DarkWinterNights]

If your intentions are pure than you did nothing wrong. I would want to be told if I was him. Never disclose what you did to anyone you know though.

[Asker]

Exactly. If I was getting cheated on or used, I would deserve to know. I feel what she's doing is similar to someone killing all the available fishes in the ocean, all for themselves and leaving none for the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why you felt so inclined to betray your sister. Some women choose to date rich, and I don’t have to agree but unless it’s directly affecting me, why take it upon myself to ruin my own flesh and blood? You’re feeling guilty because it just wasn’t your place to destroy her, but if you’re so proud about it then be woman enough to tell her to her face. Being fake, throwing a stone then hiding your hand, that’s the woman you are. Embarrassing in my opinion.

[Asker]

She didn't even love the man at all. She was after wealth.

[Opinion Owner]

I guess my thing is why was that your business, and why did you need to take it upon yourself to not only ruin your sister’s relationship, but her reputation as well. He wasn’t cheating, no marriage was destroyed, they were together. I just don’t understand, like how is she specifically messing it up for your dating experience? You think every single man is rich or leery of a gold digging woman to the extent that they won’t commit at all? Absolutely not, there’s a small percentage of men with that much disposable income, she just happened to come across one. Majority of men you will personally meet work regular 9-5 jobs and don’t have a whole lot of money left after all their bills and rent are paid. Your decision was pointless, and you’re too much of a coward to even own up to it and tell her, that’s how you know it shouldn’t have been done. I’m sorry but this was incredibly shameful as a sister who claims to love her sibling so much.

[Opinion Owner]

You know even in some cultures they marry for money and not love? Some people even just advise that to women in general so that they can be taken care of and leave the nest. This is nothing new.

[Asker]

Yes and we're not from that culture. The man really thought she loved him and he was clearly hurt after finding that out.
The issue is less men want to get married (even talked negatively about it; the feel the same way I feel towards just living together with a boyfriend but never getting proposed because she's afraid of getting his money taken away) and instead prefer to do cohabitation and if he wants kids, he prefers just co-parenting. The normal, nuclear family has been destroyed. Why? Because of people like my sister who would've faked a whole relationship and get him only for money and then she was planning to ditch him later on.

[Asker]

If the man knew about it and was ok with it, fine. A deal like that only works out if both parties are aware and are ok with it... not if someone is getting used.
What she's doing is similar to someone killing all the fishes in the ocean, getting it all for themselves and leaving the rest of us without any more fishes left.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s fine if you’re not from that culture, I am just using that as a reference point to say that this is normal. Even with a nuclear family the wife is a stay at home mom, and how do you think that’s doable? Whether she genuinely loves her husband or not is debatable but one thing is for sure, and it’s that his salary allows her to not work. She is a homemaker, afforded that lifestyle by him, and some women seek this out specifically, they don’t want a job. Should we shame all of them? No, that is their choice to be codependent. You’re telling people here you aren’t jealous, but I honestly wish you were because at least then you’d have some sort of motive. To say you’re not means this was senseless. Like do you think this guy will never date again? Has she ruined it for him? 9/10 he will be back on the market soon if not already. Her personal relationship had no affect on these percentages of men worldwide who don’t want to get married, it wouldn’t stop you from finding a good guy. Like this was just so dumb and you’ve potentially destroyed your relationship with her for nothing. You’re here seeking reassurance to sooth your guilt, but you should feel very bad.

[Opinion Owner]

Then why not advise her to be upfront if you didn’t already? Even if you had a discussion and she chose to keep on with him, how on earth does that affect you? Like I said, the majority of men you will personally encounter cannot relate to her ex’s financial situation, if anything they are afraid of marriage and commitment because they’ve had bad relationships or are divorced, not because some woman was a gold digger. Go to any man in the grocery store and ask why his relationship failed, 9/10 it will be because one of them cheated, it just didn’t work out, any number or reasons unrelated to money.

[Opinion Owner]

I have two sisters and they’ve done things that I absolutely cannot stand and/or do not agree with. But they are my blood, I love them to death and they will always have my loyalty, I would never ever betray them how you did your sister and I cannot imagine what underlying discrepancies you must have in order to do what you’ve done.

