What’s with parents threatening to kick their children out of the house as soon as they turn into adults?

[Anonymous]

It makes parents-children relationship sound transactional and it makes me sick. A parent’s love is supposed to be unconditional. I would never do that to my child if I had one.

Updates

1 y

Unconditional*

[Sugar100]

My parents are the opposite. They want me move out til marriage and worst part is they are every controlling and I’m 27 and never had a boyfriend which means no guy will marry me. My siblings got marriage fast young age and happy left nest and I’m at home miserable with divorced parents that bicker daily. Life is a nightmare. I want move out begin life with a guy but no guy exists for me no guy is planning move out with me to our new home. 😞 I feel trapped stuck with parents and I’m very scared of my future

[martian13]

I'll marry you!

[DishLady]

I think you mean "a parent's love is supposed to be *UNconditional" -- conditional means that you have rules to follow and if you break them you can't stay in that person's life anymore.

So the problem here is that younger generations have become SO ENTITLED that they're really hard to deal with. While parents will love their child no matter what, they didn't sign up for lifetime abuse as both YOU and THEY get older. They're human beings with needs also.

Most kids nowadays want to leave home anyway and go discover themselves. So I don't see where getting the extra parental nudge is such a big deal. They want you to grow tf up. Go do it.

[DishLady]

And don't say what you WOULD or WOULDN'T do as a parent till you've become a parent and understand the insanity of the process, the sociological demands of raising a child with values only to see them systematically rebel against every value you hold dear... You're BARELY an adult and are criticizing something you don't know and may never have to...

You know the expression "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"? Sometimes distance between a parent and a young adult is the healthiest thing for both of them.

[Asker]

If a child is able to, they would do it.
But life’s hard. Forcing them out or making them feel unwelcomed while they’re not ready to take that step is evil, no matter how old they are.

[DishLady]

If the parent is really that evil then it's also better for the person to step away from that sort of household. It probably wasn't a very loving environment to begin with.

(Mind you, as a mom I'd never be able to do it, HOWEVER I did also give both my kids a few constructive ultimatums like... "Work or go to school. Don't sponge off mom now that you're 18." I'd never just toss them out on their asses. I've had friends who ended up like that and reconciled with their parents afterwards...)

[privateanon]

you're making a lot of assumptions here - that parents are only threatening to kick kids out that dont work - that is false. My parents threatened to kick me out when I was an honor role student and worked from the age of 12. Nothing was ever good enough. Taking the route of defending every parent regardless of who they are is not a good look and then being condescending by saying the asker wouldn't know any better as they aren't old enough or a parent speaks volumes... There are a lot of abusive parents and then claiming oh well if they are toxic then being kicked out is for the best... also not a good look...

[martian13]

It's amazing what one can accomplish with positive attitude in a sink or swim situation. Parenting is a forever thing but there is a point when your kids become adults and should have plans of their own to be doing their own thing out of the nest be it school a job traveling abroad etc. y'all kids that are not talking to your parents cuz they said time to go are worthless in my opinion. You guys would be the bird that landed on their neck and died... I hope you understand this. But then again maybe you should hate your parents for not parenting you well enough to be self sufficient for fucks sake!

[TheSpaceGnome]

Its actually better for most people to live in multigenerational households and continue family run businesses and inheret family wealth. The "sink or swim" mentality is just a detriment to the survival and happiness of individuals, as well as to the ecology and government.

[JustinTheGreat]

I agree. Parenting does not end as soon as your kid turns 18.
kicking your own child out is sad. Especially in this damn economy. People can’t move out right at 18 anymore. Apartments and cost of living is barely affordable right now even for grown ass adults.

I don’t get why people want to see their kids suffer.
“Well I had to go through that when I was their age” okay and why do you feel like your kid has to go through the same struggles as you?

Then people wonder why their kids never speak to them again lol

[Unit1]

"Then people wonder why their kids never speak to them again"

That's me

[privateanon]

@Unit1 exactly

[just_a_potato]

I was raised in an immigrant household so me and my friends never experienced this. But it's weird to me as well that Americans (I've observed that especially white Americans do this) just throw their kids to the wolves the second they're legally allowed to. In this economy? I could never do that to a child I genuinely love personally.

[melnc]

If I had children, I'd lean toward staying at home rather than leaving for irrational reasons. Their situation might end up with them being homeless or turning to drugs. I prefer for all family members to be under one roof and to sit down for dinner together around one table.

[BadApple69]

In today’s world it’s different. But in my day it was easier to get out on your own.
It’s not about love or not loving…. It’s about building character. People have to get out, work hard, and make a life for themselves. Can’t have mom and dad paying your way until you’re 50. And I do know 50 year olds that are still living at home. Now that’s sad.

[Rosexøxø]

I agree if they can’t support their children and raise them to be confident assertive progressive beings and be willing to stick by their side through life in the thick and thin then I don't know why they even chose to become parents. Baffles me and something I can live the rest of my life ignoring, forgetting, and simply just not knowing about.

[NamerOfStars]

I'd say "Weberian bullshit", but Weber didn't come up with the idea; he just wrote the book. Fundamentally, it's about cultural differences in economics and ideas about family. There are parts of the world where people would be horrorstruck by the very idea.

[exitseven]

When my kids graduated from college I let them live rent free for 1 year. Then I told them tht they would have to contribute something to the household expenses. I think I wanted a hundred bucks a week. All three of them moved out just before the year was up.

[RingOfFire]

Sometimes it is in the best interest of the child. Once you reach 18 you need to start thinking about leaving the nest and making your own way. Some kids need a little push.

Love isn't always a pat on the back and telling your kids it's okay to do whatever they want to do. Sometimes it involves pointing them in the right direction and giving them a little push.

