How do you deal with a nosy parent as an independent adult?

Question

provokeesmokee · Accepted Answer

Remind them you're an adult, you have your own life, and you do not owe them constant updates.

If you have friends with good relationships with their parents AND they have good boundaries, ask them for advice in setting up boundaries with your parent.

If the other parent is around, ask them for help in running interference when the nosy one starts getting needy.

Above all, restrict time and contact to as little as you can without triggering tantrums from the nosy one.

Think of it like separation training a new puppy or kitten, but you can be much more aggressive with the timeline (because most humans have more cognitive and learning capacity than most dogs). If the nosy one is used to every day contact, try every other day or every two days. Then the next week, two or three contacts throughout the week. Etc. Etc.

Be firm in your boundaries. It's okay to say "No, I don't feel like talking about that right now. Let's talk about (other topic) instead?".

And if they try to cross your boundaries, get up, leave, and don't contact them or visit again until you receive an apology you can believe.

And ultimately, consider compltely severing contact. My mother is nosy, has a weird inferiority complex and competition obsession, and is emotionally abusive. I tried from 16-28 to have a relationship with her (before 16, I didn't realize how bad she was because she kept me quite isolated). It ultimately failed because she could never respect my boundaries.

While I may be her daughter, she also designated me her plaything to manipulate her (enabling) husband, scam people for her, and she even stole my university money I earned so she could join an MLM cult.

Sometimes, parents turn out to be bad people. It's okay to walk away from ANY relationship that is causing you only harm.

Good luck. You're in the right.
You're an adult with your own life and whoever this parent is needs to recognize it.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i'm not exactly independent but i'm an adult. my dad treats me like a baby like if i'm staying with my dad when i want to go outside he's always like where you going exactly, with who, how long, be back before x time, and asks me to send him proof of where i am, polices my outfits kinda, and everything. i deal with it by trying to go out when he's working and create believable excuses to be out late and stuff like that so basically i lie a lot, do all the normal stuff like drinking, have sex, on the downlow too and everything, etc and sometimes when he gets too annoying i throw a fit and rebel in his face. so basically have to act the same i would as a teen, love my life :)

pass_the_celery98 · Accepted Answer

You tell them you are an adult and the same way they expect you to be an adult and pay your bills, clean your own clothes, to apply for your own jobs, to prepare for your own interviews, to handle your own life decisions and obstacles, parents need to recognize, be cognizant to fully comprehend that they interfere or butt in your life. As long as their child isn't doing anything illegal or disobeying the law or hurting someone emotionally or physically, parents should not act that way.

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

You need to move to the Middle Zone. >>> Too far For them to visit every day. >>> Too close to be overnight guests.

Hulk_kitty · Answer

I am not bothered about it, that's a parents job lol. They just worry about you. I just don't tell them every thing. I feel like a my mum is an FBI agent towards me sometimes lol

Everyone says your an adult, but to your parents you will always be their baby, and they always feel the need to protect and love you.

Just accept it, stop fight with them, just don't tell them everything.

sheenagwapa · Answer

i'mnot i dependent but my parents has always been the type who is submissive and value our opinion so much. usually parents would strongly assert themselves that thry are right but to us it's the opposite i would feel i'm right. they would even change theie opinion. i like my parents just the way they are

Jazzy54 · Answer

Check out the book  Boundaries.  That book helped me a  lot.  You have to put up boundaries with the people in your life, including your parents. Good luck. ❤️

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I don't tell them anything unless they ask. My parents might question my intelligence but they know I'm not a drug dealer or a convict so they still have a certain level of trust towards me.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I had my cousin's husband approach me on what I was doing for work / for a living, I simply did not reply to him and go on about my business and talk to other people and viewed my late aunt who was deceased.

Juxtapose · Answer

You stand up for yourself and be very firm about it. Don't compromise your position for anything.

Dinklex3 · Answer

I just tell my dad “None of your business 💁‍♀️”  & He laughs about it.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

You return the favor

CUT THEM OFF LIKE THEY DID YOU AT 4 YEARS OLD TAKING ALL OF YOUR CHILD SUPPORT TO GO AND LIVE IT UP WHILE YOU ARE BREAKING INTO PEOPLES HOMES AND EATING OUT OF GARBAGE CANS JUST TO SURVIVE

Andres77 · Answer

Are you paying for space in their home? Answer their questions. if you can afford your own space, respectfully tell them that you love them and that it is none of their business

TipsyFr · Answer

easy kick to the knee elbow to the side of face, uppercut to the jaw. Then shhhh 🤫 to much noise is bad for you. Usually works 🤐

Sonorous · Answer

Depends on the context. What is your situation?

Nifrayu · Answer

My mom is like this. I just give her short answers to the questions she asks me via messenger. Sometimes she asks me a bunch of questions at once and I only answer one or two of them.

Anonymous · Answer

Unless you are living with them I see no need to tolerate them In my case when I clearly gave signs that I don't entertain that behaviour they eventually stopped being nosy

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Give them exactly what they want and be nosy back.

Anonymous · Answer

I tell them straight up, don’t be nosy or asking too much questions they will stfu

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Tell them to back off and cut them out of your life

cnj421 · Answer

Set lots of boundaries

Unit1 · Answer

By being private. Simple as that.

LadiesFavoriteToy · Answer

Simple live on your own?

Awantika03 · Answer

Only adjustment can help you

How do you deal with a nosy parent as an independent adult?

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I had my cousin's husband approach me on what I was doing for work / for a living, I simply did not reply to him and go on about my business and talk to other people and viewed my late aunt who was deceased.