Caught my son smoking, how to talk to him?

[Chartreux]

I know because he's always eating mints and his clothes stank of cigarettes... I'm not a good example because I smoke a cigarette before bed but I'm not happy he's doing this.

I don't want to punish him or get angry, but I want to tell him is not good and I too want to quit, what should I say to him?

I'm not angry but this makes me, I keep thinking I gave him the wrong example

Updates

1 y

Thanks to everyone who gave me answers and advice. I have talked to him, I didn't get mad or raise my voice, I told him I am upset and concerned I'm giving a bad example... We made a deal he will smoke ONE cigarette with me after dinner, no more than that and we will both try to quit.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Be honest with them. My mom is 18 years sober, and we’re all very proud of her progress, and she knew she couldn’t tell us not to drink because
1. She knew she had next to zero control over our teenage actions and
2. Her parents did exactly that to her, and it obviously didn’t work.
The most she knew she could do in order to keep a relative peace and also respect our growing autonomy was to educate us. That way we could at least make informed choices rather than just doing whatever for whatever reason. Sit your kid down, tell them you know they’ve been smoking and that you’re not angry, you just want to make sure they’re not overdoing it and/or doing anything illegally. Tell them that you worry about their body and what it will mean for them to start smoking so young. Tell them you’re planning on quitting and invite them to join you but make sure to emphasize that joining you is their choice and not yours. And monitor your tone, make sure you don’t sound disapproving or angry, be sincere and approach the situation from a place of love.

[Chartreux]

Thank you for your answer. It's great your mom is sober for 18 years, that's to be proud of..

[SueShe]

Being open with him and having a serious face-to-face conversation with him is the best thing you can do.

How old is your son? Given your age, I presume he is no older than 15-16. It is totally useless to be upset with him as he will only answer that you are not any better than him.

What you can do it to show him pictures and videos of the damages tobacco and other drugs can do to a body. Emphasize on the risks of developing COPD later in life. If you want to show him how bad it can become, take him to an oncology department of a hospital where terminally ill people are spending the last stage of life hooked onto a breathing machine.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

My mother too was a "bad example" with her drinking and smoking, and I remember she too wasn't too happy when she found me smoking at 13.

Just be honest and don't get mad at him - tell him this situation upsets you and that you are meaning to quit, and that in the end smoking will end up costing him much more than he thinks it could.

[Chartreux]

Thank you for your answer

[bowenw]

It may help if you introduce him to someone that has cancer from smoking for them to explain to him the risks.

[Chartreux]

Thank you for your answer

[bowenw]

Good luck stopping smoking together. I hope it works.

[Screenwriter]

Well, the fact that you smoke will blow up in your face in this case. However, all you can do is stress that regular smoking, meaning packs a day, is inherently unhealthy.

And if he's 16 or so, and buying cigarettes at t his level, he's headed for a long road of addiction and the painful experience of having to quit.

If you only smoke one cigarette a day at bedtime, it doesn't sound like you're a regular smoker. That means you go through 12 packs a year? I have friends who smoke several packs a day. One has had several heart attacks and is diabetic. The other has high blood pressure. But nicotine is as addictive as heroin.

Ask him why he like to smoke heroin. And examine why. you're smoking too? Is it stress, anxiety. What are your alternatives? What could be his? Offer and example by your searching for change.

This could be game changing... Good luck.

[Summeroflove]

How old is he? If he’s legally old enough to smoke you can not allow him to smoke in your house or use your money to obtain them but you can’t really stop him.

If he’s still a minor then you need to be a parent and just put your foot down on this. But also lead by example if you can’t quit smoking then do not smoke around him don’t let him see you doing it. I am glad that you have talked to him but that’s really where it stands.

Kids follow their parents footsteps more then they will follow your words. You set the example not just by telling them what to do but also leading by being a example.

[ItsJill]

If he was my son he'd be getting his ass kicked. As long as he's under my roof he's not smoking anything.

When he's out on his own, paying everything for himself in his own home, he can do what he wants.

[Chartreux]

Thank you for your answer

[Jay-_-]

I understand your concerns. As an ex smoker, it's not helpful in any way (ex Molly smoker, pothead, nicotine feen, here ✋🏼) How old is your son?

[Jay-_-]

Besides the point. Tell him it hurts you because you know it hurts him whether he sees it or not and make it clear to him that you understand that you are smoking as well, because if he's young he'll use that for the rest of his teen years ("but you smoke mom"). Tell him you want to stop and tell him where he'll lead, tell him how the temporary effect isn't worth what it does long term.

[Jay-_-]

Definitely better to smoke with your mom, than people who don't care for him.

[Chartreux]

Yeah, I agree

[Jay-_-]

But if his urge of nicotine isn't met be careful he doesn't smoke while he's out realistically speaking he will smoke here and there if it becomes an addiction.

[Kelly6]

@Chartreux talk to him openly and also tell what you did was wrong and regret it,

he shouldn’t follow the same path.

[SleepingHazard]

You open your mouth and explain your concerns by using sound and silence. Preferably including words that make up coherent sentences.