Do you discipline your step-children?

[Anonymous]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 1 year now. He has 3 boys that live with their mother but they do come over very frequently and they stay for long periods of time.

When it comes to their behaviors, I don't say anything to them unless it's severe and I am the only adult around. Even then- sometimes my response is "what do you think your dad will say?" or "do you want me to tell your Dad?" In all honesty, they don't really get disciplined just yelled at.

Anyways, I'm at their father's house daily, so I do help out a lot when it comes to keeping the house clean. Yesterday he took the kids out while I stayed to clean and organize. When they returned, my boyfriend left to make errands, so the kids were with me. Although I was finished cleaning, I was still straightening up my boyfriend's room. The kids were running through the house playing. Literally, going from room to room. My frustration started to arise while I was making the bed and the 2 youngest boys started jumping on the bed as I was making it. The middle child even said "what would you do if we dirtied the house?" My frustration with the middle child (8yo) is that he influences the youngest. And because the youngest is 5- there's no boundaries or shame. When I was telling them to stop, the 5 year old jumped up and smacked me which in return, I hit him back. I usually don't care what the kids do because it is there house and I don't live there. However, I started going off on them after they was running around spilling juice everywhere and then laughing about it. Their father came home at the exact time I started to go off and his response was to just send them to bed.

Because I don't say anything to the kids when they do things wrong, I feel like they don't think they have to respect me. I haven't complained to my boyfriend because I don't even know what to say.

Do you discipline your step-children? And if your a parent, how does this work?

[rosemilk]

you don't. you're not their parent and have only been dating their dad for like a year. i'd let him and their mom take care of the discipline and step aside.

[Asker]

I’m not talking about punishing a child or beating them…. I’m referring to teaching them from right and wrong. Discipline as in reinforcing good behavior. I’m around his kids very often and alone. If they’re being disrespectful, I’m supposed just wait until their father come home and tell him?

[Anonymous]

I would never do that if I was a parent of any kind.

[Asker]

When I say discipline- I don't mean punishment- which I think a lot of people in general get confused about. I am referring to teaching a child from right and wrong with words. I don't take their privileges away or hit them. That's the parents job. However, when they are left alone with me, what actions do one take to reinforce good behavior? That's basically what I am asking.