[Anonymous]

Until this past 20 years, kids always moved out at 18. It was very rare for someone to stay at home longer than that. Parents, grandparents and great-grandparents of today all grew up that way. The whole point of becoming an adult is to start your own life.

[normalice]

Probably has more to do with the kid being ungrateful. Pushing them out so they can experience all their parents were shielding them from is more effective than repeating it over and over and seeing it never sink in.

[Asker]

How is the child ungrateful?
I personally wouldn’t expect my child to be grateful for me putting a roof over their head, no matter how old they get. And constantly reminding them that they’re living in MY house as if I would kick them on the streets anytime. That’s evil.
No one forced me to have a child. And despite being adults in their 20s, people grow at a different pace, and most people can’t afford a house in their 20s. It’s not an age thing, people don’t miraculously turn into capable adults once they’re 18 or in their early 20s. This is borderline abusive to me.

[normalice]

I suppose it starts small and accumulates. Simple things like refusing to eat home cooked meals because they have vegetables. Refusing to clean up drinks they spilled... never any acknowledgement whatsoever that the kid recognizes that their parents are sacrificing anything at all for their kids' benefit.

[dustybiker2]

They want to have sex everywhere in their home whenever they want while they still can. It's fun. And it's more fun to send the grandkids back to their own home vs the basement or attic.

[Daniela1982]

So, your child would be responsible, have a job or be in college, and not support some lazy good-for-nothing boyfriend, right? Not all parents are that lucky.

[Anonymous]

You're misunderstanding it. It's actually an act of love. Your parents won't be around forever. They want to know you can stand on your own two feet. They want to go to thier grave knowing you're able to fend for yourself. Birds kick thier babies out of the nest for the same reason. So they can fly.

[midnightmoon05]

They should not be parents to begin with… they don’t want responsibilities and that will pass down to their kids… terrible

[Bubbatech24065]

Hardship builds character, so a child that has never experienced any Hardship in their lives. Need to build more character. Because life isn't easy, and you can't fold under a little hardships.

[Asker]

If I can make my child’s life devoid of hardships, I would.
I don’t understand this thought process of deliberately making your child’s life difficult when you have the means to make it easier, just to « build » character.
There are many ways to be better equipped to deal with hardships, for example financial education…etc

[worldscolide]

Dunno, I've been on my own since I was 16.. I plan to see that my children if I have them are either out of my home at 18, or are paying rent and a portion of the utilities.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Shameful, you should have a huge house paid off for them to inheret and run a business from by the time they are 18. How else can you retire safely and still ensure your children and grandchildren and great grandchildren's prospects?

[worldscolide]

Lmao, easy, they work for it.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Good luck having your family escape the bottom 🤷🏻

[worldscolide]

We are very far from the bottom dude.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If each generation in your household is starting from scratch, you are at the bottom.

The top is the people who print money for countries.

[worldscolide]

Lmao okay. And those that start with money don't understand the value of hard work. Which is what I'm betting you don't understand.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You have a parental mindset.
The ones who kick them out at 18 should not have become parents.

[gorydetails]

I don't agree with it, but after a child turns 18 a parent is not under any legal or moral obligation to provide support.

[Asker]

« Legal » obligation, this in itself sounds outrageous to me.
You had sex, got pregnant, brought a human being into this world, then you’re counting the years impatiently for them to turn 18 only to release them them into the wild while they’re barely an adult because you are not LeGaLlY obliged to care for them anymore.
I genuinely believe some people have children for the sole purpose of abusing them or just to claim they have kids, and have no maternal or paternal instincts.

[Asker]

I dont agree with the « moral » part tho. They most definitely ARE under moral obligation to provide support.

[gorydetails]

It's not abuse to expect an adult to support themselves.

[Asker]

An adult who’s actively making efforts to be able to support themselves is not an adult who’s just sitting there acting entitled and expecting everything to be handed to them.
An adult who’s still studying (or who’s studying process became a bit longer due to for example failing one or two years or any other circumstances) or who hasn’t found a job yet, is not supposed to be made to feel unwelcome or kicked out on the streets.

[gorydetails]

Some people believe the best education comes from the school of hard knocks. You don't have to agree with it. I believe they're in the minority.

[Asker]

Then such parents shouldn’t expect their child to give them money once they’re stable or if by any chance become rich, to make them rich too.
If my parent let me down when I needed them the most (no matter how old I was), I wouldn’t care about them once I’m finally a capable adult.

[gorydetails]

I don't think any parent is expecting a wealthy child to take care of them.

[Asker]

You’d be surprised.

[Asker]

Most do lol.

[gorydetails]

doubtful.

[beefcakebradybatson]

More typical U. S. anti-young person cruelty, especially since we Boomers and to a lesser extent, Generation X made out like bandits from the economy.

[paledreams]

Happens with birds and nests also lol 😆 ah well. Some folks just have no soul lol

[sirderpsalot123]

My mom was sad when I moved out but was happy to get rid of my sister lol

[dustybiker2]

Sounds like you did lore around the house.

[sirderpsalot123]

@dustybiker2 😇

[Unit1]

That says a lot about the parents throwing their kids to the wolves. Am i surprised? No.

[DrPepper12]

Gotta fly sometime and you can't do that from the nest...

[Crazzyyworld]

Yes I think it’s cruel. They should live together as long as they want like a big family in old days

[Ladsin2]

Love is always conditional, but my bet is the kid is a brat, and the kid is a brat because they parent-ed poorly.

[Staximus]

If your kid is a disrespectful bum lackadaisical manipulator, you'll think otherwise

[CubaPirate]

Lack of control over them or a conflict of lifestyle I'd guess

[Anonymous]

You have no clue what you will or won't do if/when you become a parent.

[lightbulb27]

Agree. Stupidity in most cases

[jahaims]

Most people have kids for the wrong reasons