Is being a financially stable single mom doable?

[Anonymous]

I am 29 years old, never been in a relationship, can't find love, and really dont expect to find it for the rest of my life. I am planning on having a child on my own as a single woman. No, I am not one of those broke struggling single mothers. I am educated, successful and make 150k a year. I can afford to hire a nanny, send my kids to piano/ martial arts classes, summer camp, provide a good education, live in a nice neighborhood. Do you think being a single mom will be a lot easier being financially stable?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa girl, that's a really big decision you're thinking about! Being a single mom can definitely be a lot easier when you're financially stable like you are. The way I see it, you're in a really good position to make this work.

With your education, career, and solid income, you'll be able to give your future kid an amazing life. Hiring a nanny, sending them to enrichment activities, living in a nice area - that's huge. A lot of single moms struggle just to put food on the table, so you're already way ahead of the game.

Plus, not having to worry about money means you can really focus on being the best parent you can be. You won't have to stress about affording childcare or medical bills or all that other stuff. You can just pour your heart and soul into raising your little one.

At the same time, I know being a single parent has its own unique challenges, even when you're financially secure. Things like dealing with loneliness, finding work-life balance, navigating custody arrangements - that stuff can still be really tough.

But with your strength, smarts, and resources, I truly believe you've got what it takes to make it work. Your kid is going to have an amazing life with you as their parent. And hey, maybe you'll even meet someone special down the line who can be a positive addition to your family.

At the end of the day, this is your choice to make. If you feel in your heart that this is the right path for you, then go for it! Don't let anyone else's expectations or doubts hold you back. You've got this, girl!

[ohsheeT]

100% yes and it has to be because when you bring a child into this world you know as well as I do you want that child to be 100 times better than you..
And if you are struggling that takes away from that child if you can't do what you need to do for yourself you can't do it for a child

So to be honest with you I think that you are going to be a very good mother because you have insight you have heart you have love within your energy within your heart your soul your spirit and that's a very beautiful thing because a lot of mothers don't have that they don't even come close to what your question even States I think it's a beautiful thing and yes it is necessary

Because the moment that child comes into your life everything stops because now it all becomes about that child so you have to be set up in a position to wear everything just flows you have to be in a position to wear you are in the direction that you want to be headed and can keep going forward

I honestly don't understand why you have never been in a relationship because your words your heart tells me that you are very worthy of being in a very beautiful relationship so I don't understand that but I think that you're going to be a very good mother very kind very giving very loving

[Asker]

Thanks. Im glad you see this.

[ohsheeT]

Well I think if he loves you he will too

[Asker]

Its not that men dont love me. I find it hard to love them back. Truth is... good character isn't enough for me to fall in love. I need someone interesting to talk to, someone who can make me laugh

[ohsheeT]

I understand that we all need to laugh we all need to be a little bit silly and crazy and see things in a different light and for me I believe in what you just said I'm the same way but at the same time I want to feel that energy we all have an energy within us it is so beautiful and if you know how to use it and you can connect and become one with somebody that's just as important as laughter as love as touch as everything I mean you have to look at things in a different light sometimes or more than one light I understand what you're saying I really like that I'm an empath and I feel energy and I honestly think that there's more to it than what you just said that's why I said what I said

[ohsheeT]

Okay so the paragraph that I just read that you just sent

It says so many different things and who you are and what you need and now you have me curious this is the second time that I felt this this week when answering the question now you have me curious I can feel people's energy and their emotion through their words and yeah you have me just totally curious because I think I know what you're looking for just in those that short paragraph tells me a lot about you I think I'm now I'm curious to see if I'm right

[ohsheeT]

, I have a question if I was to ask you to DM me would you

[Asker]

Sure

[ohsheeT]

Well that would be great because I have a lot of questions for you LOL now I'm just curious about some things

[ohsheeT]

Okay well will you DM me LOL

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yes it will, it surely helps but I'd say that there's things to consider, because there's a difference between being a mom, being a finavially stable mom and being a good mom, if you are the only parent in the child's life and you barely spend time with the child, I believe it will really effect your child in ways that might not be noticeable at first, you said you'd hire a nanny but having a child is more than just financiallybsupporrinh it even tho that's a big part of it, it's not all, something to consider on your journey I suppose.

