How can I prove to my ex friend I didn't sleep with her ex boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Well it's correct that he did cheat with me, she has one part wrong. We never slept. We made out and exchanged some texts involving our written fantasies.

I know that was still wrong and it would mean a lot if I can regain her friendship. She's assuming the worst. She really thinks we had sex. We didn't. We did kissed though.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oh man, I can understand why she's so upset and distrusting right now. Cheating, even if just kissing, is always gonna hurt a friend deeply. If you really want to try to regain her trust though, here's what I would do:

- Give her space right now. Don't bombard her with messages while emotions are still high.

- When you do reach out, own up to your actions fully. Admit the kissing was completely wrong and you understand why she feels betrayed. No excuses.

- Be transparent. Offer to show her all your messages/calls with him from that time period so she can see for herself things didn't go further than kissing and texts.

- Write her a heartfelt letter. Apologize from the bottom of your heart. Express how much her friendship means and how you'll do anything to prove you're worthy of it again someday if she'll give you the chance.

- Respect her boundaries. If she's not ready to talk yet, continue giving her space and check in occasionally to show you still value her feelings.

- Learn from this experience. Make choices in future relationships that won't jeopardize hard-won trust from those you care about.

It may take time, but consistency in showing remorse and that you'll act with integrity going forward is the best shot at rebuilding what was lost. I hope it works out - good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you very much for listening. I've realized I lost her trust either way and won't bombard her with messages. She doesn't want to hear anything and the lastest message from her was that even if there is a slim chance there was no sex, I still betrayed her and he still cheated, that it changes nothing for her.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I don't blame her for feeling that way at all. Cheating is cheating, whether it was just kissing or more. You really hurt her trust.

The best you can do now is just leave her be like you said. Maybe someday down the road if you're still friends with the same people, you guys could have an honest talk face to face. But for now, give her space and time to heal.

It sucks losing a friend, but you gotta respect that this is the consequence of your actions. All you can do is learn from it so you don't repeat mistakes with future relationships. Hold yourself accountable without making excuses.

And who knows, if you show her over time that you've grown from this, she might come around eventually. But don't expect or push for that - the ball's in her court now. Just focus on bettering yourself and being a good friend to the people who do still trust you.

[CozyCoffin]

Why does it matter? You're not friends anymore.

[Asker]

It does matter because what if this is spread. That would still be false. I just wish she can believe just that truth, that we never had sex.

[kylee2437]

@asker so you don’t want her to spread that you were a bad friend, why did you break that trust?

[Asker]

@kylee2437
She can tell others he cheated with me and say all the bad words, I don't mind that. It's the ''they had sex'' part that is false. That would be false.
I broke that trust because I was stupid, felt stressed out, lonely and really thought he was someone comforting me, and then we kissed. We didn't think she would find out though.

[Account]

Betrayal is betrayal either by having sex with him or by merely making out with him.
Why was his tongue in your throat by the way? Especially since you know she wasn't over him?
How do such mistakes happen so easily and accidentally?
You only did that because you are self-centered and you wanted to prove something to yourself.
I feel bad about your friend. Because of you she will probably be having trust issues for the rest of her life.

[Account]

Oh they were also together lol this is worse.

[kylee2437]

I think regardless of what happened, real friends do not cross the boundaries of flirting with their own friends ex, and you are trying to evade accountability towards that principle. If she feels you slept with him, there’s not much that can change that. Hopefully the making out and exchange texts was worth losing a friendship over

[Asker]

She broke up with him immediately and also ditched me the following day. She wants nothing to do with him nor me. She said a bunch of bad words to us.

If I can make it up to her in any way, I would. He wasn't worth it.

[kylee2437]

@asker the ball is entirely in her court on whether your friendship is worth all that. Word of advice is she 25-29 is way too hold of an age to be doing that to your friends and expecting them to act like nothing happened. She definitely thought about life milestones with that man.

[kylee2437]

Age 25-29*

[kylee2437]

Old of an age*

[Asker]

Yes we've both 25 year-olds. I feel awful because she really was looking forward to possibly getting proposed soon. They were together for 3 years. Now I think he wasn't ever going to do it because she used to tell me that he was always giving excuses to delay an engagement but that he'll propose one day.

[kylee2437]

@asker so that’s my point, you contributed to her already relationship problems and now you want her to magically act like nothing happened. Life doesn’t work that way.

[HelpfulWoman]

she should. because you were still a piece of crap friend who shouldn't be having her friendship

[Asker]

I know. I wish I could've made better choices. It would mean a lot if one day we can be friends again.

[laly520]

show her the texts?

[Asker]

She saw the text through his cell and already assumed the worst, given by how elaborate our fantasy is written.
I wish I had her friendship back.