How do you let go of a long term friend who no longer shares your beliefs?

[petitedollbabee]

We’ve been friends for almost 6 years and I don’t know if it’s he who has changed or myself, but we no longer see eye-to-eye on a few things that I consider to be major. I don’t think that I can continue our friendship while we are on opposite sides of these topics. How do I just let go of this friendship?

[Anonymous]

I've said it before I have a handful of friends and a thousand acquaintances. Because I'm a friendly person. But I have very stringent standards when it comes to those I call "friend". I would simply demote him to acquaintance. It doesn't mean you stop caring about him. But it means he does not have your full trust anymore. You hold him at arms length (or in your case hold him on the other side of the door's length😆). But you still wish him well. You've already articulated what you need out of him in a friendship. Either he wants to give that or he doesn't.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you should, unless you two are being rude to each other.

Disagreeing, even on important things, is not a reason to end a friendship. My friend is a socialist, and if he got his way, he'd cause many people to struggle to eat, have no luxuries, and many other horrible things.

But he's still my friend.

Defriending people over their beliefs is intolerance, and it only furthers divide and exclusion. It even creates echo chambers. There's many reasons why this is a bad thing.

[petitedollbabee]

One of the things that we’re not seeing eye-to-eye on is my personal safety with my health, which is something that I consider major. Making I’m overreacting but I don’t believe so, perhaps you could give me your insight? I feel like what I’m asking from him is basic decency.

Basically covid is still a really big thing in my country, among other common viruses. I tell all of my friends not to come near me if they’re sick, because I have a lot of health issues already and my immune system is terrible, usually when I get sick with viruses I end up in hospital. This friend that I’m asking the question about - three times now he has disregarded my personal safety and he has seen me while he’s very sick, spreading viruses to me and I’ve ended up in hospital each time. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t believe him when he says he’s not sick, because he said that the last 3 times and then he got me sick. I’ve stopped hanging out with him because of this, so we’re mostly just online friends now. He’s broken my trust for him, and I feel as if he doesn’t care at all about my health. What do you think?

[petitedollbabee]

there's a couple other things that we’re not seeing eye-to-eye on, but those things are just a matter of difference in opinion, compared to my health where what he’s doing is actually physically harming me, and he’s got to be doing it on purpose. There’s no way that it’s accidental when he’s lying to me and saying he’s not sick, and then when I see him, he’s got lots of flu symptoms and coughing in my face.

[Opinion Owner]

I see. Yeah, I misunderstood. I was of the impression you meant philosophical or political beliefs. I don't think you're overreaching and would understand a friendship unfortunately ending over something like this.

[HappyWoman34]

That’s the same thing my ex friend said about me to a mutual friend. You don’t have to agree on everything to be friends, but this friend had elitist values and I didn’t. He also had no respect for boundaries. Those are big red flags that I couldn’t overlook. If there are big red flags like that, I think you’re being smart. If it’s just that your friend isn’t politically correct and you are, then I think you’re overreacting. Either ghost them or tell them you don’t want to be friends anymore.

[Katebfun]

Good question. I believe you should outgrow some friendships. A few years ago I was friends with a gal for 2.5 years, I just told her straight up the facts. It slowly became a 1 sided relationship. The last straw was when I was locked out of my home, she was with me. I asked of I could crash at her place so I would only pay 25 for a replacement key. She was clearly not happy ans made it known, she stayed and witnessed me paying over $100 for a key smith to let me in!! I was furious, she could of let me crash in 1 of her 3 bedroom rooms. Also we had different hobbies, she likws to drink, eat and shop. I like to hike, yoga and concerts. She never liked to participate in my hobbies. I had to leave.

[exitseven]

I went through this when one of my friends got really into drugs. It was all he talked about and all he ever wanted to do. He started hanging out with a different crowd and I just gave up on him. He is still using drugs and has a druggie wife and a couple of kids.

[petitedollbabee]

Well one of the things that me and this friend are having problems with is his drug usage. His social circle (excluding me) is full of addicts. Over the last few years he has gone deeper into his drug addictions, he can’t even hold down a job or a relationship anymore. I used to have addictions aswell but I’m coming up 3 years sober now, so we don’t see eye-to-eye on it anymore.

[exitseven]

You probably should not hang out with him anymore.

[ohsheeT]

Well just because you don't see eye to eye about something it's not a reason to break the relationship up that's part of life

Are you a right fighter you have to be right and if you're not right you just want to end things.

A true friend will stick it out a true friend will understand that just because you see one thing one way and the other person sees things in other way that just shows you who we are and when you can accept that and respect that that's what makes you grow

Everything in this world doesn't have to be right or wrong just because we believe in something just because we think something doesn't mean that we're right I can say that out loud to myself and to other people about me it's just in that moment it's what I believe or what I feel but it doesn't mean that I'm right

[Mansearching]

Just because you 2 have different belief systems doesn't mean you can't be friends. Just agree to disagree on subjects. Then move on.