[Asker]

What makes you think i won't have time to be in my child's life?

I work 3 days a week. Most parents work 5 days a week

And yes, kids do SUFFER a lot being raised by financially unstable parents. I know because I was raised by parents who couldnt afford me.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You brought up nanny's, since I clearly don't have a clue who you are, I just assumed you worked a normal job which is what you said, 5 days a week, along with being a single parent, its expected youd be carrying the responsibility of both parents so it won't be an easy task, it was just an educated guess using the information you gave.

[Asker]

I wasn't brought up by nannies. I was brought up by 2 working parents who couldnt even buy me a new winter coat or cell phone for years.

No, I don't need to do the job of 2 parents because my nannies help out

[Asker]

Sounds like you just have something against single moms

[ChicoFromThe305]

You brought up nannies, not you were brought up by nannies, reread, I didn't even say anything insulting about but your sensitivity is starting to piss me off, I said nothing against single parenting, I just said to know exactly what you are doing before you do it, if you can't take that information then dont ask questions about a topic you can't take advice for smh.

[Asker]

You didn't give any advice

I was hostile towards you cuz you clearly have some sort of hatred toward single moms.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Okay how's so?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I gave advice you just took it as me being offensive most likely cause I openly admitted I have a preference against dating single mothers, which is a preference not a grudge

[Asker]

What advice?

You dont even understand I dont need to do the work of 2 parents.

I can hire nannies, maids

I do less work than you, even if i am a single mom

[ChicoFromThe305]

I'm self employed I doubt you do less work than me 😂

You do have to do the work of two parents, I don't mean job work I mean parenting work, you have to be the mother and father, it's statistically proven that children grow up healthier when they have both parents than one, thats with a mother figure and father figure, this means that if you have a child, you'll have to do the tough love part as well, worst cases, you also have to be the protector of the family, I never said you can't be a single parent, I don't doubt your ability of parenting or financial stability but you have to be prepared and you think you have it all figured out now cause you can higher a nanny or maid, it's much more complicated than what money can buy and that's my point, walk into this prepared and I don't mean just financially, this form of stability will make things easier but only in some situations, not all because it's not something you can walk out of if you aren't prepared so make sure to be prepared, sounds like advice to me, you are just taking it as an insult because you are bias towards me because of my previous opinions on single parenthood.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Hire*

[Asker]

Kids who have a mother and father do better in life because they are less likely to suffer from poverty or live in bad neighborhoods

2 income households are more financially well off than 1 income households

[Asker]

A mom cannot be both a father and a mother. A woman cannot be both a man and a woman. Only a fool like you would say something as ridiculous as that

All a child needs is a good loving parent who also knows how to discipline. It doesn't matter if the parent is male or female

Being raised by a great amazing single parent is better than being raised by a good mother and a bad father.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Okay whatever I'm done replying, tell yourself whatever you want

[Asker]

@chicofromthe305

Its true

[ManOnFire]

If you're making 150k a year that is more than enough to support you and a kid or two. That is doable indeed.

But I will say: if you believe you can't find love or don't expect it, then you won't get it. You're still young, it's not hopeless for you. No need to be that drastic.

[Asker]

i know i won't ever find it. Truth is... there are plenty of married single moms out there. Meaning that just cuz you have a husband, it does not mean he will be of any real help. Plenty of women out there who work full time jobs then come home to do 90% of the child care and housework.

[ManOnFire]

True. But an even uglier truth is that most women already knew those guys wouldn't be helpful when they met them early on, they just thought he would change over time, or that SHE could change him. Men will be lazy in a marriage because they know their wives have put up with it for so long.

[Asker]

What is even sadder is that American expectations out of fathers is so low...
Plenty of men see paying child support and never seeing the child as a form of fatherhood

Other guys just see his kids once or twice a month and think its a form of fatherhood and that they are great fathers.

Thats why it makes me sick when people say that kids need fathers.

[Asker]

I have known police officers, doctors who spend all 5 days a week working. On weekends, they spend their most of their free time drinking with their buddies at the bar or watching sports.
Meanwhile the wife is bringing the kids to the doctor, grocery shopping. Even after she has had a long week at her job.

