Anyone Have Baby Advice?

[CCammiee14]

Hello, all. So to start, I should tell you I'm autistic, have got a few delays, and DO NOT like children. I'm just starting my second ever job that doesn't pay enough to move out, especially in this economy. I don't think I would be able to handle that anyway, because again I'm autistic and don't really have any support systems to help me in the way I would need. Anyway, my older sibling (they/them) has decided they want to get a sperm donor. At first I was excited, but then i realized it wouldn't be the same as when they weren't living with us. When that decision would have nothing to do with me or have any impact on my life. But they are living with me so that decision will have in impact on my life. I don't want to be unsupportive, but I really cannot stand being around kids or babysitting and I feel like that would be the expectation since we are so close. I don't know how to communicate to them the anxiety and stress I'm feeling without them being defensive and unempathetic. My biggest thing is I feel like they are going to deny this has any effect on my life, even tho it does simply because we live under the same roof and are close as siblings. I feel like they're just going to say they don't care how I feel. Again, I want to be supportive and in no way am I saying they shouldn't go through with it, but if it goes through I need a way out of this house or out of this world, because I don't know how to handle all these changes that are happening so quickly. Also, they want to give birth in our living room for money reasons, and I have told them that is something I will not be there for as it seems like it will be a loud and high stress situation. They took that well. I just don't know what to do.

[petitedollbabee]

When you say they are living with you, does that mean that you are the home owner or head tenant, and they are just there with you? Or are you both evenly entitled to the property? If you are the main person living there, I would recommend telling them that they need to find elsewhere to live if they’re going to have a baby. Even though the baby isn’t yours, it will HEAVILY impact your life when you’re living under the same roof. And it may aswell be your child at that point, you’ll have to listen to screaming, crying, smell all the horrible smells, watch all of the messes be made and likely have to help clean them up too, etc. I can’t imagine how someone neurotypical would manage that, let alone someone who is autistic like yourself. You need to make them leave - having a child is a decision that they are making on purpose, it’s not an accident, so they should prepare properly and find somewhere else to live.

[CCammiee14]

Unfortunately it's my mother's home and my sibling pays rent in order to stay in my mom's old room. The only option is that I go or we both stay. I feel like I'm stuck. I don't necessarily want them to be kicked out either, because I know they cannot afford to live by themselves especially if they plan on having a baby.

[petitedollbabee]

I see. I think your only option is to move out yourself, and find somewhere affordable to live. If your mum is comfortable with your sibling giving birth in her home, and raising their child there, then sadly you don’t get a say in it.

[naartjie]

How does your mom feel about the choice they’re wanting to make?

[CCammiee14]

She seems supportive but my mom is known to be a little fake so 🤷🏾‍♀️. I haven't talked to her about so I don't know her true feelings.

[jahaims]

Sounds like you are being taken advantage of and they don't actually care about you