Do you think my mum is controlling or concerned?

[Monalisa77]

I told her there was no need for her to know about the plans i had for tonight untill i knew for sure it was happening. There was a big chance it wasn't gonna happen and yet because i thought i could trust my hairdresser she blabbed to my mum, then mum kept making comments claiming i was over reacting and he couldn't possibly like me? She even tried to make out i was making it up And no such person existed and she made other comments too like they were digs. She tells me Not to keep secret s but what does she expect when she interfers.. She knows this guy and most of our family know him (i dont think she knows who the guy is tho) but im not an idiot i do my research as much a si can. All i wanted was a drink in the pub we'd already been to, nothing else. Yet it appears from Them im Not allowed this at all? she's always been like this interfering in my business and getting too involved. Even with my brother she's like. "yes go out with this girl when the kids are at school and dont introduce them to her" etc like he's a child and not a grown man

Controlling

Concerned

Updates

5 mo

I forgot to add when she went out the door she laughed whilst saying have a nice night? When she knew i wanted to go out

Updates

5 mo

For the girls saying concerned, she looked pissed off at me when my hairdresser told her, she's constantly telling me i can't get involved in her life, y did she need to know if he wasn't interested or even there, he didn't do anything wrong yet im concerned she might think he did

Updates

4 mo

I scratched my arm badly when i missed the step at the bottom of the staires as i was going to check if the washing machine was on as i couldnt sleep and im sensitive to noise, she doesn't care about it and is angry at me for needing a plaster etc on it for bed.. Wtf? Even after all the stuff my brother said to her she still acts so cold

Updates

4 mo

I asked her if a guy asked me out was i allowed to say yes she wouldn't answer

[RoseySarah]

She is a toxic mom who is selfish!

She does not want you dating or going out? Really tell her no grand kids if you don't!

What does she want you to do not meet any one? Get a relationship secret then latter tell her so she can scream at you!

[Monalisa77]

There won't be any kids from me anwyay she already has 4 and two step grandkids

[Monalisa77]

Thats what i was trying to do but she accuses me of keeping secret s, even tho i actually told her he said hello to me and "stuff" and i tell her y i dont tell her bur she doesn't listen

[RoseySarah]

Over controlling you for some reason? Has she always been like that? Maybe your her favorite or perfect girl?

Usually it's single moms and only children who get that treatment

[Monalisa77]

Yeah and no im defo not her fav thats my sis. I've got health issues but i dont think that warrants her telling me what i can and cannot say and even how i walk, it drives me mad😂

[RoseySarah]

What health issues?
Yeah she just wants to scream at you o know some women like that.

Even if you died she would scream at you that you got killed in a dumb way and do better!

[Monalisa77]

Exactly i keep telling her that.

Im in the hospital atm just got my ears cleanes n waiting to test for my vertigo

[RoseySarah]

Poor thing
They have ear cleaners on Amazon you can have a camera on it seeing in your ear so you can safely clean it yourself!

[Monalisa77]

Ye my dr advises me not to it might make it worse

[Monalisa77]

Can u see my other qs since September?

[RoseySarah]

Really? Drs are so dumb not wanting you to self help.

As a nurse this drives me crazy! Er full and your saying don't help yourself just come back waste our time and theirs!

But I trust my patients judgement

[Monalisa77]

Lol i dont mind it gets me out of the house at least 😂

[LeeTina]

Most mothers in this world love their children and are afraid that their children will be harmed. I am also a mother of a child myself, and I can understand your mother's mood at that time.

[Monalisa77]

Well i hurt my arm walking down the staires and she was angry at me for needing a plaster lol!

[Monalisa77]

she's had her grandkids over this week all she did was be the maid... Never played with them when she had time to she just sits on her ipad, even when forced to play she still on her ipad. She doesn't give anyone 100% attention

[slatyb]

How old are you really? If you are an adult, then you don't have to offer your mother or worry about what she does it doesn't allow. Do what you want, tell her what you want.

[Monalisa77]

My age is right. I didn't tell her, my hairdresser did

[slatyb]

Are you still living with her? Maybe you should move out?

[Monalisa77]

I can't i have health issues, but shouldn't stop me from going out if someone wanted to go out with me

[Monalisa77]

**and no job

[Anonymous]

Im not sure but she is your mom

Maybe she just tries to make sure you are fine and she wants you to be safe, so no one can take advantage of you

[Opinion Owner]

by the way have u tried to find a job?
Maybe you can have more fun i mean you can be more positive and have better pshycology
Im sorry i dont know you, i just wanted to comment since i saw some your profile reading part and few comments on here
:)

[Opinion Owner]

Seems like you are like me at some point
When you get some attention, you get used to it, and attached

[Monalisa77]

Yup i had one last yr but got sacked after 2 months n I've had interviews doing courses im qualified but no one seems to want to take me on

[Monalisa77]

Because i was in a room with tones of people i like to talk a lot and i try to fit in, i was finally with people after covid and the boss didn't like it he's like u need to say in ur seet 😂

[Opinion Owner]

Dont give up pleaseee
When i didn't have job, i was like hopeless... But when i was hired it really made happy, even just to be able to buy small things with your money make you happy
Just try. Do more courses, stick on them
I believe you will get a job
Maybe yıu can get intersnhip like i did, with small payment..
If they like your work, you will may get full time job at same work place

[Opinion Owner]

What was the reason you got sacked after 2 months if u dont mind me asking
Dont u have any people in right places to help u get job, your parents, brother, sister, someone in family or friends's family

