What's the best way to deal with a needy guy friend?

[darthc00ki3]

Ok, so I have this friend I've known since school. He's just hit 40, I'm in my late thirties. We're both male.

He constantly messages me every day, most of the time its about mundane texts; "What you up too?" "I'm just playing this game etc." but he sends like up to five or six messages a day.

I'm quite an introverted person, who values their alone time. If I say to him, I'm having some time away from my phone, he'll leave me alone during the day, then resume messaging me at night. If I tell him, I'm writing an assignment, he'll do the same thing, messaging me at night. He's a good friend, just his constant neediness can be overwhelming. I have tried to set boundaries with him, but it's almost like he doesn't care or doesn't listen.

[LazerBean]

Per my husband - "don't reply. Set a timer for 4 hours every time he texts and then reply after 4 hours"

[darthc00ki3]

Think I might try that - it's more the fact that he messages if I say to him, I'm in lectures right now and can't talk, then sends me ten messages about a game he's playing on his day off from work, or if I'm writing an assignment, I'll say to him I'm studying right now, then messages a couple of hours later.

[Kxkxkxkx]

I feel like he might be lonely, so maybe he listens, but he can't stop, because he needs to talk to someone so he isn't bored. Does he have any hobbies or things to do? Maybe suggest doing things like this.

[darthc00ki3]

I did wonder the lonely aspect which I totally get. He works full-time, doesn't really have many friends other then gaming. Like, he's a good friend, but as someone who has a mental health condition - it can be hard to keep up with trying to maintain contact with him everyday, as well as attending to my own needs

[Anonymous]

Try isolating yourself for the next six days and see how it feels with no communication with anybody. Maybe you don’t want any friends

[Opinion Owner]

I mean two months

[darthc00ki3]

I live alone so I know what its like to go without communication for a while. I don't mind the messaging - just not all the time, every time. I'm quite an introverted person

[Opinion Owner]

Do you like meeting your friends and going out?

[darthc00ki3]

yes, but like I say not all the time. For one, I can't afford it. I have other friends that don't talk everyday but when we do meet up it's like we've not stopped texting.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh ok

[darthc00ki3]

I guess I'm not much of a 'big texter' type of person.

[Opinion Owner]

I would recommend talking to your friend and just tell him the exact truth and just tell him it’s nothing personal but yes, you can still be his friend

[darthc00ki3]

I think you're right, maybe set times where I can message him, but that it doesn't impact my own mental health too.

[Opinion Owner]

Right I hope that you become more happier and things work out for you

[Fromdusktilldawn]

sounds like the poor guy is pretty lonely, I feel him

[darthc00ki3]

Yeah, that's why I don't want to cut him off or anything. I've been that person before. I guess I'm just awkward around people.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

I actually sometimes feel like I just annoy people when I try staying in contact with them

[Akam93]

Tell him to go out and get a girlfriend.

[In_Trance]

Blow him