[ManOnFire]

I know some guys too who spend 5 days a week at work, and then talk about hanging out on the weekends. And they all have wives and girlfriends. It's pretty pathetic.

But yeah, our society does need fathers. And you make a good point about the expectations being so low. Or at least it is in the eyes of the fathers. When you have moms doing all the raising, that's when you get these kids growing up to be soft and overly sensitive like the people of our generation now. Fathers need to be there and teach their kids about life and the world, teach them the value of standing up to people.

[Asker]

@manonfire

Just because you have a father, it doesn't mean he contributes. Often times, the opposite may even happen. They might abuse or even destroy their kids. I grew up with a bad father. I wished I never had a father

[ManOnFire]

But the same can be said of moms who have the kids. A lot of mothers are the ones in the kids' lives, and the kids still grow up terrible people because their moms infringed their manipulative and emotionally abusive ways on them. Or their moms spoiled the hell out of them and now they grow up soft and weak expecting the world to bend to their will.

Bad dads exist, but we as a society continue to put all the blame on them and almost none on our shitty mothers.

How Mothers Do Their Own Damage to Our Children ↗

[Asker]

@manonfire

Maybe the kids are terrible because dads were absent.

[Asker]

Just because you have a dad, it doesn't mean he can't be absent.

Women tend to be better parents than men, on average

[ManOnFire]

Just because you have a mom, doesn't mean she can't be absent either.

[Asker]

@manonfire

90% of single parents are moms

Even in marriages, women do 90% of the child care

This means there is no point in even getting married to have a kid

[ManOnFire]

Many women marry men they know are not great for parenting, but they think they will change him or hope he will change. But we already went over this.

[Asker]

@manonfire

you're not gonna know if a man is gonna be good at parenting until you have kids with him.

[ManOnFire]

I also won't know if a woman will be either. And today's generation of women are less and less interested in having kids and are more masculine.

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

I think it's not fair to raise a child without a father.

If you can't maintain a relationship, how do expect to teach your child to?

It's setting them up for pain and struggles.

Do the work on yourself now, take the pain on yourself, so that they don't have to, then when your ready with a man, do it right.

Just because you do the growing, dosent mean that a father is redundant. Also pick the right guy and life will be easyer and happier with kids.

[Asker]

Just because a woman is single, it doesn't mean she can't handle a relationship. I just can't fall in love.

Ever heard of the term " married single mom"?

Just because you have a husband, it doesn't mean he is any real help

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Hey I'm only going by the first few sentences of the original question.

All relationships arnt perfect and some are worse than being alone... But if you do the work on yourself, vet the right man and fit for you. Then you stand a lot higher chance of having a compatible team mate to do it properly with.

If you can't fall in love, then why is it fair to raise a child when you don't know love yourself.

I only speak from experience, my mother was awful and knows no love, haven't spoke to her in 7 years.

I had a child with the wrong women, who is much like my mother in that sense lol... And now my child is paying the price and my biggest regret in life is that I did not give her a better mum, as this is now somthing she must deal with.

So... Don't try and do it alone, it's hard enough with two of you, and make sure you pick the right one. Other wise it's the children who pay the price.

You just haven't found your person yet that's all.

[Asker]

[If you can't fall in love, then why is it fair to raise a child when you don't know love yourself.]

And what makes u think i dont love myself? If i didn't love myself, i wouldn't be wanting a child. Only people who dont love themselves condemn themselves to a life of deprivation and misery.

And it sounds like you definitely need mental help

Just because your mother didn't love you, it doesn't mean all mothers dont love their kids. Ok?

Just because you picked a terrible woman to have kids with, it doesn't mean all women are terrible.
Unless you get your mental problems fixed, you shouldn't be offering advice to anyone

[Asker]

Your assumptions speak A LOTA about your problems and who you arw

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Wow...

Your reply says a lot about your problems and who you are also ;)

[Asker]

Yea, you can't even point one out.

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

You are confusing my omisiom with lack of ability.

Your previous comment was quite offensive. I do not wish to return in kind.

I don't think you are actually trying come to an understanding with me.

Rather just "win" and argument.

So what's the point.

If you genuinely have a question or wish to understand further, be nice :)

[Asker]

So what is my "issue"?