[Opinion Owner]

In this case I very much disagree. Her loyalty should be to her sister, not a random man that she will never see or speak to again. She could’ve spoken to her sister about this or stayed out of it completely.

[Asker]

I hate the fact that I should enable bad behaviors and purposely let someone waste their time (and likely get cheated on eventually since she never loved him) just because she's my sister, for the sake of family. That sounds similar to what parents of bullies do, enable that behavior just because it's their child doing the bully. She was clearly in the wrong, the man was already introduced in our family (and vice- versa) for quite some time. He did loved her and she was up to no good. She's exactly the type of woman many men are afraid of getting married to, for good reason... the very reason why several men have so much negative views on marriage overall. She's the type that gives the rest of us a bad name, the type that destroyed what commitment was suppose to be about, the type that's killing the fishes in the ocean for the rest of us.

[Asker]

I never knew family meant enabling their bad behaviors. My love for my sister remains obviously but I don't love what she's doing. You can love the person but not the action.

[Anemone978]

Don't feel bad, your sister sounds like a bitch, I probably wouldn't of done it unless I was friends with the guy but she didn't love him so you saved him the issues..

[Anonymous]

Marriage is basically gold digging for women. Marriage is just a form of the oldest profession prostitution.

You ruin your sisters relationship for no reason. She's family. And plus it's none of your business what goes on in her relationship. You don't know them or what they are doing. You slander your sister for no reason.

[Asker]

Well the rest of us want to commit out of love. I don't care of he's a blue collar worker. I don't want to be part of this gold digging scheme. The rest of us are already having a hard time finding a true marriage-minded man... all because of women like her.
She admitted it herself on the recorded conversations that she doesn't love him and never did, she was only after wealth and then would likely ditch him.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You did the right thing, and you should be proud of yourself. 👏

Thank you, if more people outed gold diggers, the world would be a much better place than it is for those of us wanting a genuine relationship.

[Asker]

It would bring back what real commitment was all about; where people really stayed married till old age. Sadly, not much can be done to get rid of this ''monetary incentive obsession'' sick group that's destroying it for the rest. I'm totally ashamed how my own gender can behave too. I don't want to be part of that sick group.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You aren't a part of any group, you're you.

All that you need to do to get rid if that garbage, is to always respond to it how you did.

I will do the same.

[Mynameisbobby]

How do you maintain a relationship with your sister? I think you should've minded your own business.

[Asker]

She was up to no good, in the process of likely destroying someone, taking away their money (bleed him dry if he would've committed to her), then likely cheating in the near future and I should be ok and stay quiet about it? It's her types that give the rest of a us a bad name. I don't want to be part of this ''monetary incentive'' sick group. I want nothing to do with that mentality.

[Olivier-628]

I think your better off having a good sister than protecting a stranger.

[Anonymous]

What a fucking b****, so glad you're not my fucking sister.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Actually it was her sister that was the bitch, and from the sound of it, so are you.

[Opinion Owner]

Why the fuck do people have to keep poking their nose into other people's business which is of no fucking concern to them, especially siblings.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Because ratting out assholes keeps good people from becoming their victims.

[Opinion Owner]

And in doing so has destroyed her own family's relationship, hopefully someone will do the same to her one day.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Who cares?

Her sister is a shitty person, it's not worth having any sort of relationship with her anyway.

I say good riddance.

[Opinion Owner]

And I say so glad she's not my fucking sister.

[TheSpaceGnome]

And I bet she's glad you're not hers.
Pretty sure no one would be happy to be your sister.

[balyai]

You haven't done anything wrong. Keep being yourself. Your sister got what she deserves

[Asker]

People like her make it so hard for the rest of us. I already know why more men are refusing to commit. There is distrust between the genders. It's like everything has been destroyed and I don't want to be part of a negative group that destroys families.

[balyai]

I agree with you. It's good to have a loyal partner who loves us and nothing more. I'm proud of what you did. Can you message me?

[Drewtate]

You shouldn't have gotten involved.