Is an open marriage the most idiotic thing ever?

[DanaPonds]

I'm friends with a couple in their mid 40's that just moved in several months ago. Their two children are already in their 20's living on other states. The woman admitted that they've been in an open marriage for the longest. They have a rule about informing who they're hanging out with, no feelings between the other person and if the person will be at home.

Needless to say, this is a ''what the hell did I just heard'' moment for me. Isn't this the most idiotic thing ever? Open marriage... who does that?

Updates

3 mo

Both claimed to love each other greatly and that sex is different than love.

[lightbulb27]

Reminds me of this movie where girl thought she was going to nice hotel but got eaten by an alligator. not good.

It's like a living contradiction isn't it. I don't know what to say other than be careful the company you keep.

Long back I recall someone finding out their neighbors and apparently some neighborhood was "swingers"... kinda similar. This is a reason some neighborhoods become "normal families"... don't need these dramas. Can you imagine the drama going on?

I've had people float "trial" balloons, specifically a woman customer. So many offers in life you should be prepared to say no to. Those come from your value system. If someone is "tempted", it leads down a path of probable destruction for most. Values keep you safe and secure so don't get hurt. Some might be ok. Most not.

Not everyone is the same, take it as a warning and keep distance. I wouldn't want to be drawn into that. I think it's respectful she warned people/floated a balloon. No way would I go for dinner, lest you be drug into their cesspool.

I pitty the children that lack good parents to help them build strong sense of self and values, to avoid such pitfalls.

[Wallfly]

Open relationships are like nuclear reactors. High risk, high reward. If done by emotionally dumb people, it'll be a melt down. If done by emotionally intelligent ones, they'll live a far greater life than most can imagine.

in my opinion, humanity should be trying to achieve the level of intelligence needed to be open with sexual connection. There's no reason for it to be something we're spending so much time and energy on. Clothes, style, trends, money, clout, etc. We waste so much of our life on things that kind of revolve around sex. Sex could be free, but only if there was a critical mass of emotionally intelligent people.

But from what I've seen, this rarely works. Men tend to be more possessive than they think, and the line between too controlling and not controlling enough is sometimes non-existent. It's possible to fail at both at the same time. Then women tend to be woefully ignorant of how privileged they are when it comes to dating. Further, outperforming their partner can make them seem weak and unattractive. So, unless a guy is a super chad, odd are it doesn't work out well.

I think, in the end, this is just one of thousands of other issues that stem back to women being tuned for producing a dominant species. A lot of women are less turned on (in bed, not pillow talk) by equality than by dominance, so trying to do things in an egalitarian is really, really hard to maintain.

[aceleon]

this has nothing to do with emotional intelligence, the math is simple, even animals who has no morality in them can't stomach something this low. it is against male nature to allow other males to fuck their females, what you describe is simply denying your own nature and this is not emotional intelligence or such thing, this is straight out perversion and having a twisted mind. also of course womans are not turned on by equality, we are not equals and don't live in an egalitarian world, if we were meant to be equals there wouldn't be such thing as gender.

[Wallfly]

@aceleon gotta be smarter than an animal to be emotionally intelligent. Don't underestimate what's possible.

[aceleon]

smarter? don't make me laugh, what kind of smartness are you talking about THEY ARE FREAKİNG FUCKİNG YOUR GİRL FOR FUCK SAKE.

[Wallfly]

@aceleon oh no!

[mandyfire98]

No, it might not be for some people but others absolutely enjoy it and it works for them. Sex doesn't mean love. That's true. Sex can be better with love but sex is a physical act of pleasure. People don't have to be in love with people they are sexual with. If that were the case then there would never be one night stands or hookups or there would be no porn at all because pornstars don't love their co stars. If sex was only ever tied to love then people would be marrying their sex toys lol. Some people find ways to spice up their relationships sexually but still are madly in love.

There are many things I dont fully get and wouldn't take part in but I don't think it's necessarily idiotic. I also don't think my way is the only way though. I don't have that personality.

[Anonymous]

they probably think it's cheaper than a divorce. yes i think it's absolutely stupid.

[Billlewis]

My view on this topic is that an open marriage is virtually doomed to fail if both halves of the couple are dating other people. However, in a scenario in which the woman has the freedom to date other guys, while the guy remains faithful and exclusive to her at all times, I firmly believe that this is arguably the best kind of arrangement available for many couples.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It violates almost all wedding vows unless they had a very unconventional wedding where their vow involved no oath of faithfulness/fidelity. Almost all of them in the widest variety of traditions/religions involve vowing to be a faithful husband and faithful wife.

So at least if they gave that type of vow to be a faithful husband/wife, they have broken their vows, and I think that's one of the worst things a person can do when the word that's broken is their sworn oath. That goes way beyond broken promises.

[AviatorTom]

Open marriage works for some couples. Their emotional bond ties them together, yet they may have different libidos or opinions of sex.