[Opinion Owner]

Well then try not to talk much during work
U can talk in breaks or after work off
:)

[Monalisa77]

Moneys no issue for me. Just being out and mixing with pppl is more important

[Monalisa77]

I dont work now i lesrnt my lesson but everyone else was talking too i was told it was fine just the boss was horrible

[Monalisa77]

My mums a teacher and my dads retired so nope, I've tried all avenues its just so difficult, even the goverment courses now could be ending in march

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know but dont lose your hope
Just try your best, trust in yourself
When you work and do things u can do, u will lşke yourself and your life more
When u work, u will have people around to be social too

[Monalisa77]

Ye i was at my happiest in that job i was heartbroken couldnt sleep well for weeks and my sis was horrible about it no support whatsoever

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah i see about the boss
But just try to apply jobs
Make an excel file for urself
And columns like (Job definiton, company, applied, having heard from them/have replied etc)
Try to fill ur file while applying more jobs and geting replies or not, no problem
Just believe u will have job,
And also try to improve ur skills as much as u can at home...
I donr know what job you do tho
What courses etc, maybe you can try to find on udemy, coursera, edx etc

[Monalisa77]

I got vertigo now so i can barely walk im concenttating on the courses to get more skills n stuff i need more than basic admin

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah siblings and parents should be supportive
But no one help sometimes, and u see it
Your parents will not be with you forever... God bless them but they will get older...
So you are still young, thats why you should trust yourself and try to apply jobs and finally get a good job, just have experience
By having experience u will get better job
As u see, siblings etc just like a story, at the end we end up with staying with ourself
Have to be strong, apply, please

[Opinion Owner]

Do you go to doctor? I hope u will get well
What courses do u study yourself

[Monalisa77]

Yup partly y in trying to find a man lol really thought this guy liked me he was proper staring but he didn't reply to the message so im done, he didn't make attempt to talk to me only so msny excuses for shyness u can take

[Monalisa77]

Ye just home from the hospital getting an mri scan done thankfully

[Monalisa77]

Im 35, 36 in jan wouldn't call that young im getting old n health gets worse if i dont get a job by 2027 i won't be trying after that thats my deadline

[Opinion Owner]

I hope u will get better
I don't know. İf u are religious but might to try to get close to God, we will die oneday...
Anyway, dont give urself a deadline
Also thats a big time
U will get a job but u have to do your best
U are younger than people that are older than u
U do your best please, may God be with uand help u get a job
I hope u will have a job and be happier
Tell yıur mom and dad u want to work, they may try to find people in right places from enviroment

[Monalisa77]

She clsimed this person didn't exist even though I've already told her about him she clearly didn't listen if she cared so much about people taking advantage she wouldn't be so horrible to me ice told her thars t i get attached ot people

[Monalisa77]

I've told her that's y i get attached to people

[Opinion Owner]

I dont know what to say
But im like u at some point
I feel lonely and i dont have female friends
But i know i should go out and try to be social..
I wish u the best :)

[DoggyDude]

It very much depends how old you are to what the answer is. For a young girl, under the age of 16, then a mother being hyper concerned about what she's doing when she's out is pretty run of the mill (becasuse there are so many dangers for a young girl on her own and way too many unscruplous men who might take advantage).

However, if your an older woman (say in later 20's) then yes, this might reflect a controlling mother. There's tons of different reasons for a controlling mother and one of the most common is they made mistakes in their life and vowed to themselves they would protect /defend their own from the same mistakes (which is, misguided to do by trying to police their offspring).

So I wouldn't answer either. I would say that, whilst you should be able to proceed as you like regarding your privacy (assuming your 20+) it is disresepectful to keep secrets from your parents if your living with them still (that's not to say, you should have to tell them everything, but if your telling your hairdresser as a stranger you should be able to tell your parents too).

You should definitely, either way, talk to your Mum about whether she's respecting you as a woman (if your older) and if your younger discuss what she expects of you and debate wether those expectations seem reasonable and why you wouldn't feel they are.

[BoopBoopBeep]

You're 36 FFS, why does your mom even have a say? Who cares what she thinks, you're an adult you don't need her permission.

[JacobJordan]

you need to run far and run fast. that is one toxic woman that you do not need to ever see or speak to

[Monalisa77]

Unfortunately my health is quite bad I'm getting an mri scan done to see if there's anything wrong

[FatNeville]

The story is a bit confusing as it is worded, but it seems like both might be the case simultaneously.

[ThrillSeeker01]

Controlling. That's just too much.

[Monalisa77]

Ikr, all she needs to know is if he's a nice guy and ill get home safely? Like it didn't happen anyway but it doesn't mean he didn't exist😂😂

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just going out for a drink with a guy? I don't see anything to worry about 🙂

[Monalisa77]

Exactly.. its not like he was a stranger 😂

[ThrillSeeker01]

You'll get another chance soon, I hope

[Monalisa77]

I msgd him. And he hasn't replied😭i dont get out much and dont get much attention so people find it hard to believe anyone would like me (even i find it hard to believe why he seemed to😂)

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just because you don't get out much or get tons of attention doesn't mean you don't have a wonderful personality that lots of guys would like.

[Monalisa77]

I think i do but i just never get that chance. Mum doesn't matter realize I've got needs just like everyone else has

[ThrillSeeker01]

Right, I think it's just plain common sense. Everyone has these feelings.

[Monalisa77]

Exactly. N she wonders why i get so attached easily

[ThrillSeeker01]

We all need love 🙂