Besides all your random baseless assumptions- which you just insist to be correct?

You seem like someone who comes from a very fucked up life so you assume everyone else is just as fucked up as you

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

You are putting a lot of words in my mouth in the subsequent replys from my main messages.

Again you are still assuming loads about me.

I don't feel I can communicate sufficiently with you to get anywhere with this.

It's fine, ignore my advice.

I don't want to know you... Maybe why your single and have never known love from a partner...

[Asker]

why would i take advice from some jaded, mentally unstable person with a fucked up life?

why would you think your advice matters?

would you take advice from someone who is fucked up in the head?

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

I've been reading some of your other comments and replys to other members.

It's quite clear whom is in the wrong.

Please don't have kids, you are clearly not ready. Peace.

[Asker]

@joshua_h_1010011001

if there was something wrong, you would be able to point it out. CLEARLY, after multiple requests, you're STILL UNABLE to point out what my issue is...

you're having such a hard time because you know there is nothing wrong with me

[lightbulb27]

yes as you can outsource a lot. if have family/friends that are reliable, much more likely.

thing is... if you have a male, it's a battle at times for power. so he doesn't become a psycho, have to get some other men involved in his life to guide him.

sorry to hear, have seen more than one give up. it's your choice... it is hard to find decent guys. they are out there, not easy to catch.

[Asker]

Ever heard of the term "married single mom"?

Just because you're married, it doesn't mean your husband will be any real help.

[lightbulb27]

for sure. sometimes the woman has two children... the child and the husband.
I'll simply say when times are tough, it's good to have a supportive spouse. life isn't always so easy as when you are 25.
I would not demean all men, some are exceptional. it's all about training.

[Asker]

And what makes you think men are supportive spouses if they won't even do their 50% of housework and child care?

There was actually a study done where it was revealed that married mothers actually did more housework than single mothers

[lightbulb27]

didn't know that. It's all training. I have seen women work ridiculous hard and work full time while the guys watch tv. it's how they think things should be... how they were trained.
for what it's worth, I do most of the house work... so there!;-)

[Anonymous]

There are few things more selfish than a woman choosing to have a child and raise them without a father. The harm done to a child who grows up without a father has been well documented. It's sad that it happens as often as it does, and I blame both men and women for that. But to actually choose to do it is horrible. If you cared as much about the welfare of your future child as you do about your own selfish motives, you wouldn't choose to do that to a child.

[Asker]

There is no harm. There is actually much more harm of mom and dad raising a child under poverty

[Opinion Owner]

Your attitude and willful ignorance is very harmful to society, and the poor children of mothers like you.

Children raised without a father:
- 85% of youths in prison come from fatherless homes
- 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
- 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes
- Nearly 25 million children live without their biological father
- 60% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes

Children raise with a father present:
- 55% more likely to enroll in college
- 78% more likely to volunteer regularly
- 90% of them are interested in becoming a mentor themselves
- 130% more likely to hold leadership positions
- 46% less likely to use drugs
- 81% more likely to participate in sports or extracurricular activities

dads4kids.org.au/.../

[Asker]

Those kids are suffering from poverty, not lack of fathers

My kid will grow up in a rich neighborhood and have everything it wants, it would have no need to steal or commit crimes

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Preach!!!

[Asker]

@Joshua_H_1010011001

fathers aren't needed.

[Opinion Owner]

Fathers aren't needed if you don't care about your children's mental and emotional health. But delude yourself however you must to justify your selfishness.

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Looool... Look at the current state of things... We turn our back for one generation... 😂🤣... But seriously your a terrible person.

[Opinion Owner]

@Joshua_H_1010011001 It's sad. One of the biggest harms feminism has done to society (and there are many) is the claim that fathers are unnecessary. And despite all the proof that it does significant harm to children, and the adults they become, and to society as a whole, there are still women who will ignore the facts because they want to have a child. It's pure selfishness, and at the expense of their own children. These are the same sort of women who have no problem killing their own children inside their wombs. Disgusting human beings.

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Agreed.

My mother stopped my father seeing us, fuck us up, now haven't spoke to her for 7 years.

