A family relative texts excessively but I’m too shy to tell her to stop what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I live in a different time zone and have a busy work schedule but she will tend to text everyday day at all hours and if I don’t respond she will make me feel guilty by sending texts like “is everything ok?” Then I feel anxious then and end up back into the cycle of never ending messages. She’s also 15 years older than me so I already have difficulty talking about anything meaningful as I can't really relate to her like people my age. She will also gossip about her friends people I don’t know and it makes me feel awkward and I never know what to say to her

[Anonymous]

I actually dealt with someone that I discovered was just narcissism and didn’t realize it until I cut off communication with her. Plus everybody else did the same thing with me. A lot of people have trauma and often feel like they did something wrong at any given moment. However, if you are experiencing this just let her know what’s going on. Some people need others to talk to in life and you’re the only person they feel that’s there for them. They don’t know they getting on your nerves, they probably feel like you’re enjoying the communication. Also it’s important to establish boundaries. It’s always people that will treat you bad but make you seem like the suspect and their the victim. She is probably unaware it’s over excessive because it’s normal to her

[Asker]

She just wants to continue the texting throughout the day I just can’t do it anymore and I also don’t really enjoy talking to her.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you talked to her about it? Is it the conversations or her as a person?

[Asker]

It is a bit of both I just don’t really feel super close with her and I think she just texts me a lot because she’s not married yet or have kids I doubt she would talk as much if she was super busy with a family

[Opinion Owner]

I actually don’t think that’s a valid enough reasoning because if the tables were flipped and shoes were on the other foot, you wouldn’t want someone treating you differently because they are not married and don’t have kids yet. Don’t push people away that could be the people there for you when everyone else leaves.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s understandable that you’re super busy with your family but you can’t treat people how you wanna treat them because of that. You basically just stated that you don’t like her because she doesn’t have kids or a family. Everybody is busy in life and I’m sure you have others that you talk to all the time. That’s not a reason to treat this relative a bad.

[Asker]

She’s only got to me in the last couple of years before that I asked her multiple times to meet up but she would bluntly say “no”. I don’t have a problem with her not being married or that she doesn’t have kids but I feel like she’s only talking to me because she has nobody else.

[Asker]

Got to know me**

[Opinion Owner]

Wow! Why you think she won’t meet up?

[Asker]

She didn’t take anything to do with any of our family for many years. When I did meet up her flat was very messy and dirty I think she is going through something I just don’t want involved with that and she cries on the phone that she isn’t married I feel like she should speak to someone that would give her better advice. It sounds cheeky when someone much younger gives someone older advice she’s 45

[Opinion Owner]

wait you didn’t tell us that part that she was 45! I mean you deserve to have boundaries and not be drained. You gotta not let people drain your energy

[Opinion Owner]

But there are people out here though that treat others like shit because they can

[Asker]

I’m just going to tell her… I feel like not being honest will just get me into trouble in the end

[Opinion Owner]

Or work on establishing boundaries together or work on giving advice on how to give you space.. some people are lonely

[Asker]

I have cousins 15 years younger than me I’d never think to harass them or tell them my problems it would feel very weird

[Opinion Owner]

Right! But it be crazy because it always blows up in our face anyway when we give ungrateful ass people advice smh regardless of age! Just set the boundaries

[Asker]

I feel like my dad didn’t really understand when I told home about all of the texting. He sees nothing wrong with her texting 50+ texts despite how busy I am a bit annoyed with him

[Opinion Owner]

Because he’s seeing it from a psychological mental health perspective like we all are. Imagine suicidal doing this and you’re saving them but don’t know you are. People walk this earth everyday and you don’t know what they going through. Who cares if she don’t have kids or a family, there’s something that’s connecting her to you. Help her and help build that bridge.. y'all can be saving each other and don’t know it

[Asker]

But at the same time my dad doesn’t give her the time or day either because he never sounds back to her

[Opinion Owner]

Well what’s his reasoning on why he don’t really talk to her like that?

[Opinion Owner]

You can also give her a different number to text such as a text plus or text now number

[Asker]

I don’t actually know this has been going on before I could really remember she’s not popular in the family for some reason her own brother didn’t speak to her for years.

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think maybe there’s a side of her that doesn’t resonate with the family?

[Asker]

I really wish I knew. What drama honestly

[Opinion Owner]

Do other people deal with her or don’t deal with her? As much learned here, you have a right to create equal space. Try working with her but if there’s no progress, then get boundaries in place.

[Asker]

I’m not sure with the people in her country but I know on my side of the family they don’t give her the time or day they never respond. I have other cousins here that never respond to her

[Opinion Owner]

Do you think maybe they feel used?

[Asker]

It’s weird nobody in my family in the uk have met her in person but one say she sent really religious emails and it didn’t go down well

[Asker]

One day*

[Opinion Owner]

wow so do she work or have a profession? That way her time can be occupied

[Asker]

She works at a hospital as an office clerk

[Opinion Owner]

Well that should cover up her time.. I’m sure things will work out between you both

[Asker]

I’d rather move on I feel really stressed out being in her company

[Opinion Owner]

What relationship is she to you?

[Opinion Owner]

Work on boundaries and cutting ties

[Asker]

She is a cousin who lives in another country

[Opinion Owner]

Girl leave this bs and have fun. Have fun happy relationships not toxic ones. It’s time to be happy.

[Opinion Owner]

Get a gym buddy because that’s what I’m doing soon. I’m making a list of goals for myself

[Asker]

Yes exercise gets me in a great mood and I will soon forget this carry on. I want to do more 5k parkruns on Saturdays

[Opinion Owner]

Whew I wanted to do that one time lol I gotta get back in shape

[Opinion Owner]

Keep us updated

[Asker]

I sent her a text about it earlier that I wasn’t happy with the excessive texting

[Opinion Owner]

You did right because this is your personal space

[Asker]

90% of her texting has no importance she just talks about people I don’t even know and telling me she’s doing laundry

[Opinion Owner]

Omg that’s terrible

[Opinion Owner]

Why she doing that? Thats awful to be talking about people

[Asker]

I don’t know but she seems like she is always full of drama

[Opinion Owner]

You can’t have that around you because it’s draining

[rosemilk]

text "i am busy, but i will get back to responding to you after work!" then you choose if you even want to after work.

don't feel guilty to set boundaries.

[Paris13]

Ignore Her Messages. She Will Then Get The Helpful Hint. lolxxoo

[Asker]

I did ignore her for 8 weeks it didn’t help tbh so I had to tell her that she texts too much and I don’t think she is happy with me

[Paris13]

Then You Need to Set Her Straight politely. xxoo

[Anonymous]

Someone keeps asking this repetitively. It's a small site and noticeable. So I'll give the same opinion.

Reply back once, in bulk, at the end of the day.

[IslaTheWitch]

tell her stop. I don't think you can hide behind your shyness. Just solve the problem

[Likes2drive]

Tell her you’re too busy to keep texting back all day and don’t really have a lot to say or just tell her exactly what you told us, don’t be shy about it, it’s easier through text anyway

[slatyb]

Answer when you feel like it, but not more than once a day.

[Melicermenocermeno]

in my opinion i totally understand your frustration but tbh i wish my uncle had communication with me, my uncle lives in a different time zone and country and does have a busy work schedule as well.

[strateguy632]

write message if continued then block.

[douride2]

Just ignore her texts & don't reply.

[gorydetails]

grow a pair or suck it up

[noohair]

Silence the alerts so you can sleep.