I don't think parents should kick their kid out as soon as they turn 18, but I think that's better than a kid still living at home in their late 20s.
It really depends on the kid and what they are doing though. Living at home and being productive with their life is very different than if they are not doing anything with their life.
I've noticed a strong pattern. Kids who take financial responsibility with their lives at a young age do much better throughout life. Kids who get a real job while still in high school, even if it's part time, do better in life. Kids who buy their own car in their teens do better. Kids who learn to save money at a young age do better.
Kids who work a minimum wage job into their 20s, and make no effort to do better, don't do nearly as well as the ones who start taking responsibility early.
Patterns and habits get established young, and tend to stick with people. Some will change later, but I've found that early habits are a fairly good ( but not perfect ) predictor of the future.
It really depends on them. The way society is structured, it is impossible to be ready to survive on your own right out of high school. First, there is the paradox of needing job experience to get a job. Even if a kid had a job at age 16, it was probably a burger joint or grocery store. Even adults that have been in retail for years can barely make ends meet and still have to compete to keep their jobs. These kids would be competing for few jobs and against those with much more job experience. The only two ways a kid fresh from school has to gain some independence out the gate is some form of schooling (college, trade school, etc.) or the military. Schooling would put them in debt before they could build credit, which would put them behind in life. The military is super selective in who they take and military life is difficult for most people. The logistics of a child being successful on their own out the gate is slim, no matter how much work ethic and smarts they may have. Here is where I say it depends on the child. If my child wants a free ride and to lay around, I will not have that. They need to be doing something productive and gearing themselves towards sustaining themselves. They need to get a job, go to school or join the military (or some other option I may not be seeing that is productive). If all they can get at first is a minimum wage job, that is ok. I will not take every penny they have. However, I WILL charge some rent to get them used to bills on their own. I will also need to see that they are developing a savings and coming up with a plan to be able to eventually live on their own. Basically, if the child wants to help themselves, I'll give them the means to. However, if they want a free ride, I'm giving them the boot and only helping them when it is life and death.
I didn’t get kicked out though. When I turned 18, my parents gave me the option of moving abroad with them or staying in Canada. I wanted to be with my friends so I stayed back. They helped me whenever I needed the help but it really taught me like skills. Taught me to do a lot of things on my own: booking appointments, cooking (although I still suck at it) filing me taxes. I learned about balancing my financials too. In all honesty, having a place of my own when I was 18 while my friends still lived at home was really nice. It made sure we partied safe too.
But I was pretty well off and had lots of financial and emotional support from my parents. I don’t know if others got that opportunity. If my kids want to move out, I’ll all for it. But I won’t kicked them out.
From where I'm from, children are expected to live with their parents. Previously, even after marriage, the married couple are expected to live with the in-laws. For now, it has progressed that usually married couples would buy their own houses and live away from parents. We do have some single adults that will buy their own house and move out from their parents. But generally most single adults are still living with their parents. I get it's more of a westernized lifestyle/culture that children will usually move out from their parents' house when they are of age.
As a parent, I love posts like this. They always ignore the role that that children have - as if they are a class of human being above criticism or responsibility. I know parents who are great, but their kids are cunts. Anyone would kick those fuckers out. Good riddance to the ungrateful turds. For my own kids, will I'm mixed. I would not mind my daughter staying with me for the rest of her life. She's pleasant to be around and plays an active role in family life. But my son, that's more complex. He doesn't play a part in the family and to be honest I'm often pleased when he is not at home because things are less turbulent. I would not literally throw him out - that would be harsh. I might encourage him to explore other living options. He might be happier. Certainly, I suspect having to take responsibility for himself - which he appears to feel he has no part to play - will be good for him. I'm not expecting him to suddenly recognise how much we do for him (I don't actually think he is capable of that type of reflection and gratitude) but basics like taking action today (thinking do I have milk) so tomorrow is easier (now I can have cereal for breakfast) would be very good for him. Certainly, living at home he's not learning those skills so you might say we're infantilizing him by keeping him at home. You might say that in his case kind thing to do is to kick him out. I would not go as far as to say it would be kinder on me for him to move out, but I do know parents who have that view and I agree with them. They need a life too.
Exactly you make the child and try to raise them to perfection and be a good citizen, but you can't make their minds. Some people like to march to beat of their drum. And when you're trying to stop your child from doing somethind wrong people say you're abusing them or over controlling.
Plus when they go to school they can be influence by whats going on, seeing how some parents let their peers do what they want and so they want thay also.
So as much as a good parent you can be your child still had the option to do what the want and go astray.
I think it depends on the individual and the situation. Someone that's still going to school, working, trying to make their way, why wouldn't you help them... But if they're adults that don't want to work, think they can sit around all day smoking dope, our playing video games or in Facebook all day, then I can see why parents wouldn't put up with that. A parent's role is to provide for their children and give them the education and tools in life to become self sufficient adults... But some kids think their parents should provide for them forever
I think it all depends on the parenting strategy. And the parenting strategy should be based on that specific teen turning into a young adult. I'm letting my teenage boys go when I have finished preparing them to be self-sustaining and can do this on their own.