[petitedollbabee]

They’re not subjects that I can personally just “agree to disagree” on. I’ve tried and it hasn’t worked.

[Mansearching]

@petitedollbabee Then you might have to talk to him and say goodbye. Its hard I know. Been there.

[RavVid]

You can agree to disagree. You are both becoming adults and the naive childhood politics is possibly receding from or both of you.

[petitedollbabee]

Why is everyone assuming that this has anything to do with politics? There’s values and beliefs in more than just politics or religion.

[RavVid]

Sorry was going by question and I do take beliefs as being political or religion beliefs but I see what you have written elsewhere. I find that is simply a deeply self centric selfish attitude.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Some say opposites attract it in this case maybe it’s time for you to move on. On the flips side when it comes to seeing eye to eye what aren’t you two seeing because if you are making a mountain out of a molehill is it worth losing a friend or six years?

[petitedollbabee]

The major thing is he’s putting my health in danger. I tell all of my friends to stay away from me if they’re sick, as I have a compromised immune system and many chronic health issues - every time I get sick with a virus, I end up in hospital. 3 times now this friend has lied to me by saying he’s not sick, and then we hang out, and he’s very clearly sick and coughing all over me. He’s put me in hospital 3 times now from spreading viruses to me. I no longer consider him to be a safe person, or to have any regard for my health. I haven’t seen him in months now, I refuse to because I don’t believe him anymore when he says that he’s not sick. All the other things that we’re not seeing eye-to-eye on are just a matter of difference in opinion, but when it comes to my health, I consider what he’s doing to be major - as there’s no way he’s not doing it on purpose.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think gradually letting go is the best thing to do.

[Paris13]

Be Civil. I Broke it Off with a LDR man whom I Rarely Saw Eye to Eye with. They don't Change. xxoo

[LiamJHayden]

No idea. I have friends of a widely varying world views, religiously and politically. It would have to be pretty extreme for me to end a friendship over beliefs, like one becoming an actual Nazi or a member of Aryan Nation.

[loveslongnails]

You just say -- our core beliefs and values on things that are vastly important to me are too different. I wish you peace and enlightenment in your future, but I can no longer call you friend.

[Worst]

Depends on how much you value his importance in your life I guess. You could either let him know about how you feel about your friendship and that you no longer want to pursue it; or, you can just slowly stop interacting with him

[Sofargone93]

Agree to disagree. If it's something like religion or politics then the relationship isn't authentic. If it's a belief in something deeper then... It is what it is. There's billions of people in the world who think like you.

[DizzyDesii]

I just dont discuss those religious or political topics with them. They are just friends at the end of the day, not the person I’m looking to marry

[Heyoka]

We have so much problems, issues in maintaining who we are and what we want to be or know what we need to be. Why not let others be who they are or choice to be. It makes life less complicating and controlling. I know I am eventually bothered by people always trying to control me like a dog on a leach. Guess what? I break out of that strangle hold and have no respect for that poor entity. Yeah, I let go.

[blueonblack22]

Is this over politics?

[petitedollbabee]

No, and I’m not sure why everyone is assuming that it’s politics related, maybe I’ve worded my question wrong?

[blueonblack22]

It’s because some women especially young women will immediately shut out anyone who doesn’t agree where their political views nowadays. Not saying you are like that but a lot of women are.

[petitedollbabee]

Ah, I see.

[jahaims]

I wouldn't let go of a friendship for different beliefs unless it was something extreme like they were okay with pedophiles or something nuts like that.

[Grond21]

Did your underlying values change?

[petitedollbabee]

I believe so. We became friends when we were 16/17, and I’m now 22 and he’s 23. It’s only natural for mindset, maturity and values to change through transition from teens to adulthood. He hasn’t changed much, but I have changed a lot, so maybe I’m the one who’s the problem.

[Grond21]

It's not necessary to think of pne of you as the problem. Just a changing set of values may mean friendship is too difficult.

Did you become more liberal as you went through university?

[petitedollbabee]

The things that we’re not agreeing on aren’t political at all. Most of it is regarding my personal safety and health, his drug addictions and how he’s acting towards my other friends and family.

[Grond21]

That sounds... like you grew. A lot

[Ms_Facesitter]

I just interact with them less, if the differences are just so deal breaking.

[collie22]

Growing apart happens to me. I think how Jesus gives me a path

[ThrillSeeker01]

What kinds of disagreements are we talking about? Some kinds are not that big a deal.

[HouseMoat]

Maybe you were just never friends in the first place. Typically people don't "change"

[Alex-Snow]

Just be upfront, honest and make it a clean break.