How do I cope with someone who has borderline?

[Yasm1nlove]

Hi everyone,

I have a friend who has borderline disorder. She told me this when I first started getting to know her. I didn’t know much about the disorder and I didn’t want it to be a reason to stop getting to know her. We had a great connection from the start.

As more time went by I started to see some patterns in her behavior. For example. We can hang out all day and have the best time, but she’ll text me at the end of it asking if we’re okay. I always have to reassure her that everything’s fine, because she keeps overthinking.

She also craves attention and reassurance from men. She’ll fall in love with someone after one good date and she’ll swear to me that this is the one and that it won’t take long for her to get married. The sad thing is, they never last. She drives them away with her emotions. She can be really overwhelming and I always try to give her advice on this, but it’s like she just forgets what I tell her and repeats the same behavior on the next one. A part of me wonders why she’s so focused on getting married so quickly. I fear that she maybe sees me as competition.

I’ll explain. When I got to know her I was planning my wedding. She stood by my side during this. On the day of my wedding I noticed some red flags. My hair and makeup was being done by a professional and my friend cried because she felt insecure next to me. I tried comforting her by telling her how beautiful she was and she said: “you don’t have to lie to me.” I felt really bad so I ended up doing her hair last minute which resulted in me being late for my own wedding. And during my wedding she even left to meet up with a guy for hours..

She did apologize, but only days after when she noticed I stopped talking to her. She said she was ashamed and she knew she messed up. A part of her hoped that I hadn’t noticed her being gone at my wedding.

So now I feel kinda torn. A part of me feels fed up with her. Another part feels bad for her. Should I distance myself to protect my peace?

[petitedollbabee]

Don’t be friends with someone just out of pity. That’s not a true friendship. Borderlines can be tough people to have around, certainly not for the faint of heart. If you cannot handle her behaviour, distance yourself. I assume that she’s not going through therapy or counselling, so her behaviour won’t be improving anytime soon. You need to do what’s best for yourself in the long term.

[Yasm1nlove]

She told me she went through lots of therapy, including group therapy. She also made me a promise that she would try to seek professional help again. A few days ago she told me she had an appointment and she was thinking about canceling it. I asked her why and her response was that she was afraid she’d miss an important call from the guy she was seeing at that moment🙃…

[petitedollbabee]

Yeah that doesn’t sound like she’s serious about seeking help. It’s not a priority to her. I wouldn’t be friends with someone like that.

[RavVid]

If you give this borderline all the attention she wants then it will quite probably damage your marriage I'd think. However much you give it won't be enough. And your husband will be an obstacle in her way, so she will probably seek to damage your relationship.

It should be your husband where most of your attention goes.

You can find youtubes on this topic but I think there are different forms. You can be narcissistic without it affecting your life or with it affecting your life in which case it is borderline. There are other types of borderlines.

You aren't a pysch or a therapist so don't take on that role. You're not qualified. That means you have to let go.

[Billlewis]

Be supportive and accessible to her, but don't allow her to take up too much of your time.

[Yasm1nlove]

But how can I do this in a kind way? She literally sees me as her best friend, but I feel like she’s taking up so much of my energy

[Billlewis]

When you're having a conversation with her, after you've reached your limit, just say, 'Alright, I've got to do such-and-such now, but maybe we can talk later', etc.

[IslaTheWitch]

Borderline is hard for a person who has it and for people around.

Most of the things you described aren't part of borderline disorder but lowered self-esteem that often comes together.

You should always first take care of yourself. If you don't feel good with her, communicate it to her and decrease or cut off the contact.

[hopegirly]

Well, i have a cousin that has borderline, it's really VERY difficult to cope with her, she approaches and suddenly gets angry for nothing, and then she fight and moves away, then she apologies and come back... but i always feel that i cannot trust her anymore so i try to talk only the necessary and avoid saying details

[Avicenna]

From having dated a borderline, I've learned you can't fix them, they'll never be happy and they will sabotage the relationship/friendship. Distance yourself from her.

[Anonymous]

when it comes to BPD, there's not much you can do or help with. i'd honestly distance myself until she gets real help from a therapist and a psychologist.

[Danny_dan92]

Wtf is borderline disorder?




Borderline psychotic?

[laly520]

be supportive n dont let it get to u

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Wtf she's mental!