In a serious relationship like marriage, each partner wants the other to be happy. If that involves having sex with others, is that necessarily wrong?

[aceleon]

dude everytime i see you, you are becoming an even bigger disappointment, yes it is the epitome of WRONG, you don't share your mate, even animals are not that low, what you do is cuckery and you don't have any guts in you if you allow such a thing, cut the liberal crap, how does your woman getting railed by another dude doesn't disgusts you or how can you be able to live with your pride not hurting is beyond me.

[AviatorTom]

@aceleon I don't share my mate. Neither of us want to do that. But some couples do want that, and if that's what they mutually agree to, what right do we have to criticize them?

[JayBones]

No. When you get older some people grow apart. I love my wife like a roommate or like every other family member. I sleep with her often because she doesn't know how or won't masterbate. I usually stop after she gets off. There is no reason to put the kids through a divorce and financially would suck for us all. I'm not really interested in other women, I've gone on a few dates and my wife didn't really care. If I found someone that didn't mind I had a wife we would be perfectly fine living that lifestyle

[Starrrboy]

I think open relationships/marriages are for a certain type of people who are reaaally mellow lol.. it works for them but I can't relate at all.. I don't think it's even a " relationship " lol..

[DanaPonds]

yeah I don't understand that lifestyle nor mentality. To me it doesn't make sense.

[Staximus]

"I'm so committed to you but I want to fuck other people , too" is the dumbest shit I've ever heard of

[DanaPonds]

I know right. It's an oxymoron.

[Lliam]

It's not for me, that's for sure. I never cheated and would never have been okay with sharing a girlfriend. The thought is icky.
I've always been into monogamous relationships.

[Astarlessnightsky]

No its not, its just like any other relationship. If its not for you, thats okay, but for them it seems to work just fine, and thats also okay.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

People who have non traditional views on sex. Or at least, people who believe they do.

It's certainly not for everyone. Requires a lot of trust from both sides.

[aceleon]

trust? trsut on what? that she will get railed by other dudes? ''oh honey i absolutly love you but can you leave the house since my boyfriend number 1000 will come to fuck me'' or '' honey just because i suck other guys cocks doesn't mean i am not loyal or in love with you''?
fuck trust this shit perfectly prooves that you are not trustworthy at all.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

@aceleon someone like me would argue that your statement proves you aren't trustworthy.

I've fucked people who I've straight up forgotten all about them. We didn't date or build up a connection any more special then the dude at the deli who remembers your order.

When you get into a traditional relationship you're using sex as a symbol of trust. By overcoming the great temptation of another partner however temporary, you know as long as that word is kept, there's still at least that much worth left in the relationship no matter how bad things get or seem.

But I don't need that to know if a woman loves or is loyal to me. And as long as she sees things the same way I do, I don't really care much what she does as long as it's not getting in the way of our own things.

At the end of the day, I don't care if she sees a dude, gets turned on and makes a decision in the moment. She's still going to come home to my house, be there when I have my wins and losses in life, cook for me, be my counsel, watch our kids, vacation with me and obviously have her back blown out by me.

A woman's value has almost nothing to do with sex to me, honestly. I care more about how she enriches my life.

[Berethor]

Yea it basically licence to cheat, and it does not make woman any less of a ho.

[DanaPonds]

What about the man that's married to her and doesn't mind that type of arrangement (both are swingers) nor is one bit jealous... what is he called?

[Berethor]

He called cuck and beta male, and female promiscuity is always worse.

[rigmarole]

It seems crazy to me. If you want to sleep around, there's no legitimate reason to marry anyone.

[OtterMan68]

you're admitting you can't satisfy your spouse, so he or she has to look elsewhere.

[patrick994]

In fact, increasingly convinced that it is better not to get married.

[Phoenix98]

Like a open relationship it kinda defeats the purpose.

[DanaPonds]

yeah it's basically an oxymoron

[Phoenix98]

Pretty much.

[JacobJordan]

Incentivizing hoe behavior. And people wonder why relationships today are shot to hell

[Bricealan]

It has worked for us for more than 10 years.

[aceleon]

even the idea is idiotic as hell, only idiots perverts or whores do that.

[aceleon]

i am sick and tired of this love and sex is different thing, who cares? even if it is different sharing my woman's sex is worse than sharing her love.

[Nikki1989]

It has worked for us for almost 9 years.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Nasty idiots. Exposing themselves to a sexual disease.

God is going to sent them straight to hell.

[Paul09]

Which god?

[Paul09]

First ti be fair, getting married is useless. A silly religious thing. Second if it works for all parties, why not? Mixing it up sounds fun.

[aceleon]

sounds fun?
another guy fucking your girl doggy style sounds fun to you?
if yes, you have issues.

[Paul09]

@aceleon And you fuck another girl too? Oh no. How horrible.