Teens get the most experience by doing. I let mine cook, I let them pay the bills, etc so that when it is their turn out in this "scary" world, it isn't so scary.
That's our job as parents, ya know?
I think bad parenting gets more focus when there is a set date and little to no preparation done from the parents perspective.
One way or the other, we're setting our kids up for success or failure, there is no in-between.
I'm not "kicking" my kids out, I'm celebrating the next chapter in their journey.
If they dont want to follow my rules they should get out, because adults can do whatever they want and abide by their own rules at their own home. However if my child is ambitious, contributes and isn't giving any trouble they can stay as long as they need to.
It's only in the last 60 years that it became popular for children to move out of the house even after college. It's must more financially wise for them to wait until they are established and can afford to live on their own. Now if they are just sitting at home playing video games then that's a different story. But if they are going to school or working and contributing to the house hold while they save up money then no I wouldn't kick them out
No I think kids should be able to move out when they feel ready. In my country it's common that 2 or 3 generations are living together in one house. Flats are expensive so young people can safe more money for future while living with parents than on their own.
I kinda wish the west would adopt your style of living. cause here its pretty much once you're 18 you're expected to start becoming an adult which means living in your own place.
I think it’s very different when you culturally live at home with generations, you probably have a lot of obligations and responsibilities to each other and it’s more like a family system and community. But in America we have a lot of these entitled brats who live at home until they can buy their own house etc and then look down on people who actual have had to struggle and be independent their own life.
I mean dont leave them homeless, BUT if they are showing no signs of maturing, getting their life together, getting a job, going to school, then letting them live at home rent/bill free, then letting them stay at home is only enabling toxic behavior which isn't good for them.
When growing up my parents did always say "when you're 18 you are out the door".
I actually took them up on that, going to college a bit far away, and became a better person and never came back under their roof ever. They were good to me, and I think they pushed it so i would go to a good school kind of thing. Would do it again in a heartbeat.
I picked it depends. Like... What isn't he kid goals in life?
Just because ur a legal age doesn't mean they possess the skills, foundation, resources etc to be independent. They can still live at home and start contributing to those living skills but towards their parents. It may even be better option as they bud their resources and establish a foundation.
It's tough out there. I would rather my kids live with me and save their money than just end up with a bunch of rent receipts. As long as they are saving and having a career I have no problem with letting them stay. I would draw the line if they wanted a girlfriend/boyfriend to move in too.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
In general, I’d say this is bad because the whole point of being a parent is preparing your kid to be an adult. I think some kids do need a wake up call. Once your an adult, it’s the same as having a roommate. Do you want someone who milks your kitchen, rent, and more just to sit on their ass all day? If they aren’t doing anything to better themselves, I think kicking them out may be the only solution.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Not all parents are well off and deserve freedom from responsibility and financial burden at some point. I think so many people also in the US have an entitled attitude bc their parents provided them with everything and they have never had to do anything on their own. That’s why we have so many elitest smh.
Only if you prepared them for the cruel world. Its every parents dream to let them grow up. But if you dont help set them up many fail. help them write checks not to rely on credit cards unless they can pay it off each month. Help them do their finances understand by the things they need. budgeting everything. Make sure the are working in a goid job.
If you were a good parent, you wouldn't even need to question what's going to happen when they turn 18. You would have taught them well and planned for their arrival into adulthood.
And if not, well then you didn't do your job very well.
I think it's okay if you were a good enough parent to prepare them to live independently. They might end up as a glue-sniffing prostitute but at least it will be on their own terms.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I was kicked out at 17 and life was a struggle. I was homeless. I slept in my car and at friends house. They let me back in when I got sick but they kicked me out again.
It has been on again and off again. I didn't talk to them for over two year and only started again last year because of the pandemic. My mother was a proponent of tough love so I like to explain to her that she taught me well and that is what I am doing for her
100% in my family, your family (parents and siblings) will always be your family and no matter how old you get you're always welcome to stay if you need it. I'm 31 and living at home at the moment.
If they are going to school I wouldn't force them out. Once school is done it would be the same as my father told me get a job & pay rent or move out & support your own life style.
It depends on the situation. For example I live in average multi generational house with big garden. If I ever need more space I can just build a house or two in garden.
Yes, well - it's anything but love. I know several men whose parents did this to them, and all of them hate their parent's guts and refuse to see or speak to them. A former friend of mine did this to his son who wound up living in a park for three months until he was murdered for his sleeping bag and clothes. His father told me it was his son's fault because "if he had saved money and worked more before I made him leave, he wouldn't have been murdered". He meant it. People that do things like this are monsters
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