Had a good relationship with dad, but his wife is just as bad as my mother lol... So he is just as bad, as you always have a choice, he has been there for me financially tbf but he lives a long way away and just focuses on his stuff now, he retired so fair... But it's not right.

I've made sure I'm there for my daughter, just because I know myself how shit it is not having a dad about, they are absolutely necessary exactly 50%, you need both parents devoted love to have a solid emotional grounding, anything ells is just selfish and puts the work on the child.

Women ☕

[Joshua_H_1010011001]

Also I love my daughter more than Air, so it's a willing, fulfilling duty ❤️💪

[Opinion Owner]

@Joshua_H_1010011001 Cheers brother. I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your mother. That sucks. But props to you for being there for your daughter and being a good father. She's lucky to have you. Far too many children don't, and it's disgusting when that's by the mother's own design.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

I grew up with a bad father. I wished I never had a father. I would've been MUCH better off without a father.
Having a father is not key to good mental heath. Having a good parent is key to good mental health

[Asker]

Quality over quantity of parents
I'd rather be raised by an amazing single mother than to deal with 2 incompetent, bad parents.
Just because you have a father, it doesn't mean he contributes anything. Far too many fathers contribute little to nothing to their kids. Thus, the term "married single mom".

[Opinion Owner]

Thus the need to find and marry a good man before having children. It's a shame your mother didn't do that. I agree that having a bad father is worse in some ways than no father, but it doesn't change the fact that children, and the adults they become, are far better off with two good parents, one male and one female. The evidence is very clear on that.

[Asker]

@opinon owner

why would you assume my mother didn't marry a man?

she settled for a bad tempered man who was an abusive narcissistic bully.

i would've been way better off without a father.

[Asker]

kids born to 2 parent households tend to do better because they are less likely to suffer from poverty. 2 incomes are better than 1.
Single mothers tend to be poor and broke , raising kids in bad neighborhoods. Thats why their kids are more likely to commit crime or get into trouble.

I, on the other hand, make 150k a year. Its a totally different ball game for me.

[Opinion Owner]

I did not assume my mother didn't marry a man? I said she didn't marry a good man.

Look, you're wrong about poverty being the only reasons both fatherless boys and girls struggle with mental health and emotional issues. But women like you will tell themselves whatever they need too in order to assuage their guilt, and I'm not going to waste anymore time on you. Selfish people are going to be selfish.

Bye

[Asker]

@opinion owner

Not all fatherless boys and girls suffer from mental health problems.

Not all fatherless boys turn into criminals.

Its not lack of a a father. Its due to poverty.

[Asker]

Women make less money than men which means she will have a harder time providing for her children. Thus this stress will lead her to abuse the child.

Since single mothers make less money. They would be also more likely to live in dangerous, poor neighborhoods- which will lead to kids more likely become criminals.

It has nothing to do with lack of a father. It ultimately has to do with poverty.

Kids born to rich single moms will never have to suffer from any of these problems.

[Asker]

Kamala Harris and Barack Obama were raised by single parents. Take a look at how amazing their lives are. Quit looking to shit on others.

[jahaims]

You won't be able to spend enough time with your kid. Someone else will be raising them while you are at work.

[Asker]

I work 3 days a week- 36 hrs.
Less than most working parents

[Hellraiser1984]

Yes as long as you don't teach the child to hate men.

[Nikki1989]

Absolutely!

[Ariesman81]

How about a male influence? Can you provide that?

[Asker]

Teachers, uncles

[Ariesman81]

Not good enough.

[Asker]

@ariesman81

Men aren't needed

Ever heard of the term "married single mother"?

[Ariesman81]

Mmmhmmm... and you'll pass your hatred of men onto your children

[Asker]

Well then the term "married single moms" wouldn't exist then

[Ariesman81]

Try being a happy woman... then maybe you would be a happily married mother

[Asker]

@ariesman81

very few married women are actually happy. thats why women initiate 70% of all divorces

[Ariesman81]

Cause women are only happy 30% of the time

[Asker]

@ariesman81

70% of them divorce
the remaining 30% of them are "married single moms"

no, i don't want to be a married single mom. its proof men contribute nothing to their children

[Ariesman81]

Then just be single.

[Asker]

@ariesman81

studies actually show single women tend to have longer healthier lives than married women