Why won’t my younger sister accept that our mother wants nothing to do with us?

[Anonymous]

So our mother walked out on us about six years ago. She just packed her stuff and just left. She said she had to live her own live and she’s done being a mom. She promised that she would always be there for us and never leave and guess what? She LEFT! My brothers and I want nothing to do with her. I was 15, my brothers were 16 and 18 (four months before my oldest brother’s graduation). Our sister was 10. Anyways she keeps trying to contact mom and we have to keep telling her that mom will not call back, she won’t respond and she most likely won’t come to her high school graduation in 2025. She refuses to accept that mom doesn’t want us. It’s been SIX years and she needs to move on! I understand she needs mom, we do too but who needs her! She asked me how I honestly felt about mom and I bluntly told her that I HATE her guts, she dumped us so who needs her? She was shocked about my answer but it’s the truth. Dad is so fed up with her trying to contact mom and crying about her. He got in her face and scolded at her he is fed up with her crying over the woman that doesn’t give a shit about us and stop talking about her and he’s had enough. He yelled at her. Well can you blame him? Mom broke dads heart so bad as well. She isn’t the only one that went though the pain. We yelled at her too because we’re tired of it, the family is tired of it and even her best friend is tired of it. We’re not going to let her sulk and cry over that flaky woman. She needs to accept that mom doesn’t want us and focus on school and her life. She is a junior. What do we do? Dad took her phone away and deleted mom’s number and scolded at her that’s the end of that. I’m 21 and I’m my last year of college and my mom will not be invited to my graduation May 2024! I F*ING hate her and that’s the truth.
Look, I know it sounds pretty cruel to her, but we had to be Grinchs to stop her from getting hurt more.

[Anonymous]

Are you and your sister using gag? I swear I saw a post back in June or July about a girl who mentioned very similar things to what you have here. She talked about how she was longing for her mum to come back. She also mentioned how her dad was pissed she kept bringing up her mum and how her mum left when she was young.

While I understand you hate your mum. You have to understand your sister was quite young. Her memories are different to that of you and your other siblings and your dad. She may very well have trauma from being abandoned by her mum and doesn't understand things regardless if she is older. You say she can't cry all of the time, but sadly this is something trauma can do to someone whose mum just up and left with no answers and no goodbyes. Maybe instead of getting pissed off. Maybe all of you need to sit down and talk to one another in a calm tone. Or maybe try and arrange professional counselling for her.

Your sister doesn't need any of you yelling at her when she was just technically a baby when your mum left.

[Asker]

Really? Well it’s probably a coincidence. Anyways we did talk to her kindly a long time ago and I even was there for her first period and all the girly things mom should have been there for but she’s almost a young adult, it’s time for her to move on. Dad refuse to let her sulk in the past, got in her face and scolded at her go quit talking to her. I had to scold her off too and our brothers did because were tired of her crying over it. She yelled that we’re the meanest family and cold heartless people. Whatever it isn’t our fault that she can’t handle the truth. She is 16 going on 17, not 10 anymore. It’s time for her to grow up! Nobody wants to hear her cry about our worthless mom.

[Opinion Owner]

You doing the girly things was kind of you to do but honestly those things are not the same as having them done with your mum.

Your attitude actually sucks and I guarantee if all of you keep being the way you are with her. You will eventually lose your sister because she will up and leave and cut contact with you all. My order sisters have said similar things to what you have to me about our mum though our mum died. Honestly having my older siblings say such negative things about our mum you don't realise how hurtful it can be to us.

I'm not going to sit here and argue but know you will eventually lose your sister because none of you seem to be understanding of her feelings even though you claim you do

[Asker]

Whatever

[BasedBaeBecca]

Your sister is in denial. She doesn't accept the reality and that's why she can't get over it.

Instead of yelling at her and being rude to her, try to have a calm conversation with her. Ask her why she still talks about her etc?

Your sister is probably very sensitive about the situation. Try to listen to her and be supportive as a sibling. It really sucks to have a mother like this, especially as a sensitive person.

Sometimes we are too hard on people...

[Asker]

Well sometimes as a big sister I have to give her that tough love. It’s the only way to help her become a strong, independent woman. She doesn’t need mommy. Mommy is gone and doesn’t want us. I’m doing just fine without mom. I hate her for leaving us but you don’t see me or my bothers crying over hers. Dad is getting her to buck up and everyone she tries talking to him, he gets insensitive and tells her to get over it and walks away. Can you blame him? Mom is dead to me! I

[Lionman95]

Because she way younger than you guys when you´re mum left. She therefore might not be able to get over the situation on her own because it might have been in a time pre- or while she came into puberty. That´s normally an age where people are more vulnerable than later.

That way I´d think she more traumatised by the situation than you. Yelling at her won´t help the situation I think it´s better to get to go therapy.

[Asker]

Well we’re getting her to accept therapy because we tried helping her but she’s useless. Look I understand that it’s very hard but I was there for her first period and had girl talks and was there for her first date. I know she needs mom and I felt so bad for her that she didn’t have mom to help her with her first period like I did. I mean I felt heartbroken for her and still do, but that was the past and she needs to toughen up. We’re tired of her crying over her mother. Tough love

[Lionman95]

To be fair I understand your position, have the patience with her maybe therapy might help her heal her wounds.

[Asker]

Okay

[slatyb]

You were teenagers, she was ten. Stop yelling at her and show some compassion.

[Asker]

We did when she was younger but she’s 16 now.

[slatyb]

She's still very young. Stop yelling, it's abusive. She lost her mother when she still needed her. It had a much bigger impact on her than it did on the rest of you. Show some sympathy.

[Asker]

We did a while back and I still do but lost it when she kept whining and bitching about the flaky woman that doesn’t want us.

[Asker]

And I’m not abusive. Sometimes as a big sister you gotta give tough love. Being nice won’t work. It may hurt her feelings, but I don’t care she needs to learn to toughen it out.

[gothbxtch]

because your sister is a traumatized teenager who misses her mother.

[Asker]

We’ll I understand that and I felt the same way but she can’t be depressed and talk all the time and we’re all sick and tired of her crying and complaining about Mom all the time. I hate Mom so much. Who needs her?

[Asker]

She can’t sulk all the time I mean.

[Asker]

I understand she misses her, but she has to accept that. Mom wants nothing to do with us.

[Mynameisbobby]

You should be hugging your sister not yelling at her! Yelling at her is only traumatizing more. She was only 10 when your mother left she probably can't understand why she left. Stop yelling at her!!!

[Asker]

We’ll it’s the only way to get her to stop and YOU DONT NEED TO USE THREE EXCLAMATION POINTS! We were nice and hugged her but now she needs to stop.

[Mynameisbobby]

Get her counseling then!!!

[Asker]

OKAY!!! BUT WHAT WE SAID WAS THE TRUTH!!!’ FUCKING HAPPY NOW?

[Mynameisbobby]

Why are you so angry with your sister? She not only lost her mother but it sounds like she can't even share how she feels without being yelled at. Poor kid probably feels alone. It doesn't matter if I'm happy you should be more concerned with how your sister feels. If you didn't want an opinion you shouldn't have posted the question.

[Asker]

Look I asked and I don’t respond well to people that are rude and if you can’t be respectful, don’t answer my questions anymore. Simple as that. Bye! I did hug my sister and talked to her but she is getting older and she needs to move on! We’re tired of her crying over her mother. She complained to be that she can’t even share her feelings with Dad because he just gets her face and yells at her for bringing it up and told her to stop and she isn’t a 10 year old anymore. I don’t blame Dad. It’s over. Beat it